Once I have arrived at his old address, I glance up at the gate which is standing tall and proud, but also dauntingly glaring down at anyone who dares to look at it. Unfortunately, I'm that someone.
The walls enclose the entire place and you'd have to stand on a tall hill to be able to look in, but for them to have such enclosures, I'm sure there's a huge mansion inside. I get off my bicycle and slowly roll it over to the speaker system, instantly clicking on the button before I can psyche myself out of doing this. I just have to rip off the band aid. That's the only way this works. Waiting for someone to answer, I pull my bar out and chew on it.
Again, with the granola bar? You seriously need help, mate.
"Yes?" someone finally speaks, causing me to jump in shock and quickly swallow the crumbled substances inside my mouth.
"Hi," I stutter out with a smile until I realise that nobody can see me, so I let my incisors bite down onto each other. "Hi, I'm Seong Jin. I'm a uh… a friend of Dominic's. May I please speak to him?"
Silence answers me for a few seconds, before she says, "Hold on a second."
"Okay."
I wait and yes, I'm eating my energy bar. It stops my intestines from entangling themselves and keeps my stomach calm. I'm not addicted to anything and I'm not in dire need of therapy.
Smells like denial...
After a while, the gate slides open mechanically. Slowly, I push my bike inside and when my eyes catch the sight of everything, I cannot help the gasp of shock which leaves my lips. Those very eyes widen to emphasise my surprise.
There is a large lawn, trimmed so primly you would think it was at the white house or something. It stretches about thirty acres or more with a pebbled driveway stretching towards the door in between the grass. There is an elegant fountain of a ballerina spraying water out of her waist, which forms a tutu of some sorts. There are two coupes parked outside even though there is a garage big enough to hold both cars, but maybe there are already cars in there. Who knows? The house…
"Wow," I breathe out from mesmerise and I am left still blinking in disbelief.
This place is beautiful. Can I just marry Dominic and stay here forever?
"How rich are his parents?"
Once I have gotten to the door, I wonder if they will mind that I left my bicycle on the steps leading up to the porch and the magnificent house—no, sorry, mansion.
Taking the knocker in my hand tentatively, I bang it three times against the wooden frame. I take a step back, patting my clothes down. Flickering my enlarged eyes back onto my attire, I begin to berate myself for going the casual, comfortable way. The outfit I have on is way too relaxed for a place like this. I should be wearing an elegant suit with ankle-deep dresspants and a better hairdo than this.
When the door clicks open, I decide that it's too late to do anything about it now. What's done is done and there's absolutely no turning back now. How hilarious would it be if I ran back the way I came from only to realise that the gate was closed?
The door opens to reveal an enthralling woman. Her bleached blonde hair is up in a neat hairdo. Pins are holding it up which puts emphasis on her blue eyes. They're such a deep blue, that the sky wouldn't even compare to them. Her knee-length, floral dress hugs her slim waist and then flares out like a flower.
"Yes? Can I help you…" she seems to drawl out, waiting for me to probably tell her who I am.
"Seong Jin," I stammer out, stretching a stiff smile on my face.
Now, where's that granola bar when you need it?
Shut up…
"Yes, Seong Jin." She mirrors my expression, except her smile doesn't make her look constipated. She looks gorgeous. "How can I help you?"
"Uh… I'm Dominic's friend. I'm here to… to talk to him about our school project."
I make up the little white lie from the top of my head with a small nod and a strained smile.
She stares at me long and hard, almost as if she's picking each word and analysing it for honesty or deception. When this drags on for a longer period, I hug a hand over my stomach nervously and wonder to myself if she realises that I'm lying. What will she do if she does? Will she send me packing? Would I have paddled all the way here all for nothing? My fingers get jittery, so I just hide them behind my back, twisting my fingers across each other.
When she drops the look and tugs her lips up again, I begin to relax slowly. "Very well. You may come in."
She turns around brusquely and strides away from me. I stand at the doorway in a clueless manner, pondering whether I should just follow after her or if I should first take my shoes off before entering such white, clean confines. It's like how it is back at my grandparents' place. The first time we arrived there years ago, Franklin did not take his shoes off. When all of his children and his wife discarded their footwear at the door, he thought we were being crazy. Now he's the first person to take his shoes off.
"Well? Are you going to come in?"
Oh, what the hell...
I shuffle my feet on the welcome mat to at least make sure that they are slightly clean and enter inside the house, closing the door shut behind me. The interior design is just as stylish. It has a modern touch. The floor is marbled a white colour. The walls are painted a white colour. The sofas are a white colour. Almost everything is white, and I start to bury my hands closer into my body. Wouldn't want to stain anything. It's a heavenly place. My eyes can't stop glancing around, sponging every single detail in.
Is that a pond in the living room?
Wow, I can sure learn a thing or two about interior design from whoever did this. Maybe it was his parents or maybe they hired someone to do it for them. I mean, if you have the money to do it then what's stopping you from spending it the way you want to?
We ascend up the spiralling stairs with me still tailing her and she leads me in front of a door with faint music coming from inside. I can't classify what it is, because the door is muffling the sound, but it sounds more like a piano. Musically melancholic.
"My son loves to spend most of his time in his music room," she says to me.
Her son?
Wait, so does that make her Dominic's mother?
I stare at her in shock.
She looks so young; I thought she was just a worker here. I knew her face looked familiar. She is the woman from the telly from all those months ago. Maybe the expensive looking clothes and her very primly, neatly done hairdo should've been hint enough. She doesn't share the same characteristics as her son. I mean, yes, he has her sharp nose, but other than that I don't see it. Maybe if Dominic dyed his hair blonde and smiled more often then I could say he has her hair colour and her smile.
"You can go in."
"Um… maybe I should wait."
"Oh, it's quite alright. You said you were a friend. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."
Yeah, well, I don't really know how tight Dominic and I are currently. While he has been trying to explain things to me, I have been avoiding him like the plague mainly because I did not want to hear another excuse. Besides, he always said that we weren't friends. I don't think I have any right to just barge in there while he is having some personal, alone time.
Who am I to him? What are we? Where do we stand? In the friend zone? Not-friends zone? Puppet and puppeteer zone?
I don't know.
"Are you sure, Mrs Lachowski?" I muse, reluctant to do that. "I don't want to disturb him or anything."
"Yes, I am sure." She smiles yet again.
You know, she is not at all what I had imagined. Being in the corporate world, there have been rumours about her being heartless and cold with her employees, but looking at this smiling woman, I realise that she's anything but. If she's so nice, does this mean that Dominic takes after his father with the impassive attitude? No, but from the movies that Ryan Lachowski has starred in and the interviews, he seems like a very down to earth man. Like his wife.
Maybe, both his parents are very nice, and he just grew into this moody person all by himself. He doesn't even have a sibling I can blame. Even his friend is quite vibrant. Maybe, he has always wanted to be the lone wolf, all alone.
If that's the case, then he has succeeded splendidly. For four entire years Dominic has been alone. Maybe even longer than that. Who knows? He will always be the lone wolf in everybody's eyes. Even as he may not be as lonely anymore. Not with all the friends that come along with Jodie. He has painted that picture for the public and that has become his label.
Before she turns around to leave, she adds, "Oh, and nice hoodie. My son has one just like it."
I definitely don't miss the mischievous look which enters her eyes. My face flushes red and I quickly reach for the doorknob, stilling my hand in preparation for what's to come.
I have come into this with an optimistic approach, hoping that we can forgive each other even after avoiding one another for so long. I never realised it until he left, but Dominic has filled a hole in my life that I never even realised was there to begin with. No matter how evil he may be, no matter how rude he may be; no matter how annoying he may be, he is still Dominic. A person I have accepted to be that way.
I slowly open the door.
"Mum, what did I say about—" When his eyes land on me, he cuts his sentence short and his eyes enlarge slightly from surprise. "Seong Jin?"
I smile stiffly.
"What are you doing here?"
"Your mum let me in." I close the door and then turn around again when I'm ready to face the music. I got myself into this mess; I need to get myself out of it. "I… I brought your hoodie back."
Or maybe I'll just stall for a bit. That seems like a much better idea. Why not talk about the hoodie for a few minutes?
I hurriedly take it off which causes my shirt to rise above my navel. Feeling his stare burning into me, I pull the shirt back down with a blush and hold the hoodie out to him. He remains quiet and doesn't seem to be grasping the fact that I'm actually here. Well, you and me, buddy. You and me. After merely staring at me for what seems to be an eternity, he stands up from his stool behind the piano. His height swallows the room.
Again, that familiar feeling begins in my thoracic cavity and my stupid lungs decide to slack off. At least I can always trust my heart to keep its workers in check, because not so long after that my breathlessness fades away and I begin to respire properly again.
Scanning my surroundings, I notice that every kind of musical instrument is here. The drums, guitar, piano, violin, harp and even a triangle. Everything. Okay, perhaps not everything, but he has majority of the instruments. He wasn't lying when he said he was a musical baby. It does not come as much of a surprise when I don't see any wind instruments.
I hear his footsteps, forcing my gaze back onto him. Like a predator does its prey, he stalks over to me and reaches out to take the hoodie. But then his hand hovers above it for a while almost like he's contemplating.
"Keep it," he states tersely.
"What?"
"Keep it," he repeats in the same tone, those dark eyes piercing through me intently. "I have more than enough hoodies."
"Yeah, but… it's yours. If my mum sees it, what will she say?"
"Don't let her see it then."
"What if she's washing the laundry and sees it? Whose hoodie am I going to say it belongs to?"
"Your brother?" he suggests.
"Do you really think that Yang Jin would cover up for me? He'd love more than anything to get me in trouble with my mum."
"What did you really come here for, Seong Jin? I don't believe that you rode your baby pink bicycle all the way out here just to give me my hoodie. You could have done that at school today."
I grimace a little at being called out like that. I was hoping that the conversation could naturally veer off into that serious topic we need to talk about, but then again, this is Dominic. When has he ever beat around the bush with casual pleasantries?
When he arches a brow expectantly, my mouth awkwardly opens and shuts like a fish in water as I try to figure out how to approach this.
"Um… I-I want to know who the real culprit was," I stammer anxiously, my fingers twisting and entangling.
He frowns in perplex.
Rubbing the hair at my nape, I heave a nervous sigh from my chest. "I want you to look me right in the eyes and tell me, genuinely tell me if you're actually the one who didn't spread that letter I wrote all over the school noticeboard."
Curiosity arises in his eyes.
"I want you to tell me that it's not you." Hopefully, I'll stare up at him and this will be the moment he tells me what actually happened with my sketchbook and those videos.
As I observe him, his once inquisitive nature vanishes as quickly as it appeared. The moment I blink, he withdraws himself and suppresses any emotion that he may have been experiencing.
I can feel a scowl forming on my face as I sense him slipping back into his old ways. The same old Dominic who was always hesitant to reveal his true feelings, even when he was irritated. It wasn't until we reached the ninth grade and I persistently pestered him that he finally showed a hint of annoyance. The same person who has always kept everything bottled up inside, never giving anyone a glimpse of what he was truly thinking or feeling.
This is that Dominic.
"I don't know what to tell you, Seong Jin. If, by now, you honestly don't believe that I didn't spread that letter all over our school, then I don't know what more I could do to convince you."
"Maybe we can start by you telling me where my sketchbook is or where my memory card is," I say, watching him intensely.
"I don't know," he answers quietly and luckily his room is greatly soundproofed so I can hear him clearly no matter how quiet he is.
"You lost them?" I muse calmly.
"Yep."
"Where? At school?" I swallow a nervous gulp and for some reason my voice also grows quieter, creating an intimate atmosphere between us.
"Yep."
His one word replies are starting to annoy me, but I make sure to remain composed by biting down on my bottom lip. My frustrations are blown out through my lips, creating a small noise. "You brought them to school with you? Why would you do that?"
Averting his gaze, I catch a spark of irk in his eyes too before he admits, "Because, Seong Jin, I'm a fucking idiot," scratching his hair afterwards.
When he doesn't seem keen to say anything else, I instinctively wrap my arms around myself and pull his hoodie over my chest, holding it tightly. His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I never expected Dominic to speak about himself in such a self-deprecating way. He has always been so confident and self-assured, holding himself on a faux pedestal and so hearing him call himself an idiot is a big shock.
As I look up at him, my eyes dart back and forth between his intense chocolate brown gaze and the floor beneath my feet, overwhelmed by the intensity of his stare. The room feels heavy with the weight of his words, and I am not exactly sure how to respond.
"Okay, well… if you didn't leak my shit then—"
"If?" he muses, cutting my sentence short and slowly, I glance up at him through my lashes. "See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't think you actually believe me."
Quickly, I make sure to rectify my mistake, "No, I believe you. I just… I'm still trying to process your words. I just—it's just that you're the only one who had my stuff at the time and I didn't know who else to blame."
He watches me and I hate how neutral he looks, how he has brought up his walls again and even how he has shut me out completely. Like I'm being a nuisance or like I'm not wanted here by him. I have no idea what must be running through his head. Back then I could make a few predictions and come out incorrect, but now there is nothing. He is showing me absolutely nothing.
"Okay," he replies bluntly.
"Okay?" I muse, arching my eyebrows up in bewilderment. "That's all you have to say?"
"It's whatever, Seong Jin." His shoulders lift up nonchalantly and he turns around, taking a seat on the piano itself and playing a few harsh keys on it.
"I was expecting you to say a little bit more than just okay, I can't lie."
"What do you want me to say?" he grits out in exasperation.
"Anything, but okay."
He averts his gaze and while staring at his face I happen to notice a glint of irritation in his eyes right before he looks away. It's difficult to gauge his emotions and I cannot help but wonder if I should be happy that he has just shown me some sort of emotion, or if I should be sad that it's irritation. Truthfully, his response hurts me deeply, and it is slowly becoming clear that we are not going to end this conversation on good terms.
Being here as optimistic Seong Jin, looking him straight in the eyes, I feel deflated by his cold and indifferent behaviour. This conversation isn't going to be an easy one. But deep down, it almost feels like I deserve this for not hearing him out sooner.
"Are you…" I gulp painfully. "Are you mad at me?"
"No."
Even though his answer sounds convincing, I'm pretty sure he's not being entirely honest. He is vexed at me. I don't even have to ask him again. Adamantly, I state, "You are."
"Then why did you ask?"
Again, I remain silent as I stare up at his emotionless face and I wonder what I can say to get him out of the brick wall he has put up. "I don't know what to do except apologise for putting the blame entirely on you. I'm sorry for not hearing you out sooner. I'm sorry for doubting you."
"Okay," he repeats that dreaded word, crossing his arms over his chest and when he glances away from me stubbornly, my chest clenches in fear. "I heard your apology and now you can leave."
"What?" my question leaves as a whisper, silently floating over to his side of the room.
"I'm curious. What did you expect to happen? Did you expect me to be happy? Did you think you'd come here, and I'd spring up in joy from your arrival? You think you can just shut me out for a week and then come back and everything is gonna be fucking peachy?"
I glance down at my shoes in guilt, biting on the corner of my bottom lip. "No, but I thought—"
"You thought what? You thought the world is all butterflies and forgiveness?" he interrupts me.
I go to answer, but he doesn't even give me the chance to reply.
Instead, he speaks over me. "Well, I am sorry to take a hot dump on your front porch, Seong Jin, but that's not how the world works."
Please just let me speak…
"So, you know, maybe you should wake up and smell the coffee. Stop living in la-la fucking land where everyone's holding hands and singing kumbaya around a bonfire."
I just bury my chin in my chest and take the oncoming onslaught.
"You didn't even let me tell you my side of the story."
"I was thinking irrationally, Dominic."
He scoffs laughingly as if to silently ask me if that's my excuse. His laughter muses, is that really what you came up with?
"I thought that someone who was becoming my friend betrayed me. Can you at least put yourself in my shoes? You had my sketchbook. You had that letter. What did you want me to do?"
"Believe me, maybe? Trust me? No?" He arches a patronising eyebrow. "I gave you my word, Seong Jin and my word is my bond. I told you I would never break that."
"I-I know that, but—"
"Why would I back out of our deal?" He stands up from the piano and strides towards me slowly. "Do you really think that low of me? That I'd just use you and then throw you under the bus? Is that what you really think of me?"
"N-No," I stutter out, averting my gaze.
"No, clearly it is because you should've known that I would never hurt yo—"
He cuts himself off and looks away from my interested gaze, licking his bottom lip nervously.
My heart skips a beat.
What was he going to say just now? What was he going to say before he cut himself off? Was he going to say me? That he would never hurt me? Curiously, my eyes search his even with how hard he's trying to avoid my gaze.
With a burst of confidence, I take a few steps towards him. Still, he doesn't look at me. Once I am standing in front of him, nervously I bring my hand up and grab at the end of his t-shirt and tightly fist it in my palm. When he heedlessly gazes down at my hold on him, and then back up at me, my heart flutters loudly within my chest and my feelings for him grow larger. Boldly, I close the little distance between us again and his breath stutters at my actions. I can feel my fingers sweating the closer I am to him, the more heat I feel emitting from him.
When our gazes meet yet again, he huffs in frustration and before I know it, his lips crash down on mine. Again, I am caught off guard by his actions and almost instantly, my heart drums loudly against my ears. Softly and slowly, his lips move against mine and before he can even think about pulling away, I tentatively bring my hands up to cup his face and press my lips against his too. Time stands still as my eyes flutter closed as if caught in a hypnotic daze. His lips feel like soft rose petals against mine and unlike last time, he does not taste like liquor.
Is this a dream? I cannot believe this is actually happening right now.
When I feel his hands around my waist, pulling me closer to him, I have to tip toe a bit to keep my lips on his. The more he moves his lips against mine the more I lose myself in this blissful moment. Everything around us disappears, the world goes silent and the only thing audible to my ears is our heavy breathing and the loud thumping of my heart.
My free arm wraps around his neck and I wantonly deepen the kiss. His hold on me is domineering and ignites a spark that sends shivers down my spine. All that exists is the warmth of his touch and the whisper of his breath against my skin. I find myself getting lost in this whirlwind of passion, a dance of unrestrained emotions that only we can understand. I am unable to escape him. All I can hear, feel and think about is him. Desperately, I gnaw on his bottom lip as if unconsciously requesting more access to his mouth.
I feel his fingers pressing into the dimples on my lower back before he kisses me one last time. When he pulls away, my mouth parts and he takes my breath along with him. My eyes are still closed and through the darkness, his hand wraps around my wrist lightly.
"Please go," is the first thing he says which breaks me out of my trance instantly and my eyes flutter open in surprise.
"What?"