After bowing down into my chest with a sneeze, I rub my nose again and tug the ends of my sleeves down into my palms, trying to provide myself with more warmth. I have no idea how I even got this cold. It probably has something to do with all the buckets of ice cream I consumed last night. I was sad about both my letter to Edward and videos going viral and, Taylor ignoring me throughout the entire day, because of said letter to her boyfriend.
If it was the ice cream then the thing is darn evil. Not only did it give me brain freeze, but it also delivered me a freaking cold.
The weather is chillier than usual today, but with my body constantly fevering up and then freezing, it sometimes feels like my boiling point is continuously being reached and then dropping down to a freezing point. I feel hot and then I am cold. No, hot again.
From the weird glances I'm receiving, I am going to guess that I look mad wearing this thin shirt. People are in thick hoodies, tracksuits and snug, warm jerseys. I also want to experience the cold weather just like them but all that is running through my pores is heat. These are probably the symptoms which come with influenza. You have a fever, Amma would say.
Arriving at my locker, I enter my combination at least three times before getting it right. Pulling out the books I need, I release a breath and watch it escape in the form of fog. Closing my locker shut, I turn around only to release another loud, unattractive sneeze which sends me bowing down and covering my face with the sleeve of my shirt. I feel a bit of wetness under my nose so I quickly wipe the very same sleeve over my nose and sniff the other remains back where they came from.
Another tired sigh leaves my parted lips and I lean against the lockers. A few dark spots dance across my vision. My eyes slowly flutter closed, willing the dizziness to pass, but my unrested brain defiantly fights to shut down my entire body.
Oh, God. No.
I shouldn't have stayed up all night on a school night, my dazed mind a reminder of my own foolishness. Focus, I tell myself, taking a few deep breaths. In through my stuffy nose, out through the mouth with an awkward wheeze. It does nothing to help. The books in my hands slip out of my grasp, creating a loud thud amongst the lull of chatter.
Please do not let me faint right now.
Wait, am I fainting?
Where am I?
What is the blurry figure standing in front of me? It kind of looks like a puppet. Did my father take me to see a puppet show? I absolutely love puppet shows. Maybe, I'm just going to… I slide down the lockers. Lie down… My eyes shut. For a sec…
My eyes flutter open.
The first thing I feel is confusion. When did I fall asleep? I do not remember going to bed. Was I reading a book late at night? I must have dozed off without realising it. That does happen quite frequently. Once my eyes have adjusted to the sting of the light, I scan my surroundings and frown when I don't recognise the white walls surrounding me. My room is painted a blue-black colour from when I wanted to be left alone in my teenage years.
Where am I?
I quickly sit up and panic drums in my chest. Have I been kidnapped? How did I get kidnapped? I'm a light sleeper, the littlest of noise wakes me up and I am pretty sure someone touching me whilst I'm asleep would wake me up.
This bed is uncomfortable as well.
"Oh, good. You're awake."
I jump at the sudden voice piercing through the silence. Glancing to my side, I catch the familiar face of the school's nurse.
The sliver of sunlight sneaking in through the windows bounces on her blonde shoulder-length hair which shines like an aureate stone. Does she dye it? Her eyes are still the jade green I have always been jealous of in other people because mine are a boring hazel brown. A warm, comforting smile stretches her lips from ear to ear and I cannot help, but relax when she does that. I have not been kidnapped.
Wait, if nurse Margaret is here then that must mean that I'm in the infirmary. How and what am I doing here?
"Um… w-w…"
"Water?"
I was actually going to voice my concerns out loud and ask her what I'm doing here, but, yes, I could do with some water. Feeling extremely parched, I swallow my saliva down my throat but my throat still feels like sandpaper. Thankfully, she seems to understand my predicament and politely offers me a glass of water. She reaches across the table and pours it from a jug, then hands it over to me. The cool liquid is like a balm for my dry throat, and I drink deeply, leaving only a quarter of the water in the glass.
"So, I'm going to ask you a few questions. Are you feeling okay about that?" She takes a seat on the bed, causing it to dip under her weight.
"Yeah," I say with a hint of uncertainty in my tone.
"Do you remember what happened?"
I shake my head.
"Can you try to?"
I space out and search for the parts of my memory that do not tell me how I got to the nurse's office. So I am at school. This means that whatever happened must have happened here. That is a start. I recall my father dropping me off in the morning after asking me for the umpteenth time if I was okay. People watching me weirdly, because of my brother posting a picture of me on Instagram? No, something else. My thin shirt? Was that it?
I… fainted?
"I think I fainted," I tell her, gazing down at my lap with embarrassment staining my face.
"You did," she confirms, nodding with a scolding, but concerned look running through her eyes. "Have you been eating normally?"
Is gorging on granola bars daily, eating normally? I'm just gonna say it is. "Yes."
"Do you have an iron deficiency?"
"Like anaemia? No."
"Has this happened to you before?"
"No."
"Did you get enough rest the previous night?"
My eyes dart around awkwardly at being caught and when I feel her stare on me, I press my lips together into a thin line and reluctantly shake my head honestly.
"Is it because you have been feeling stressed?" When she gently asks this question, my mouth stammers to a halt.
Have I been feeling stressed?
I ponder the question carefully. This cannot be answered with a simple yes or no response. I have no idea if I have. School has admittedly become a minefield, every day a battle to stay afloat as the workload threatened to drown me. Then there was the blackmail from Dominic who threatened to expose my deepest secrets and just has.
Last night I was silently browsing through my childhood pictures and videos with Taylor to drive myself further into depression while stuffing my face with a spoonful of chocolate ice cream over and over again, ugly crying. But that is normal, right? I might have cried a little, but that does not put stress on a person's body, can it?
"You know, any emotional strain or tension?"
I shrug mutely, throat tight with emotion as I recall the torrent of difficulties I have faced.
She stares at me reassuringly.
"No, I'm fine," I assure her dismissively when she starts looking concerned, "I mean, I didn't really sleep last night and I also have the flu so maybe the mixture of the two caused me to faint."
"Are you sure you're okay? If not, you can visit the counsellor."
"I'm fine." Again, she gives me a long stare that punctures through me when I say. "Seriously, I am. I don't need counselling." Someone with real problems needs her more.
"Okay," she replies even though her expression conveys her being unconvinced. "Next time you feel faint you should sit down no matter how weird that might look. I know how embarrassed you teens get."
That didn't stop me from falling asleep in the hallways so…
"Take a few deep breaths in the nose and out the mouth. A minute is normally enough, but if that doesn't help then you must tell someone to take you to a medic immediately, okay? To me. I'm the medic."
"Yes, I know."
"They shouldn't take you somewhere else. Infirmary first, okay?"
"I'll be sure to insert that whilst I'm drifting out of consciousness."
"Good." Her lips tug up humorously after picking up on my sarcasm. "Are you sure you're okay?"
I bob my head up and down in affirmation. "I promise I don't need the counsellor."
"Whatever you say."
This is not going to happen again. Next time I fall sick, I'll just tell my father the truth when he asks me how I feel. I'll tell him to drive me back home where I will try to refrain from stuffing myself with unhealthy food. This way, if I do faint it will be in the comforts of my home. The only way I am ever going to faint again is if I see something worth fainting over. Maybe something like Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt and Chris Evans; it has to be the three of them together. That would surely make me faint from shock.
"I have decided not to call your parents, but if you want to go back home, then I can go and quickly dial them."
No, my mum is going to go full doctor on me and all I'm going to hear is how I have not been taking care of my body and eating all that junk food during the sleepover with Taylor was a bad idea and whatnot. Then she's going to ban me from having any of my friends over, gloat about how she was right not to allow me to let anyone sleep over, but also she's going to ban me from eating any candy for the rest of the year, or the rest of my life if she can help it.
I would rather not have my ear scolded off, not today. This week was full of enough drama. Let's not add more to the list.
When I shake my head from side to side vigorously, she smiles understandingly.
I have only ever fallen severely sick once during the years I have spent in Mossbourne Community Academy and that's when I had a parasite stealing my nutrients from me. How I had ingested an intestinal parasite is beyond me. It was beyond us all. Everyone, except my mum. She was convinced that someone at school was trying to kill me even as I tried to convince her how absurd the idea was. Who would want to poison a mad woman's child?
She quickly scribbles something on her pink pad, tearing off a pink slip and handing it to me. "There you go."
After reading the words written on the paper, I smile up at her with appreciation. "Thank you."
"You can either go to class or stay here. Your choice."
"What lesson is it?"
"The one before recess."
"Yeah, I think I'll go," I reply while scrambling to get out of the springy bed and I strain over to reach for my bag resting on one of the footends of the bed, swinging it over my back. "Thank you, nurse Margaret."
"It is my job."
I grin at her again and promptly leave the infirmary. I guess I could go and sit underneath the oak tree outside in the back. I don't think I want to face anyone today. I just want this day to end. I can go and listen to music; Teddy Swims always knows how to calm me down.
Just as I leave passed the door, I catch a body hunched over on the floor next to the infirmary and a bemused frown mars my face. The black messy mop on his head cannot be mistaken for anyone else's. It's his trademark look, what forces him to stand out in a crowd. With my lips pursing, I ponder if quickly sneaking past him will work for—
"Starr?"
Ah, what the hell?
I glance down at him as he connects his gaze to me.
Those chocolates of his which are normally monotonous now blink up at me with a range of emotions I never thought I would ever see. Guilt. Concern. Unhappiness. Well, he should feel remorse for what he did to me. We had a deal and he broke it. He gave me his word which, I admit, at the time meant absolutely nothing to me, but over time, I thought he meant it. I was convinced that his word was his bond.
Except he did not. Obviously. Now, I have nothing tying me to him and he can move on with his life with his new girlfriend.
"Damien told me that he found you at the lockers unconscious." He scrambles up to his feet. "How are you feeling? Are you okay? Are you feeling cold?" Before I can answer, he's already pulling his hoodie off and offering it to me. "Take that. You'll feel warmer."
"I'm fine," I reply tersely, not making any move to take the thick, black sweater. I sniff, wiping the back of my hand across my nose. "I'm not feeling cold."
"Please just take it."
When I open my mouth, I prepare myself to rip into him, tell him to take his hoodie and shove it so far up his rear that he feels it in his stomach, but then I think what good is that going to do? I am tired of arguing, I am tired of crying, I am exhausted because I'm sick and… and I don't want to faint again. Even if it would be convenient since we are close to the infirmary, I don't want to. I do not want to appear weak in front of Dominic.
So I, unwillingly, take the hoodie and hold it up against my chest. It feels warm and smells… nice.
"Um… you know what? Let me take you home."
He pulls his car keys out of his pocket and I notice that they are the first pair of blue jeans we tried on all those weeks ago.
It seems just yesterday we were normal, him being rude and me being annoying. That was our normal routine. It's what worked for both of us. I expected him to be disrespectful. He expected me to be annoying. If either one of us tried to change our demeanour it would set off a certain alarm bell. Why are you acting weird, our eyes would ask.
"We can talk on the way. Hopefully, you'll allow me to explain everything to you. I promise you I didn't do any of this."
I shake my head in disagreement. "I'll just take the bus."
"I can't let you take the bus. It's rowdy and cramped. You need space to breathe. You just fainted."
"I said I'm fine."
He's stunned into silence when I snap at him.
I, too, am surprised that I did that. My grasp on his jersey tightens because I do not particularly enjoy arguing with him. The thought that he would betray me like this hurts. I don't know why, but it hurts so much. I just never imagined the possibility of Dominic breaking his word and carrying his threat out. And he has. It might be the last thing I expected from him.
"Seong Jin, you need to hear me out, because I didn't—"
"Dominic," I hear a familiar voice calling for him across the hallway.
We both raise our heads from each other's gaze and look over at Jodie who is in her cheerleading uniform.
She waves at him frantically with the widest smile on her face and I instantly think, well, at least one good thing came out of this, right? The Jodie and Dominic love train has left the station and isn't stopping for anyone. The only passenger who was on it has been thrown onto the tracks; me. Dominic glances over at me through the corner of his eye nonetheless, he lifts his hand and waves back at her.
Jodie skips over to us and surprisingly she smiles at me too, waving. I return the gesture. When she throws her arms over Dominic's shoulder and pecks the corner of his lips, pressing her entire front on his, I glance away from them.
She asks him if he's going to come to the football match that is occurring this afternoon and I realise that that is why she's out of class right now. The school allows all the pupils who have to get dressed into their kits out during the lessons before the break. This way, they do not have to rush through it after school. Usually, the changing rooms are empty during these periods in the morning. There aren't any PE classes before recess.
"Um… football game?" he muses, furrowing his brows.
Her face drops into a scowl. "Yes. I sent you a text. Do you ever check your phone?"
"I-I need to take Seong Jin home. He just fain—"
"Oh, no. I'll be fine. You… go ahead."
Jodie doesn't need to know that I fainted. I want to keep that fact to myself and the few people who witnessed the whole debacle. I hope this does not spread like wildfire too. The school must surely have other things to gossip about, right? Much more interesting things.
When I utter a soft word of farewell, I can tell that Dominic wants to protest this, but really I don't want to be in the same car as him right now. In fact, I don't think I ever want to be in the same car as him again. The Tom and Jerry relationship between us was fun while it lasted, but it's over now.
No more blackmail.
No more Starr.
No more Domi.