"Happy New Year, Lubna."
I smiled back at Serdar.
"Thank you, Saev. I will make sure to congratulate you on your birthday."
I asked after she frowned.
"Didn't see you today?"
"I had some necessary business,"
he answered with his usual calm.
". Are you done?."
Saif smiled sincerely and stared at me deeply. "Are you concerned about my recent fatigue?"
I hoped. "Isn't it my duty?"
". You are more than my brother Saif, of course I will take care of your fatigue at any time. "
He turned his eyes toward the audience.
" You have a really big heart."
" It's not that I have a big heart. I care about those I love. After all, who doesn't care about those they love?"
He said briefly,
"I see..."
Saif was silent for a moment, contemplating the audience.
I sensed that he was feeling unusually upset for some reason. Without realizing it, I remembered yesterday.
When he and my grandfather were talking near the door and they became silent when they saw me,
'Is this related to Serdar's condition?'
I called him." Saif..."
He turned to me, and before I could start speaking, he said." You look beautiful today."
Forget me to ask him what I was going to say. "Well, I'm always pretty!..."
"And who said that? . "
"You!! You can't deny my beauty!" He put his hand in his pocket and said, teasing me.
" I did not deny, but I was telling the truth!"
And he succeeded.
" What a truth, Saif!, I am always beautiful. "
I ruffled my hair arrogantly. He laughed lightly, shaking his head.
Then he looked at me again with a slight smile.
" You seem really arrogant."
I pursed my lips. You're the one forcing me. I don't like to be arrogant!"
Arrogance is not a defect, but the problem lies in taking it too far. "
"And I never went too far, I don't even care about anything except sleep and food, Serdar, how can I be arrogant!"
His smile widened until it seemed deeper and more sincere with a special sparkle in his eye.
Saif brought his fingertips closer and brushed some hairs from my face.
" You are always beautiful..."
Then I smiled with satisfaction...
" I did well! ، If there were no guests here and you had not said it,I would have pulled out your hair and made you bald."
He did not react, but looked at my eyes absently and spoke.
" Absolutely beautiful like the shining moon on a dark night..."
********
The last party I had was five years ago before my father and great uncle died.
Since then, none of us have held any
concerts, which means that today is my first concert after a long time.
So today I tried to enjoy as much as I want.
"You will be an adult soon, you should be more polite."
Regardless of these provocative invitees. "Yes, you are right, Miss Rhone. Mademoiselle de Lier will soon be a beautiful, well-mannered young woman."
"I expect from now a queue of young suitors to propose to the beautiful and polite young lady."
The invited women were definitely trying to provoke me, and I tried to ignore their words and remain calm because my mother's look alone was enough if I responded.
Of course, I do not deny that I am not committed to noble etiquette and these boring things, but I am of good character and Good natured , and I believe that no one has the right to criticize me.
As these ladies continued to persuade me, I tried to remain silent until I reached the end,
"What do you know about my morals, Mrs. Ron?"
I asked in a cold tone that made the women focus their attention on me,
"You have never seen my character before, so how can you judge me?"
". You are a child from the velvet class! It is natural for you to be polite, and it has nothing to do with your common sense ."
I tried to suppress the anger inside me at that woman's provocative responses.
"How can it have nothing to do with my character when it is the most important part of being polite, ma'am? It seems that there are some things you have not learned yet."
The ladies frowned, as did my mother.
I admit I was naughty sometimes . This was beyond my control. I love to play and have fun and live every moment with enjoyment.
In any case, the minute that passes never comes back!
I warmed to a woman who seemed older than most of them, then Speak gently as if you were addressing an infant.
" How do you know? You are still a child and have not yet reached the points of life."
But despite her kindness, I did not like her words.
" What are those life points?"
The woman smiled and moved the hand fan..
"The most important things in life you have not seen yet. You have not fallen in love and then you are let down and then you marry someone without having any feelings between you and he have children with him. Your relationship with them is fragile, and you may love him with time or hate him..."
" Are these things memorable? I don't even see any use for it. What is the benefit of love when I find pain, and what is the value of a husband when I do not like my husband?... Madam, you are definitely wrong."
The lady raised an eyebrow and looked downcast,
"You see things this way because you are still young, but this is what happened to most of the noblewomen in the world. Love, They were let down, married, hurt, hated, and in the end they kept silent about all of that and pretended to be satisfied. "
I was silent for a moment. She really has a point.
In the aristocratic classes, women are often oppressed because they are weak and do not have power.
It cannot be said that this is because of males, because a woman can weaken another. The point is that women themselves have never defended themselves.
For herself, she did not demand her right to live with dignity. Here lies the problem.
silence... Silence is the reason for the robbing of women's rights, and because she was patient and endured, the world thought she was weak.
but I was never weak, and I was never silent!
" You have a point of view, ma'am.. but I would like to tell you."
I stopped for a moment and stared at them.
"I say that they are weak women, who pinned their hopes on trivial matters. None of them thought, none of them moved... and this is certainly without excuse... What is preventing her from learning? And knowledge, what prevents her from managing her own affairs, huh? .. "
Cold looks fell on me that looked as if I had committed a crime.
" I will tell you now, what prevents her is her silence. Silence is not weakness, but it becomes so if it exceeds its limit. I can speak and express myself, my desires, my thoughts, and I can always stand up to the world and everyone in it and say, 'I am strong and I will remain until the end!', and every obstacle I will turn into motivation. Moves me forward! ."
The woman slowly gave a sarcastic smile that seemed painful, while I continued.
" But here I am not like other people. I will not accept walking in this closed circle and ending my life without realizing it. I will be the first person in this world and stand at its peak..."
the woman said, shaking her head in frustration.
"You are truly a child..."
" Oh Rihanna! It seems that you did not teach your daughter not to go too far with her imagination."
"Believe me, Rihanna, that child will make you tired if you don't guide her from now."
The women each made a comment, as if you were a child scolding her mother for taking care of her upbringing.
Well, this is kind of expected... This is our world... and this is our habit that cannot be changed easily.
"Also, scars cannot be removed easily,"
my mother said. "Lubna, it's better for you to walk around the party for a bit. Today is special and we don't want to waste it..."
I stared at my mother trying to read it, and because she seemed to be unable to bear me staying with the tough-headed ladies, she politely expelled me from among them.
"Yes, mother." I turned to leave.
But am I really going to be silent now?
I said before I was about to leave.
"When I stand on top of the world... I will come to you first."
******
After the party ended and the guests left, I rushed to my room and threw myself on the bed.
I couldn't sleep comfortably because my mother and Lelin disturbed me this morning.
I waited impatiently all day for that moment, but no matter what, my stomach started screaming for food!
I buried my face in the bed and grumbled. Will I really have to go down and get food?
I'm a lazy person! I don't care..
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, so I decided to answer.
"Come in!"
My mother entered immediately.
"Benny, I need to talk for a minute."
My mother came over and sat next to me on the bed.
" I'm listening..." My mother let out a sigh and gently held my hand.
"Dear Penny...you know that I love you and appreciate you..."
She squeezed her hand lightly on mine and then continued as if holding back tears.
" I am not angry with you, but I feel worse sometimes... Your thoughts and actions go out of the ordinary... My dear, you are all that remains to me until now..."
My mother tried to control her voice so that it would not come out shaky. It seemed that she remembered my father, no one could weaken her.
Except him. I do not deny that I also feel worse, but not from my actions or my thoughts. I am like a bird that loves to fly freely, but the thoughts and beliefs of the people around me are bad for me.
If I can reform the minds of this world and show it that nothing is impossible... it is not impossible I can touch the stars and fly on the horizon. It is not impossible to dive under water and explore creatures. It is not impossible to understand the reason for this world.
why we were created, and what we live in.
Unfortunately, these are the minds of our time, which do not accept change or development.
" Mother... I understand you... but it is not up to me. I cannot stand still and be silent..."
" Penny, I am not telling you to be silent, but rather you should keep your thoughts to yourself. Make them yours only, and do not share them with anyone. "
I felt really upset
"Mom, this is the meaning of silence! How can I not express myself or my thoughts? Isn't this me, and I am self-absorbed?"
My mother also exhaled angrily, trying to control her nerves.
"You never understood me..."
"Tell me, then, so I may understand you, mother."
My mother brought her hand close to my face and gently stroked it, pulling back some of the hairs.
" My dear, I don't want you to be the subject of ridicule to the world. If you want to stand on top of the world, as you said... then work quietly between you and yourself... and surprise everyone with the result..."
I took a moment to understand what you meant, so... my mother is satisfied with my ideas, and she even encourages and advises me... I think I understood her...
as long as I try to reveal my thoughts, and the world will mock them, especially those who are unable to do so and those who hate me.
" I understand that you do not object to my dreams?..."
My mother smiled tenderly. "There's no reason for me to clip a wing... I'm your mother! I am the one who always wishes you the best, and I will always be proud of you."
I smiled automatically and hugged her.
" You know.? ..I liked it today." My mother said in a proud tone.
She broke the hug and stared at her, "Really.?"
". Yes.. you have a special mind, my dear..."
"Of course mom! I am your daughter after all! Your daughter, who will stand on top of the world, challenging everyone!"
My mother laughed sincerely as she patted my shoulder, then tilted her head.
" How will you stand on top of the world when all you care about is food, sleep, and playing?..."
I pursed my lips." My mom! Everything has its time, my dream has no specific time. As long as I think and plan for it, opportunities will come to me.
". I know that they will not be easy, and working on them will not be easy...but I will try until the end."
My mother's smile widened.
"Good.... I really hope you get what you want..."
She smiled again, but my stomach started making noises.
" And speaking of food... I didn't eat my dinner today, mom. I feel very hungry, and if I run out of energy, I won't dream of anything.''
Mom got up from the bed.
Okay, I'll tell Lita to bring us food, I haven't eaten anything either..."
********
After I ate with my mother, she left me alone to get some rest.
Because I can't sleep without writing down my diary. I grabbed the notebook and pen.
[October 15, 1899.
The day was long and full of many things, but the beautiful thing about it was that
I attended my birthday party after a long time.
I cannot deny that I was very longing to see my father.
I really wished he would be by my side today as he was, but despite that, I still have him I hope he is alive, as it is not reasonable for him to disappear on a business trip and suddenly come with the news of his death.
The end of the day made me very happy. All this time, I did not think that my mother would stand by me and support my ambitions.
I thought that she did not like my ideas or my dreams But on the contrary, her love for me is as great as my love for her.
And every day, I will end my words with (One day, I will stand at the top of this world)... until the end.]