In the great land of the Narukami, centuries pass without change....
Or that was what was supposed to happen.
In one of the most noble clans, serving directly under the Shogun herself the cries of a newborn infant sounded loud and clear, waking everybody up.
"Look Madam! It's a boy! Look at his swords-shaped eyebrows, his eyes brimming with intelligence willing to defy the laws of this world, with jade skin that is a source of envy for even the prettiest of women, his soul brimming for confidence willing to challenge the heaves themselves and....".
Did you really think that's how this story is supposed to go?
No, no, you are wrong. This is the story of a boy born in a humble home in a land ruled by a tyrant who can turn you into charcoal with a thought. He is not the chosen one, he doesn't have a bloodline from a higher world and he is definitely not a reincarnated person who CONVENIENTLY knows everything about this world.
While he is handsome and has special eyes, he won't be able to defeat a single hilichurl. He gets scared of a boar and while he is handsome he is too direct to be able to subtly flirt with the female half of the world.
This is the story of Kenshin and the problems he will get into with his dumb brain and big mouth.
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"Waaaaaah!!" the baby cried just after being born. No doctor had to lightly smack his back or his butt, it was almost like he was waiting to be born to annoy everyone.
"Look Mio, it a b-".
"Waaaaaaaah!!" the baby didn't even let the new father give the news to the exhausted mother.
The father, whose name was Yahiko felt his smile cramp, were all babies supposed to cry this loud? He was getting dizzy just by hearing her son cry.
"Let me hug it pl-".
"Waaaaaaa!!" the boy even interrupted her mother, such audacity was unheard of.
"Are you sure? You are quite weak and he is trashing around" asked the concerned father.
"Yes, I want to hold him" said Mio with a weak smile.
"If you are su-"
"WAAAAAAAH!!" the baby cried even louder, he seemed to have been born in this world just to piss everyone off. He was no longer crying, he was actively shouting.
Yahiko suddenly felt that maybe buying some herbs to prevent Mio from getting pregnant could have been a good idea. Don't misunderstand him, he loved his son a lot, but he was already tired of hearing him cry. The baby had been in this world for 5 minutes and his father was already thinking of some reason he could use to leave the boy with his grandparents for a while.
"Here, calm down my son. Let your mother hug you" Mio tenderly said to the baby while gently hugging him.
And the miracle happened! Yahiko could only feel touched when he saw how the baby, whom they decided to call Kenshin in honor of a legendary samurai who fought during the Cataclysm 500 years ago, stopped crying and looked at his mother with curiosity brimming in his eyes.
Maybe the sentence 'the bond between a mother and her son is special' had some truth to it after all. Yahiko looked at the heart-warming scene, and swore to himself that he would protec-.
SLAP!
Mio and Yahiko could only watch as Kenshin slapped Mio's face, leaving a red handprint. How strong could a baby be? And yet, the mark on Mio's face told them that he was, indeed, quite strong.
"Look at it from the bright side" started Yahiko with a cramped smile. "Maybe calling him Kenshin made him strong, I'm sure he will be able to have a great lif-".
SLAP!
The boy, still with his curious expression slapped Mio's other cheek, leaving her pondering about her life.
"Uhuh DA!" the boy had the gall to start giggling.
Maybe other parents would have felt euphoric at seeing their baby come into the world laughing after a short period of time crying, but Yahiko and Mio felt that they had made a mistake. Sometime, somewhere, but it was there, a mistake that would make them miserable.
"Uhuhu" the boy kept giggling and raised his hand to slap her now teary mother again.
"That's enough you little-. Uff, calm down. He is only a baby. We will educate him with lov-".
"WWAAAAAAAAAAH" Kenshin started shouting again. Not crying, shouting.
Yahiko felt some veins start popping all over his body.
"Mio, try to recover! I will take him to the shrine!" Yahiko had to shout so as to not let his voice be drowned by the baby's screams.
"What for? The custom is to wait for 3 months until the baby is strong enough" Mio had to raise her voice as much as she could even in her weakened state.
"Do you think this rascal is not strong enough? I fear that he may be possessed by an evil spirit. How is a baby shouting even louder than me?" Yahiko shouted back.
Mio nodded wryly, wondering what would this baby bring into their lives. Aside from cries and slaps, that is.
After cleaning the baby Yahiko took him and departed towards the shrine.
It was a custom of the land of the Narukami, Inazuma, to bring the babies to the shrine to receive a blessing from a miko. It was believed that it would bring fortune to the babies' lives, even more so in the families from humble backgrounds.
The Miko was believed to be the messenger from the Immortal Shogun, the Narukami Ogosho, the God of Eternity. It was a mouthful, but that how important the God of Inazuma was in the mind of the common people.
As such, the place where the mikos live, the Great Narukami Shrine, was considered to be a sacred place not to be disturbed by anybody and treated with respect.
So imagine Yahiko's apprehension when he climbed the long stairs with a baby that was screaming like his life depended on how many people he could annoy.
People he could swear were important enough to decide his life looked at him and the baby with disapproving eyes. People looked towards the entrance of the shrine when they heard that the baby's screams were approaching, but they kept waiting and waiting and nobody appeared, the screams getting even louder.
When Yahiko finally arrived at the top of the mountain he saw how absolutely everyone was looking at them with their mouths wide open, surprised about the baby's lung capacity.
"Those screams were something else. I think everyone heard him even when he was at the foot of the mountain" a woman with long pink hair and a miko's outfit walked forward.
"Guuji-sama" Yahiko quickly genuflected, as fast as having a baby in his arms allowed it.
"Stand up. You brought the baby for the blessing right?" asked Yae Miko with a noble voice.
"Yes" at this point Yahiko didn't dare to didn't dare to say anything else than what he was asked to.
"Give me the baby" Yae instructed.
"It-It's an honor for my humble family Guuji-sama" Yahiko emotionally said with teary eyes.
Normally the blessing ceremony was conducted by an ordinary miko. The chief priestess conducting a blessing ceremony was something even the ruling families of Inazuma couldn't ask for as it symbolized the blessing of the God of Eternity herself.
"It's not a problem. Still, he is quite small, does your family lack money to feed him?" Yae asked while watching Yahiko approach. Kenshin has stopped crying when he saw the magnificent Sakura Tree, a confused expression on his face.
"N-No Guuji-sama. It's just that... he was born half an hour ago" replied Yahiko with a small voice.
"Are you telling me that a boy that half an hour ago was inside his mother's body is able to scare away every single bird in this whole mountain with his cries?" to say Yae was shocked was selling it short.
"Y-Yes" meekly admitted Yahiko.
Kenshin then saw Yae and kept looking at her with curious eyes. Yae saw that the baby was looking at her face or her hair, the thing that normally babies and children get attracted to. The baby was looking at something else, maybe even through her...
Yae extended her arms to grab the baby with a serious expression, intending to see what was special in this baby. Yahiko, too embarrassed by the attention his son got from his cries didn't think anything else and handed him to the Guuji.
'Thankfully Kenshin has stopped crying. Now please Kenshin, you have been in this world for less than an hour and yet I need to beg you, please don't cause trouble here' Yahiko was a fervent believer in the power of the God of Eternity, but he now feared that the same god would turn Kenshin into coal if he messed up with the Divine Messenger.
And fortunately, Kenshin only looked at Yae's eyes with rapt attention.
'What is he looking at? He is looking beyond my eyes. Maybe..' as Yae was theorizing about what was Kenshin looking at, Kenshin quickly saw a strange section of Yae's hair, and being the baby he was, he grabbed it.
You have to understand that Yae was not human. She was a fox youkai that could adopt a human form, yet some fox traits remained, in Yae's case her ears were camouflaged as a part of her hair.
And that was exactly what Kenshin grabbed, unknowingly introducing his little fingers inside Yae's ears, making her have a pained expression for a second.
Yahiko didn't know what happened but when he saw Yae's pained expression he resigned himself.
'Thank you, Mio for staying with a nobody like me. Thank you, mother and father, for giving me this life. From earth we were born and to earth we will return. I only hope to be a tree in my next life' Yahiko said with an illuminated expression, as if he had witnessed the secrets of the universe.
"Well, aren't you a mischievous one" said Yae with contained anger. She knew Kenshin had no ill will but the pain made her want to scare the little shi-. Calm down Yae. Her eyes morphed for a second, adopting a slitted form and shining ominously with a purple light.
"Uh" Kenshin had a scared expression. And that jump scare had its consequences.
Yae could only look speechlessly at the warm liquid staining her clothes, her disbelief at the absurdity of the situation not allowing her to react.
'Well done son, you are exceeding your parent's expectations. Just when I thought you had already reached your limit on how bad you could fuck us up, you had to piss on Guuji-sama. I am truly humbled' Yahiko nodded sagely, having already made peace with his future.
After Kenshin ended peeing he looked at Yae disbelieving expression.
"Uhuhuhu" and he laughed.
Yae had to clench her teeth to restrain herself from dropping the baby from the nearest cliff.
"Things like this are uncontrollable after all, he is just a bab-".
SLAP!
Yae closed her eyes in exasperation after feeling a slap in her face so strong that she could believe came from a 3-year-old child. She expected everything from this little shit.
'Truly, my son, you are not afraid of the heavens. If this was Liyue you would be hailed as a Young Master with the courage able to defy the Dao, but I'm afraid here the only thing you will get is a curse' Yahiko started making plans to at least make Mio escape from Inazuma.
"Come bac-".
"WAAAAAH" and the Kenshin started crying again with his incredible lung capacity, drowning whatever Yae was saying with his screams.
Yahiko nodded with a calm face, having entered a zen state, understanding what Yae was going to say. He picked Kenshin from Yae's arm and with a bow he left the shrine.
Now, pissed on, with a red handprint on her face and with hurting ears Yae also retreated into her room in front of a lot of very important and shocked people to have a shower. It was worthy of mention that she kept her serene face at all moments. Surely she was too mature to take a baby's actions seriously.
And yet, the thunderstorm above the shrine didn't subside for a month.
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Mio was lying on the bed, wondering about how much trouble would Kenshin get into at the shrine.
It was unthinkable to be worrying about that, after all her baby was a few hours old, what's the worst thing that could happen?
She felt relieved when he saw them entering the house. Kenshin was finally asleep and Yahiko had an expression she had only seen on him after a round of rough sex. It was a good thing he was relaxed right?
"How did it go?" she asked worriedly.
Yahiko didn't want to worry his already exhausted wife and answered directly.
"Good" and he lied like a scoundrel without any shame for the first time in his life. "Kenshin is already sleeping, so if you don't need anything I will sleep now" with that Yahiko went to sleep. Maybe tomorrow Kenshin would act like a normal baby. Maybe.
Mio nodded, feeling sleepy herself. With clean clothes, after having a shower she felt comfortable enough to rest, the peacefully sleeping Kenshin by her side.
And the family of 3 slept. The day's results:
Kenshin was born. Annoyed his parents, pissed on/off the second most powerful person in the whole country, gained the disdain of all the important clans present in the shrine, and made the God of Eternity herself travel to the shrine to ask Yae why was the thunderstorm not stopping.
Come on Kenshin, you can do it!