Chapter 4: Mahal Kita
Faint strips of sunlight beamed across my eyelids. My eyes felt like sandbags and my head was throbbing. I nuzzled my face into the softness… My eyes shot open. I was surrounded in pink? It took me a few seconds to remember the origin of where I was… That's when it hit me. I remembered.
"Oh God, no…"
I wanted to escape and off myself. No way I said all those things. Fuck!
I tried to stand but I felt like I'd been hit by an airplane. I wasn't going anywhere… I checked my phone. 4 texts, 3 missed calls.
Mama, Friday 10:20pm. Mahal kita son, take care! Your sister say hi! Bear too!
Mama always brought a smile to my face with her broken English. Mahal kita means 'I love you' in Tagalog. Mahal din, I typed and hit send.
Stormy 1:03am. Where are you?
Stormy 1:10am. Are you ok?
Stormy 1:34am. Kashi. Please call me.
Stormy, missed call, 1:40am
Stormy, missed call, 1:42am
Stormy, missed call, 2am
I texted back: My bad Stormy. I was at Jocelyn's party. I am ok. Thank you. Sorry. I will be home tonight.
Incoming call—Jocelyn. The blaring default ringtone made me jump.
"Hello?"
"Hey you. Come downstairs." She hung up.
I was still in yesterday's clothes and I smelled like puke… This sucks. I struggled to get up. Jocelyn was waiting for me at the top of the spiral staircase. She was wearing a strappy white crop-top and tiny black shorts that showed off her long legs and bare feet. Her pink pedicure made me remember my cringe from last night, feeling I got punched in the stomach… She had a grin like she was surprised to see me still alive.
"Fuck, I am so sorry about last night," I said. My throat felt like there were jagged rocks lodged inside.
"You're fine. Don't worry about it. It's my fault for pushing you so hard. I didn't know you were such a lightweight," she teased.
"I think I'm still drunk," I confessed. The world felt like it was at a slight tilt and it was difficult to keep my balance.
"I can tell. Let's get you some water. My mom is awake, so is my brother. Just ignore them."
I clutched the spiral handrail. Imagine falling down these steps… I wasn't worried about the pain of smacking my head at the bottom, no—what I feared was another embarrassment. If there was a sliver of opportunity that Jocelyn was still interested in me, I had to prove my worth somehow… Not fucking up seemed to be my last option.
Jocelyn entered the kitchen. I followed behind her. "Mom, this is my friend from work, Kashi." Her mom had a striking resemblance to her daughter; same pale skin, lanky limbs and rosy cheeks, but she had blonde hair instead of the raven black. I shook her hand. She didn't seem to care I existed.
"This is my brother," Jocelyn said with a grotesque tone. I gave a head nod to the teen. He did not look like Jocelyn at all. He was short, chubby and had circular glasses.
The greetings were over and Jocelyn stood in the kitchen awkwardly.
"Aaaanyway, me and him are going out. Bye!" Jocelyn quick-stepped out of the kitchen and I hurried behind.
"Sorry, my family doesn't approve of my friends."
Friends? Oh God no… The sun hit me in the face, my heart was in shambles, my throat was raked with coals… Jocelyn drove her stick-shift while babbling and I started to tune her out, getting lost in that stupid word friend…
We pulled into a parking lot of some business establishment. I unbuckled my seatbelt and proceeded to get out. Jocelyn grabbed my wrist.
"Hold on."
I sunk back into the seat and sat in silence. Jocelyn sparked a Parliament and offered me one, but my head was still throbbing so I declined. Where were my cigarettes? I did not know.
"Do you have something to say to me?" Jocelyn looked forward, exhaling smoke with each word.
"Nothing…"
Jocelyn exhaled smoke with annoyance. "Listen to me, boy. I'm not good at this sort of shit…" She clutched the steering wheel with one hand and took another hit. Her foot pumped the clutch back and forth. "I can tell something is bugging you. So talk. I don't like that wishy washy shit!" she yelled, making me flinch.
I had an epiphany, a surge of confidence radiating within my hungover bones…
"Yeah… Jocelyn, I do have something to say to you…"
She looked at me from the corner of her eye.
"I didn't like it when you called me your friend. I know we are just friends, but I don't like it. I… I was trying yesterday, you know? I… Fuck…"
I was going to continue my rant but Jocelyn opened the door. She stepped out, leaned her head inside and smiled at me. "It worked."
I followed her out, speaking over the top of her Mustang. "What? What worked?"
Jocelyn giggled as she approached a coffee shop. "I called you my friend on purpose. I wanted to see if your drunk words were your sober thoughts." She winked at me. How much crap did I spew last night? I couldn't remember. I felt totally dissected… I followed her inside the coffee shop and couldn't help but laugh at my predicament.
We got in a long line behind other caffeine addicts. There were a multitude of customers, some young, but mostly older folk with judgemental eyes because Jocelyn was just… Let's just say she didn't have the best public decorum. Jocelyn in her own words 'did not give a flying fuck'.
"Man, you still look drunk. Hey, I REMEMBER MY FIRST BEER!" she yelled in a terrible German accent and filled the shop with her wicked laughter. I could see the entire store looking at us… The only reason she could pull this off was how pretty she was.
She slammed her palm on the cashier table. "Caramel frap!"
I got a regular hot coffee with cream and sugar. Jocelyn pulled out a fist full of quarters and dropped them on the counter. As a carhop she always had jars full of change. The cashier tried her best to bite her tongue as she sorted the quarters by stacks of 4…
She continued being loud and obnoxious until we got our coffee. "At least I gave her quarters and not pennies, stupid bitch," she said loudly as we exited. I had never been more embarrassed in a public setting… But I suppressed it. I wanted to be a part of her world. It was exhilarating—she, was exhilarating… A total 180 from the way I was raised in an Asian household. Never make a scene in public, lest you bring shame to your ancestors…