Chapter 8: Coming Down
I began to feel my body get heavier, like my flesh was lagging behind my mind. I wasn't too concerned; a good ol' Monster energy drink would keep me going…
Jocelyn pulled into the Flippin' Patties parking lot, no turn signals as usual. 5:55am. Neither of us knew how the hell we made it on time. She sparked a Parliament and filled the car with smoke. She offered me one.
"We gotta get you your own pack," she said.
I nodded. I was never a big smoker. The most I smoked was at work, just to get some fresh air… But Jocelyn was in a constant cycle of smoke. The only times she went more than an hour without smoking was when she was asleep; even at work she found a way to sneak hits here and there.
Jocelyn put on her roller skates and we got out of the car. She shuffled her feet and rolled in place like a derby girl warming up. 5:59. The manager on shift was probably looking out the window, shaking his head in irritation. They always wanted us to come in a few minutes early to 'help', but in Jocelyn's words, "I don't work for free." Why come in early or late if we're not getting paid? That could never be me. Plus, Ariel, the store owner, never said shit about it, so the managers needed to get that dick out of their ass. Trying to be all high speed… The fuck out of here!
"So I'll see you after work, right?"
"Uh huh. I'll pick you up at your place… Oh shit… Where's your board?"
It had been years since I didn't travel without my skateboard. I had left it at Jocelyn's house…
Jocelyn looked at her car with an internal debate…
"It's ok, I can walk home, no big deal. I'll get it next time," I said while walking backward toward the street. Jocelyn skated to me and looked down at me with a possessive grin. She traced her index finger and thumb lightly over my neck, just grazing my flesh… She kissed me and it felt like she sucked all the air from my lungs.
"Bye."
"Bye," I replied… I watched her roll into the store, mesmerized…
It took me an hour to walk home. The house was coming together, everything except my room. Eureka! I'll use this high to clean my room! Might as well be productive…
Jocelyn began to feel the degradation of her high. When she first clocked in, she felt on top of the world. She dumbed down her excitement just a tad so nobody became suspicious… Yet the customers seemed to like Jocelyn even more in her heightened state. She wanted it to last forever, but not even the coffee was helping…
Her body and mind were now drained, the tank empty and dry. Thank God I get off at 11. Her eyes felt like 45-pound plates, her teeth hurt from grinding, her body was sore… It felt like thorns were growing inside her brain.
10:59am
Jocelyn stood in place, staring at the clock. Customers were ringing the button. Drive-through was packed. She did not budge from her position.
11am. She immediately rolled out the door.
"Jocelyn!"
She almost didn't turn around, expecting Ariel to nag her to 'stay' for free. Fuck that.
"What?!" Jocelyn said, irritated.
"You forgot to clock out!"
"Fuck. My bad," Jocelyn replied, forgetting to censor her curse words in front of the customers. She skated back inside and clocked out, but before she could escape…
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" Ariel said.
Jocelyn sighed heavily. "Sure."
Jocelyn waited a few minutes for Ariel. They finally sat at the furthest dining table outside. Jocelyn rolled her skates back and forth on the ground…
"Is everything good, Jocelyn? You didn't seem yourself today…"
Jocelyn had fucked up a lot of orders ever since she crashed and burned… Her mind was daydreaming of climbing white mountains of powder…
Jocelyn scanned the depths of her brain for a response… Bullshit a story? She had a talent for doing that. She liked Ariel. She was cool, even though she was the boss… It was a relationship built over years of knowing each other.
Jocelyn told the truth. She confessed that she 'partied' the night before, had a run-in with Tony Montana… She waited for Ariel to scold her.
"Listen. Go back home, get to sleep. Drink water and try to eat something. Thank you for telling me. You work tomorrow? Don't worry about it, I'll get someone to cover your shift. Kashi too, right?"
Jocelyn was stunned… "Thanks," she said. Ariel nodded. Jocelyn sluggishly pushed herself up, got in her car and called Brad.
Blank and empty… Tired… My mind kept wandering to more. The energy drink just hurt my stomach. I felt gunk inside of my throat. I kept swallowing, hoping for just a droplet of more…
I got a text message from the Meridian Theater group chat.
Reminder. Rehearsals tomorrow at the chapel. 8am.
I stared at the message briefly then set the phone down. I was laying on a pillow and blanket on the floor. I had no strength to put together the bed frame. Boxes were everywhere… I tried to get some stuff done but it seemed to look even worse and more cluttered than before. I could barely walk to the bathroom without scraping my leg against some cardboard.
I drifted in and out of sleep. I dreamt that my phone was vibrating for a long time, but I ignored it. I heard Jocelyn's voice whispering to me… Petting my hair, cooing in my ear…
I woke up and she was real. She was still in her uniform. Once she saw I was awake, or alive, she shut my bedroom door and began to undress with an excessive amount of grunting. She laid next to me on the floor in her black bra and panties. We didn't say anything. We both understood… We felt like absolute dog shit and agreed to suffer in silence.