I was not expecting this to happen. In the sixth century of my meditation, the Force wanted to show me more about itself. It wanted to show me different aspects of itself and reveal some of its secrets to me. I agreed to this. In retrospect, this might have been a decision I made a bit hastily.
I didn't know what to expect when I agreed to this. But what I didn't expect was to dive deep into the different aspects of the Force ... and lose myself.
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I open my eyes and look around. I am no longer on the same planet I was before. Wait! This is ... my wife and myself. A smile makes its way on my face as I watch me and my wife interact and talk to each other. I listen to our talks and laugh at them. To think I was this naive once. I watch my wife and feel the love again, I hadn't forgotten, but which had been put in the back of my mind. I watch as one of us grows old. I look as the love inside her never diminishes and never changes. I look at the final moments when she makes me promise to look after our children, Prima and Ruben. I hear my promise and then ... I see her die ... again.
I can feel her body grow cold again, I can feel the pain in my chest, again ... I can see the smile on her face never leaving and giving me even more pain ... again. The me in the scene then stands up and ... turns to me. I look myself in the eyes with a deep sadness.
The scene changes. I experience the passing of time again and observe what my son and daughter accomplish in my absence. The time I was mourning for my wife, they were alone. I left them on their own to deal with my grief, while they would have also liked to grieve and would have needed their father. But I only came later, at least something. I experience happiness as my son and daughter have children ... my grandchildren. I play with them, teach them about life and listen to their worries. It is a time of happiness and calmness.
But it changes. Like it does. I watch as my children and grandchildren grow older. I watch them look at me with slowly changing gazes. They see me as something different. I see it in their eyes ... fear—the fear of the unknown. I try to talk to them, to tell them that it is still the same man—their father. I am not different. I am the same man. But it does nothing. I slowly distance myself further and further. Until the day that my children die of old age ...
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The scene changes. I once again look at myself and the me from the past or from this vision look at myself with sadness and disappointment.
"This is your fault.", he says.
"What?"
"This ... all of this. The fact that we are alone and always will be alone. All of this is your fault."
"What are you talking about? How is this-"
"Yes. You remember, don't you? It was you who chose this after all. Look.", he says and points in another direction. The surroundings change and I see myself, when I died, the very first time. I see the scene again when I was asked about my one wish. I see it in my face. I know that look. It is the look of fear.
The fear of death, the fear of all the dangers in the Star Wars universe and the fear ... of living the same unassuming and boring life that I did the first time.
I see and hear the decision that results from that fear.
"I wish for Immortality, the Essence of the Immortal to be exact.", I hear my voice as I state my wish. I understand what is happening. It was my own wish that resulted in me attaining what I wished for. The death of all my loved ones. The death of everyone around me ... it is that which will forever follow me. I look at the past me, the one from the vision and he looks at me with tears in his eyes.
"You brought this on yourself.", he says as his figure slowly vanishes, leaving me alone on the planet again. He is right. I made that decision. I was the one who chose to be immortal—never being able to die and having to watch every interaction turn to nothing as it is useless to make connections.
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I walk around the planet I was on and look for the humans who lived here. But to my amazement and sadness ... they all died. The lack of water caused a small civil war to break out and everyone killed each other. I am alone again ... as I should be. I decide then and there that this is how it should be. I will stay alone from now on. I will be the one who travels the galaxy and then the universe looking for someone like me or doing what I like.
I die willingly and get reborn in another world. It is a lawless world with great poverty. The poor have to kill each other to survive. I grow up and feel that my connection to the Force has deepened again. Then I remember. The Force, she has been with me all this time. She is the same as me, isn't she? She will exist, as long as life exists. So I'm not alone.
I sit down and meditate. But ... nothing. She doesn't answer to me anymore. I ... am truly alone. It doesn't matter. I use this time to walk. I just walk and train in the Force. I watch as the poor are tormented and killed and have to starve to death. It happens daily. The rich upper class doesn't care. I close my eyes to this injustice and concentrate on my power and the Force.
I grow more powerful and discover more and more uses of the Force. There aren't any limits to its uses. I can do whatever I imagine with it. One day, when I am practising telekinesis, I see a man, a father beating his wife who is shielding her child. There is screaming and I can feel his anger and the woman's fear and sadness. I see her weakness and her pleading as her eyes meet mine.
And then ... her face changes. It changes from the unknown woman into ... my wife. My eyes widen and I snap.
I reach out my hand and Force Choke the man who is beating her. I am suddenly angry. Very angry at him. The audacity to do that to my wife!! After a moment, I hear the cracking of his neck. I reach the woman and the child and see that their face ... has changed again. It is not my wife, but a completely different woman. Not only that. Instead of thank you, I see the fear in her eyes. She fears me even more than the man who was beating her a moment ago.
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I decided that this shouldn't go on like this. It is time that someone puts an end to this status quo that exists on this planet. So I do just that. I begin to make my way towards the finer area of the planet. As I reach there, I am stopped by guards who tell me to stop what I am doing and immediately return. I don't listen to them. I use the Force to kill them easily and make my way into the high society area. The streets are nicer and there is no bad smell. Everything screams wealth and political power.
But that isn't real power. In the face of the Force, it is useless. I begin to make my way towards the palace that is located in the middle of this rich city. I don't know that I made such a big jump in time this time. But I don't care at all about that. I am approached by guards who want to apprehend me or kill me. I use the Force and kill them all. None of them survived the encounter with me. I turned into a monster and massacred everyone I found.
After that, I opened the doors for the poor people. But their reaction was different from the one I expected. They didn't thank me instead they feared me and even hated me. I despised that feeling and left again. I died willingly again and reincarnated again.
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Time passed this way, I would grow up practising my Force powers and grow more powerful and then, I would die and reincarnate again. I grew more powerful. The sadness and fear turned to anger, slowly. Over the years the sadness grew and my anger at myself and at my weakness grew as well. From this anger grew hate and this hate I used to delve deeper into the Dark Side and uncover its mysteries. I take more from the Force and use it to grow more powerful.
I train as hard as I can. For each reincarnation, I train as hard as I can and then go beyond my previous limit. Every reincarnation my Midi-chlorians grow in number and my connection deepens. I undergo hardship and commit more and more things that I might have once called atrocious. I kill, steal, lie, backstab ... all to grow more powerful and to one day create my immortal Empire.
I take my first apprentice. A talented Force-sensitive boy who lost his parents. What he doesn't know is that it was me who killed them. I fuel his anger and hate towards me and the galaxy as a whole. I use him, torture him, make him kill his newfound friends and forge him into a useful tool for me. I take more apprentices and make them fight each other. I fuel the hate they feel towards each other and watch in glee as they strive to be the only apprentice.
But then something happens. I am betrayed by my apprentices. They have banded together to kill me. To their astonishment, they realise that I am immortal and result to not kill me but to seal me. They use their combined powers to seal me away, locked away in a prison of Force power. Fools all of them. I simply will myself to die and reincarnate again. Again I grow my power and get ready to take revenge.
I travel the galaxy in search of them since hyperspace travel has been invented now. I increase my power and hunt them down one by one. But a problem has arisen. My former apprentices have taken apprentices of their own and have spread the teachings of the Sith. So I take advantage of this and look for powerful Sith to take as my Master. I learn what I can from them and then kill them.
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A strange thing happens though. I find a really powerful Sith, called Darth Vitiate. He tricks us all. He calls for us and then uses the powerful skill, Force Drain to drain all of the Sith's and plantets vitality into himself. As soon as I realise what is going on, I forcefully reincarnate and disappear from there. This starts the biggest and most bloody rivalry between Vitiate and me. We both go to war against each other.
Both sides recruit Force users to their side and begin to build their power and Empires. I meet a powerful Force user called Exar Kun and use Force Drain to kill him outright, not giving him a chance at all. I go through the galaxy in search of powerful Sith and Jedi to absorb power from. I also take pleasure in corrupting Jedi and using them for my cause and doing as much damage as possible to the galaxy.
Among those are Nomi Sunrider, Satele Shan and even Revan. But I have found a better way to gain supporters loyal to my cause. I dive deep into the Dark Side of the Force and pull the deceased out of there.
I do just that. I force my way in and search for powerful Force users. In search, I see a bright white light. Interested I go towards it and see a woman who is glowing brightly. I have a strange feeling and turn her around. And what I see is ...
... MY WIFE!!!
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"GASP! Haaaa Haaaa Haaaa ... what was that? A vision? What did you ...", I say. I look around and see the almost forgotten area of the planet I was on when I first made contact with the Force. I haven't moved from here. It was all a vision. The Force showed me its dark side ... and I lost myself in it.
"So you showed me the Dark Side. Were you interested to see what I would do?", I ask the Force and feel a slight vibration from it. It would seem, I'm right. The face of my wife pulled me back and I managed to regain my individuality.
"Very well. Then show me the light as well ...", I say and enter meditation again.
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If this wasn't clear please tell me. I will explain it.