He shifted his weight a little, trying to adjust his position so that he could make quick moves without passing out from too much pain. Suddenly the pig made his move, the tusk flew from his mouth like a canon, straight at his head. He threw himself to the side, falling over and almost blacking out. Then he grinned, "What will you do now pig? You've run out of bullets"
The pig just grunted and started running towards him.
'Oh shit! I'm screwed'
He grunted exactly like the pig and did his best to roll out of the way. Don't know if you know this, but rolling is really hard to do when you have a curved tusk in your belly. No, really, it's hard as hell! He used his legs to spring himself away, landing on the tusk and sending him into another bout of pain, blood gushing out like a fountain.
He started getting pale from the blood loss. For now, the pig had full health while he was on life support. He had done zero damage to it, so had to think of something quick. His mind raced as he thought of a solution, he had to kill the pig, but he couldn't hit it cause he didn't have the strength to do any significant damage to it.
He suddenly had a wonderfully magnificent idea for a dead man walking. As hard as it was to set up for him as he was now, it was still the only idea he could think of as he was bleeding to death. He slowly stood up, the pig was hurtling towards him but he stumbled away at the last second. The pig could only run in a straight line, and turning will take a while, it's the same case for stopping, it takes a while for the pig to stop its own momentum.
He slowly started stumbling towards a large tree he spotted with his blurry eyes while he was pathetically squirming on the ground. He dodged the shotgun pig when he could, and just let gravity karate chop him to the ground if he did not have the strength to dodge.
He walked up to the tree, bearly able to stand anymore. To be honest, his endurance was shocking, no one else would be able to walk or even stand in the condition he was in. It was so unbelievable that if the famous person and the crappy farmer with their quotes saw him they would run screaming for their mommies.
He slowly drew the giant hammer from his back, and grunted as he threw it high above his head. This move came with its own risks, if the hammer did not lodge itself in the tree, the hammer would come hurtling down straight at his head, and he did not have the strength to evade it. He would be able to let gravity kung-fu him to the ground, but his legs would still be in the danger zone, and if he lost his legs, let's just say that this little piggy would eat good tonight. He was not willing to be the shotgun piggy's lunch. If he was going down, he was sure as hell taking it down with him!
Thankfully, Lady Luck gave her blessings to him and the hammer got stuck on the lowest branch. Lady Luck was being stingy, if she had been a little earlier with the blessing maybe he wouldn't be sporting a hole in his stomach and maybe the hammer would have gone higher, but it was better than nothing.
He turned his head and looked at the shotgun pig darting towards him like a canonball. He grinned evily 'Stupid pig'. He finally let gravity experience the satisfaction of suplexing him to the ground and fell to the side. The pig ran up to the tree and rammed it, hard. The hammer was dislodged and came crashing down on the pig's head. It started swaying and rocking back and forth, slowly stumbling backwards, and finally fell, unmoving.
He sighed in relief when the pig showed no signs of moving anymore. Yay! He had secured bacon! He slowly got up and grinned. He had won, his first win. Then he grimaced cause his legs were in the blast radius of the hammer and were also crushed. But then he grinned again as the joy of winning overwhelmed him, and then he grimaced again as he realised that he had his ass handed to him by a farm animal, then he grinned again for absolutely no good reason.
If the crappy farmer and famous person were here now they would definitely call him retarded, sitting under a tree next to a pig's carcass alternatively grinning and grimacing while being half dead with crushed legs and a giant tooth wedged in him. It was honestly an utterly ridiculous sight.
He dragged himself to the pig and used his dagger to skin it. The dagger was also very blunt, but it was still able to somewhat skin the pig. He took the skin and tried to analyze whether he would be able to wear it. It seemed as if it would be able to wrap around his body, so he decided that it was time for the hardest and most painful part of his recovery, removing the tusk.
He decided that he would just rip it out and be over with it in one second. He grabbed it and mentally prepared himself. On three...
ONE!
He pulled it out without giving himself the chance to count to three, and it kinda worked, he didn't fee-AHHHHHHH! GODAMMIT THAT HURT!
He quickly started wrapping his waist with the pig skin, using it as a makeshift bandage to try and stifle the bleeding. It worked and the bleeding stopped but he was in a very bad situation. The amount of blood he lost and organs he damaged would cause any ordinary person to die. It was a miracle he was still breathing, but he would not be able to maintain his consciousness for much longer. The blood he had lost now had tipped him over the edge.
He sorrowfully stared at the dead pig in front of him. He would not be able to drag this thing and hide it somewhere, Hell, if he delayed any longer he would no longer be able to hide himself! He took back every mean thing he ever said about Lady Luck and begged her to somehow protect the pig from predators.
As he dragged himself to hide under some bushes he could only think of one thing.
'My bacon!'