If silence was a sound it would be the only thing I can hear right now. I turned to look and the woman sitting next to me that was my mom's best friend aunty Beth, her eyes were so red like she was high but it was just out of sadness. The doctor just came to deliver the news that my mom, my best friend, my rock has left me to face the world alone. I can hear aunt Beth crying so loudly as she got up to talk to the doctor, I myself just sat there staring into space wondering how it is possible for her to just die like that she was perfectly fine yesterday so how come, she never showed any sign of sickness or was I the one not paying attention.

I got up from my seat and walked to the room were my mother's stiff body lay, I stood beside her mere looking at her anybody would think she was asleep, I mean she is asleep but this time she is not waking up forever. I tried to force a tear from my eyes but nothing was coming forth but I could feel my chest tighten gradually until it felt like I was being chock by a very huge hand from the distance I could her aunty Beth call my name with a very soothing voice, I could feel her hand rubbing my back gentle and her voice as she whispered gently in my ear

"it's okay, you will be fine".

Right there in the hospital I was told my mom was sick of cancer, and I my head I kept wandering since when we have been seeing each other since I started homeschool how come I didn't notice that she was sick, I turned to aunt Beth

"I want to go home"

I could not stay in that place any longer. She gave me a quick nod and held my hands until I got into the car and we drove straight home.

She didn't go to her house, she told me she was going to spend the night with me because she didn't want to leave me alone

"I am fine I can stay on my own"

"not you are not fine Alice, you have not shed a tear since you heard the news, don't bottle it up"

"I said I am fine nothing is going to happen"

"nope not a chance the last time you said

that something did happen and we almost lost you so please let me stay here till her funeral is over"

I knew she cared greatly for me she is like my second mother so I just gave her a curt nod as I walked to my room. Then I heard say she was going to call Mark to get bring some of her stuff to the house.

Mark is her husband; he is the only strong male figure in my life I never knew my father so sometime deep in my heart I would want to call him dad but I don't have that privilege. I have asked my mom countless times about my father the only thing I got was a picture she told me and whenever I asked where he was she always gave me the it's a long story and you won't understand kind of talk then at some point I stop asking before she gets upset, she is the type of person who doesn't like being pressured. I closed my eyes to take a little nap since I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I found myself standing in front of my old house and right in front of my porch sat my mother she was reading her favorite magazine, she raised her head to look at me and she gave me the biggest smile I walked up to her and held her hands it didn't feel like a dream it felt so real like she was still alive it felt so real she starts to cry telling me how much she missed and how she was alright and I should not worry about her and I should live my life. But how am I going to do that, who would I run to. I hugged her, her head was on my chest I proceeded to stroke her hair when all of a sudden she stared to breath really fast I pulled her head up to look at me she was bleeding from her eyes, nose, mouth and ear she tried calling my name but she seemed to be dry drowning I screamed calling her name. my own voice started fade and it was replaced with aunt Beth's voiced

"Alice! Open your eyes"

With the sound of her voice it felt like she pulled me out of a trance. I open my eyes and saw Aunt Beth staring at me with a very concerned look

"Are you okay?" she asked

"yeah, I am doing just fine"

"NO! you are not fine Alice. You have no shed a single tear, you can cry"

"I said I am fine" I said with clenched teeth

"fine dinner is ready and don't say you are not hungry" she said giving me a pleading look

"okay I will be down in minute" she smiled and gave me a kiss on my forehead and went down stairs and I followed after her.

We ate dinner in silence for at least a few seconds

"We are holding your moms' funeral tomorrow"

"why so early?"

"Because the quicker we do this the better"

"but_"

"Alice your smile has left your face I know it won't be easy but the is the first step to letting go, your mother would want you to be happy"

"I know"

"So please, I have passed the message to everyone, I was planning to call your grandparents but I wanted to ask you first, it's up to you"

"No I do not want them here; they don't deserve to be her"

"Okay"

My mother's parents are alive but they cut out my mother when they found out she was pregnant with me. I have seen them ones but they kept their distance and I kept mine as well.

I got up from my seat gave aunt Beth a kiss on the cheek ant left for my room. I needed to sleep because tomorrow is going to be a long day and I need all the energy I would need, I closed my eyes and wandered into dream land.