I said I wanted to sleep right? Well I was wrong I couldn't stop thinking. My eyes feel quite heavy right now and I am pretty sure that I have very huge eye bags I mean I have had eye bags for as long as I can remember but lack of sleep makes them really puffy. It is 6:30 in the morning I lay on my bed staring into nothing and the only thing running through my head was the very question "how would I cope?" I have never stayed a day in my life without seeing my mom and now I have spent a whole day with out her knowing fully well that I was never going to see her again for the rest of my life and the funny thing is a single tear hasn't fallen from my eyes since she died, and I think it is making Aunt Beth worried because I can hear her voice from my room talking to someone on her phone she sounds really exhausted and I owe it to her big time because big time throughout the night for up to like three times she would come to my room to check on me probably to see if I am still breathing.
I walked down the stairs in the only black dress I owned Aunt Beth was sitting in the living room with her husband. I walked up to her and gave them a kiss on the head.
"Good morning" I said to both of them but without looking at either of them I went to the kitchen to get a glass of milk because my tummy was beginning to hurt like hell. I looked at the time and it was 8:00 AM already mom's funeral was by 10 so we still have about two hours to be there
"How was your night honey?" Aunt Beth asked with a very low voice. She sounded really tired; I mean mom was her best friend they were basically like sisters so seeing her look really hurt is very understandable.
"fair I guess?"
"make sure you eat something before we leave okay? A glass of milk won't do, I already heated up the spaghetti from last night"
I opened the pot on the stove and the warm vapor hits my face I just wanted for a minute to stick my head in it. I did not have the appetite to eat anything but knowing aunt Beth she would not allow me leave the house with an empty stomach and there is no way anybody can fight her on that one. I took a bite but it only felt like paper on my tongue but I had to fight through it.
Minutes have passed and we were in the cemetery my mom was lying in her casket in beautiful white dress which I have never seen before, it seemed like she has been planning to die for a very long time. Aunt Beth sat beside me while her husband was beside her, she held my hand and will squeeze a few times while she wipes her nose to my right sat some persons from my mom's work and some I have never met before. I never knew my mom knew a lot of persons. I was called to give my speech before my mom was placed underground. Aunt Beth didn't want me to go but I just gave her a soft smile to show her that I was okay.
"Ellena was a wonderful woman, who loved every one and always puts herself last. She was my only shield but I guess life has a funny was of messing with you (sad chuckle) ...." I paused as I noticed that at the last two seats to my left sat my supposed grandparents one was shedding crocodile tears while the other looked sad but it made me rally angry.
"but there some persons here who never wished her well, who abandoned her when she needed them most, who never cared crying like they are actually sad that she has passed. I know you are not but don't worry she has gone to a place where she does not have to be sad anymore".
As I was done with my speech, I walked up to my seat Aunt Beth gave me a very proud smile. I think she knew my grandparents were going to be here because those two are something else and I think she also knew that I was going to do what I did. A lot of persons in my town somewhat did not like my mother, she was a single mother who was also a qualified nurse and doing well for herself so I don't know if they were judging her for having a child without getting married or she or that she was very successful or both because I don't get it but regardless she was strong and I have to be strong too.
From the cemetery we all went straight to the house and it kind of seems like the number of the persons that came to pay their final respect have increased greatly. Aunt Beth Uncle Mark stayed in the living room to welcome the guests while I went to my mother's room, I lay down on her bed placed my nose on the bedsheet and took in a deep breath. I closed my eyes and memories from when I was little started to come back to me. The first time we moved into this house after my mom got her job at the hospital. I got up immediately when I heard my room door opened, I could see Aunt Beth's head on the other side of the door she seemed to be talking to somebody then she looked at me.
"someone is here to see you, but it's okay if you don't want to see him" she said with a very awkward smile. I gave her a whatever shrug; she gave way for whoever was behind her and right in front of me stood the man whom I have never seen in person since I was born only on pictures. My father in flesh and blood, even if I have not seen him, I would have known we both have the same birth mark on our forehead it looked like a scar but a very cool one.
"Hello Olivia" He called me by my middle name not even my mom calls me by my middle name. I got up from the bed walked past the both of them and went to the garden at the back of the house. We have a mini garden so I sat on the bench I closed my eyes. Why is he here now? Why did he not come all this time?
"I wanted too" huh. My father is now standing behind me, he has a very sad look in his eyes
"I wanted to but your mother made me promise not to come and I understand why she did that"
"What do you mean? You haven't seen me since I was a baby and you are blaming mom"
"I was married Olivia" I looked at him with a very shocked look on my face. Mom slept with a married man so that means I was a mistake; I was never meant to happen.
"No wipe that look from your face its not your fault and you were never a mistake"
"Let me guess you have kids too" He nodded
"Are they older"
"yes. I never had any other kids after you"
"You seem to be at peace with my mom even she prevented you from seeing me"
"I had too and she did a good job raising you as well. Don't resent her"
"So why are you here?"
"I came for you"
"What do you mean"
"I want you to go back to London with me. Olivia, I made a vow to myself that if anything happens to your mother, I will be here to take care of you"
"London that is very far away"
"Listen to him Olivia" Aunt Beth said as she walked towards us.
"You called him, didn't you?"
"I had no choice I promised your mother that I will look after you"
"But…"
"Don't you want a fresh start far away, after everything that that happened don't you think you need a break" she whispered that last part to me to.
She was right I do need a break. I looked at my father he has a pleading look on his face.
"What about your wife"
"She knows about you and so does my kids"
"At least let me think about it"
"Okay. Let me get your answer by tomorrow night because I will be going back on Saturday" Saturday? That is in two days but I told him okay regardless.
By evening my father went back to his hotel. I helped my aunt clean up.
"You don't have to go if you don't want to"
"But didn't you say I should?"
"I know I did but I don't want to pressure you and I'm sorry for not telling you that I called him"
"It's okay I know you did it for my own good"
After we were done we ate did of garlic bread and avocado and then we went to bed.