The cold was all that told her she had slept alone, again. The other side of the sheet was neat and very much untouched — a sign that showed no one had slept on it at any time of the night.
There was no doubt he had spent the night in his study. But even while, she knew it must have been for work, because Sebastian took his work too seriously. It was heart rending to know the bed might always be cold and she might never make the top of his list of priorities.
'Or maybe you'll be honest with yourself and admit he prefers the company of sheafs of paper to you. He'd rather not share a bed with you.'
The thought raised a pint of bile in her throat, but that optimistic side of hers would not be convinced. She clinged tightly to the possibility that things would change. They had to.
Maybe if they had a baby, he'd love her. He'd see her more than just a partner he conveniently married, but the mother of his child and the woman he'd spend the rest of his life with. He'd want to make things work for their child, and if only he wasn't ensuring they didn't have one, maybe things would have changed already.
These possibilities were what kept her going, but sometimes, they felt like dreams— ones which might never come true, and the fear of that being real always brought a rumbling feeling in her stomach.
It was too early to feel this overwhelmed and defeated, but she just couldn't help it.
Just for today, she felt like sleeping in, like keeping her mind blank from all the clouding and draining thoughts of what she might have done wrong yesterday, and how best she could make her marriage work.
But unlike her mind which preferred she stayed in bed, her body was up, fully charged and eager to care for Sebastian before another exhausting day at the office. Because that's what's expected of her.
Draping her morning coat over her night dress, she stepped into the bathroom, and after a quick ablution she started for the kitchen, her mind already working up a healthy breakfast idea for him.
She had only stepped into the kitchen when her phone started ringing, and not much of a surprise, it was Catherine Zane Pearson. She answered at the first ring, showing a face bearing a bright smile, as she had FaceTimed.
"Hello, mom."
"Hello—" Catherine paused, scrutiny and incredulity gleamed in her eyes as she observed Angelica through the phone. "Good lord, Angelica Pearson! You look horrible. Have you seen the walls of a spa recently? You're a sore sight for sore eyes." Buffed and groomed in Versace suit, Catherine fluffed her neatly tinted honey-brown hair, looking a decade younger than her age.
Sore sight? Angelica thought her words a stretch, but she'd pay no mind to it. "Good morning, mom."
"Good morning, my dear." Catherine signalled with her fingers and a tray of chinas were placed in front of her. She poured herself a cup of tea. Angelica was certain it was lavender tea. "Yesterday was your anniversary. How did it go?" She settled the teapot on the tray.
Even her mother remembered, Angelica thought.
"It was good. Seb and I had a great time." She lied, a wan smile touching her face. Keeping up with the lies and game of pretence had been the hardest these past two years, but there was no telling the truth, especially to her mother. It would be shameful.
"Well, I'm glad you had a great time. Women are entitled to having that all the time, anniversary or not." She added a squirt of lemon to her tea before giving it a stir. "And I must say Sebastian Croft providing you with that these two years has been a thing of wonder."
"Why? Because he still isn't your choice of a husband for me?" She murmured as she fought the bitterness in her mouth, not because this had been her mother's greatest displeasure and disappointment in her, but rather because she wished it was all true. But it was a lie. "Sebastian is a good man."
"A good business man, yes." Rich and powerful, even. "But a husband? I'm not so sure. The man is too stiff and stolid, and I find him a little bit too lofty. And I told you not marry him." With her newly manicured nails she picked the cup by the ear and took a sip.
"Grandfather approved of him." Angelica tried to argue, but that was something she had never quite done well, especially with her mother.
"Your grandfather knew more about mergers than about people. And why he thought he knew Sebastian," she trailed off with a scoff, "I had no idea."
Catherine had admired the old man, but his interference in the choice of her daughter's life partner had been unforgivable. "Charles Perkins would have made a better match."
Angelica was sure he would have. "If he wasn't stilted, pretentious and very high-handed." She murmured under her breath before she could stop herself.
Catherine's gray eyes flickered with annoyance. "He was my choice for you. A very good choice. And maybe if you had married him instead, you'd have had a baby already."
"Mom, please..." She whispered as more bile rose to her mouth. This wasn't how she wanted to start her day!
She wanted a child too. She needed one. And it wasn't just because Pearson needed an heir to oversee it's affairs in the future, but more because she believed a baby might be the miracle she needed to make things work.
Noticing the change in her countenance, Catherine let out a sigh. Raising Angelica had been the easiest role in her life. The girl had never made a fuss, so there was no faulting her for her grandfather's short sightedness.
"I'm sure it's not your fault, honey, but having babies is how legacies are preserved. The sole responsibility of a wife is to ensure the continuity of the family name, even if the husband is a demonized workaholic. It's been two years, Angelica, and you're—"
'Failing at her responsibilities.' Angelica completed inwardly, almost certain that was what her mother was about to say, which made her miss the last part of that sentence.
"You have a responsibility to your name." Catherine finished.
The familiar clutch of disappointment and failure had Angelica's hand slightly trembling. Reigning her feelings, she managed a calm in her voice. "I'll try my best, mom."
They looked at one another, and Angelica only wished her mother could see what was there in her eyes, and assure her it was all going to be okay. But like every other time, she felt a thin wall between them.
Believing Angelica would do as instructed, Catherine set her cup down. "I had called to invite you for tea, but I'd rather book a session for you at the spa."
Angelica sighed. "Mom, I don't think I'm ready to go to the spa. I'm not feeling so good." She had been feeling more tired recently, probably from overthinking and stress.
"Of course, you are." Catherine said, taking the last part of Angelica's statement as an excuse to escape it.
Dabbing a napkin on her lips, she continued, "A woman's value lies in her beauty, my dear. Men are attracted to what they see. Maybe if you paid a little more attention to yourself, you'd be able to get Sebastian to take his eyes off work and pay more attention to you. Maybe then you'd both do what's expected of you. Producing children."