A woman's value...
Angelica became thoughtful. Was that what she had been doing wrong? By not paying more attention to her looks?
"I'll send you the details of your booking. Talk to you later, honey. I love you." Catherine said, snapping Angelica out of her thoughts.
"I love you too." Angelica replied, not wanting to protest, and Catherine disconnected the call.
Expectations, she mused. There had always been an abundance of it, and the fear of falling short in fulfilling them and the anxiety of not being good enough had always made her stomach rumble.
There was a constant need to explain it to someone, but who? And how? The truth was, how could she explain it to anyone, when she didn't even understand it?
She sat still for a while, and then she finally pulled her thoughts together. Setting her phone on the prep bar, she slipped off the bar stool to get breakfast started.
The mugs and half eaten sandwich in the sink had her transfixed. He had ate last night, but just not with her.
There was a clench just beneath her ribs. It was tight and burning, but it was too early to give in to the pain of disappointment. At least he ate, that was all that mattered.
Taking in a short breath, she started on the breakfast. Blueberry and banana pancakes, with some honey just as he liked it. And just because she wanted to give him a variety, she opted to make some Moroccan baked eggs too. Sweet, savory and spicy flavors all at the same time. He was going to love it, same way she'd love to see his face.
Yielding to the temptation, she turned off the heat and turned towards his study. She found the door ajar, and not wanting to disturb him, she quietly closed in, her ears straining to listen if he was awake.
Carefully and cautiously, she widened the gap and poked her head in, her feet slowly following behind.
He laid tucked and stretched out on a couch. His long legs sticking out of the blanket that covered him.
Files were strewn all over the place, and evidence of how much caffeine he had consumed all night were displayed in the empty mugs sitting on his desk. His laptop was left open and running. A sign that he might have just slept.
He could have come to bed after work, Angelica thought as she carefully began gathering the files together and clearing his table. She plugged his laptop, which she didn't have to do it, but just wanted to.
Giving in to another temptation, she let her feet draw her closer, till she was crouched beside him, eyes intently staring at his handsome face, and fingers yearning to touch.
He looked peaceful. Long lashes lying so still, lids relaxed like summer sea. His lips reminded her of flowers at the brink of spring. Blooming, tender, and vibrant. They stood out with a beauty that drew one in, leaving her with the imagination of what it'd feel to be truly kissed by him.
The emphasis was 'truly kissed', not the perfunctory ones he gave her when they fulfilled conjugal rights.
Like an angel, was how she'd describe him. She wanted nothing more than to brush away those silky dark hair from his forehead. He had grown a day stubble, but he was still breathtaking. Someone with this much beauty shouldn't be allowed to roam freely on this earth. They should be arrested.
Snapping herself out of her drool, she got up. She could watch him all day and never get tired, but she needed to clean up.
Returning to his desk, she picked up the mugs as well as his jacket. Throwing it over her arm, something fell out.
It was a card and a mini print. She reached for it, and she was surprised to see a cute baby boy with a charming smile. Her first reaction was a smile. He looked no older than a year. Midnight blue eyes and dark brown hair that— her smile weaned as her eye drifted to Sebastian — that looked just like the ones she was familiar with.
It was the mug that almost slipped that had her realizing her trembling hands.
She would have told herself she was overreacting, but that resemblance, maybe not uncanny, but it was there all the same.
Sebastian, his name came in a whisper.
Her hand trembled even more as she forcefully tore her eyes away from the photo to read the note:
Sebastian,
I know you said not to make contacts for the time being, but I'm writing to inform you, we've settled in perfectly.
The apartment you got us is beautiful, Josh loves it and I think he's excited about having his own room.
You don't have to visit us frequently as you promised. I'm sure we can manage alone for now. Josh and I miss you, and I hope when we meet again, we can both tell him who his father is.
Take care, Sebastian.
Rachel.
Angelica had no idea her breath was caught till she let out a shaky breath.
She had no idea how it felt to drown, but this must be how it felt. Her lungs were bare of air, her limbs were shaky, and there was a dead weight fighting to push her to the ground.
Clouds of tears built up in her eyes, as she stared at the note.
Sebastian... he had... a son?
She gasped heavily and her hand flew to cover mouth. It hurt. It felt like something sharp and large had been plunged into her chest and she couldn't breath.
Her eyes slowly darted to him where he peacefully laid, and she shuddered, her feet lightly staggering backward.
She needed something for support. She had to...
Was this why...
The right words eluded her, and a whirlwind of emotions were slamming her breathless.
The resemblance was there, glaringly! And as much as she wanted to deny it, she just couldn't.
How long had he been hiding this? Oh, now this explained a lot. His aloofness, his detachment.
Not wanting this crumbling feeling and desperately in need of something stronger, she shifted her sense of loss and betrayal, and focused on the pain lodged in her chest.
Fury burned in her eyes, and in a second she saw herself striding towards him like a bullet fired from a barrel, almost crashing the card and picture in her hand in anger.
She wanted an explanation to this! Needed one!
But the man she needed the explanation from was peacefully sprawled on the couch, breathing deeply with his face relaxed.
He must be in need of rest, but she wanted him to wake up and fight her. Fight her till there was nothing left in her.
She screamed his name, but no word made it out of her lips.
Stiffly she stood there watching him with teeth grounding as she was ready to rain hail and hell on him. While at the same time, she wanted to pull the blanket over him and ensured he slept comfortably.
Voiceless was what she had become. Her heart was aching, but she could do nothing. It was stupid what she had been reduced to.
The pain was raw and the tangy taste of it had her trembling in tears as she left the office as quietly as she came in, still shocked at the new revelation.
Sebastian would never do this to her. She was aware of the rule. He didn't want romance, and had married because the families wanted them to. But despite the rule, she thought they had respect. She thought there was a promise. Not of love, but commitment and respect.
So, what was this?
A part of her demanded blood for the betrayal, but another beckoned on her to trust Sebastian. He might not have loved her, but there was understanding and agreement. And just because of those, she chose to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt. There ought to be an explanation.
When shuffling sound caught her attention after three devastating hours, her heart began thudding rapidly in her chest. He was finally awake! She wanted nothing but to run over and ask him the questions that had been plaguing her mind, but she held back. Somewhere she was scared. She wondered if knowing was the right thing to do. Because if it was true, it would break her.
When he stepped out of the study, she felt the pain stab through her again when he completely ignored her and made his way upstairs. It took the tired look on his face to repress her bubbling anger as she watched him climb up.
The pain was becoming overpowering as she waited, but she kept her cool just like she had always done. Bottling up her feelings and looking past certain things. But right now, she didn't know if she could keep that facade for too long.
After what seemed like forever, Angelica turned towards the stairs at the sound of his footsteps. As expected, he was fully clad in his grey suit, his briefcase in hand.
"I'll be back late." He announced and headed for the door.
Was he leaving?! "I made breakfast," She said, her voice strained and burning with control.
"I'm late." He said as he started for the door, with not much of a glance at her.
"Who are Rachel and Josh?" She blurted out before she could stop herself. These past hours of perilous waiting she had wondered how best to ask, but right now, she realized there'd never be a better way.