Angelica laid still on the bed, her gaze fixed on the succulents arrayed on the sill. Adele loved nature. It was displayed in the assortment of different flowers all around her home, and it was sad she couldn't appreciate the beauty and tranquility that they brought.
Her mind felt blank, yet fully occupied. She was thinking of everything and nothing.
The sun was spilling through the windows, bathing the moth orchids which were about to bloom.
Angelica envied them. The serenity, simplicity.
If only her life was that simple. If only she didn't have to feel the pain and betrayal churning in her heart, or the flutters that make her stomach squeeze, or even the fear that made her heart pump.
How great would it be if she could just lay there, shut her eyes as tightly as she could. And when she opened them, she'd find out none of it was real. That the betrayal and all the events from yesterday were all a dream. A very bad dream.
She'd open her eyes to see Sebastian by her side, his hand in her hair, and with a smile she'd tell him they were having a baby.
He'd smile back, she was sure, because he'd be happy. He'd kiss her and then...and then...
There was nothing. From that point on was blank. Her imagination couldn't go beyond that, because what played out from there on were the picture of his son and the memory of the note she had found.
"Hey," Adele appeared in front of her, standing in her line of view and distracting her thoughts. "How are you feeling?" She asked.
Like the world was upside down, and she was standing with her head in it. "I just want to lay here." She answered.
"I take it you didn't well sleep last night?" Adele reached over and tucked some strands of hair behind her ear.
Angelica sighed. "I think I did." But she was sure she didn't. She had tried to, but morning came too quickly.
Adele gazed at her. The bags beneath her eyes were evidence she didn't sleep well. "Here. I brought you tea. I figured it would help you relax."
"I don't want anything."
"Yes, you do." Adele set down the cup on the side table, as she lowered herself to sit beside Angelica.
With a sigh, Angelica made room for her sit on the bed. "I don't think I'll be able to take anything. My stomach feel tight and a bit queasy."
"It should from all the stress from yesterday and the pregnancy. And you barely ate last night." She reached back for the cup on the table and stretched it out to her.
Angelica resentfully gazed at it. Slowly rising from the bed with a sigh, she reached for the cup. She took a sniff of it and hissed. "At least, it could have been coffee."
"Yeah, it could have." Adele fluffed a pillow behind her and she settled in perfectly. "But you know coffee is not good for the baby. Ginger is better, it'll stir up your appetite and help you relax."
Angelica took a tentative sip followed by a larger one.
Adele stared at her, and Angelica raised her gaze to find her watchful gaze on her. "What is it?" She asked.
"Have you thought about what you're going to do? I mean about Sebastian and the pregnancy."
"You mean if I'm going to tell him?"
"Yes, and also about his other child. What are you going to do?"
A pregnant pause stirred across the room as Angelica stared into her cup. Her mind had roamed through that question all night. She had thought about what she should do, but despite all the hours, she still couldn't come up with anything.
"I don't know." She answered. "I don't know if I should or shouldn't tell him. I don't—" her voice caught with emotion and Adele placed a comforting hand on her knee.
"You don't have to know or do anything now. Take your time and wrap your head around things." Adele suggested.
Another moment of silence elapsed.
"What do you think I should do?" Angelica softly asked, breaking the over extended silence.
"About the baby or your marriage?"
"Both."
Adele silently regarded her. There was fear, uncertainty and confusion layered in her eyes, and she knew what Angelica wanted was someone to help her make the decision.
"Angie, I can't make a decision for you, especially not this one. This is your child, marriage and the man you love. No one can make this decision, but you."
"But I don't—"
"Do you love him?" Adele asked, cutting in.
Angelica waited for a while before answering, "Yes." It wasn't hesitation, it was the thought of her answer being the same after everything. Even after what happened recently.
"But does he love you?" She asked. She observed as Angelica's lips quivered, and her eyes lowered to her cup. "Does he love you, Angelica?" She asked again, despite having the answer.
Angelica's eyes were quick to dampen as she slowly shook her head. "No," her voice carrying a bitter, broken note in it.
"And do you think he'll treat you differently when he finds out about your pregnancy?"
There was no need for pondering because Angelica could already feel the answer at the edge of her lips, and God, it was biting.
"I don't...I don't—" she didn't think he would.
Not once in the last two years had he ever treated her like he wanted her. He had been cold, unloving, and absent. And she was certain, not even the pregnancy would change that. "He wouldn't."
A bittersweet smile twitched the edge of Adele's lips as she squeezed tightly on Angelica's knee. "It's all up to you, Angie. But know that whatever decision you make, I'll support you."
Angelica was certain she'd get Adele's support on whatever decision she made, but after lying still for few more hours, she still didn't know what the decision was. Sitting on the sill, she watched the traffic of people making a rush of the lunch break.
She flinched when Adele placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're still sitting here." She said and took a seat on the sill. She looked down the window to the busied road. She returned her gaze to Angelica. "Still thinking?"
"I can't stop thinking." She said and signed.
"You have to at some point."
Angelica knew she had to, but for now, there was no stopping the wheel spinning in her mind.
"Did he...did he call?" She asked, looking at Adele.
Hearing the subtle echo of hope in her voice, Adele sighed. She shook her head. "No, he didn't, and here," she stretched out her phone. "You can have it back." She had consficated it so Angelica could rest from anxiously waiting for Sebastian's call because somehow she had known she'd want him to.
Having received the phone, Angelica looked down to the street, the rush and press of people. It was a mess, just like her life. But the difference between her and all those people was, as chaotic as it seemed down there, everyone was rushing towards something. Everyone except her.
They had clear goals, targets and deadlines. Everyone was moving and pressing. But she...she had always been waiting — waiting for the next instruction and command. Waiting for someone to love her and give her a purpose. That's what she had always done. Wait.
"I think I've made up my mind, Adele." She said, her eyes still locked on the haphazard flow of humans on the street.
With patience and care, Adele asked, "And what is it?"
Angelica looked up to her. "I want to move."
"Hmm?" Adele raised a confused brow. "Move how? Out of his house?"
"Out of this box, and out of this country. I want to have a goal, and I want to live. I want to live for myself and my..." she placed a hand on her stomach. "I want to live for my child, Adele. I think I've found a purpose. My purpose."