In memory, peaks do not age with the passing of time; instead, all peaks are polished to shine brighter in recollection. They exist in everyone's heart, enduring and rejuvenated through repeated reminiscences. Even as time and worldly matters remain relentless, even as purity is often replaced by worldliness, it is said: not empty, not existent; both empty and existent, not giving rise to characteristics, having no fixed abode. Though having no fixed abode, in that moment, it is eternal.
At the age of eighteen, I achieved the 14th Chopin International Piano Competition, becoming the youngest gold medalist in the history of the competition's inception. People called me a legend, and I grew accustomed to not caring about the opinions of others. Through the wash of time, I became a true pianist. Why would an authority concern themselves with outsiders, or even the evaluations of other authorities? I only remember that an elder brother once said I would always be the first. Like a prophecy, those words made me the true king of my domain, and a king of a realm only looks down on the people with a lofty gaze.
On my path to becoming a king, it was a lonely journey. In order to support my music education, my father went to work in Shenzhen when I was 11. My mother resigned from her job to accompany me, spending each day watching over my piano practice. My grandparents, aging and with limited mobility, were visited by my mother and me every weekend. As for my music school friends, Grape Sister went to university in Beijing, Rose pursued a professional path in soprano singing in Shanghai, and Zhang Xian immigrated to the United States with his parents. Only He Tiantian and Dai Yanzhi would occasionally visit me in the practice room. Dai Yanzhi, two years older than me and a descendant of Sichuan Conservatory of Music, struggled with academic subjects but persisted in learning the double bass (contrabass). Few people studied the double bass, but fortunately, he managed to enroll in the undergraduate program at the Sichuan Conservatory of Music.
He Tiantian studied the piano under Teacher Chen. Since winning first place in the China International Piano Competition, she occasionally bothered me to give her lessons. Each time, I would find excuses, asking Teacher Chen if she had time or suggesting He Tiantian ask Dai Yanzhi to listen to her instead. I knew He Tiantian had always liked me, but since that kiss under the banyan tree, she hadn't expressed her feelings explicitly. Sometimes, when I encountered her in the practice room, she would call me "Brother Ye Xi, Brother Ye Xi." It wasn't a coquettish tone; she knew I couldn't stand her calling me like that, so I would agree to help her with something. Even with just two weeks left before the Chopin competition, she continued in the same manner.
"Brother Ye Xi, Brother Ye Xi." He Tiantian walked out of the practice room, and we accidentally bumped into each other.
I was about to pretend I was going in the wrong direction when she quickly ran over and grabbed my arm.
"You look really handsome today. Is the tailcoat for the Chopin competition ready?" She peered at my face.
"Not again." I displayed impatience on my face.
"I'm about to take the art exam. Teacher Chen said I play very accurately but lack emotion. Isn't that your expertise? Please, accept this good disc from me." She covered half of her mouth with one hand and whispered in my ear, "Bootleg disc. Guess whose disc it is?"
"Whose?" I glanced at her sideways.
"Pogorelich." She smiled.
"Oh? You managed to find a recording of his performance? I'll teach you; you give me the disc," I said.
"No, that won't do. I'll lend it to you to listen. Otherwise, I'll tell Teacher Dan that you're listening to Pogorelich."
"What's wrong with listening to him? Just go ahead and tell her."
"Ah? I really will tell her." She shook my arm, growing a bit impatient. "His playing style is really unique. If Teacher Dan finds out you're listening to him, she'll definitely scold you."
"Alright, alright, stop talking about this. Can't I just let you listen to it?"
"I knew it. XiXi brother is the best. Hahaha."
"Don't, don't call me that. I'll get goosebumps."
"I know." He Tiantian twisted her face, pulling me towards her practice room.
I sat on the folding chair near the entrance, and she lifted the piano lid, then glanced at me.
"Which one should we start with?"
"Chopin's G-flat major Etude."
"Alright, let's go with the black keys then."
With a single touch of the keys, her fingers danced, and I felt a bit trance-like, as if there was a similar scene in my memory. Only, in that recollection, I was the person on the piano stool, and the one sitting on the folding chair— who was it? Was it my elder brother? I couldn't quite remember, and afterward, I never had the chance to mention this matter in correspondence with Yan Feng. The notebook he gave me, I carried it almost every day. I loved his handwriting, simple and sincere, like that of a child. The notebook was filled with sheet music, densely annotated with key points, and the pages had wrinkled. Thinking about it made me a bit sad. About three years ago, I lost it. It was during the summer. I put it in a nylon backpack. Around 9 o'clock at night, in the stifling heat, my mom, seeing me practice the piano for too long, allowed me to go swimming. I grabbed the nylon backpack, called Dai Yanzhi, and with him on the bike, we rushed to the outdoor swimming pool at Sichuan University. I couldn't wait when we arrived at the pool. I changed into my swim trunks in the locker room and casually tossed the nylon backpack into the shower room. Unfortunately, it landed directly under the shower, and the entire notebook swelled up, every stroke inside smudged and blurred, indistinguishable. That night, I had no intention of swimming. I just soaked in the pool for a while and then left. Dai Yanzhi complained that I was as impatient as a monkey.
Later on, I never received another letter from Yan Feng. I thought it might be because I happened to move after the notebook was ruined. I went to the old address, searched the mailbox for a long time, but found nothing. I blamed the loss of contact with Yan Feng on my own mistake and felt regret for a long time. The last letter, I've read it countless times, and I almost have it memorized:
Younger Brother, Xi,
Good morning. It should be evening on your side, right? Lately, I've been shuttling between Taipei and New York, almost adjusting to jet lag every week. But everything is worth it. I'm so happy, especially hearing that you won first place in the China International Piano Competition. I have to work even harder now. You are my sun, and we both have a long way to go on the musical journey. Just as you said, we're forever buddies, bringing the best music to billions of Earthlings who appreciate it. Especially you, soon to be a world-class pianist. I can't wait. Of course, during practice, be sure to take breaks. Don't repeat the mistake of skipping lunch and only eating two bananas; that's not enough calories.
I also have good news. Dragon Brother said he wants to officially sign me to the management company. The release of the first album is also on the schedule. I'll be busier soon, not sure if I'll have time to write to you. Kai has been helping me all along. He'll finish his graduate studies soon and should be coming to Taipei. Hopefully, we'll have a chance to meet up. Oh, and there's a surprise for you in my first album. You'll find out when it's released. I'll send you a copy.
During these visits to Taipei, I've noticed significant changes. Walking on Nanjing East Road to Grandfather's old house, it's surrounded by skyscrapers on all sides, and I can't even recognize my own home. The white herons, which Taipei has but the United States doesn't, have disappeared as well. Taipei is becoming more and more like New York. I often find myself troubled not just by jet lag but also by these two increasingly similar cities. I still get lost, but luckily, the management company has arranged a personal assistant for me, taking care of my daily life. However, it's getting more and more private, sometimes feeling suffocating without freedom. I advise you, in the future, have your management find someone close to you. Haha, it's always better that way, and having someone you trust to talk to.
I'll end my brotherly advice here. Hopefully, in the next few days, I'll have time to write to you. Wishing that we both can achieve our musical dreams! Send my regards to Teacher Dan and Li Li!
Brother, with respect,
Yan Feng
Thinking about this, I began to regret again, not paying attention to the fact that He Tiantian had already played the same piece three times.
"Hey, three times, how do you feel?" He Tiantian said to me.
"Hmm? It's okay, no problem."
"You're too perfunctory, aren't you?" She said with anger.
"Well... it's really okay." I felt a bit melancholic.
"Ah, forget it. You must be tired, and you still need to prepare for the competition. Take a break, and later you'll have to practice too." She turned her head away, looking at her hands. I guessed she thought I was fatigued from too much practice. Then, she handed me a bootleg disc, "Take it, it's been quite a while, and you've been a big help."
"Suddenly so polite, I think it's fine. You take your time to practice." I pretended to playfully accept her gift.
"Go rest, you'll have to practice again in the evening." She quickly withdrew her hand, gave her hair a slight toss, and said, "Oh, by the way, have you decided where you want to study?"
"Oh, I'll decide after this competition. I've been in touch with a teacher in Germany, in Hanover." I picked up the bootleg disc and looked at the packaging.
"So, you're going abroad."
"Yeah, I might continue my studies." I kept my head down, fiddling with the disc.
"Go for it, future concert pianist." I looked up at her face. It was slightly flushed, with tiny droplets of water condensing on her eyelashes. Her pupils were bright, as if trying to convey something. It had been a while since I took a good look at He Tiantian. She always wore similar black dresses, and her long hair and dress seemed to merge into one. A silk headband was pressed against her forehead, making it seem natural that she had nothing special about her. But today, I noticed her slightly parted lips, tinted with a faint and cool red, against her pale and somewhat lonely-looking skin. This scene accelerated my departure. I didn't want to see her upset, nor did I want to put myself in an awkward situation.
Fourteen days, practicing from early morning until late at night. Sometimes the tips of my fingers would heat up and ache, and the skin at the base of my fingers would crack. But these were minor compared to the task at hand – engraving the Humoresque, the Grande Polonaise Brillante, and the First Piano Concerto onto my hands. Teacher Dan accompanied me every day for six uninterrupted hours. Sometimes he would forget to have lunch or stand for the entire day. He even moved the sofa from his home to the practice room. Despite that, when things got intense, he always stood close to me, waving the rhythm beside me or correcting my touch on the keys. Once he stood up, he would forget to sit down. After 3 p.m., he would go to the adjacent practice room, keeping an eye on Li Li. Sometimes, I could hear him excitedly singing until 9 p.m. When Li Li and I simultaneously opened the doors of our practice rooms, sometimes we would exchange smiles. Teacher Dan would slowly emerge from her room, and our smiles froze. Perhaps his pressure was even greater than mine. Last year, he went to Beijing to meet with Teacher Zhou and Wang Zhuo, as if they had entrusted him with something important.
"Almost there, just a bit more, almost there," he would say like this every night. "No issues with the Polonaise, but you need to listen and practice more for the Concerto."
The day before I left, my dad returned from Shenzhen to Chengdu and brought me a Switch watch. Since he moved to Shenzhen, we gradually moved into an elevator apartment near the music school. My mom bought a large TV and a genuine leather corner sofa. As the house became much larger, my grandparents also moved in with us. The apartment had an interesting name, "Athena International," and because of this name, Dai Yanzhi started calling me "Athenian aristocrat." Later, under He Tiantian's encouragement, he started calling me "Young Master," and even Li Li started calling me that. At first, I resisted, although my vanity was satisfied, this conspicuous title made me unable to lift my head high, as if my ambitions were paraded through the streets. Later, Teacher Shan occasionally called me that during my lessons, and I accepted it, treating it as a joke. Now, I more calmly accept various forms of praise. I am only one step away from being a piano master — just one Chopin Gold Medal away.
Like the miraculous arrival of that day, akin to Yan Feng's prophecy, I achieved the first place. Not just the first place, on my eighteenth birthday, I won the gold medal at the Chopin International Piano Competition, a position vacant for the past fifteen years. As I soared with the brilliant climax of the E minor Piano Concerto, it was a realm beyond reach, a height untouched by anyone, a solitude with no one around. In the eyes of others, standing at the center of the stage, it seemed as if I were the newly crowned king, with an air of untouchable freshness. Even with a somewhat arrogant expression, there was still a pure naivety that was not unpleasant.
At half-past twelve in the midnight, I surpassed Li Li, surpassed the Japanese contestant Shizuka, surpassed the Italian contestant Alberto, or the Russian contestant Koblin. I surpassed all the other contestants. At the moment the competition results were announced, Koblin messed up my hair. Feeling a bit impatient, I was lifted by him, becoming the focus of the entire audience. I had to wave my left hand to signal to everyone, while he held me with both arms. I playfully ruffled his hair, and only then did he put me down. Li Li watched me excitedly, applauding, her eyes shimmering with a fleeting hint of unwillingness. I hugged her, and her gaze turned soft and content.
Following closely were countless flashes. Teacher Dan greeted me, offering smiles and advice. The media's eyes were fixed on me. A Chinese woman from New York stopped me, and I took the opportunity between interviews to walk aside with her.
"It's too perfect. You're Chopin reincarnated," she exclaimed, almost too excited to articulate her words.
"Thank you for your appreciation."
"I have a gift for you." She handed me a red box. "This is a lucky ring. Originally, he wanted me to give it to you before your competition, but he's been so busy with his schedule, and he hasn't had the time to choose a gift for you."
As she spoke, I felt a bit bewildered. I didn't know who she meant by "he," and I also resisted the idea of a seemingly inexplicable ring. I opened the box, finding a small card inside with familiar childlike handwriting—it was from Yan Feng. Wrapped within the box was an exquisite plain gold ring. I quickly put it on, trying it on my index finger, ring finger, and pinky, but only the middle finger could accommodate it. Nevertheless, I didn't care about that; the fact that it fit was enough.
"Is this a gift from Yan Feng? May I ask who you are?" "Yes, I'm Bai Jingrui. I grew up with Yan Feng. He just sent an email to congratulate you on winning, and this gift was prepared a few days ago. He said you would definitely win the gold medal, so he chose a gold ring for you." She smiled gracefully, and her pearl earrings complemented her demeanor.
"Thank you. I haven't been in touch with him for a long time. How has he been these past few years?" "He's been too busy, with so many things happening in his career and many social engagements. That's probably why he hasn't been in contact with you. But things are better now with Kai helping him. He also has an email; I'll leave it for you."
"Thank you! I'm really grateful!"
She wrote down Yan Feng's email on my hand, but before she could finish, she suddenly said, "Oh, you have to give me your autograph in exchange." She smiled radiantly, still exuding composure and beauty.
"Haha, sure." I took the pen from her and wrote my name on the notebook she had opened.
She took the pen, continuing to write Yan Feng's email on my hand. Suddenly, I was afraid that the ink might smudge, so I pulled my white dress shirt out of the cuff and said to her, "Write it on my shirt cuff."
"Oh, haha, okay."
She wrote slowly on my shirt cuff, and my hand with the golden ring sparkled a bit in the flicker of her pen strokes. This was the best gift for the Chopin competition, a present from my older brother. Like the honor I achieved, it was golden, made of gold. In the river of time, it wouldn't oxidize or rust; it would forever shine brightly. Just like me, frozen at the pinnacle of eighteen, both he and I stood on this summit, gazing at each other from a distant and resolute height, waiting for the undulations of the next mountain range. We wouldn't descend; we silently anticipated the rise of the next peak, crawling forward slowly. His gaze, much like this lucky ring, followed my every move, observing me, blinking with strength and sagacity.