The facts aren't as convoluted as the panoply of implications they bring about with them. One can say their rules are primitive in two different ways; as in basic but outdatedly cruel. Again, I cannot say I had the perfect childhood but the sheer idea of having neither choice nor say in the way I'd like to live my own life terrifies me to no end. That's no life; not one I'd have been strong enough to endure anyway.
I know that in some parts of the world, people still live this way; strictly and with very little leeway or freedom.
Now, I don't know if he is the exception or if he represents the majority, but from the time I've gotten to spend with Nathanael, I've gathered that most supernatural creatures are just that… People.
I don't have the heart to tell him that the only women who will agree to marry him in such a short period of time after meeting, would probably be either desperate or gold diggers. Although I am sure this wouldn't be news to him.
"Would you like to see the garden?" Nathanael smiles feebly as he waits for my answer.
I simply nod in response.
"Well, in that case, you'll need this," he wraps his blazer jacket around my shoulders like he'd done so a few days prior. We both stand up and head straight for the glass door in front of us. I allow my fingers the time to enjoy the golden embossing of the design that decorates his wear, before the cold of the night comes to bite my senses.
I take his arm and we follow the paved path leading towards a set of stone-fashioned stairs; I admire the perfect symmetry of the railings that end with wolf shaped gargoyles on each side as we descend.
Our steps are guided by a lane that's encased within flawlessly cut grass around its borders. The deeper in we walk, the stronger the many fragrances around us become. My senses are captured by a bewitching jasmine-like scent that dominates the surroundings.
We finally stop before a fairly large fountain of which the edges are sculpted to depict brutish, beast-like creatures, beautiful in their grotesqueness. At its center, water flows uninterrupted from the joined palms of a maiden's figure.
"It's really beautiful out here," I state as I breathe more of the fresh air into my lungs.
"It most certainly is," he seems more at ease here and now. The garden is very well lit, I can see his radiant smile on his features again.
"You really like this place, don't you?" I ask.
"It's the only place in Grimesbrook I feel I can spend an eternity in without ever getting sick of it," he admits.
"Understandable. It's amazing, but I still couldn't spend an eternity here without ever leaving,"
He chuckles, "Understandable,"
"I don't want to ruin the mood, but I'd like to get back to our conversation, if it's ok with you,"
my smile dims down as I make that request. It dims even further down upon seeing his expression.
"Sure, I suppose we have to,"
"You said that if you can't find a partner in time, you'll have to marry Accalia by the end of April,"
"Well, my hopes aren't necessarily that high up. I just… There are many things I dislike about the life I lead, many of which I came to accept, but no matter how hard I try, I can't see Accalia as a romantic partner, let alone imagine the two of us together in… Certain intimate scenarios,"
That's perfectly valid and solid ground to stand on, but I still have a few pieces that don't fit neatly where they should, "Is that why you agreed to our date? I am asking because for one, I am human and while I still don't understand your rules and laws completely, it seems like building a relationship with a human would take you longer and much more effort anyways. I mean, you literally told me you don't know of any shifter that's in a relationship with a human,"
He inhales and moves away from the fountain. I follow behind him only to be led towards chest high rose hedges.
"Partially,"
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I think I've mentioned this before. When we were in the cabin, you asked why I'd agreed to the date and I remember saying that Isabelle was really persuasive," he pauses for an instant to look at me with an air of uncertainty, "I wasn't joking. I really felt like I couldn't say no to her, and after I'd already said yes, I felt like I couldn't take it back,"
"You could've ghosted," I note his expression and immediately add, "I'm just saying,"
"That's not in my vocabulary. It wouldn't have been right. Besides, I couldn't have, even if I wanted to. It felt that way, at least,"
While I do believe he felt he didn't have a choice, I do not think it was Izzy's doing in any capacity. I believe he subconsciously convinced himself he didn't. I would have too if I had an invisible countdown racing towards an unpleasant ending in my mind, "Izzy definitely has power over me, but for you… That's why I asked if you agreed to it for that reason,"
"I think I might have to agree with that,"
We walk between the labyrinth that the hedges have created. The beautiful perfume of jasmine gradually fades away as the entrancing fragrance of winter roses claims the territory.
"Do you even want this?" I ask before clarifying, " Being the… Perfect alpha, I mean,"
"It's the goal, yes, but it's not what I want," he says simply.
"Is it… Your mother's goal?"
We stop at what I believe to be the center of the labyrinth. One that's occupied by yet another maiden sculpture. I like the work of art, but I don't particularly love the expression on her face. She seems… Sad.
"She was born into this as well. She didn't really have any choice either, you know?"
"Well, I met her. While I don't know what to think of her yet, she doesn't strike me as a bad person. I know she loves you though,"
Parents often confuse what they believe is right with the right thing to do. I've seen this countless times before. As I said, I am not sure what to think of her yet. She may just be doing her best to protect her children. She has walked in their shoes before their time came.
"She's quite ruthless,"
"You love her too," I drag my words as I pull a smile on my face.
"I don't think I do. As a matter of fact," he remains firm on his statement.
"I love my father to death, but I dislike almost everything about him. I know he loves me, but I also know he sucks at fatherhood, yet somehow he still did better than my mother," halfway through my sentence I realize I am making this about myself . So, I stop before going any further in that direction, "Are you doing this for her? Your mother, I mean. Because if yes, then you are making a sacrifice that won't make much of a change, you'll just be feeding a vicious cycle. Your children might do it after you and then their children might do it as well after them, and so on and so forth," I pause, apprehensive. I am not sure how he'll take what I am about to say, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but if that's the only reason you're going along with it, then I think… You should walk away,"
"I wish it were that simple. Unfortunately, I have my own reasons to make this my goal. Reasons I am not ready to talk about quite yet,"
Thought so, "Fair enough. I won't press," my mind flashes back to Accalia and him dancing together in the hall, and with that memory, come new questions, "How does Accalia feel about it?" he gives me a cryptic look. So, I elaborate, "Do you know if she wants more than a friendship with you or if she shares the same stance with you?"
"She does agree with me on this; that's as far as I know,"
"Saying that she agrees is one thing but knowing she actually agrees is another. What is she like when you talk about it? How does she react to it? How does she feel around you? Do you know if she just loves you or if she actually… Wants you in… Other ways?" I think I am being explicit enough.
"I can't really be sure about that. I can't read minds,"
"What do you mean? You're a werewolf! You said you can sense or smell people's feelings, did you not?"
"Wolf shifter," he corrects me.
"Yes, that. What about the answer?"
"It's more complicated than that. Wolf shifters have long since learned to conceal their emotions. I've gotten good at reading the room, but I am not perfect at it either. Especially with my kind,"
"That's just… Very convenient," I sulk, "Well, I am a woman, and I only speak for myself, but I am not going to lie to you; the prospect of marrying someone that I've only known for three months is… No, just no,"
"I did not really expect otherwise. Don't worry…," he reassures me.
I am not the loudest person, and I do not feel the need to share every opinion I have with the world, but I've never been shy either, "But if I am asked about you. If I had to talk about you and how I feel… I would be honest, and say that I've only known you for a week. I don't know much about you yet. You don't know much about me," I turn to face him and take a step closer to him, "I… I like you Nathanael. I like spending time with you. I like talking to you. I am physically attracted to you," my smile grows brighter, "Granted, I do wish you were a bit shorter, especially now, considering what I want to do," I take another step closer to him.
"What is it you want to do?" he stares deeply into my eyes… And steps even closer to me. I feel his warm breath on me.
I think he has a pretty good idea of what I want to do right now.
At this point, while gazing up at him, I am practically whispering my words, "Well, despite how unlikely it is for us to have a future together, and if you say there's nothing between you and Accalia, then, I feel no remorse in doing… this,"
I push my weight onto the tip of my toes to propel myself upwards. I calmly and softly bring one arm around his shoulders and lay my second hand on the back of his neck, prompting him to lean in closer to my face. He puts his arms around my waist and lifts me towards him.
When our lips finally connect, I feel the world around me melt away. Along with every other concern, every other hurdle… Gone with the cold wind of a winter night.
I feel lighter than a feather and higher than a kite. My body is entirely overtaken by a foreign tingling sensation that covers me from head to toe. I can hear my own heartbeat in my ear, I can feel my own blood rush and race through my veins.
His lips are neither too soft nor are they too harsh on mine, they are just as his embrace… Simply perfect.
I allow his tongue to play with mine. Sweet and cool, like peppermint the taste of his mouth is. He tightens his hold around me and I can feel his body pressing further against mine.
I am unsure as to where this action of mine might lead me, but for the time being. I don't want it to end.