"The fuck is this place?"
Nicholas pointed at the wet dirt road under him.
"The fuck is that?"
He pointed at the giant flaming cock ring in the sky.
"The fuck is there?"
He pointed around at the grassy plains stretching out as far as the eye could see.
"The fuck am I breath-"
"It's just land! What the hell is wrong with you?!" Gudako finally got fed up of his shit, veins popping out on her forehead, "It's like you've never been outside! Stop swearing! Martha! I thought you were supposed to scold him about this!"
The Saint in question looked at Nicholas before looking at Gudako and then looking at Nicholas and back at Gudako, "...Meh." She shrugged her hands in surrender, "It's good to let him get it out of his system."
"N-No... He's right... something's wrong here..." The Altered Saber in their party managed to stutter out, trembling as she held onto her Master's shoulder while her other hand reached for the bag of chips in his backpack... Her progeny seemed to be incapable of doing even that, hugging her knees looking all lost.
"... W-Wait, is something actually affecting all of them, Mash?" Effectively gaslighting herself, Gudako turned to her contracted servant with a surprised expression.
They'd arrived in the first officially designated Singularity identified moments ago, geared up and ready to head into a land caught up in a century long war but instead, their strongest combatants started acting all weird for some reason.
...Gudako wanted to smack them all across the face right about now... not to mention her boss tried to have her sit this one out... What the hell would have happened if she wasn't here?
They had to scout an unknown region, identify unknown enemies and even locate accommodations and means of sustenance... and that was just the basics...
She didn't want to find out.
"Erm... not that I know of..." The innocent Mashmallow shook her head slowly, walking over to Nicholas and patting his back, "Can you tell me what you're feeling, senpai?"
Martha looked all them over with narrowed eyes and seemed to have an epiphany before she pursed her lips in amusement, "... It's France so Master is being a 'dick' again and probably doing a bit." She pointed at the casually dressed Artoria, "That one is acting along to get her hands on his snacks..."
Lastly, she pointed at the Knight of Betrayal decked out in full armour like Mash except the latter's covered much, much less.
"I can't figure out what's wrong with Mordred though."
"...She just realised that there's no vending machines around in." Nicholas came out of his stupour with a flat look and looked around for a bit, "...In mediaeval fucking France... Do we really have to save these guys?"
Gudako could only deadpan at her fellow Master's behaviour.
"S-Senpai, they're people too..." She didn't want to ask why even Mash seemed to hesitate at the notion.
"And they're British, so it checks out why they would flip 'em the bird." Nicholas gestured to his Saber servants, "Me personally, some motherfucker roofied me in France, well, tried to. He just forgot to account for high Nicholas... even I'm scared of that guy... no wait, I ain't scared of nobody."
"So we let France burn!"
"Er, well and all, but the deviation puts the whole of humanity in danger so..."
"We liberate France for the latinos! Yeah!" Nicholas sauntered off into a random direction, completely ignoring the prepared plan which was his actual plan all along because he was a genius the likes of which the world had never seen.
Just replace the genius with retard.
"Yeah!" Martha joined in the pale haired teenager's cheer, drawing the attention of the whole Chaldean response team, "W-What? I... I'm just trying to support him."
"Do you even know what he means when he says latinos?" Gudako asked flatly.
The Saint nervously fidgeted around with her fingers under the judging gazes of her comrades, "Umm... a people in need?"
"No, with this scum's track record, he's talking about their wo..."
Their conversation was promptly tuned out by most of the others.
Mordred forgot her depression instantly when she spotted Nicholas doing something interesting, which was to be expected considering her staggering capability to focus on one thing for extended periods of time, "Master, whatchu up to?"
"Oh nothing, I was wondering... if I can punch real hard, can I jump or kick real hard too?"
The rest of the Chaldeans would soon come to regret leaving the two along with their thoughts.
"Guess we won't know till ya actually try so, dew it."
Nicholas nodded at the wise advice, jumping up and down a bit before deciding to put more strength in his movement... only to slip on a stray rock at the last possible second and shoot backwards like a comet... He even left behind a proper trail of destruction like any self respecting collateral damage enthusiast.
"Woah... damn cool!" Mordred shielded her eyes from the Sun, staring off into the distance, "I can't see him anymore though... Oh well, doesn't really matter."
If she knew him like she thought she did, it wouldn't be long before he turned up himself.
"OF COURSE IT MATTERS!"
"Ah what the fuck?!" Mordred jolted and stumbled from the abrupt scream by their angry boss over comms, "Calm your tits lady! What the fuck's wrong with you?!"
Thankfully for the other confused Chaldeans, Mash was more than willing to shed further light on the reasoning behind Olga's outburst, "The last time we... misplaced Nicholas-senpai, he... um..."
"He what? Did he get into a fight?" Artoria perked up, showing them her bag of chips, "I was distracted by these and no one has any right to scold me for it! Allegiances be damned!" The Saber tilted her head in possibly self-inflicted confusion, "Wait no, what happened to Master?"
"He started a riot... which led to an uprising... attacked the authorities and um, somehow forced the government to redesign the whole police system..."
"The second London Riots was Nicholas?!"
"Pft-" Martha tried to cover her laughter with both her hands, tears in her eyes.
Mordred raised her hand, head slightly tilted, "If he did that shit in an age where people are afraid of knocking each other's teeth out... The fuck's gonna happen if he's released on a bunch of barbarians and oppressed folk funding a war for rich pigs with their own blood?"
"I-I mean... what's the worst that could happen?" Gudako forced a smile even as tears formed in her eyes... S-She just had to be optimistic.
She had no other choice!
Martha seemed to finally connect the dots and realise the actual meaning of her implications, "We need to find him quickly..."
Of course, 'seemed to' didn't mean she actually 'got it'.
"I don't know what he's gonna do with Jeanne D'Arc! She's just a village girl too! I have to stop him!"
"WHY DOES THAT PART CONCERN YOU?!"
"What else is there?!" The Saint shouted back with equal, if not more, vigour.
"Oh I don't know... THE END OF THE WORLD?!"
"I don't get why you're so worried. Master is an adult, perfectly capable of rational thought." Artoria shrugged, returning to her snacks, "Besi-"
"He's got all the snacks, m-mother."
The Altered Saber grabbed her daughter by the back of her neck and rushed off after her Master in a cloud of dust and smoke.
"Senpai...They're running in the opposite direction… he left a trail."
"... Just let it be, Mash... we'll solve this by ourselves." Gudako put her hand on her kouhai's shoulder with crystal clear eyes, a tear rolling down her cheek, "We can do it."
It was almost as if she had become a sage.
"Eh? Eh?! Senpai?! What happened?!"
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Hope you enjoyed the chapter...
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