"You've struck down Fafnir... How?! I'll bur-..."
Boom.
Nicholas kicked hard at the Dragon's... Fafnir's head, like he'd kicked his cousin as a kid, lopping the humongous beast through the air until it went crashing into a distant cliff, ripping apart the Earth with it's weight and size as it howled in pain, scattering man and beast alike with sheer presence.
A mighty hero was clashing with the evil dragon that brought death and destruction and gave way to a tyrant that burned fields and cities, causing ruin indiscriminate.
So the people thought.
The actual story went a bit differently.
"Is this what people are like in the future?" Marie Antoinette looked on from a distance in admiration, cheering on Nicholas, "You can do it, Nick! I believe in you!"
Mozart observed the 'clash' with crossed arms, visibly confused and unable to understand just what was happening, "I think our peculiar friend might be a bit of an outlier even in his time... Not that that is necessarily bad."
"We're all the same then." Marie took his words optimistically, smiling ever brighter even as a sea of searing flames spilled forth from Fafnir's open maw, blood seeping from cracks on a body that was supposed to be invulnerable for all intents and purposes.
The fire moved across the land, burning the very Earth and transforming it into a fiery hellscape where all those that were left alive knew only suffering.
"Bitch, even Martha's pet dragon hits harder than yo grumpy ass."
Nicholas reeled back his fist and punched at the flames, parting the scorching sea like a certain someone... except that he just fucking punched the thing instead of using a password and a cane.
Fafnir used the momentary distraction to cover the insane distance between them at impossible speeds, biting down at the puny human with the supremely destructive force of a true dragon of legend, using it's front legs to add to it's momentum...
Only problem was... said human's name was Nicholas Martel.
He turned to the side instantly, punching a gaping hole through the creature's jaw and forcing it to open it's mouth further. He used the time he'd bought himself to turn to the other side and throw a devious punch right towards it's brain, this time blowing a gaping hole through the invulnerable dragon's head.
As a last ditch effort in what the beast recognised to be it's final moments, it gathered up all the magical energy it could and let it out as a point blank blast capable of levelling all in it's path onto a man literally standing in it's mouth.
The ground quaked and the wind howled as a blinding flash exploded outwards, carving a crater the size of multiple football fields into the Earth with sheer force...
"Huh... What made you think I wouldn't punch an explosion, dumbass?"
The smoke and dust cleared away to reveal an unbothered Nicholas standing at the centre of the crater with an outstretched fist, the same one that vanquished an evil dragon, "Martha ain't that big of a deal I guess."
The pale haired teenager smiled a bit, "That felt awesome! Man, I haven't gotten a good punch in a while."
"W-What? ...H-How is this possible?"
He turned towards the ash-haired goth lady that was riding the dragon until he punted the thing out the damn sky, "Ya pet was weak boss lady... Also, what the fuck is with literally every single heroic spirit I see in these singularities being a smoking hot goth chick? Like what? And why y'all gotta be so thicc? Is God tempting me or sum?"
The woman jerked as soon as the word 'God' left his mouth and glared at him with pale golden eyes, "Don't you dare fucking mention him! I'll rip your throat out!"
"Damn bitch, chill, didn't know atheists was a thing back in no toilet era." Nicholas crossed his arms, staring at her with amused eyes.
"Fuck you!"
Nicholas reeled a bit, more amused than annoyed with her swearing, "Sheesh... God damn."
It kinda reminded of those kids that swear but are so fucking cute you can't help but laugh.
"God... God... God... you keep saying that!" She shouted at him, more hateful than he'd ever seen in his life, "Did he send you? Is that it?! I see it now!" This time she turned to the sky angrily, falling to her knees, "Why can't you stop messing with me you bastard?!"
She punched the ground in frustration, cracking it under her raw strength, "I am the Dragon Witch, Jeanne D'Arc and I'll fucking destroy everything! Mark my words!"
Why was it so hot when goth chicks threw tantrums?
Nicholas whistled out loud, covering his mouth with a hand, "Hot damn lady, wanna get married?"
His words threw the spiteful destroyer for a loop.
"W-What?" 'Jeanne' paused, staring at him in surprise, "Didn't God send you here to stop me?"
"What? ... Man Big G and me already beefing over Bill, you think I'd do something for him?"
What he failed to notice was that Jeanne didn't get fuck all about the words that had left his mouth, instead focusing on his earlier words.
"Y-You'd betray God for a witch that wants to destroy everything?" She stared up at him with big eyes, her expression a mix of uncertainty and confusion as well as something else.
"Uh... sure? If the witch is a hot goth chick like you...?"
Nicholas had managed to engineer a situation where neither understood the other, at all, but thought they did.
"B-But I'll destroy France, it deserves it."
"Preach sister. A motherfucker roofied me here, nuke it for all I care."
Truly, this was one of those moments where friends talked about how a certain country should just be nuked out of existence jokingly, disregarding what such a thing would actually mean and entail... At least that's how Nicholas seemed to be perceiving it.
"Why aren't you stopping me?!"
Damn, he just made the villain question her own goals.
"Lady, if somebody burned my ass to death... I wouldn't be kind enough to insta-kill they ass like you. You in the right here. Fuck society, go anarchy!" Nicholas fucked around without care for consequences, like he did most of the time.
"Y-Yeah... they deserve it... and God abandoned me so screw him too! T-They're scum!"
"But sis, would it actually be worth it? Who the fuck has time to hunt down and kill everyone... Didn't you already burn that corrupt pope or whatever to death already? You think your precious time should be wasted on scum? I mean I wouldn't do it."
One would almost think this motherfucker was doing it on purpose... except he'd punched her on the head like twenty or so times when she shouted at him for punting Fafnir... Well, she was a heroic spirit so it'd be fine... maybe?
"I-I guess... you might be right?" Jeanne spoke confusedly, staring at the ground and reconsidering her actions.
"Yeah, we should spend that time on some fun shit instead, like gaming or skydiving, or boxing or skiing or shit... I mean if we're still talking about getting married." Nicholas shrugged his hands with a small smile, enjoying the 'hypothetical bro conversation'.
"Y...Yeah." The Dragon Witch flushed, averting her gaze embarrassedly.
"Well then, guess I'll go clean up all the other shit and we'll see about that."
"...I-I'll help you... It'd be my j-job."
Mozart watched the exchange with pursed lips, muffling a jumping Marie with his robe and holding her back to keep her from interrupting whatever the fuck was going on, "... I don't think he realises what's happening here... My God..." The Musician facepalmed, sighing at the same time, "Just what is wrong with that man? But... keep going young man, I don't get but it's awesome anyway!"
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Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
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You can find up to 9 chapters ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap