Sunday. May 27th. 2012.
Two years couldn't have passed by quick enough. I was finally graduating with only a month left of school. I no longer had to endure the bullying and silence from my classmates. The constant fighting and defending myself has got me exhausted. They knew I was gay by the time I returned to school that first suspension. The weight of my sexuality couldn't be held by my teammates, so they booted me off with silent hazing and mistreatment until I quit. I spent my junior and senior year drifting through classes and attempting to keep my grades good. However, I would be lying if I said none of it weighed on me.
I wasn't interested in playing another sport. Football was my life; I enjoyed the thrill and excitement of running around a field and chasing a ball. Getting booted off the team crushed me for a while. Thankfully, I had Kendryck, my cousin, and Basil to keep me going. Especially Basil, he'd buy me makeup, clothes, and jewelry with the money he made from working at Auto Zone. He primarily shopped at Macy's or Forever 21 and bought me flats since heels were hard to find in my size. The only cheap clothes he'd buy were to be specifically ripped off during sex.
It's mid-afternoon on the weekend and Basil invited me over again. On my eighteenth birthday, Dad gave me my mom's old PT Cruiser. It's purple and the engine was questionable, but I was glad I could go anywhere I wanted. I didn't want to go to Basil's because I wasn't feeling well all week. Stress from finals and the changes of life had me constipated, so I wasn't in the mood for anal sex. I went over there anyway because I wanted to be with him. He was my boyfriend, not just a sex partner.
At least I thought.
I sprinted to his porch because it was raining. He let me in, and we went to his bedroom. Basil started touching me immediately, but I push him away. "Sorry, I'm not in the mood for that." I lower my eyes. "Can we just hang out?"
"What's wrong? You love sex." He frowns.
"When I feel good. I feel like shit right now. I'm not in the mood for that, but I still want to hang out with you."
"I want to do more than hangout. Sex is our thing."
"Is it our only thing?" I lower my head.
"No. You're my boyfriend."
The corner of my lip raises. "Feels like you only want me for sex."
"You're fun to fuck." Basil shrugs. "Come on, really quick."
"No." I scoff. "If you're going to be like this, I will leave."
"Are you serious? You came over here and you're just gonna go?"
"If you keep being a dick, yes." I stare at him.
"Maybe if you stop being a fucking prude, we wouldn't be arguing and would be having a good time instead."
My jaw drops. "I'm not a fucking prude! I'm sick! Doesn't that mean anything?"
"I think you're playing hard to get."
"Why would I do that? You'll fuck me any way I play it."
Basil comes closer to me. "If you're gonna play hard, I'll play hard too."
I furrow my brows. "What do you mean?"
"I'm stronger than you, Vehren." He whispers dramatically, "You'll lose."
"Fuck you. I'll kick your ass."
"Oh, I'm so scared." Basil touches my crotch. I shove him off hard. He stares at me, eyes blackening. His force is hard than mine, he pushes me onto the bed and climbs on top. Basil pins my legs with his own, holding my wrist down. I try to wiggle away, but… "I told you."
"Get off!"
"Are you going to stop being so difficult?"
"Fuck you, Bas—" I'm interrupted by a kiss. When he backs away, I spit in his face. Basil wipes the spit, pulls his arm back, and punches me in the gut. Another one to the jaw. He forces me around, ignoring my pleas for him to stop. He yanks my pans down and jacks off over me. "Stop! Please!"
"Fuck you, Vehren! Fucking stupid whore." He pushes his way inside. Basil doesn't stop, not even when I start crying. At one point, I stopped fighting. I laid there, motionless under his thrusts. By the end, when Basil pulled up his pants, he finally spoke again, "I told you that you wanted it." I'm able to sit up and slide my pants on. I grit my teeth and grab my things. "Where are you going?" I don't say anything, continuing out of the house. He follows me but doesn't say anything else.
He watches me from the porch as I skid out of the driveway and down the street. I drove fast, hurrying out of there as quick as I can. Tears fall down my cheeks, I cough hard sobs and wipe them away. When I got home, I finally took a shit. It was painful, I found myself staring at the wall and getting Deja vu. Only this time, when I relieved the memories, I only cried more. I blocked Basil on everything, never wanting to contact him again. In return, Basil never tried to contact me. I never told anyone what Basil did to me, as no one knew we were in a relationship. And they'll never find out.
I graduated with a 3.0 in grade point average. I felt accomplished knowing I could go to any college I wanted without much of a problem. Walking across the stage made me smile, not at my peers, but my future. Everything was open for me; I could do anything with my desires.
The problem was, I lost them all. Once Basil and I broke up, I stopped cross-dressing too. I threw away all the clothes Basil bought me. The jewelry, make up, and shoes, everything that had to do with Basil was gone. I also deleted my page, throwing away ten thousand followers with it. With no interest in football and school being over, I was left questioning: What do I do with my life?
I got a job at a sports restaurant called 'Touchdown Wings' as a server. The first few weeks were rough, but once I got the hang of it, I was set for a career. I figured, if I had a stable job, maybe I didn't have to go to college right away. This was a proposal to my dad that nearly shook him to his core. Most of my family are either college graduates or police officers, so the idea of me not going to college wasn't going to fly.
Against Dad's wishes, I never did apply for college seriously. I instead took on many shift at Touchdown, often pulling doubles to avoid having that conversation with Dad. I made good money and was okay at saving, which helped my case of getting my own apartment. In the meantime, I was smoking weed in the basement of my parent's house.
Thursday. August 9th.
One evening in August, I was smoking a joint next to Lucci in the basement. I pet her black fur, she's so small she can fit in a large purse. Suddenly, the door opened upstairs. In reaction, I toss the joint into a nearby pop can. Dad shows up at the bottom of the steps. I wasn't expecting him home so early, he's usually in his office or at court.
"What are you doing?" His brows furrow into his slim nose.
"Hanging out with my dog?" I continue to pet Lucci.
"You're smoking weed."
"I'm not."
He chuckles without a smile. "You think I'm stupid, boy? Do you think I don't know what weed smells like?"
"How do you know what it smells like, Dad?" I tilt my head.
He blinks. "Are you serious?"
"Not really." I chuckle. The heat is in my cheeks, flowing through my body. I was high, and there was no hiding it.
"You're high." He sniffs the air, coming closer to me. "Where is it?"
"I don't have any weed, Dad." I rose my hands. Dad ignores me, digging through the drawers of my computer desk. He goes pass the curtains, prompting me to get up. "Dad, you're invading my space."
"You brought illegal drugs into my house." Dad opened the top drawer, moving aside my shirts. I get a pain in my stomach. "I can't believe you, Vehren. First suspensions, now drugs." He goes through the second drawer. "I was so proud of you when you graduated with honors. But you don't even know what college you're going to."
"Dad…" I stare at the third drawer that he pulls out. "Stop."
"I'm very disappointed in you. You're really pushing it, Veh—" He stops talking. My shoulders slouch and I fold my arms. Dad is hesitant to even touch the thing, but he knows exactly what it is. A dildo, flesh-like with dark skin and balls. Eight inches, it wasn't small at all. My first one, I bought it as soon as I turned eighteen. He's in shock, unable to form any words.
"Dad, this is why I said you're invading my privacy."
Dad eventually looks back and slowly closes the drawer. He stands straight, going up to me. I'm close to his height, but not there yet. There's a slight bulk to my body, but I'm way slenderer than my alpha father. Dad lifts his chin and looks straight into his matching eyes. "Get out."
"What?" I exhale a chuckle, but I wasn't laughing. "Seriously?"
"I'll give you a week." He shakes his head. "I won't tolerate this."
"What, me being gay? You can't tolerate that, Dad?"
"I can't tolerate disobedience. It reeks of weed in here, Vehren! I don't know where it is, but you have marijuana on you. If a cop came in here, you could go to jail. Do you understand that? Not only that… I don't need you influencing your brothers."
I squint my eyes. "Forget the weed, that's not what you mean. You can't influence a sexuality. Being gay is who I am."
"It's not who you are and it's hindering you from becoming the man you should be."
"What man is that? Playing football and joining a frat like you did? I'm not an alpha, Dad. I'm not you. Those guys will eat me alive if I even try to join their league. I already tried that in high school, I'm not going for it in college. They'll clock me the moment I step into the room. And you wanna know what I'm going to say?" I step closer. "I am gay."
Dad plays with his jaw and sighs. "You have a week."
"Make it now." I went to my closet and drag my suitcase out. I plop it on the bed, start packing my clothes. Dad stood there the entire time, until the end when I yank the third drawer. I pull out the dildo, toss it into the suitcase, and stare at my dad. At that moment, he left.
I stuff my luggage in the PT Cruiser with Lucci on a leash. I drove down the street to Kendryck's house, parking behind his Malibu in the driveway. After a few hard knocks, Charlie opens the door. "Vehren?" She sees Lucci in my arms and smiles. "What's up? I didn't know you were coming over."
"I hope you don't mind, Charlie."
"No, you can join us for dinner."
"I'm just going to talk with Kendryck first, if that's okay?"
"Sure. Come in." She shouts for Kendryck and goes down the little hall towards the kitchen.
Kendryck comes down the stairs in his pjs. "What's up, Vehren?" I don't say anything, just going pass him up the stairs to his room. I drop Lucci on the ground and flop on his bed. He closes the door and watches Lucci sniff around. "Everything okay?"
"My dad just kicked me out." I inhale deeply. "He kicked me out because I'm fucking gay."
"What?" Kendryck frowns. "He's not serious."
"He flipped because he found my dildo." I chuckle lightly without a smile.
"I'm sorry, man. That's awful."
I stare at Lucci as she hops on the bed. She nestles next to me, and I hold her. "Can I stay here for a while?"
Kendryck shrugs. "If it's okay with my parents." He sits next to me. "You'll need to explain what happened."
"Do they know I'm gay?"
"I never told them, but you can."
I nod, looking at the floor. "I'll tell them."
"Let's go." Kendryck gets up and I follow him downstairs to the dining room. His family is already sitting at the table. Charlie sat next to her husband, Killian, and across from her daughter, Felicity. Together, they ate steak, mash potatoes, and green beans. Two seats across from each other are empty. Killian sits at the head table across from the archway where Kendryck and I enter.
Charlie notices us first, putting her glass of wine down. She asks sweetly, "Ready to eat, Vehren?"
I look at Kendryck, who nods, and back to her. "Yeah, I am."
"I'll go get your plates." Charlie gets up and heads into the kitchen. I gently sit next to her seat as Kendryck plops across from me.
Killian swallows his food to ask, "Going to school, Vehren?"
"Not right now. I have a good gig at Touchdown. I think I'm going to focus on that before I go to school."
"Okay. At least you have a job. It's better than sitting at the house doing nothing. Plan on getting your own place?"
"I would like to." I lower my eyes. Charlie comes back with two fresh plates in each hand. She drops one in front of me and her son before returning to her seat. I take a bite out of the steak, it's juicy and full of flavor. "Wow, this is good." I chew.
"Thank you." She picks up her fork but doesn't eat yet. "What brought you over today, Vehren? Usually Kendryck gives us a heads up when you come over."
I blink and take a deep breath. "Before I can tell you, there's something you need to know about me."
Charlie and Killian eye each other before they come back to me. "Okay." Charlie said.
I sigh, staring at the plate. "I like boys." I go back to Charlie.
"Oh?" She blinks. "As in you're gay?"
"Yeah."
"Are you and Kendryck…"
"I'm not gay." Kendryck introjected.
"He's my best friend. I don't think of him in that way."
Killian nods. "Why are you telling us this?"
"Because my father kicked me out for being gay."
Charlie's face frowns. "Oh, Vehren, I'm so sorry." Her hand touches my shoulder.
"I just need a place to sleep until I can find somewhere to stay."
"You'll be sleeping in Kendryck's room?" Felicity chuckles.
"Shut up." Kendryck stares at her, going to his dad. "It won't be a problem."
Killian nods with a straight face. "Okay."
"You won't be getting any judgment from us, Vehren." Charlie smiles warmly.
"Thank you." I smile.
"But you need to find a place to stay." Killian said. "We have a full house, and I didn't have four kids for a reason."
"I understand, sir. Thank you for letting me stay." I take another bite out of the steak.
"You're welcome. I'll have to talk to Vittar. As long as there's no bullshit, you're welcome to stay."
I nod, looking at Kendryck as I chew. Kendryck smiles and finally starts to eat.