Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (5)
Farts were undeniably gross, if a part of nature. While the stinky wind wouldn't spread fecal matter unless the gaseous individual wasn't wearing pants, it would still spread hydrogen sulfide, the cause of the rotten egg stench.
While mortal food would be fine after being exposed to gas particles like that, immortal cuisine might not be — depending on how delicate the dish was. And in this case, we were talking about something a thousand times worse than a simple smelly toot. Obviously, any uncovered food and drink would have to be disposed of.
I crossed my arms and raised a skeptical brow at the Brewmaster. "Be grateful that I cleaned up your contaminated tea before someone unfortunate drank it. Besides, if you can make it once, then you can do it again!"
"Ridiculous! No cup of tea can ever be the same twice! There are always variations in the water, the leaves, the cup, the temperature."
"How can you call yourself a brewmaster if you let those differences hinder you from creating a consistently perfect cup of tea? If the water isn't good, make it better! If the cup isn't good, get a different one. If the temperature varies too much, find a way to maintain the same heat every time. And if your leaves never have the same quality, blame the merchant for not cultivating good tea trees."
At that point, both the Golden Core Brewmaster and the tea sellers glared at me.
"You're not welcome here. Get out!"
I narrowed my eyes at them. "Are you willing to make enemies of the Indomitable Will sect?"
He grinned excitedly. "We're not from your continent. So... yes!"
I glanced at Little Spring, who had inconspicuously moved closer to the lady from earlier.
::Don't worry, Sister Lin! I'll get revenge for you then grab a lot of tea and cakes.::
::Good.::
Part of being a thoughtful martial sister to a protagonist was allowing them to take center stage, even if I could obviously avenge myself.
Besides, there was more than one group that needed payback! Peacefully, of course. We had to make sure that nothing bad continued to happen at the Alchemy Convention.
::And then I might look into the guards here. Because using Nascent Soul cultivators as security is not weird at all.::
When did this brat learn sarcasm? It certainly wasn't from me.
I rolled my eyes.
Little Spring, the talkative lady, and the tea house employees went inside.
I clasped my hands behind my back and left the line to stand beside the shameless assholes who got me involved in this mess.
"Using your condition like this is reprehensible," I said while watching the kid's antics through the open doorway.
"And you righteous cultivators can't appreciate a good joke." I could hear the grin in Noxious Fangstrike's voice.
Fuck this flatulating snake asshole!
I glared at him. "A joke told twice is already stale." I gestured toward the teahouse. "I hope you enjoyed the outcome of your stunt."
His smile turned vicious. "As far as I'm concerned, as long as I prevented you from getting what you want, I've succeeded."
Oooooo… this stinky little shit snake! My ass was innocent! How dare these fuckers set up a petty trap for me because I stopped everyone he hated from suffering through his special condition? Just how much did he loathe those two other sects? Or was it those two alchemists in particular?
Fuck. Were all unorthodox sect disciples this unreasonable?
Just as I was about to pull out a nasty trick pill that would sneakily make him itch worse than poison ivy, a familiar voice said. "Little Alchemist Lin?!"
I turned to see two people I hadn't expected to find here. Friends I could finally talk to about the Dao of Alchemy!
"Ruthless Divine Medicine! Fairy White Lily!" I grinned. I would always appreciate how they helped me by sending Red Three and Red Seven to help us reach our sect.
As the two Nascent Soul cultivators approached, the group from the Irrepressible Beast Blood Sect scattered. Fucking unpleasant assholes. If I had an incident with them again, I'd remember to throw an itchy trick pill at their feet before calling on my juniors to take care of their asses.
"Where is your adorable brother?" White Lily asked. "Did he enter the sect with you?"
I gestured toward the teahouse where Little Spring had just challenged the Brewmaster to a chef duel for tea and cakes.
Was this kid insane?! When he said that he'd get revenge for me, I thought he'd find a way to make trouble for this place, not enter a duel! He didn't even know anything about tea and cakes. At least, he never prepared any for me.
Even if he was the young protagonist, could he even win against a Golden Core professional who made tea brewing their Dao without some practice? I mean, Little Spring was good, but he wasn't Zhang Xuan.
The kid brought out several of the tools I crafted for him over the years and started using those to extract certain spiritual substances. He also used his purifying spring water that was abundant in the space but rare outside it, and a thermometer I MacGyvered so he could practice reading precise temperatures with his divine sense.
Even with that water… and all of my fancy tools, he wouldn't be able to win… right?
Protagonists did lose sometimes… though their losses always made them stronger in some way.
"So, did you get those messages I sent you through the Alchemists' Guild?" I asked them while watching the fight with my own divine sense.
"Actually, we only just received them a few months ago," White Lily said. "Not too long after you left, we traveled to a secret dimension for training. We stayed there for a couple of years."
Pill Otaku frowned as if recalling the horrible incident. "We had a very difficult time."
"Don't downplay it. Both of us almost died!"
Was this why I'd never heard of these two in my past life?
Pill Otaku explained, "We became separated in a snowstorm. During that time, some of the other cultivators in the area discovered that Lily carried a treasure with her."
He was probably talking about her pure Yin body. A constitution that meant she was extremely talented; however, her body could also become a treasure for any high-realmed male cultivator — a really fucked-up concept often seen in cultivation novels.
Her Yin-type body wouldn't fare well in a snowstorm so powerful that it could affect someone in the Nascent Soul realm, as it needed an amount of Yang energy to stay balanced. If she showed any weakness, the cultivators around her might discover her condition and try to turn her into the perfect cultivation furnace. A powerful one at Nascent Soul too.
"Fortunately, Ruthless Divine Medicine found me just before our enemies surrounded us."
"Between the two of us and our trick pills, we managed to take care of them. It was an excellent test of how effective those pills can be toward a Nascent Soul cultivator when using the right prescription."
Yeah, a Pill Otaku would say that during a story like this.
"Some worked better than others." Lily chuckled. "Well, as you can see, I wouldn't have survived without my friend."
His expression didn't change, but his cheeks turned a bit pink.
If I hadn't helped him increase his realm, he wouldn't have been there for Lily. Just imagining poor White Lily, alone, freezing cold, surrounded by greedy disgusting enemies…
With one of that Otaku's few friends gone, what would have happened to him?
Well, as obsessed with Alchemy as he was, the man was still a cultivator. He would have found her killer and gone after them. And he would have died trying to kill them, because if he had lived, a guy like this would never be a relatively obscure alchemist.
I was glad these two made it through their trial alive in this life.
"What have you been up to over these past couple of years?" White Lily asked.
Too much. But I still went over some of what happened, excluding the Crab Mission, of course.
"Sister Lin!" Little Spring walked out carrying a large round jade cylinder in the shape of a massive coin. Behind him, the Brewmaster followed, looking sheepish.
Holy shit. The brat actually won?! The fuck?
I knew Fairy Garlic was an excellent teacher for general cooking techniques, but I didn't realize she was that good. Then again, if I included all the specialized tools I made the kid, on top of his spring water, that made everything the purest version of itself… shit. This Brewmaster asshole must have had a rude awakening. I almost felt bad about inflicting him with this world's protagonist.
Almost. He had been an ass.
With the biggest grin on his face, Little Spring opened the jade to show me an oolong tea cake that had a relief carving of a dragon and a phoenix on the front. The relaxing scent of tea and spiritual energy seemed to cleanse the surrounding area.
Once I nodded, he closed the jade container and handed it to me.
"As expected of my little martial brother."
I solemnly took it and sent it into his space's kitchen. Then he turned toward the sheepish Golden Core cultivator. "You agreed to kneel and apologize if I won."
Losing to a brat a tenth of his age must have been a difficult Teabulation.
The Brewmaster appeared to struggle with himself, but he reluctantly accepted his defeat with grace.
I held my hand up before he could kneel. "No need. I'm a very magnanimous elder. A sincere verbal apology and a bit of compensation will do just as well."
Cultivators in Xianxia were all arrogant assholes. While bringing them down a peg or two was nice, I didn't believe they should have to physically prostrate themselves to anyone, aside from certain traditional ceremonies. There were better ways to make amends, like money or a cake of top-quality tea.
He shot me a confused but relieved glance. "I apologize for my rudeness earlier. You were trying to give me excellent advice, but I was too upset by my lost masterpiece. Now I know that I've been thinking about things too simply. I used to believe that spiritual tools were a crutch. That the tea brewer's skill and the ingredients' quality mattered most of all. Now I see that a brewmaster can only be as excellent as the tools they skillfully use."
I nodded and clasped my hands behind my back like the little immortal pre-teen I was. "I accept your apology. I'm glad you realized the meaning of my words." This guy had obviously been humbled... a rare occurrence. Usually, in Xianxia, stuck-up assholes would double down to save face or attack the party they lost to out of spite. Sadly, the real way to save face that they would never understand was to study their mistakes and find ways to avoid repeating them. After all, even immortals could mess up.
He cleared his throat. "Now that you've accepted my apology, can I purchase some of your special spiritual tools?"
I squinted at the Brewmaster, but he didn't squirm. Well, at least he was trying to improve.
"This isn't a good time since I'm about to discuss the Dao with my fellow alchemists." I gestured to Pill Otaku and White Lily. 'And I'll be lecturing in the main hall after the Guest of Honor."
His eyes grew wide.
After hearing this, the employees in the teahouse glared at each other. A few appeared ready to slap each other for kicking me out.
"But I'm staying for two weeks. If you provide the materials and the spirit stones, and if I have time, I'll make you one or two tools. For a price, of course."
He nodded enthusiastically. "I'll find you once I have the materials! After your lecture, of course."
Then he bowed and rushed away.
"Speaking of your lecture," White Lily said. "Have you seen that Violet Pill Fairy is here?"
"She's here?" That bitch! How the fuck did she manage that? I thought I grabbed her only opportunity to get an invitation!
"I think she's supposed to lecture after you in the same hall."
Little Spring grabbed my sleeve. "Actually, she's right over there."
Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (6)
As I turned, the first person I noticed was Violet, my old enemy. A white pill beast was wrapped around her shoulders like a scarf. Now and then, it would move slightly, and she'd stroke its head to calm it.
The bitch had a small group of cultivators surrounding her, the most prominent being a powerful Immortal Bone Creation man who casually walked with his hands behind his back like a happy grandfather. The white-haired old man wore ivory robes with delicate embroidered leaf patterns and sage trimming. I knew I'd seen this expert before, but I couldn't place him. Either way, I had a feeling that Violet made it into the convention because of him.
A boy with a familiar face walked just in front of them and excitedly bounced with every step. He was at the peak of Qi Condensation and around the same middle-grader-age as Little Spring, with bluish-black hair and upturned azure eyes.
There were also two Foundation Establishment girls who wore white robes with blue trimming, similar in style to the boy, showing that they came from the same sect. These two were practically bending over to fawn over Violet like she was their grandmother.
She must have sensed my gaze on her group because she turned toward us. Her eyes burned with fury for a second before someone from the convention crowd passed between us. The next time I saw her, she laughed at something the elder said. Then she subtly headed in our direction.
With her here and looking for a fight, my hopes for a peaceful vacation went up in cauldron smoke.
Pill Otaku leaned in a little. "In the guide they gave us, her lecture topic seems to be about a formula she solved. Its title is, How to Approach Solving Alchemical Problems."
Actually, that sounded like the less specific, generic version of my lecture, How to Produce Less Expensive Prescriptions Using Abundant Local Plants.
"That can't be right." Since I'd last seen her, it would be impossible for her to solve a unique alchemical issue significant enough to get invited here. The bitch wasn't that smart. I mean, she was a genius, but only when it came to making profits and perfecting pills. She had only developed the cure for the plague in my previous life because she'd worked with the demonic cultivator who created it, not because she was adept at inventing new prescriptions.
"Alchemist Violet Pill greets Senior Ruthless Divine Medicine and Senior White Lily," Violet said. Once they nodded in acknowledgment, she turned to me. "And if it isn't Little Fairy Lin? The supposed genius who created the cheap cure for the Demonic Vine Plague."
"Violet Pill Fairy, the genius at earning spirit stones by exploiting others and creating monopolies."
She shrugged, showing no shame. "Well, I am very good."
That wasn't a compliment!
Her eyes softened when they landed on my little martial brother. "I see you've become taller, young alchemist Little Spring. You're going to be a very handsome man when you grow up."
While I didn't think she was being creepy like Verdant Bamboo, I was still reminded of Violet's history with Bloodsword. I subtly stepped between them.
Sure Little Spring and that reprehensible shit donkey were completely different individuals, but the two did share one significant commonality — the same protagonist's body — halo included. If what had drawn Violet to him was that, then I'd have to teach Little Spring about the type of people he should avoid later, which consisted of both creepers and consummate capitalists who would sell their own family if it made them a profit.
I crossed my arms. "How did you get an invitation to the Alchemist's convention?"
She gestured to the powerful old expert next to her. He stroked his white beard and studied us with large black eyes. I was positive I'd seen him before. Likely when I was relatively very young.
"I don't deserve all the credit, so I shouldn't say how."
I squinted at her.
That fake-ass humbleness didn't suit her. Usually, she'd be rambling about her accomplishments and boasting about how much money she made off of them.
Pill Otaku bowed to the higher realmed cultivator. "Greetings Pill Saint Five Leaves Medicine."
The rest of us quickly did the same.
Where had I seen him before? If he was a Pill Saint, then he was a level above Grandmaster. There weren't too many of them around during this time period, maybe a couple hundred, like the convention's guest of honor, the Azure Pill Saint. There were even fewer Pill Monarchs, considered the peak for an alchemist in this era.
Five Leaves Medicine waved us off. "No need to be so formal at the convention. We're all experts who've greatly contributed to the field."
He looked down at Violet with the eyes of a loving mentor. "I invited her and her team here." His lips curled into an excited smile. "Let me tell you, this girl's mind is too brilliant."
"My team deserves the real credit. I only solved a small portion of the problem."
Who the fuck kidnapped Violet and replaced her with this person?
The old man stroked his short beard and looked like he was holding in a chuckle. "Stop being so humble."
Hold on. When was this bitch ever this humble?
"You're the most promising genius in your generation! Actually, in several generations!"
She rested her hand on the shoulder of the boy, who was around Little Spring's age. "I can't take all the credit. Bright Flame here solved a significant portion of it, too." She said that, but her expression showed that she was just pretending to be magnanimous.
The old man rolled his eyes. "If you expect me to believe who, between you and that child, cracked a problem I'd spent decades on, I would know it was mostly you at a glance. Though I'm sure he contributed a small portion."
He addressed Otaku and White Lily. "I had been searching for a solution to an alchemy problem that I named Five Leaves Break Down for so long that my clan gave me my new Daoist name."
"That issue is famous," White Lily said, her eyes widening.
Little Spring turned to me. "Isn't that the strange problem we went over a while ago, where the effectiveness of the pill decreases by a lot when you add five or more leafy spiritual plants in a row?"
"Good memory!" I grinned. "While reordering your recipe or adding a sixth leafy plant can allow you to avoid it, that's not always the best way to solve it, since that can leave too many residuals and affect the quality."
I secretly added, ::Just make sure you don't go blabbing about the real solution until after you see it. I didn't realize it had only just been invented.::
::Why not show it and take credit for discovering it before these people?::
I gently flicked his forehead. He grimaced. ::Who is your martial sister?::
::Fairy Lin::
::Do I need to take credit for the work of others when I'm already this amazing?::
::No!::
::Exactly!::
Besides, I'd rather find some way for the real inventor to be revealed, and completely discredit that lying bitch. Muahahaha!
Since Violet Pill Fairy was not the one who discovered the proper way to handle those situations. She would have never shut up about it if it had been her.
Who was it?
Ugh, I'd always laughed at those nerds who spent their time on trivia like this, when they could work to create something that would make them the next trivia fact... but now I was the one who needed that information the most... Wait! I did know this one because his Daoist name changed to Five Leaves Bright Flame in honor of his contribution to the field… It was that boy standing in front of Violet! He had actually solved it. Violet probably didn't help much, if at all.
I narrowed my eyes at her. This bitch must be acting like an unethical professor… No, that child was too calm. Unless he was an idiot, he had to know what Violet was doing. If I had to guess, she paid him a shit ton of spirit stones to be included as one of the creators of the solution with the caveat that she never directly says that she created it alone.
This way, she could ask Bright Flame questions on the sly to fool this Immortal Bone Creation expert. And if he ever found out she wasn't the real genius, then she could just point out that she hadn't lied.
It reminded me of those big tech companies in my past-past life going around buying innovative start-ups so they could say they created their products in-house.
A wide grin spread across the Pill Saint's face as he looked down at me. "A very apt way to explain it. While we still don't know why this happens, we now have a solution to it! Meaning that we don't need to add in a separate plant to break up that series of leaves, causing the medicine to not be as pure as it could be! Before this, everything I tried never worked. Eventually, I posted my Five Leaves Problem in the Alchemists' Guild so the younger generation could work on it."
Violet must have been done showing off because she tugged on the old man's sleeve to get his attention. Once he turned to her.
She pouted. "Senior Five Leaves Medicine, can we sit in on the lecture before this conference's Guest of Honor? Alchemist Thirty-Two Thumbs' class on the new uses for Three Stars Crimson Carrots is something I'm very interested in. Of course, I'd also like to be inside the hall once the Azure Pill Sage begins. His new hand seals are the main reason I wanted to come here."
As a consummate capitalist, Violet had to be after those high tier spirit stones for her lecture.
High tier spirit stones were worth about 1000 medium tier ones, but, similar to most Xianxia, the author made it so that no one who had high tier stones would ever actually make that trade even for a hundred times the lesser stones. Their purer energy made them way the fuck more useful for everything from cultivating to creating advanced spiritual tools.
Of course, Violet had the last lecture of the day. Chances were, hers wouldn't be very full, but she still had the potential of earning over a thousand stones, just like I did.
Five Leaves Medicine grinned like a proud grandfather. "Of course, we can see it. I'm curious too. Us old alchemists also have to keep up on the latest techniques these days."
With his agreement, Violet's group said goodbye to us, then meandered down the street. Before they disappeared down toward the lecture hall area, Violet sent me one last smirk.
Yeah, that bitch was up to something. I'd have to look out for any tricks she tried to pull during this con, but it wasn't like she'd come up with something she hadn't already thrown at me in my past life. I was confident I could handle any of her nonsense.
Pill Otaku grimaced. "I hope they enjoy his lecture more than I did."
We all stared at the alchemy nerd in shock.
He grimaced. I heard the Azure Pill Sage's lecture at a small Alchemists' Guild Conference a couple of weeks ago. While interesting, I think his gestures are too limiting. While new, more stable, hand seals would be welcome, they should flow into each other easily. Right now, his appear to flop more awkwardly than a pair of Alabaster Fluttering Wing Leaves."
That was a spiritual herb ingredient that looked like a pair of broken white dove wings. They flapped like a half-dead bird's to lure in the flower part's prey.
Unlike those old hand seals, my advanced ones flowed into each other beautifully while also increasing control. But they too had flaws here and there.
I had a feeling that, if Pill Otaku had survived in my past life, he would have been the one to improve them. Maybe in this life, he could develop something even better than what I used.
Ruthless grinned down at me. "Besides, rather than listen to a lecture I've already heard, I'd rather have a discussion with you on the Dao of Alchemy."
Pill Otaku, as usual, had excellent taste.
"That's what I was hoping for as well." Finally, I could really start my vacation!
Little Spring tugged on my sleeve. "Are you planning on staying here for a while?"
"That's my plan."
"Then I'm going to look around."
While that was a normal thing for a middle-grader to want to do, I still studied the brat intensely. Because he wasn't normal.
He looked at me blankly.
I continued staring.
He squirmed. ::I thought I saw something strange.::
There it was. ::What did you see?::
His lips tightened. ::I'll tell you once I confirm. I could be wrong about this and I don't want to possibly embarrass myself.::
Yeah. Fuck that. That was what protagonists said when they didn't think anyone would believe them, so they left to gather evidence first before getting into trouble…
That said, I had just started my goddamn vacation at a convention where nothing bad ever happened.
That didn't mean there weren't bad actors trying to start trouble. But, like the situation with the tea house earlier proved, the security here was no joke. It would take some incredibly powerful people to bypass the guards, something I never heard happening in the thousand years I'd been alive.
Besides, Little Spring could always jump into his space if things became dangerous. I was confident he knew how to do that well enough now since that was the main thing he practiced while in hell training. He shouldn't fuck up like he had during the tree mission and the vine plague mission… And possibly the crab mission, but we didn't talk about that.
It helped that I wasn't the only adult in our group. This time I would do some delegating because I wanted my fucking break.
::Alright, go. But take Ghosty McGhostface.:: It took the old soul a while to come out of his coma, but he eventually returned. After seven months of cultivation, he still hadn't completely recovered, but he was strong enough to help out. With his presence, I could let the universe's protagonist run around all he wanted.
Of course, I also had the feeling that if I prevented him from doing what he needed to, whatever incident may or may not happen would turn bad.
Little Spring nodded seriously.
::If things get dangerous, call our juniors. They are pretty reliable.::
::I will. And I'll bring a recording device so I can show you that bad things can happen at the Alchemy Convention.::
::Yeah, I am not asking you to do that. In fact, please do not.::
The kid said his goodbyes, then quickly darted toward a shady alleyway.
Yeah. He'd be fiiiiine.
Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (7)
The three of us had a pleasant discussion on the Dao of Alchemy. Since we were out in the open, our discussion attracted a crowd of curious alchemy nerds who, when they heard about the topics we were discussing, listened in with rapt attention. At first, it was just one or two. But they sent secret sound transmissions to their friends and more joined them. Eventually, the crowd became so large that security had us move to an open rest area near the main lecture hall.
We were in the middle of discussing a problem White Lily had when dealing with a generic healing dan for Nascent Soul realm cultivators when a cultivator was brought out of the main hall by the rarely-seen Alchemist Association's physician. The injured man clutched a calligraphy brush that had somehow been stabbed into a spot near his eye and couldn't be removed.
A small team of security followed Brush Guy while roughly escorting a man who covered his face with his hands, as if trying to avoid being recognized.
Several stragglers followed behind them, gawking while eating spiritual melon seeds. I noticed Alchemist Graceful Pear Blossom, who I had seen in my past life. She was an uninhibited gossip and a dramatist. If anyone could tell us what happened, she could.
"Fellow Daoist, can you tell us what went on?"
Her eyes lit up. "You want to hear it?"
"We all do!" someone in the crowd called.
She gestured with her bag of seeds to the guy covering his face. "I overheard Onyx Brush talking about how excited he was to listen to the Azure Pill Saint's lecture. But he had to leave his place to greet a senior. When he returned, that man," she moved her bag toward the guy with an ink brush wound, "Alchemist Immovable Stone, had taken his spot."
She then held up a finger to forestall questions. A big showman's smile appeared on her face. "The two argued." She showed us her left side and waved her fan in anger while pretending to be Onyx Brush. "'I arrived first.'"
Then she moved so her right was more visible and crossed her arms, acting like Immovable Stone. ''Well, you weren't here when I arrived.'"
She used a technique to create an illusory image of herself, which stayed behind when she moved right again. With a sword-like jab of her fan, she pointed back toward the lecture halls and glared at her double. "'I only left to greet a senior.'"
Her double with the crossed arms tilted her head up, acting just like an arrogant asshole. "'I don't believe that this is your spot.'"
She placed her hands on her hips. "'Are you really going to be this unreasonable?'"
Her clone narrowed her eyes. "'You can't make this stone roll!'"
Then she addressed everyone. "And that was when it happened. The normally genial Alchemist Onyx Brush, who had been genuinely looking forward to the Azure Pill Saint's lecture, snapped."
With a twist of her wrist, she held her fan up and jumped forward toward her illusory double, stabbing her near her eye with her fan. Then her stab victim vanished.
"He stabbed him with his brush, of all things?" someone in the crowd asked.
She shrugged. "It happened in anger! It's probably a spiritual tool since it seems to be stuck near his eye. Regardless, I don't think Alchemist Onyx Brush will come back to the convention next decade."
"But Alchemist Immovable Stone was also in the wrong," another person pointed out.
One of the blue-and-orange-robed attendants walked over and bowed to us. "Esteemed Alchemists, the association has decided that Onyx Brush and his Alabaster Eagle Clan will forever be unable to join our convention. And, while Alchemist Immovable Stone's Three Thunders Sect can join us, he will be banned from any convention the association puts on in the future."
She paused, allowing the crowd to ruminate over the serious consequences of doing something horrible on convention grounds. And, that they didn't just kill these troublemakers off meant that the association was daring these clans to try something so they could show them getting their ass beat.
Many people in the crowd shuffled their feet or looked away from the attendant's stare.
"The association has asked me to remind you that Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention." Then she turned to leave.
Well, that was fucking unusual. Frankly, it was so rare for something like this to happen that I could imagine everyone secretly talking about this for decades after.
Before the Con attendant could get far, a powerful Immortal Bone Creation man stepped in front of her. He had dark brown hair streaked with gray and his eyes were a bright blue — likely from his cultivation technique. A sycophantic retinue stood behind him and another attendant closely followed him.
The crowd grew completely silent and several of the people tugged on their friends' sleeves to get them to pay attention to the man.
"It's the Azure Pill Saint!" a girl whispered to her friend while looking at him with fanatic eyes.
Ah, this guy looked younger than I remembered him. He must be on his way to the main hall, since his lecture would start soon.
He addressed the attendant. "While I agree with the Association's punishment of banning those two from the Convention, it is partially because of me that they got into this mess. Both of them were just too desperate to see my lecture."
Wow. It had been a while since I'd seen anyone this conceited. Where was he going with this?
The Pill Saint smiled. "How about, after poor Immovable Stone is treated, we have them both attend my lecture? They can stand in the back beside the security guards. Afterwards, they can be thrown out."
"Oh, I wish there had been more room in the main hall!" A man in the crowd whispered. "I would stab someone in the eye if it also got me in there."
"He's so magnanimous!" the fanatic girl from earlier said. "Do you think I could become his wife?"
"Keep Dreaming," her friend logically said and crossed her arms under her chest. Then, nonsensically she added, "Between the two of us, he'd obviously choose me."
This level of braindead fanaticism hurt my head. I thought I'd only see it when it came to Bloodsword, but I guessed people didn't change, only the object of their adoration did.
The attendant tilted her head as if she were receiving an incoming message. Then she bowed. "This one greets Azure Pill Saint." Then her eyes shifted to the attendant next to him before she said, "This is a small request from our guest of honor, so, of course, the Association can oblige."
He nodded. "Good. Then I should get ready. My lecture will start in a while. I wonder who in the crowd will have an epiphany this time?"
Nearly everyone whispered in excitement.
After nodding to several people in the crowd, he walked toward the main hall. His retinue followed, and several of the cultivators that surrounded us earlier broke off and went after him.
This treatment by the Association wasn't unusual. I knew because I had frequently attended as a guest of honor. What was unusual was how much the crowd adored him, as if his words were made of gold. It wasn't like a casual sentence from him could give them an epiphany.
Well, maybe I was just too old. The magic of seeing someone I admired was lost to me because I had been that respected… even if I had always come in second place. Fucking Violet Pill Fairy!
"Alchemist Lin, why are you suddenly glaring at Azure Pill Saint?" White Lily asked.
I straightened my spine. "Of course, I wasn't!" Not at him, anyway.
She gave me a skeptical look.
I cleared my throat. "Now where were we?"
Before I could tell everyone my solution to Lily's Alchemy problem, Violet Pill Fairy and her team came storming over toward me.
Well, if it isn't the devil-like bitch herself.
And that was when I noticed a livid Five Leaves Medicine. Oh, no. I'd have to be extra wary of him.
"You!" Violet practically yelled. "Did you bribe someone to do it?!"
The fuck? I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at her. "What are you talking about now?"
"Your lecture's time overlaps with mine!!"
Was that right?
I quickly brought out my schedule. "My lecture begins right after Azure Pill Saint's and goes for two hours."
Violet Crossed her arms arrogantly. "Mine starts an hour after his."
"Then you'll have to begin yours later because I only prepared a two-hour speech."
Five Leaves Medicine glared at me and an intense, near-bone-crushing pressure hit my little Foundation Establishment body. My muscles strained to keep me standing. A sourness tickled the back of my throat. I coughed up a mouthful of blood.
Fuck, how could this asshole be so sensitive?
This wasn't good. If he'd used the pressure from his divine sense, I could shrug it off like it was nothing, but because he used his realm to pressure me, it put an immense force on my body.
This was coercion to make me give in to Violet and cut my lecture short. Well, fuck that! I'd never give up! Besides, he wasn't the only powerful cultivator around.
::Peak Master Enduring Flame. Your Martial Aunt could use some help.::
It only took a couple of seconds for him to arrive and remove the pressure, physically coercing me into complying with Violet's demands, whatever those were.
Lina arrived soon after and she stood next to the blue-and-orange-robed assistant who came with Violet's group.
Once I was no longer suffering from that Pill Saint's pressure, I popped a healing dan into my mouth and quickly summed up the situation to Enduring Flame through my telepathic technique.
The two Immortal Bone Creation experts stared into each other's eyes as if fighting mentally. Each of these masters was likely calculating what their next move would be. It was possible that we'd see a horribly intense fight soon. Was this where the Alchemy Convention's little advertising phrase really became a lie?
Oh, sure, the brush incident just happened, but that was mild compared to two Immortal Bone Creation experts throwing down. A fight between them would destroy this island in a few minutes. If that happened, we'd have to evacuate as quickly as possible.
"Well, if it isn't the Enduring Flame of the Indomitable Will Sect."
The Peak Master grinned. "It's good to see you too, Fellow Daoist Five Leaves Medicine. I hear that there is a problem regarding scheduling?" He looked at Lina, who still wore her professional smile.
Lina bowed. "The convention staff apologizes. There was a scheduling error. Obviously, Alchemist Violet Pill was supposed to lecture after Alchemist Lin. Instead, she was scheduled to start an hour into her lecture."
Violet shook her head and placed one hand on her hip. "I don't want to be scheduled for two hours after the Azure Pill Saint. In fact, I should be scheduled for the hours Lin was. My team's discovery is more important than solving some plague that mostly affected mortals."
Did this bitch just...
"I disagree!" I said. "While the solution to the Five Leaves Break Down is an important discovery, it's not nearly as impactful as the millions of lives that will live because of my cure."
This fucking monopolistic scum was using this as an excuse to get the better time slot! She wanted my high tier spirit stones! Knowing this spiteful bitch, if she got her way, she'd do everything in her power to convince the cultivators to leave before my lecture happened. Like fuck would I let that happen.
"I agree," Enduring Flame said. "It's obvious what the convention thinks as well since they put little Senior Lin here right after the guest of honor."
Lina nodded. "The staff has agreed to give compensation to Alchemist Violet Pill for the trouble. It is our mistake that the schedule was listed incorrectly. As long as she will accept the correct time slot—"
Violet crossed her arms under her breasts and glared at Lina. The white beast on her shoulder hissed. "What compensation could be worth the honor of lecturing those who stayed for the Azure Pill Saint's lecture? Not to mention that, while Little Alchemist Lin here may have saved many by solving the Demonic Vine Plague, my team's discovery will eventually benefit countless. How can you possibly compare something that happened in the past with an innovation that will change the face of alchemy on a fundamental level?"
Of course, Violet would be fucking unreasonable. Which one of Bloodsword's wives wasn't?
"Actually, I think Little Violet Pill makes an excellent point." Five Leaves Medicine clasped his hands behind his back and appeared to speak with authority. "If anyone deserves to lecture right after the Guest of Honor, it's her."
Peak Master Enduring Flame smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Are you trying to steal my senior's lecture slot?"
He chuckled, gaze filled with mockery. "You call this child your senior?"
The Peak Master's strange flames stilled as if frozen in time. "She's the disciple of Immortal Zhenren Sword Within the Light of Virtue. If she's not my senior, then what is she?"
The shocked expression that appeared on Five Leaves Medicine's old face was priceless. Muahahaha!
"Impossible! He never took a disciple. He even refused to teach me his logical alchemy methods when I offered to exchange with him."
I crossed my arms and grinned. "If you don't believe that Immortal Zhenren is my master, then how about I give you my lecture on the merits of logical alchemy versus traditional orthodox variations?"
Enduring Flame — who had suffered through all six hours before — quickly said, "As much as we would all love to hear that lecture, you don't have enough time to finish it before you have to get ready."
The Pill Saint stroked his beard and looked between the two of us. "Ah, I see it now."
Violet stepped up. She must have sensed that if she let things continue, she'd be at a disadvantage. "Fine, I concede that both of our topics have merit. But that just means that the best lecturer should go first!"
What was this nonsense?
"Fellow Alchemist Lin is still young. While she might be knowledgeable, lecturing to a crowd of thousands on a complex topic is a different skill than alchemy."
This ageist bitch was looking to throw down. Since she went there, I was going to pick it the fuck up.
I clasped my hands behind my back and glared. "How about we have a battle of lectures?"
Both of her eyebrows rose. "How should we go about doing that?"
I gestured to the crowd, who hadn't left. Some of them even joined the melon seed eaters to munch on snacks as if watching a show. "We both agree to speak about an alchemy topic the crowd can vote on. Then we use secret sound transmission to talk to everyone. Whichever lecturer can hold this crowd's attention the longest wins both lecture times."
Meaning that only one of us gets all the spirit stones. Muahahaha!
I looked to Lina, "The Alchemy Association will allow us to do this, right?"
Her professional smile did not waver as she paused for a minute. "The Association agrees; however, the attendees are expecting two different lectures. Are both of you sure you can teach a second topic?"
"Easily," I said. How many lectures have I given in a thousand years?
Violet snorted. "Of course, I can."
Two more assistants fell in beside Lina. "Then we'll ensure your wager is fair," the three spoke in unison.
Yeah... okay. Maybe Little Spring had a tiny point — some things here seemed off. Just a little.
Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (8)
I narrowed my eyes at the silly nerds. "The topic you all chose was — how to overcome a bottleneck in your alchemy..."
While a significant number were Foundation Establishment cultivators, most of them were at Golden Core. Several who had gathered to listen to Pill Otaku and White Lily discuss their current troubles were even at Nascent Soul... and they wanted us — practitioners weaker or equal to them — to talk about how to achieve breakthroughs.
Were these guys fucking joking?
Obviously, I could do it, but if I was a normal Foundation Establishment brat, I'd be fucked.
Well, more than likely, the cultivators at my current realm had bottlenecks and those experts stronger than them had disciples they wanted to instruct. Part of what a good lecturer needed to do was take in who their audience was and cater the lecture to them. With such a mix of strengths, the content had to be useful for all realms and skill levels.
The subject was, thankfully, broad enough that I wouldn't have to dumb things down for the lower realms or add higher-level concepts to keep the Nascent Soul experts occupied.
Violet grinned sadistically at me. She would assume that, with her advanced age, she'd have the upper hand. It didn't help that her realm was higher than mine. Cultivators respected power, after all.
But there was more to power than personal strength. If there wasn't, then all those young masters that showed up in every Xianxia, wouldn't be able to walk sideways and get away with it.
"You both agreed to an incense stick's worth of time," Lina said.
Fortunately, I didn't have to lecture on something that might show that I was a time traveler.
I began by using secret sound transmission to speak to the left ear of every cultivator in the crowd and Violet Pill Fairy. This came out to around a hundred people. But I did one more thing — I brought out my earthen flame pillar from the space and placed my cauldron on top. Next, I set up a prep table with the already arranged plants I'd prepared to teach Little Spring the other day.
This was because I believed an alchemy lecture should always incorporate practical alchemy, even when it was on something as obscure as bottleneck breakthroughs.
Watching thousands of videos online in my past-past life helped me come up with my lecture process. For instance, when discussing strange topics, I would add visuals, even if they were unrelated.. like a video about relationship nightmares that was basically an AI voice talking over someone playing Minecraft.
For this lecture, I decided to show my skill level by concocting the hardest pill an alchemist at Foundation Establishment could create within the time limit — the Presence Scattering Obfuscation Dan. This was a life-saving pill that, when crushed and scattered over a person, could, for two minutes, temporarily hide their presence from someone in the Nascent Soul realm or below.
Of course, after use, it wouldn't work on the same cultivator for a full day, so it was best to only use it in an emergency... It also didn't work against beasts. That required a different pill.
I used the split mind technique. Part of my mind listened to Violet's lecture, two more focused on concocting the batch of pills, and my final available part recalled a brief lecture I'd given. Once I gathered my thoughts, I threw the first plant inside and began my speech.
"Breaking through a bottleneck sounds so easy, doesn't it? But it never is. Who here hasn't struggled with some pill recipe that just wouldn't work? Perhaps it was something you needed to reach the next small realm along your Dao? Or maybe your teacher showed you a technique that looked so easy, but when you tried, you found it impossible?" I threw in a Spiked Red Ginseng. "I know tricks and tips that will make things easier on yourself. And if you don't believe me, consider who my master is."
Violet hid her mouth behind a fan and secretly sent me a sneer before she began her own teachings. "Bottlenecks are something I have experienced far more by this point in my cultivation than every person in this audience, especially my opponent. She might be an Immortal's disciple, but how long could she have learned from him? Three years? Four, maybe? What matters the most here is experience, and I have that!"
Bitch. She threw shade at me first rather than start her lecture. And she used something currently beyond my control, my body's age. The stupidest part was that it worked! Most of the audience slightly tilted their heads or looked to the right to better listen to her.
Hell, even most of the Nascent Soul cultivators who had just listened to me give advice to Pill Otaku glanced in Violet's direction.
If my body had been an adult's instead of a tall twelve-year-old girl's, I knew these nerds wouldn't pay her any mind! At this rate, they would never believe I was more capable than them, since cultivators in the mortal realm still aged. This meant that it was nearly impossible to see a powerful master appear as young as me!
Frankly, I should have seen this coming, but it had been less than a handful of years to my perspective since I'd been treated like the ancestor I was. Then I was inside the sect for a whole year where I was given the respect I deserved. All this and my irritation with Violet had led me to not take into consideration how people outside would treat someone so young, especially when I was so obviously brilliant.
Well, fuck it. It wasn't like this was the end. I just had to get more visual to bring attention back over to me. Fortunately, my recipe was at a point where I could do that without harming the quality of the pill.
I used the old hand seals to raise the flames and tossed in several more ingredients, nearly simultaneously. My cauldron rumbled and steamed as if it would explode any minute.
A few worried glances turned toward me. About twenty alchemists looked like they wanted to come over here and take my cauldron away, so I would stop fucking up. Muahahaha!
Just wait! I would turn this train-wreck-looking concoction into a beautiful pill.
While I had their attention, I quickly started the main point of my lecture. "I practice my master's alchemy, which means I use logic, something shockingly rare, to discover the issues behind a problem. My opponent may say that I don't have enough practical knowledge to discuss a topic like this, but would someone without experience know that every bottleneck's beginning is different?"
I lowered the temperature and added one more ingredient, suddenly causing the cauldron to calm and proving that I had been in control the whole time. "The first step to finding a solution is to look at yourself. Just because someone else can create that pill in a specific way doesn't mean that you'll be able to. Your body is different. Your cultivation also affects you differently than your peers. It may be that you have a hidden special constitution. Or possibly your instructor does..."
Violet smirked at the audience. Then she put her fan away and took out a highly valuable defensive spiritual tool that resembled a jade cauldron pendant.
Some members of the crowd turned towards it. They watched as she casually attached it to her belt, which also brought attention to her other extravagant protective tools. "You all know I don't need the spirit stones for lecturing and only want what's best for the alchemists here. I have already accumulated a lot of spirit stones. I'm very good at increasing my wealth. And something else I'm good at is overcoming bottlenecks. If you desire to be rich and respected like me, the first thing you should understand is that nothing beats practice. Overwhelm your problem by concocting the pill you struggle with. Every day, every hour, over and over. If you're not practicing a pill that helps you improve, then choose a different one that will. Create pill after pill until your hands bleed." She held her fingers like claws, as if they were covered in sticky blood and she didn't want to squish it together.
She confidently threw her hair over her shoulder. "That was how I helped solve the Five Leaves Break down and became this strong... But there is a trick to doing it right. That is, to find the right pills to practice for the right small realm. Unlike my opponent, I know which ones those are. As long as you listen to me, I'll tell you."
Did this bitch just resort to the equivalent of a, 'Use this one weird trick to solve any bottleneck!' article?
A few in the crowd switched to listening to both of our lectures at the same time. I thought I could convince a majority of people to listen to me by using logic and my master's name, but because of her clickbait-style lecture, only a few switched over.
It was time to fight back!
"You may ask why I told you to first identify the underlying cause. It is time-consuming when you could just make more pills. Isn't practice enough to overcome any hurdle? It's true that some alchemists can do that, but it's very inefficient. Brute forcing your way through a solution, like my opponent recommends, may work, but is it really the best for an alchemist's foundation?" I paused and threw in another plant. "Imagine, if you would that you have a disciple. Now and then, they face a difficult recipe that they just can't get right, one that has ingredients suspiciously similar to the last problem."
I tossed in a Three Tears Rainbow Root, causing a colorful cloud to puff out of the cauldron. "Curious, isn't it? Until you realize that the original bottleneck was because they used the incorrect temperature, or their extreme yang body diminished the yin herbs' effectiveness, or some other thing that followed them into the next small realm. If you had found the reason behind the initial issue and solved it, you would have prevented the others. Right?"
Violet sent me a glare because more listeners paid attention to me. These little alchemy geniuses couldn't resist trying to figure out what recipe I was using. Just as I predicted! Muahahaha!
Meanwhile, she spent another few minutes mostly spouting nonsense to increase her face, like those bad weight loss advertisements that wasted an hour while never getting to the point. Then they would try to sell the confused viewer something in the end. After all, those videos weren't free to make.
Eventually, she finished by telling everyone which pills they should practice during what small realm to improve. But she didn't say why practicing those elixirs worked and just assumed that her audience would understand. I could tell by the glazed look in the eyes of those still listening to her that they could not.
Actually, her style of lecture wasn't similar to a shady weight-loss ad, it was closer to the much-memed-about-and-lamented cooking blog. Nonsense up front, actual content in the back.
While she was doing that, I explained various ways to troubleshoot a blockage. Everything I said was clear, concise, and easy to understand. Beautifully logical.
And when I neared the end of my lecture, I threw the last plant into the cauldron. The perfect-quality scent escaped, causing everyone to relax and turn to me, even if they'd been listening to Violet before. I made the hand seal to create the pill shapes. Usually, in this era, alchemists would slap the side of the pot to force the pills out, but I used an advanced hand seal to call the pills to me. The batch of green pills flew toward me and I captured them in a jade bottle. Everyone's eyes grew wide. I grinned at the crowd.
While I was always amazing, giving lectures was something I kicked ass at.
"The last advice I'll give you all on overcoming bottlenecks is to never stop learning and experimenting. If you can learn a new technique and it won't hurt your Dao, then do it. Because sometimes, what you need for a breakthrough is a tool. Don't be too full of yourself. Use what you can to get ahead."
***
The Con assistants swiftly traveled through the crowd briefly speaking with each person who had been there from the beginning. Once they finished Lina walked toward the two of us. "There were 103 people listening from the beginning. Nine refused to say or admitted to paying attention to both lectures evenly, leaving 94. Of that number..." Lina paused. Her trademark smile grew even more professional, which I didn't think was possible. "Well, this is interesting."
Come on Lina, there was no need to stall. By the end, everyone listened to my lecture. A few people even looked like they'd stab someone near their eye to know what kind of hand seal I used to remove the pills from the cauldron.
Violet crossed her arms and smirked as if she knew she'd won. Ha!
Lina glanced at each of us. "The winner is... both of you!" Her professional smile relaxed a little. "It was a tie."
No! How could I tie with that clickbait-shitting merchant?! Unless a few audience members just refused to listen to a twelve-year-old… which might be possible because mature and successful individuals were highly respected. Fuck!
Frankly, if Violet's expression wasn't more furious than mine, I would assume the bitch had bribed Lina.
She started arguing with the assistant, which was a mistake. Con assistants would help an attendee, but they weren't servants. They had no obligation to do what anyone wanted.
And that was when movement in the distance caught my eye. Little Spring ran over to Peak Master Enduring Flame just like I told him to if something happened.
The kid started making wild gestures I couldn't decipher and was obviously speaking to him using our telepathic technique.
What happened?
"Since you both won, why don't you share the lecture hall like you just did and split the payment evenly?" Lina made a reasonable suggestion.
"Share lecture times with… my esteemed fellow alchemist?" Her Lips twitched. "That would be inappropriate."
Violet, being the greedy bitch she was, probably thought sharing would give her hard-won spirit stones to the enemy.
But my attention was once again drawn to Little Spring who stopped talking. He pointed in a direction. Both Enduring Flame and Five Leaves Medicine shared a serious look, then the two vanished.
Well, shit. If the problem needed two Immortal Bone Creation experts, then we all might be fucked!
::Do we need to evacuate the island?:: I sent a message to Little Spring.
He shrugged. He fucking shrugged.
::It might be nothing.::
::…::
It might be nothing, he said. The goddamn main character. Nothing...
Maybe I was too paranoid but I was ready to grab everyone from our sect and hang out near the emergency exits. Of course, that was when Violet said something she shouldn't have.
"I don't understand how my lecture could be less informative than this brat's!"
Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (9)
I turned to Violet and smirked. "I'm just that good. Actually, considering your advanced age gave you a head start, isn't tying a loss for you? You should have spoken less nonsense."
Muahahaha! The look on her face was priceless. A vein popped on her forehead and she glared at me with such animosity that one of the Nascent Soul security guards had to take a step forward before she cooled her expression.
"You both tied," Lina said, putting a stop to our argument.
Violet fanned herself. "Then, let's have a tiebreaker since we still have some time before the Azure Pill Saint's lecture ends."
"What do you have in mind?" I needed to be extra careful here. Violet enjoyed setting traps.
"While a lecture is an effective way to teach many students simultaneously, it's worthless if they learn nothing from it. So, we should compare our teaching abilities and let the discerning, brilliant minds of our audience be the judge." She smirked. "Since I have more experience, and I'm better in every way, I'm certain everyone here will make the right choice."
This bitch always tried to be superior to me at everything! She succeeded in my last life, but like hell would I allow her to do it in this one!
"If you believe that, then you severely underestimate my teaching skills." I placed my hands behind my back like the little master I was and smirked down my nose at her.
Violet chuckled while looking like she wanted to wrap her hands around my neck and squeeze.
Alright, before I agreed to this tiebreaker, I had to make sure of something.
I glanced at Little Spring. ::You're sure what you found was nothing?::
::I already took care of it.:: He stood straighter and grinned, obviously proud of what he'd done.
I frowned. ::Then why did those two run off?!::
::The Pill Saint and our junior wanted to take a look.::
Well, if it was just that, then I couldn't let go of my chance to earn high-tier spirit stones and fuck over Violet while I was at it.
"Alright," I said. "Let's do this: each of us will choose a student and have them tell us about a pill they've been having trouble with, then we'll help them through the concoction process. Whoever helps their student the most wins."
"Just what I was thinking."
I knew this bitch's disgusting thought process. Her age, wealth, and seemingly good — albeit deeply corrupt — business acumen had earned her many admirers. The fact that the surrounding crowd practically doubled in size since our first fight also meant that those new audience members hadn't heard her nonsense lecture. If I let things continue, she'd have the upper hand.
"But," I said, "we can't be arbitrary about this. Instead of having the crowd vote, we should have a panel of judges." I gestured to White Lily and Pill Otaku. "Fortunately, two excellent ones are right here."
Violet's lips twitched. "While I agree that Senior White Lily and Senior Ruthless Divine Medicine are very good, you have to admit that they're fond of you and can't be unbiased."
"I assure you that I can be impartial," Pill Otaku said.
I nodded. Both of them could, actually.
Violet shrugged. "Fine, but if you choose two judges, then I should as well."
Frankly, I didn't like that idea. It was a chance for Violet to fuck me over, but it would be okay. Aside from her, I couldn't see anyone in the area who currently hated me enough to sabotage me since I was practically unknown in this lifetime.
I crossed my arms. "Then pick two from our current audience."
Violet looked around the growing crowd. From her deepening frown, it seemed like she couldn't find the people she was looking for, likely friends or acquaintances who owed her favors.
Of course, that was when Noxious Fangstrike, that stinking snake, stepped out from behind a few tall alchemists in the back. He sent me a look that was both amused and hostile. "I'll judge!"
Fuck! I'd almost forgotten about him. When had this asshole joined the crowd? What the fuck did I do to him to have him repeatedly screw up my vacation?
"And who are you?" Violet asked him.
"Poison Master for the Irrepressible Beast Blood Sect, Grandmaster Alchemist Noxious Fangstrike."
So he was a rare poison master. That was a subject that I had little experience with. In this universe, while every alchemist had trick pills for their own defense, actually mastering poisons was seldom done. In fact, by the time I tried to ascend, the art had essentially been lost. Mostly because only Unorthodox and Demonic cultivators practiced it and they had been almost wiped out by then.
While it had seemed like a good thing to get rid of the poisoners entirely, it actually wasn't. Poisons were useful when used conscientiously. Like the Five Stages Bowel Clearing, Dan I created in my first alchemy competition which could clear out someone's obstructed lower intestine explosively.
Of course, there were also poisons that could kill parasites while leaving the host unharmed. And if someone wanted to protect some endangered penguins on an island, a poison master could tailor a poison that could kill an invasive rabbit species.
They had many excellent uses. I just never bothered to learn in-depth about the subject until after the practice had already died out, and it was too late to study it from an expert.
Maybe I would take a decade off and learn it from one of the less-creepy unorthodox sects once I reached Nascent Soul.
The lion-eared girl strode out from behind those annoyingly tall cultivators and spoke up while sending me a vicious smirk. "I, Blazing Lion, also volunteer to judge. While I am not as good as my senior, I'm still a Golden Core medicinal Qi cultivator."
And Violet must have spotted the hostility in the unorthodox cultivators' eyes because she welcomed them with a smile.
"Of course. I'll choose both of you."
"Unacceptable!" I said. "Don't expect me to agree to those two when they obviously hate me!"
Violet shrugged. "You wanted two judges you're friendly with instead of a vote from the crowd. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't also get to choose two who were favorable toward me."
This was idiotic! At this rate, we'd end up tying again.
Noxious Fangstrike straightened his spine and clasped his hands behind his back. "I assure you, I can be just as fair and unbiased in my judging as Ruthless Divine Medicine here."
I was about ready to recommend we chose a panel of three random judges when Lina stepped forward. "Then I'll be your fifth judge. My only allegiance is to the Alchemy Association, so as the neutral party, I'll remove anyone who gives a biased opinion."
Neither of us could disagree with that.
"Since you decided on this judging process," Violet said, "I should get to choose my student first."
She would probably lecture Bright Flame or one of the many Foundation Establishment cultivators here.
"Whatever."
She gestured to Little Spring with her fan. "Fellow alchemist. I want you to study under me… at least for today."
The fuck?
He pointed to his chest in confusion.
Violet nodded.
"You realize that Fairy Lin is my older sister, right? She's also my alchemy teacher."
That was what I wanted to say.
Her eyes sparkled as if she'd planned for this. "Then this will be a chance for you to gain perspective and learn from a superior alchemy master like myself."
This fucking bitch… Also, didn't she think we'd conspire against her? Because we absolutely could.
Then again, I could understand her considerations here. No teacher had a perfect student, and no student had a perfect teacher. By choosing Little Spring, it would allow her to expose any flaws in my teaching process and prove to the judges that she was a better alchemist.
Of course, that was if there were weaknesses in my methods. I was confident that the brat had learned everything he could for his current realm, and — this was the most important part — I taught him how to think things through logically.
That said, after having a lesson from her, Violet would be considered a half-teacher to Little Spring. Unlike in my past-past life, where teachers were neglected and had to buy their own fucking pencils, people in this universe gave them respect. It was one of the few truly good things about this fucked up world that the original author included.
But it would mean he'd show her respect if he learned something useful from her. I didn't want to see my student do that. However, what I wanted wasn't as important as what would be best for the brat's alchemy. It would also allow him to realize how truly spoiled he was to have me as his alchemy teacher. Something that could be a defining step toward his further development.
That said, whatever happened needed to be his own choice.
Little Spring sent me a look. From this, he was either asking me if it was fine for him to go… or if I was okay in the head.
Shit, had I zoned out again? I thought I'd stopped doing that.
"Why don't you decide for yourself?" Violet suggested while taking a step forward. "You shouldn't let this opportunity pass you by just because your sister is against me."
He scowled. "How could I ever help my sister's rival?"
This brat was such a good kid.
She stroked her pill beast and smiled with the charm of a harem protagonist's wife. "But you wouldn't be fighting against her. You'd be learning from a wealthy and intelligent genius like me while showcasing your sister's alchemy and teaching prowess... if she has any."
Little Spring glared. "She's the best teacher!"
Aww, this kid. How could he say something so brave yet so true?
Violet smirked as if she'd got him. "Then prove it. Come up here and be my student."
Little Spring walked through the crowd to her side, taking her bait.
Goddamn it.
Well, this would be good for him. I just hoped that his fucking protagonist halo didn't help that bitch.
Violet sent me a triumphant smirk.
Alright. If she was going to play it this way, then I could fuck her over as well!
I pointed to the only child around Little Spring's age. "I choose Fellow Daoist Bright Flame to be my student for this lecture. Or, perhaps I should call you Five Leaves Bright Flame now that you've solved one of the great mysteries of alchemy?"
The child's upturned eyes grew round, then darted over to Violet.
She looked like she had swallowed something sour, then she smiled humbly.
"Little Bright Flame did solve that problem. He is a true genius. But, of course, I was also there to provide input and helped him and my team come up with the completed solution." The way she said that last part made it seem like she was just pretending to be humble in the same way she did for the Pill Saint.
His shoulders relaxed. Maybe slumped was a better description.
What exactly did she hold over him?
"We're team members, but he can choose to do what he wants. That said, his alchemy issue is also a difficult one, but I haven't looked into it much. I doubt Alchemist Lin here can help solve it in the short time we have, so I think she should choose a different student."
I snorted. "My alchemy is logical and my logic can help anyone." I grinned at the child. "I have more experience concocting pills and finding solutions than you can imagine. All thanks to my master's teaching method. I can help you. Violet can't."
She scoffed.
Bright Flame, however, walked over to me and bowed. "I hope you can, Senior Alchemist Lin."
***
The convention staff, who knew us alchemy nerds well, had already set up isolation arrays in the rest area that just needed to be activated. These would isolate the cauldron from the crowd to prevent tampering and also protect the crowd in case of an explosion.
Bright Flame set up his cauldron and work table while Little Spring borrowed mine. Huh, I should make him his own set. It had never been an issue since we shared the alchemy equipment. And every time I asked if he wanted something, he asked for more cooking supplies instead.
Maybe if I ran into the right material, I could repurpose Old Smokey. But that would be for later.
I turned to this young genius.
"Violet mentioned that there was something you're currently having trouble with."
He nodded and brought out a nostalgic pill, the one I first learned the technique to solve Five Leaves Breakdown, the Calming Heart Yin Yang Pill. This was used to help some younger cultivators when they first learned how to meditate. It was essentially cultivator Adderall that rich young masters took if they couldn't get into the cultivation mindset quickly enough.
The pill he had handed me was a cloudy lime green. The pinnacle quality version was supposed to be a clear chartreuse yellow. Because there were several issues that could cause this, I examined it with my divine sense to narrow the list.
Ah. As I suspected.
To think that this kid came up with the solution to Five Leave Breakdown, finally improving this prescription from ever getting above high quality, but he ended up only increasing its effectiveness but not its purity. Because of that, it didn't reach its pinnacle quality like it should have. Bright Flame must have been very confused.
"Alright. I see where your problem likely is."
"You do?" The child's upturned eyes narrowed at me.
I grinned. "First, we have to rule some things out. Set your ingredients up and we'll start."
Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (10)
While Bright Flame took out his supplies, Violet was in the middle of realizing what I'd known for years... that she'd picked a frustratingly perfect student.
"You don't have any problems? There has to be something you're unsure of."
Little Spring scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I've already mastered all the pills I've learned at my level."
"But that doesn't mean you've made every pill a foundation establishment cultivator can make, right?"
He paused for a second as if thinking about it. "Well, for the past year, Sister Lin taught me one or two new prescriptions each week. And all the ones we had ingredients for, I've made at pinnacle quality."
Violet's eyebrows furrowed, and a vein bulged on her forehead. "That learning speed is impossible."
Yeah, I know.
"Your knowledge about each prescription can't be that profound."
You'd think that.
"You must have made mistakes while learning. Perhaps your understanding is too shallow?"
That would make the brat human instead of a goddamn protagonist.
He scowled. "You can test me. I told you that Sister Lin is the best teacher."
Violet shot me a glare and I just shrugged. It wasn't my fault that the brat's comprehension was off the charts. Blame the original author. This kid and his goddamn protagonist halo made me question my existence as his alchemy teacher multiple times.
I wished Violet the same experience.
"This isn't about Alchemist Lin's teaching ability. There is no way you're such an exceptional student."
He rolled his eyes. "Believe what you want."
"Then I have no choice. I'll teach you a pill you've never concocted before."
He nodded eagerly.
She went over different prescriptions, but Little Spring had either created them or a version of it that was superior.
If Violet had been in a Manhua — likely one that had been pirated multiple times — she would have had three whole panels dedicated to showing her slowly losing her patience.
[Image Link: /attachments/996145339650293891/1111204417694339133/SPOILER_Panels_copy_4.jpg]
Watching this was great!
"Seven Circles Breath Expanding Dan!" Violet spat out.
"What's that?"
For a single moment, she looked like she was about to cry in relief, then she straightened. She cleared her throat as if she hadn't just been frustrated to insanity.
Huh, maybe I was rubbing off on the kid.
"The Seven Circles Breath Expanding Dan is an excellent sky rank pill that, when taken, will increase your lung capacity and the time you can use the turtle breathing technique."
"How is it excellent if I've never heard of it?"
This brat had obviously learned some things from Clear Eyes Mad Tongue. Normally I would question if they were the right things, but anything that annoyed Violet, I approved!
Her lips twitched as she struggled to keep her smile. "It's hard to come across because its ingredients are rare while its effect is minor. This makes it not worth concocting to most alchemists." She fanned herself arrogantly then sent me a smug look. "Most people aren't as wealthy as I am. Only I can afford to teach you how to make such a rare and expensive low-rank pill."
Bitch! Did she just call my ass poor?
Fuck! She wasn't exactly wrong.
Unlike her, I hadn't had decades in this timeline to build wealth. And I wasn't some female historical isekai protagonist who could make a fortune off of hotpot and braised pork belly.
I suppose I could claim ownership of all the various prescriptions created in my past life, but I would have to get stronger first. Since I was a genius, I was already suspicious. If I started taking credit for a bunch of new pills, I was positive some old Immortal Bone Creation asshole would come along and try to soul-search me. While I could fight back, I'd rather not deal with harassment like that, since it might increase the dichotomy between my body and soul again.
Bright Flame finished setting up his area.
I put a hand behind my back and rested another on the surface of his blue cauldron. "First, when you have an issue, start by checking your most important equipment."
It had fish and dragon patterns covering its metal surface and felt clean to the touch. While it was older, there were no cracks from explosions or residual medicinal Qi that would mess with it.
"This looks good. You've taken excellent care of it."
He beamed with pride.
Next, I used divine sense to investigate each of his ingredients.
I frowned.
"Do you think you have quality spiritual herbs here?"
His eyes went wide. "Of course. I even had a senior examine them all to double-check."
I pointed to a withered-looking tree root. "Including this one?"
He hesitated but nodded. "It's supposed to look like that. It's the Autumn Withered Root which slightly slows down your perception of time."
I knew that, but since it was a rare herb in most areas outside our continent I wanted to test him and show it to the other alchemists in the crowd.
This ingredient would help make an hour feel like 15 minutes. Not good in a fight, but it made meditating easier for some.
"Good, you didn't trip up."
He sighed with relief and tugged at the ends of his sleeves.
"But what about this leaf, here?"
A round spiritual leaf that bulged in its center like it was about to pop. It was perfect except for the small dent in its center, which I pointed to.
"That's an Exploding Eucalyptus Leaf. It's a little on the ripe side, but it should still be okay to use."
I flicked air at the kid's glabella. His eyes grew wide.
"Use your head. If your ingredients have flaws, then how can you even think of making a pinnacle quality pill?"
He rubbed the space between his brows. "But I've seen masters make pinnacle quality pills with ingredients that weren't top quality."
"Masters have developed difficult techniques and hand seal patterns that remove impurities. You are not a master. If you want to create a pinnacle pill without that knowledge, and without their energy capacity, then start with good ingredients."
His head bobbed, then he froze. He swallowed nervously. "Ah, I don't have a better herb right now."
Magnificent Moon, my sect junior, spoke up from her place in the crowd, "I have one!"
Oh! Radiant Skies was there too, standing beside her. She no longer had that stuck-up expression on her face. Since I didn't see Emerald Pine. It was likely she'd stayed at the Indomitable Will sect's booth… er store. Whatever.
Peak Elder Grass Sprout had to be the only one from our sect listening to the Guest of Honor's lecture.
Alchemist Magnificent Moon traded her higher quality leaf for the slightly over-ripe one and a few spirit stones.
I nodded to her. Even though she didn't like me, she was still a good junior.
"Now that your herbs are high quality, let's review what order you plan to add your ingredients into the cauldron."
He quickly listed the fifteen plants that made up the pill. As he did so, I visualized how the concoction would go. Once he finished, I smiled.
"I see you've stayed true to the profound concepts in the pill's name. You set each plant with the yin attribute next to one with yang. However, you have forgotten the calming aspect. If you're trying to make a pill that allows your mind to peacefully concentrate on something for long periods of time, you need to keep the concoction as balanced as possible."
It was weird but, fuck it, it worked in this world.
His brow furrowed.
"Think about it logically."
"Logically? But I don't practice your style of alchemy."
I scowled, then clasped my hands behind my back. "Thinking logically is only one part of my Dao, and is something everyone can benefit from."
"Okay, then, having yin-attributed herbs next to yang will make the solution calm while concocting."
"No. It would keep it balanced, not calm. The point is to have a pot that's as still as a rock. Consider this: each plant has different degrees of yin and yang. That means that you'll need to pair two plants with little yin together with one root with a large amount of yang… What you've described earlier was a child's understanding, but what I need from you is your genius level of knowledge that solved the Five Leaves Break Down."
The kid's cheeks turned pink. "Ah, I, ah, had help. If it weren't for Senior Violet Pill and her team—"
I snorted with derision, cutting him off, but I didn't comment. The last thing I wanted was for a child to get hurt from breaking whatever deal he had with that bitch, even if it would benefit me.
"Alright. So, we know that each of these plants has different levels of yin and yang, except for the Black Gold Hawthorn Berry, which has neither. So the first step to adjusting the order of your ingredients is by assigning an amount of yin and yang to each plant. Because you're just learning, keep it simple. One, two and three. One being the least amount and three, the highest."
"I don't have divine sense. How am I supposed to do that?"
I grinned evilly. "Think back. You must have created this pill a hundred times, right?"
"It feels like a thousand."
"Then remember which plants had a weaker effect on the concoction and which ones affected it more."
"Oh!"
Yeah. Once it was pointed out, it seemed obvious. But unless an alchemist had a deep understanding of plants and naturally put them together, it was difficult to get correct at first… at least for the non-logical. Many practitioners ended up wasting a bunch of ingredients because they didn't think things through fully. Or because their masters taught them a particular order, but not the logic behind it. That was like teaching someone that it rained when the sky becomes dark and cloudy, but not how the clouds were created in the first place. Fine for the average person, but not for someone aspiring to be an expert.
While the kid assigned a number to each plant, I stood beside him and turned my attention toward my rival.
Violet's usually arrogant smirk had been replaced by one that showed her obvious frustration. Seeing her like this made me happy.
Apparently, Little Spring was arguing about the recipe's order.
He scowled. "What do you mean, the root goes before the blossom? Obviously, the spicy root needs to be before the Crimson Peach Flower, or you'll make my sister's cauldron explode."
Violet crossed her arms and the pill beast around her neck sent a beady-eyed glare at the kid. "Just put it in the order I told you."
He shook his head. "Sister Lin loves this cauldron. I won't do anything that will damage it."
What a thoughtful brat. I should probably tell him why that cauldron means so much to me, considering that part of the reason was teaching him a pill he'd never learned before. Oops.
Violet crossed her arms. "Alright, do it your way, and once you start to fail, I'll show you how to fix it. We have enough time before the lecture is supposed to start, anyway."
He nodded. I saw him about to make a newer hand seal that looked like double guns pointed into the air.
::Hey! Remember to use the old seals I taught you!::
Without pausing, he fixed his gesture, using one less finger and pointing forward with his left hand. ::Thank you for the reminder, Sister Lin!::
::Any time.::
::This method is so much harder.::
::It's better than having your soul searched.::
He paused only briefly before he continued to show off his classic gestures. ::Ah. Now that I'm using these, I can see why Violet Pill Fairy told me to switch the plant positions. I'll have to use some of our regular hand seals secretly.::
::No. Figure out a way around it. Never underestimate Violet. She's a cunning enemy and will notice your deception.::
After assigning a value to each herb, Bright Flame turned to me. "Is that right?"
"It's close enough. Once you gain more experience, you can become more precise with your numbering system."
He nodded.
"Let's move on." I tapped on the table, which accidentally rattled the jade boxes the plants had been in. "What order should we use?"
After scanning the herbs, his eyes lit up with comprehension. "Wait! This means that these five leaves should go together like this." He moved the plants around to the order I would have put them in.
Then he excitedly switched a few more plants before looking to me for confirmation.
"Now, try it." I gestured to his cauldron that had been warming on the earthen flame.
He threw himself into his concocting. With his precise movements, and near-perfect timing, it was easy to see that this child was a genius. Well, he wasn't as heaven-defyingly good as Little Spring, but if he didn't get himself killed, he'd go far.
I used my split mind technique, so I could keep my eye on Bright Flame's alchemy and check out what the other side was doing.
Little Spring's flame was as high as it could go while he added one of the ingredients that needed an increased temperature to melt fully. With a twist of his wrist and a downward point, he quickly dropped the fire and gave the concoction time to cool before adding a spiritual berry known for being good for the lungs.
So far, so good. Frankly, if the kid kept going like this, he'd soon create a pinnacle quality pill on his first try.
Then the brat used his spiritual energy to bring over the Crimson Peach Flower and waited to throw it in. At least that was what he should have done. The flower suddenly entered the cauldron. His eyes widened, then he jerked his head to look at Violet, who was obviously the one who'd thrown it in for him.
With the early addition of the flower, my poor cauldron rattled intensely. An explosion appeared imminent. I clenched my hands into fists to prevent myself from intervening.
"Are you going to stop it, save it, or let it blow?" Violet said.