Chapter 59 - 9 11-16

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (11)

Ooooo, that bitch. Violet noticed that Little Spring wasn't going to mess up, so she decided to force the issue. Knowing her, even though this looked bad she likely had an excuse prepared, one that would make herself look good.

At this point, whether the kid could save this batch, or had to waste it, this would show how effectively he could overcome errors. Considering how he often did everything perfectly within his first few tries, he hadn't had many opportunities to practice fixing mistakes like this.

I glared at Violet.

She smirked back at me as if she'd already won.

To his credit, Little Spring didn't panic. Instead, he lowered the temperature, calmly grabbed the Five Ices Yin Root to counteract the extreme yang in the Crimson Peach Flower, and tossed it in.

The cauldron shook harder, nearly toppling over on its pedestal. The kid put together a series of hand seals that perfectly hid some of the newer ones I'd taught him. With that, the near explosion came to a halt, and I almost wanted to applaud, except that I knew that something that would have been a perfect pot was definitely spoiled.

He used a hand seal to slowly raise the fire and agitate the concoction.

After adding the last few ingredients, the kid hooked his thumbs together to form the hand seal that shaped the pills. Then he pointed two fingers at the cauldron, then back at himself, replicating the gesture I had demonstrated earlier, forcing the pills out and over to him. With a flourish, he caught them in a jade bowl.

While I hadn't had much experience with the Seven Circles Breath Expanding Dan, I had created it a couple of times before. The pinnacle version was supposed to be a clear, dark sapphire. This batch was nearly all bright cerulean with only two pills being a medium blue. That meant that almost all of them were low-quality.

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Little Spring stared at the bowl like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Violet's pill beast shifted on her shoulders, and she stroked its head to get it to stay still. She glanced down at him with a smirk, then clasped her hands behind her back. "Do you understand what you're lacking?"

Did she seriously just say something a con artist protagonist posing as an old master would? And to the goddamn main character of this fucking universe?

Little Spring looked like he wanted to yell at her, but instead, he very calmly said, "Are you saying that I don't know how to manage mistakes? That if something happens I'll have to scramble to fix things but because I haven't practiced overcoming mistakes I'll fail?"

That sly bitch must have realized something I already knew: that because Little Spring almost always did everything perfectly, he wouldn't have enough experience fixing mistakes. At least not before they blew up in his face. Because of this, I had shown him several techniques to save batches and protect cauldrons. Those techniques were why my beautiful cauldron didn't explode. But since the kid absorbed knowledge better than a jade slip, I focused more on teaching him the next pill or technique.

Violet might be the most selfish, self-centered malicious narcissist I knew, but I couldn't underestimate her. Even when I thought I knew what she was doing, I would find that she'd actually done something else entirely. The number of times she had completely overturned my thought process was more than I could count. It was the reason she'd always beaten me in my past life. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.

But in this one, even if I had to receive 800 cuts, I would make her ass take 1000.

***

While I watched Little Spring, I used my split mind technique to watch Bright Flame concoct the Calming Heart Yin Yang Pill. Mostly to make sure he wasn't purposefully fucking up… because I trusted Violet as far as a mortal child could throw her.

He'd done very well so far, and it was at a point in his process where he'd need the solution to the Five Leaves Break Down. But he hesitated.

Shit. If he didn't act soon, his concoction would really fail. I couldn't allow his want to keep his method a secret, and ruin his batch of pills.

"Just use it," I said. "The solution will be out soon, anyway. It's only right that the person who invented it is the first one to demonstrate it publicly… Whether the cultivators here can figure it out later depends on their comprehension and luck."

Bright Flame grinned, then moved his hands into a series of simple back-and-forth gestures before adding each of the leaves as a cultivator normally would.

Perfectly done. No issues.

I smiled. "As the inventor of this technique, take pride in it. Never let anyone tell you that someone else invented it."

The child winced but nodded.

Fine, I'd stop before I took things too far.

Then, when he finished adding the last grass and formed the pills, I taught him and all the cultivators in the area exactly how to use the hand seal to call the pill out and into a jade bowl. No longer would alchemists have to burn their hands by slapping the side of a hot cauldron.

Bright Flame's pill flew to him and he caught it in a white jade bowl. He stared down at its beautiful Yellow Chartreuse color.

He looked up at me with excitement glittering in his upturned eyes. "I did it!"

I nodded sagely. "Of course you did. Who do you think was teaching you?"

With an odd smile on his face, he bowed to me. "Thank you, Senior Lin."

Watching a brilliant mind learn and grow was a wonderful experience. And it was one of the reasons I never opposed the idea of teaching others, even if I refused to take a disciple.

***

Lina stepped forward. "Now that both guest lecturers have finished their lessons, our judges will decide who they'd choose to lecture for both slots."

Violet and I both took our places in front of the crowd. She stood there haughtily as if she'd already won. And I just smiled. Because I had this in the fuckin' bag as long as Violet hadn't managed to bribe Lina in some way.

"I'll begin!" Noxious Fangstrike said and approached us with his hands behind his back. "First, I'd like to thank both lecturers. Each of you has taught your students with a thoughtfulness that is beyond your actual ages. You've allowed us all to gain insight into your thought processes as well."

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Ah, so, not only was this guy shameless, he also liked to hear himself speak.

"Alchemist Lin here showed us many fascinating things. Firstly, she introduced a unique method of interpreting recipes, a method she referred to as 'logical.' However, the logic she applies might not align with others' perspectives. I'd like to point out that there was a reason her master couldn't find a disciple until after he'd ascended. But I won't hold this against her too much, since she did tailor her lesson to young Bright Flame."

Excuse me? I knew this guy would come up with excuses to bring me down, but this was getting ridiculous. The crowd wasn't buying this, were they?

When I glanced around, I found that, yes, there were a few who wore expressions like they were buying the oil this snake was selling. Fuck, I forgot how even intelligent people could sometimes be stupid or superstitious.

"However, I was disturbed by how she also taught us all her method for taking pills out of cauldrons. She didn't even ask us to pay her for the knowledge. While I appreciate it, I think we all know that giving us that for free could be considered a bribe."

Fuck, this guy could spin a story faster than a corrupt entertainment news station.

The worst part about this was, if I spoke up for myself here, it wouldn't help me at all. I'd be seen as a petulant child for interrupting my elder. Then no one would listen to me.

I had the feeling that the little protagonist would be able to get away with talking back if he were up here instead.

For now, it was better to let the sticky asshole talk. And I put his name on my Fairy Lin's People to Kill (When You Can) list. This was his third time he fucked with me, and I would make sure it would be his last.

"However, the thing I'm most unimpressed with was how she manipulated her student to demonstrate his solution to the Five Leaves Break Down."

Blazing Flame stepped forward. "I had already decided to show it when I chose the Calming Heart Yin Yang Pill. I was only hesitating because I was nervous. Fellow Alchemist Lin gave me the confidence to move forward with my plan."

Noxious Fangstrike smirked at the child. "Then I won't hold that against her either. But don't you think it should have been your elders who introduced it to everyone for the first time?"

His face turned bright red.

I used the telepathic technique to say, ::You shouldn't listen to him.

As the inventor, you had the right to show it off when you wanted. He's only saying these things to bring me down and anyone who sides with me.::

He looked relieved. ::Thank you, Senior Lin! I'll try not to take it personally.::

I paused. ::I don't know what she gave you to let her take credit for your work but, whatever it is, I hope it's worth it to you.::

::If there was something like that, then it certainly would have been.::

Well, I'd let this child keep his secrets. I just hope he was bleeding that bitch dry in exchange for stealing partial credit.

"So," Noxious continued, "I have to consider — are the things she did to help Bright Flame even worthwhile?"

This asshole was basically claiming that the three main lessons I taught the child were bullshit. If that was the case then, of course, it would seem like I didn't do much.

"Meanwhile," the unorthodox cultivator gestured to my rival, "Fellow Alchemist Violet Pill here took a student who seemed too perfect for reality, and showed him that never making mistakes also had its consequences. It's a lesson that he'll be able to use throughout his long life."

Little Spring scowled. "My sister has gone over how to mitigate errors."

He shook his head as if saying that the kid didn't know what he was talking about.

"I believe Fellow Alchemist Violet Pill deserves both lecture spots for thinking so far into the future."

Lina nodded. "One judge says Violet Pill Fairy is the winner. Who would like to go next?"

White Lily stepped forward. She glared at Noxious Fangstrike. "Believing that Violet's lesson is better than Lin's is nonsense."

He looked at her, amused. "Is it though? There seem to be several in the crowd who believe otherwise."

Those people and there were more of them than I thought, nodded.

That didn't stop White Lily from glaring at them until they turned their heads.

"Alchemist Lin's logic comes from the creator of Logical Alchemy, Immortal Zhenren Sword Within the Light of Virtue, her master. Does anyone here claim to have better logic than Immortal Zhenren?"

Well, I might, but I did consider him my alchemy master, so I'd show him some face by not speaking up.

Noxious shrugged. "While he was famous, he was never able to take a disciple until now. How useful could that logic be when it's impossible to teach it to others?"

"It helped Ruthless Divine Medicine, my colleague, increase his realm from Golden Core to Nascent Soul."

"It may have worked for him, but who's to say it would work for anyone else?"

Look at him move those goalposts. At this rate, he'd strain a verbal muscle.

"And all Violet did was teach Little Spring something he was already aware of. I would not consider that an excellent lesson at all." She crossed her arms under her chest. "At this point, I believe that Fellow Alchemist Lin deserves both lecture spots."

"Oh my," Lina said. "That makes one for Alchemist Lin and one for Alchemist Violet Pill."

"I'll go next!" Blazing Lion said. Her fluffy yellow ears twitched, but she stared at me like she was on a warpath and I was an enemy general.

Of course, I doubted this obvious side character could spout anything unexpected.

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (12)

Blazing Lion smiled. "While Fellow Alchemist White Lily did make some excellent points, I don't agree with her."

White Lily crossed her arms under her chest and wore an expression that sent so much shade toward the unorthodox cultivator that she'd be living under it for weeks.

"She knows Alchemist Lin well, but does she realize how difficult it is for most alchemists to grasp logical alchemy? According to some of my seniors here, back before Immortal Zhenren ascended, no one could understand his logic. His lectures were widely attended but not a single cultivator could improve their own Dao using anything he spoke about. Seeing that she shares her master's way, why would anyone be able to learn Fairy Lin's Alchemy when they couldn't figure out her master's? It's too divergent."

Ah, this foolish side character decided to aim at Sword Within the Light of Virtue's alchemy. Something even Noxious Fangstrike barely touched on. Dumb move on her part.

Little Spring crossed his arms. "My sister's lecture isn't about our master's Dao! I don't see what relevance this has. You're supposed to judge who gave the most useful lesson, not who might give the worse one later."

"You're right. Maybe it's because I'm from an unorthodox sect, but I just can't help but consider the future." She paused. "For instance, while Lin's lecture was able to help Blazing Flame now, I don't believe it will benefit him much after today."

"Actually." The child took a step forward to bring everyone's attention to him. "I think Senior Lin's lesson on the Yin and Yang levels in each spiritual plant will be something I'll use constantly."

Would you look at that. Young Bright Flame appreciated what I did for him enough to interrupt this senior alchemist.

Blazing Lion, to her credit, didn't get angry at him. But she did wave her hand at him as if dismissing what he said. Her lips twisted into a knowing half-smile. "You would have naturally figured something like that out eventually. Nearly everyone does. Meanwhile, Little Spring here learned about a serious flaw in his understanding that could have caused him to create massive explosions later. Possibly killing off one of the most talented young alchemists I've ever seen."

Little Spring scowled. "My sister already taught me how to avoid explosions!"

She smirked. "Your sister who is not much older than you? Listen here, learning how to solve mistakes without blowing yourself up takes a lot of trial and error. I've spent more years than she's been alive studying how to mitigate alchemy disasters and I can tell that you dangerously lack practice." She placed one hand on her hip. "Tell me, how many batches of pills do you waste when trying to create a simple Healing Dan?"

"Maybe one out of every one hundred?"

She coughed and stared at the brat in disbelief.

Actually, everyone in the area, besides myself, had similar expressions, even Pill Otaku.

He shrugged. "It's probably less than that." The crowd seemed to sigh in relief. Most of these guys trashed one set of ingredients for every three or five successful ones.

The kid smiled sheepishly. "I rarely waste a batch, so I forget to keep track." This sounded like he was bragging, but he was actually being very humble and low-key. A few people even rolled their eyes. They did not understand the horrors of this little protagonist's skill.

If he wouldn't brag about his accomplishments, I'd do it for him. I smirked. "If you want the actual statistics, it's about one every three hundred batches. Which are rookie numbers for logical alchemy."

Several coughs of disbelief came from the crowd. The unorthodox cultivator stared at him, along with everyone else. People whispered, asking where this unparalleled genius originated from. Some others said that it was no wonder he was Immortal Zhenren's disciple. The compliments continued, but this was normal in the dumbass original author's universe. At least, when it came to its protagonist. It was so bad, the kid's ears turned red.

Blazing Lion smiled. "You've proved my point for me. How is this child supposed to practice fixing mistakes if he hardly makes any?"

"If I don't make errors, why should I practice fixing them?"

I barely stopped myself from facepalming.

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I thought this fucking brat was trying to be humble! When did I teach him to be this stupidly over-confident? I certainly wasn't that arrogant, so he couldn't have learned it from me.

"This is why he needed Violet to show him how very wrong he is. I don't know how it is in the orthodox sects, but to us unorthodox cultivators, mistakes are important. We improve our understanding of, not only alchemy but the individual plants better by seeing how they don't work. That is why Violet's lesson is so thought-provoking and essential… Even if the point is lost on him right now. And that is why I think she should have the lecture spots."

Fuck. Her explanation was more convincing than Noxious Fangstrike's. Even I was slightly convinced the brat needed to fail more.

Whatever. I was still the better lecturer.

Lina spoke up, "So, that is two for Violet, one for Lin. With a single judge left. Alchemist Ruthless Divine Medicine, you'll decide if Alchemist Violet Pill is the winner, or if I'll have to step in and break a tie."

Everyone turned to Ruthless. He stood with his hands clasped behind his back, long black hair gently floating in the light breeze.

"We're alchemists. In the end, our goal is to make perfect pills. Or as perfect as possible. So, let me see them."

Little Spring handed Ruthless the jade bowl with his batch of Seven Circles Breath Expanding Dan.

Ruthless studied them for a bit, looked like he'd eaten something sour, and tossed the bowl back to the kid who awkwardly caught them with spiritual energy and sent everything into the space.

"What do you think your quality would have made if Violet Pill Fairy hadn't messed with your concoction?"

Little Spring swallowed. "Well, this is my first time creating this batch so, most of the batch would have been high quality."

Pill Otaku grimaced, like it physically pained him to hear that.

Next, Bright Flame handed over his batch.

Pill Otaku spun the pills in the bowl to examine them visually and even gently inhaled above them. As if coming to a serious conclusion, he nodded. His eyes then narrowed on each of the judges who came before him. "All three of you are missing the most significant point. You were all talking about who gives better or lasting advice, but that's not important. What I care about is who can help make my pills perfect. And what I trust is my eyes and divine sense."

He held up the bowl. "This is the most beautiful batch of Calming Heart Yin Yang Pill I've ever seen. Not only was it concocted using the new solution to the Five Leaves Break Down, but it is a pill created to pinnacle quality. Don't you all realize that a Calming Heart Yin Yang Pill like this has never existed before? This is the first! It is a historic pill! And Little Bright Flame and I will talk about how much he wants for these after this lecture duel is finally over."

Bright Flame's ears became red, but he nodded confidently.

Ruthless moved one fist behind his back and peered out at the crowd. "In this battle of lectures, we have one person who created a historic pill, and another who turned a high-quality batch of pills into something middling at best.

"The evidence is clear. Only one individual lifted an alchemist up past their block, allowing them to concoct at a higher quality. The other not only did not, they ruined a batch of high quality pills." He stared out into the audience as if daring them to tell him otherwise. "Should I say more?"

Well said! I knew I could count on Pill Otaku to review the evidence, get to the heart of the matter, and choose wisely.

Lina stepped in. "You've decided on Alchemist Lin. Leaving us with a tie and forcing me to break it."

The woman showed her professional smile to the crowd. Everyone turned to her.

I had confidence that a neutral party like the Alchemist's Association would be able to see past Violet's bullshit.

"Before I decide, I'll ask you both again if you'd be willing to lecture together much like you did here and split the spirit stones evenly? This battle was far more interesting than most of the lectures put on today. I know that others would like the opportunity to see it for themselves. Imagine bringing in a crowd rivaling the Azure Pill Saint's. Possibly making both of you more spirit stones than if you were lecturing by yourselves."

I glanced at Violet. She was a consummate capitalist. I couldn't imagine her passing up the chance to make more money even if she had to work with me to do it. Though I was sure she'd stab me in the back as soon as she could.

Contrary to my thoughts, Violet glared at Lina, and said, "I refuse."

Was she really that overconfident?

Violet continued, "I want you to choose who you think had the best lecture. Because I don't believe my chances are less than Alchemist Lin's,m. Besides, I can fill the main hall without her!" She arrogantly threw some of her long hair behind her.

Apparently, it wasn't Little Spring who needed some setbacks to grow from the experience. Or maybe she thought her benefactor would help her.

"Are you sure?" Lina asked.

After standing straight and clasping my hands behind my back, I said magnanimously, "I would be willing to lecture with Violet. But since she's not, then I agree to give the time slots to whoever you think is the better lecturer."

Lina's professional smile turned into a wide grin as she said, "Then the two time slots will go to…" She paused. I thought she was doing it for effect, but she tilted her head slightly as if listening to instructions. "Our Guest of Honor, the Azure Pill Sage!"

"What?!" both of us said.

Et tu Lina?

I pulled out my sword hairpin and got ready to enlarge it and beat a bitch. She better give a good explanation.

Most of the people in the crowd cheered. Fucking traitors! They listened to us for at least an hour, but now they were choosing the damn Azure Pill Sage? Did they think he was the god of alchemy or something?

Then again, someone had spread rumors that alchemists could have epiphanies from listening to his lectures. No alchemist would pass up that chance.

"That wasn't what we agreed on!" Violet said. Her face turned red, and a vein bulged on her forehead.

"I agree with Fellow Alchemist Violet Pill," I said, barely believing I'd actually said it. "While I'm not a Pill Sage, I am still a respected alchemist who solved a plague. You can't take my time slot away from me!"

"Calm down. And I'll explain the Association's reasoning as they are aware of what's going on here."

She suddenly flew upwards several feet and peered down at the crowd below. Frankly, she looked a lot like a puppet being held up by strings. What realm was she in, exactly? I thought she'd been a mere Foundation Establishment cultivator, but if she were hovering like this, then she had to, at least, be at Nascent Soul.

"The Azure Pill Saint asked for more time slots. He noticed that the line to see his lecture was so long that it would fill up the main hall two more times. The Association suspected that this might happen, but wasn't entirely sure. So they scheduled two very young cultivators who normally wouldn't have a chance of speaking in the main hall, believing that they'd be willing to step aside… with some compensation, of course."

Those Motherfuckers... This was so like this goddamn Xianxia world!

The weak and young must always step aside so the old and powerful could take what they wanted. Step aside or get crushed.

This reminded me of how I had, only a few years ago — from my perspective anyway — been the one on top of the world. The respect and honor given to me was something I deserved… because getting to that level of strength was a bitch.

Frankly, when I first arrived here, adapting from Earth to this fucked up universe was beyond difficult. I had to crawl tooth and nail to get to the top of the world. Except that I never fully stood above everyone thanks to Bloodsword and his braindead wives! And Violet was the worst of them since she always won against me.

Because I was no longer the near-immortal badass I had been, I would have to continuously adapt. I had to be realistic — or as realistic as I could be considering the fucked up fictional universe I lived in.

And I knew, for things like this — as long as the elder wasn't an unreasonable pig's asshole — he would compensate his juniors well. I just had to make sure the benefit was worth the loss.

"What's the compensation?" I asked Lina.

She smiled down at me. "I've been told that you both will have four time slots in the main hall at the next Alchemy Convention, and we will consider your lecture battle here as if you were in a small hall. Considering the number of people listening, you'll get two hundred high-tier spirit stones to split evenly between you."

That was barely enough spirit stones to get Little Spring and me to the middle of Golden Core.

But if they gave me that many time slots at the next Con, I could make so many spirit stones that reaching well into Nascent Soul wasn't impossible. And that would be after I'd become a famous alchemist because I was just so excellent that my name would spread across the world. I would fill those seats, without relying on the Azure Pill Saint.

If I thought about this with an open mind, it wasn't a bad deal. I didn't need all those spirit stones immediately. I could just consider this as an investment where I had the possibility of a four times return in ten years.

Not ideal, but better than having a target on my back from carrying around thousands of high-tier spirit stones while being a mere Foundation Establishment cultivator. Even someone with backing as strong as mine could become a target.

"I'd rather have my original slot!" Violet crossed her arms under her large chest. Her white pill beast glared at Lina. It even opened its fuzzy mouth to hiss.

Was this dumb bitch trying to ruin our compensation?

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (13)

"I don't think Pill Saint Five Leaves Medicine will appreciate his long sought-after solution not getting a lecture in the main hall as it deserves. So, I'll keep my original time slot."

Ah, Violet pulled out her own Pill Saint. It was super effective. Lina froze for a whole second as if downloading information to her brain. "You mean the times you were supposed to get and not the mistake?"

Violet nodded.

Lina blinked. "As long as Pill Saint Five Leaves Medicine agrees to take responsibility for the Azure Pill Saint's anger…"

"Do you think that Five Leaves Medicine is worse than the Azure Pill Saint?" Violet crossed her arms.

Lina showed her professional smile. "The Association has the highest respect for those masters who have reached the level of a Pill Saint. But since we're allowing Alchemist Violet Pill to accept her original time slot, the Association will extend the same offer to Alchemist Lin." Lina then turned to me. "Will you take the compensation or keep your original time slot?"

Well, my backing wasn't weak either. It was only right for them to offer the same deal to me if they didn't want to piss off the Indomitable Will sect. Actually, if I considered this situation diplomatically, I could tell that the Association was trying to not upset anyone too much. They were likely after an ending that all parties could agree on, even if neither party was particularly happy. Which showed that I shouldn't have trusted them to not have their own agenda. Fuck.

As I considered my options, my eyes wandered over to Little Spring. Hadn't he found something weird before all this shit went down? Actually, where was my cute junior, Enduring Flame, and his new Pill Saint friend?

It had been at least an hour since they left. They should have returned by now. Whatever. It wasn't like they couldn't have decided to go exchange notes or do some other thing. But their obvious absence reminded me of those Xianxia where the main character's minor actions caused a major catastrophe.

Fuck. There was only one option. But first, there was something I had to do.

I clasped my hands behind my back and acted like the immortal master I was. "Before I answer you, I need to address Blazing Lion and Noxious Fangstrike."

Those two looked at me so fucking smugly.

"Your logic is flawed and overly biased. Anyone who agrees with you should have their heads checked."

They glared at me, along with one or two others. But a lot of the crowd appeared to agree with me.

I didn't stop. "The insults you spoke toward my master have not gone unnoticed. You should not assume that the Indomitable Will sect is amused." It was downright stupid to insult an Immortal like that even if they were subtle about it. Especially one from my sect. Frankly, after what they said, if our sects ended up meeting during an inter-sect tournament, mine would do its utmost to obliterate theirs. "Overall, I rate your judging abilities as one out of ten."

Considering their furious faces, it was safe to say I had new mortal enemies. And I regretted nothing. Muahahaha!

Next, I turned to Lina. "I understand the position the Association is in. It must have been a difficult decision for them to make since — obviously — my lecture would not be inferior to the Azure Pill Saint's."

A few people in the crowd chuckled. I didn't know what they thought was funny. I was definitely the superior lecturer here.

"That said, as someone so young, I will have many chances to speak on the Dao of Alchemy at future conventions. It's only right that I allow such an old Pill Saint to use my time slot. I will accept the Association's compensation."

Lina's professional smile became more real as if she looked at me like I was her favorite person. "Then—"

"Since," Little Spring cut her off while glancing at her in apology, "Alchemist Violet Pill refused, shouldn't all 200 high-tier stones go to my sister?"

A vein bulged on Violet's forehead as she smiled condescendingly at the brat. "Impossible! Those were going to be split between us."

Lina shook her head. "No, they were part of the compensation. You wanted to deny the Azure Pill Saint's request, so the Association will not give you those stones… However, since Alchemist Lin has been so gracious, it should be feasible to increase her reward to include Violet Pill's spirit stone allotment."

Violet looked like she'd eaten something sour. Muahahaha! Priceless.

"I request all of this be written out officially, and a copy given to me as soon as possible." Because there was no telling what those two Immortal Bone Creation Experts were getting up to while fucking around and finding out

Lina bowed. "The Alchemist Association will not forget." Then she vanished.

Violet walked over to me and crossed her arms. "You're a fool. Even if you have four lectures in the main hall, they will just stick them at the end of the day, making this gesture pointless."

I smirked. "By the next convention, I'll be so famous in the world of alchemy they'll regret only giving me four time slots. And if they move locations to someplace with more seats, that will more than double the number of spirit stones I could have won here. I'm considering this as a long-term investment."

Violet snorted. "You want to bet that you'll regret taking this compensation?"

"I'd rather bet that you'll regret not taking it."

She smirked. "After our little lecture battle, you can rest assured that everyone on Alchemy Island knows I have Five Leaves Medicine on my side and that Bright Flame and I solved a problem even a Pill Saint had trouble with. A crowd will flock to see my lecture. You could almost say that this little fight of ours was the perfect advertisement." She hid her amused expression behind a fan.

I chuckled and crossed my arms arrogantly. "That depends on whether you can continue to convince everyone that you're the one who came up with the solution when we both know that it was Bright Flame's work."

Her face practically turned red. "I contributed my share to the solution."

"Was it enough to be meaningful?"

She crossed her arms and looked down her nose at me. "As a genius, I can recognize something good when I see it. I did the most important thing... I gave Little Bright Flame the funds and resources he needed to find the solution. As well as other things. That makes it partially mine."

"Investors don't have the right to take credit for the creation they invest in."

She just smirked at me, as if asking me what I was going to do about it. "If I pay for it, then I own it. And if I own it, I can do what I want with it. Including keeping it a secret from everyone if I choose to."

While most of the crowd had dispersed after Lina left, several of those still wandering the area glanced at Violet with distrust. Ha! I wasn't the only one who could see this bitch for what she was.

"Do you think your Pill Saint friend won't figure out your deceit? How do you think he'll treat you then?"

She glared like she was about to strangle me. Bloodlust even wafted off of her, at least until a Nascent Soul level security guard stepped over, which made her cool her head. Even Violet could fear the threat of being thrown out of the Con.

"I always speak the truth," she said. "I'm a very truthful person. But I'm also the type of woman who gets what I want." She threw a strand of hair over her shoulder, and the pill beast scarf adjusted itself. "Anyway, I am done here. I'm going to go to my reserved seat, so I can listen to the lecture I missed. I hope everybody here can find seats and support me."

Then she flicked her sleeves as she turned around like she didn't want to deal with me anymore.

"I hope your lecture goes as well as you deserve," I called after her while imagining the Azure Pill Saint telling everyone to clear the room after his lecture.

"I hope you choke on your own pills," she retorted through secret sound transmission before storming off.

"May you live in interesting times!"

Bright Flame bowed to me. "Thank you for your instruction." Then he ran after her.

A few moments later, Lina returned and handed me a jade slip with the agreement on it and a spatial ring with 200 high-tier spirit stones.

Several people in the crowd eyed everything. I immediately sent it into the space.

Right now, my Foundation Establishment ass looked like an easy target to some of these cultivators, and one high-tier spirit stone was enough to murder someone over in lesser sects.

But I wasn't too worried about being a target since my backing wasn't small. Also, Pill Otaku and White Lily were still there. They started arguing with Blazing Lion and Noxious Fangstrike.

Before I could interject, Magnificent Moon and Radiant Skies walked up to Little Spring and me excitedly. "Senior Lin! You were so cool up there!"

I straightened my spine and clasped my hands behind my back. "Of course I was! I'm your Great Martial Aunt for a reason, you know. Don't underestimate me just because I look young."

The two nodded solemnly. And here, I thought I'd have to do more impressive things to get these girls to take me seriously. I supposed it was one thing to hear about someone being a badass alchemist, and a whole other to see them in action.

"We're going to go catch the Azure Pill Saint's next lecture since we missed his first one. Would you like to join us?" Magnificent Moon asked.

Radiant Skies grinned excitedly. "I'd like to hear your thoughts on it. And maybe you could show your juniors how you removed those pills without hitting the cauldron!"

These juniors looked more adorable after they'd changed their opinion of me. "We can discuss the Dao of Alchemy later. I need to have a talk with my little martial brother. We'll have plenty of time to go over the pill-calling hand seal in the future."

The two appeared disappointed, but nodded and left in the direction of the main hall.

I grabbed Little Spring and pulled him off to the side.

::I need you to tell me what you found earlier.::

He looked around as if considering that there might be eavesdroppers.

I rolled my eyes. ::Out with it, already.::

::Well, I saw two people who did not look like alchemists exchange something down a dark alley.::

::There could be many reasons for that. It doesn't mean something suspicious is going to happen.::

He nodded. ::I knew you'd have that reaction. That's why I didn't tell you what it was.::

I wanted to rub my temples. ::You obviously found something large enough to call on our junior.::

::I did! And Senior Ghosty agreed with me.:: He handed me his necklace with the soul gem on it. ::Actually, he should explain it.::

::Senior Lin,:: the Nascent Soul's old voice spoke in my head. ::We found something.::

He paused. When he didn't continue and I gripped the necklace tighter and waved it back and forth. ::What?::

::Hold on, let me start at the beginning.::

Couldn't these two just say it already? What was with dragging it out?

::Little Spring followed one of the strange cultivators, but that guy turned out to just be an herb seller. We watched him for a while, thinking that he might do something suspicious, and that's when I thought spotted someone who shouldn't be here. A demonic cultivator from my past!::

Oh shit! If they were a demonic cultivator from this old ghost's past, they must be an ancient and evil powerhouse. Possibly even an Immortal Ascension stage cultivator.

I immediately turned on my heel and faced toward where Four Directions Eagle was making our emergency exit. Fury that they hadn't told me something so important increased my blood pressure.

Just before I took a step, he continued, ::But I was mistaken. It was just someone who looked like him.::

This motherfucker was doing this on purpose. I lifted the necklace to eye level and glared at Ghosty through the soul gem.

::Just get to the point.:: Was this shitty ghost trying to be the first man to cultivate the Dao of Narrative Tension?

::Well, I needed to mention him because to find out if he was the evil cultivator I recognized we had to follow him.::

::Ghosty…, are you telling me that you took Little Spring, a ten-year-old, to spy on a man who may have been an Immortal Ascension stage demonic cultivator?::

He cleared his throat. ::Ah. Well. He felt like he was only in Foundation Establishment. I also needed to check if it was him or not. This led us down another alley where I was able to see his face clearly. While he did resemble that cultivator, he was not the same person. But, while we were there we smelled the stink of rotten fish.::

::So something smelled… fishy?::

::Exactly! I had to ask Little Spring to investigate why there was a place on this island that stank like that.::

::I imagine that a large amount of fish was caught for the staff to eat?::

::At the alchemy convention?::

I shrugged. ::It's not like spiritual chefs can't come here to cook.:: This was getting us nowhere. ::Just tell me what you found before I go check for myself.::

::Well, we discovered a pile of fish rotting on the street as if they'd been discarded there and forgotten. But when we looked inside the storehouse where they likely came from to find out why, we discovered something horrifying.::

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (14/16)

::Just say it.:: Someone must have taken the fish out of the storehouse to make room for whatever these two found.

::Barrels of Demonic Soul Devouring Vines that were about to come out of hibernation.::

Motherfuckers!

Those were vines that had gone extinct centuries before I attempted to ascend. For a good damn reason. They had a unique ability to jump on a target — usually an animal, cultivator, or spiritual beast — then they would coil themselves around it like a rope before slowly removing its soul. Of course, while this was going on, the Soul Devouring Vine excreted an addictive and hallucinogenic substance that made the target happy, so it wouldn't fight the plant, killing it until its soul was completely sucked out. But the reason why they were so noteworthy was because, unless you obliterated every single piece of them, they would grow back like mold. Fucking insidious.

The only reason the world hadn't been taken over by them, was because they grew slowly and hibernated a majority of the time.

These evil fuckers were often used by those damned vine-obsessed demonic cultivators to remove the souls of high-level targets. The toxin that the older plants excrete even affected Peak Immortal Bone Creation experts and were perfect for their disgusting purposes.

Regardless, as a Foundation Establishment cultivator, this was far above my fucking pay grade.

I started walking toward the emergency exits.

One did not fuck with Demonic Soul Devouring Vines unless one had the demonic techniques to control them or the pills that killed them. Frankly, those pills took a goddamn Immortal Bone Creation alchemist to concoct using advanced hand seals. Something this time period lacked.

Ghosty continued, ::There were enough vines to affect every cultivator at the convention and then some.::

I sped up, Little Spring followed me.

::But we took care of those by sending them into the space before they could hurt anyone. They're currently in the time-freeze area.::

I stopped, and the kid skidded to a halt just before he rammed into me.

::You seem jumpy. Are you alright?:: Ghosty asked.

I glared down at the necklace. ::Tell me faster::

::What faster?::

::That you took care of it.::

He harrumphed. ::Well, Little Spring said that there wasn't anything to worry about.::

And yet, the instincts that had allowed me to survive for a thousand years in this fucked up Xianxia universe were screaming at me and telling me that something was very wrong.

I put the necklace over my head and turned to Little Spring. "You told Peak Master Enduring Flame about the vines, and that you took care of them?"

He nodded.

That would explain why he hadn't had the whole place evacuated.

"Are you sure those were the only vines?"

"Both Enduring Flame and Pill Saint Five Leaves Medicine checked with divine sense. They couldn't find any other caches."

I continued walking toward the exit but chose to detour to our sect's booth. While I was there, I could tell my little junior to pack it in early, just in case.

As we neared our booth, the density of foot traffic grew. A large crowd surrounded our building, making it impossible to get close. Well, this wasn't unexpected. We were the Indomitable Will Sect, so it was only right that we were popular.

"Let me guess, Enduring Flame left to see if he could find the demonic cultivator responsible for these vines. But he didn't want the staff to know about it."

"That's right." Little Spring sidestepped a tall man to reach my side and grabbed my sleeve. "But why would he not tell the attendants and security?"

That wasn't hard to figure out. "He probably considered that a member of the staff could have brought the vines in. If he told them, then whoever smuggled that vicious plant inside could easily escape through a teleportation array. Since every large group here has an emergency exit ready, it wouldn't be difficult."

Suddenly, a rumble echoed through the island. The ground shook. Several nearby cultivators flew into the air. Their eyes grew wide with horror as they gasped in shock.

Oh, I had to see this.

I pulled out my flying sword tool and flew high into the sky before examining the landscape for what horrified everyone.

At first, I only noticed the island in the mid-afternoon light. There were buildings with orange roofs on one side and the dense jungle on the other. Rocks jutted from the water in various places and a strangely shaped, dark mountain rose up from the sea behind a tall hill.

[Image Link]

The mountain opened its amber eye.

That was no fucking mountain. That was a goddamn turtle head! This whole island was on the back of an enormous ascendant beast.

[Image Link]

What the actual fuck?! I had gone a thousand years without seeing a hint of one, yet this was the second I'd seen in just over a year.

On instinct, I glared at Little Spring, who had followed me on his flying fan and was staring in awe at the massive turtle head.

"What did you do?"

He turned to me, brows scrunching in confusion. "I didn't do anything."

"Right, sorry. Not your fault." I had witnessed Bloodsword cause this kind of chaos so often that I accidentally assumed the reveal of any strange phenomenon like this was his doing. While Little Spring wasn't Bloodsword, habits I'd had for a millennium couldn't be broken in a day… or a couple years. Whatever.

"The damned Alchemy Association set up their convention on the back of a giant black turtle — like that wouldn't come to bite them in the ass in one way or another. I hoped whoever decided on this location gets fired."

I didn't use my divine sense to examine the turtle head. It would sense me and, frankly, the beast was powerful enough that I'd have to use too much of my soul's strength to defend myself against its attacks. That would break my seal and might even aggravate the dichotomy between my soul and body again. The last thing I wanted was a damn time limit on how fast I needed to reach Golden Core.

With a gesture, I conjured up two convex water mirrors. Combined, they acted as a crude telescope. I peered through them, to see if there were any clues as to why this ascendant beast decided to come out of hiding.

Blinding flames shot out from behind its head.

Fuck! What shit timing! That had been brighter than the sun and would have burned my eyes out if I hadn't consumed those body cultivation meals.

At least I now knew where Enduring Flame was and that he was fighting someone. This also explained his absence toward the end of my lecture battle.

When I finished rubbing the moisture from my eyes, Little Spring tapped his chin in thought. "Could it be that the turtle belongs to the Alchemy Association?"

"Either that or the Association belongs to the turtle. As an ascendant beast, it's more intelligent than humans. Even brilliant ones like us."

Of course, intelligence didn't mean it had the wisdom to use what it learned. If this dumbass turtle had decided to host the con on its back, then it needed to be fired.

That was when I saw a gray vine dart up from the ocean like the tentacle of a mountain-sized squid.

Shit. "Whoever set up the Demonic Soul Devouring Vines wasn't just after the cultivators at the convention. They were after this ascendant beast!"

The demonic sect could have been responsible for the lack of ascendant beasts in my previous life. They could have reached them first and killed them for their own benefit.

Aside from their souls — which evil cultivators could consume to ascend to higher realms — ascendant beast blood created the perfect talisman ink, and parts of their bones were often the base for masterwork weapons. Hell, even I'd used a sliver of ascendant beast bone as the core when I forged my favorite sword. Their bodies were basically treasures, so it was no wonder the demonic sect was after all of them.

In the distance, the battle became heated, with flames and pseudo-laws getting flung between three small figures, the beast's head, and the vine. Parts of the vine were sliced off and dropped into the ocean, but it must have been a ten thousand-year vine because it kept trying to touch the turtle.

Despite everyone's best efforts the vine wrapped around the creature's neck. At that point, it was too late. The poor turtle was doomed.

Yells erupted from the crowd. I turned toward them and focused my water telescope on the scene below.

A Nascent Soul security guard had grabbed a man. He struggled, wrenching this way and that in his arms until the guard shoved a pill into his mouth. He fell asleep, and the guard set him on the ground unharmed.

The convention guard moved forward with his limbs jerking unnaturally. Then he jumped on another cultivator and fed her a pill. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed into the arms of her sect member.

There were more screams, this time coming from all over the island. I expanded my divine sense to find more people forcefully put to sleep.

Dozens of the Nascent Soul level guards were attacking those around them to feed them sleeping pills. Those that tried to fight back were restrained with the same type of spiritual ropes used against the man who stabbed a guy near his eye with an ink brush.

Actually, after this situation, everyone would definitely forget about the brush incident.

A Sword Grandmaster — the sword cultivator equivalent for Nascent Soul — attacked a guard before they could harm the alchemist hiding behind her. After a few quick exchanges, she ruthlessly sliced off the man's head. No blood spurted from the wound. When the head hit the street a hollow sound echoed from it. The still-standing headless body used a hand seal that gestured from the head to itself and it flew back onto its neck.

Little Spring, with his eyes wide open, pointed at the guard. "He's a puppet!"

I nodded grimly and watched as the Sword Grandmaster proceeded to chop the puppet into fine cubes. "All the convention guards might be… Possibly Lina and the other attendants, too."

"Does this mean all the staff are puppets?"

"If they are, then they are probably controlled by that turtle since they only went crazy after it was successfully ensnared by the hallucinogenic secreted by the vine."

I touched my chin in thought. "If they are spiritual tools with a new item spirit, they may even be semi-autonomous. This turtle obviously doesn't have enough concentration to control all these puppets and attempt to defend itself from the Ten Thousand Year Soul Devouring Vine. It likely gave these young item spirits the simple command to protect itself without killing anyone in the convention. It just forgot to remind them that most of the people here are friendly."

"Then does that mean Lina will attack us on sight?"

"Possibly."

I was more shocked that these puppets had been so realistic that even I hadn't noticed, and I was a genius item smith. It made me wonder if they hid their puppet nature, by purposefully having issues getting everyone in the convention.

But it was more likely that they had an ingenious and complex illusion enchantment keeping their true forms hidden.

Of course, that was when my conjecture was proven wrong because a guard stopped two puppets by cutting them to pieces. Right, not all the guards and assistants were puppets. Most conventions couldn't function without volunteers.

Even though I'd only been watching the chaos for no more than a couple of minutes, I noticed that the puppet guards were only attacking people who were moving or could be a threat. So, as long as we stayed up here, in the air, we'd go unnoticed. At least for now.

I hid a bunch of Foundation Establishment-level defensive talismans up my sleeve and slapped a couple onto Little Spring's back. Assured that we'd be relatively safe, I sent a secret sound transmission to Enduring Flame. "What's going on?"

"Senior Lin, this isn't the best time!"

"No kidding! The convention security puppets are trying to put everyone to sleep."

"What puppets?!"

Good to know I wasn't the only one fooled.

"No, never mind," he said. "Give me a second."

The figures in the distance switched places. A storm of illusory leaves attacked a man wearing black. I assumed he got Five Leaves Medicine to take over so he could talk.

"Announce to everyone that the convention is over and that they should get to the emergency exit. Everyone from our sect needs to head back immediately. So far, we're keeping our energy contained in this area, but I don't know how long we'll be able to do that. Even though he's only a half step above us, this demonic cultivator's ability is too overwhelming."

If he survived this and we left without him, it would take him two years traveling at his maximum speed to return to the sect since we were a quarter of the way across the world. But there wasn't another option. Immortal Bone Creation fights that weren't carefully controlled could turn whole mountain ranges into flat deserts.

Since he was my junior, I had to ask, "With us gone, what will you do?"

"As a member of a righteous sect with the highest realm in our group, I won't allow this demonic cultivator to use Senior Alchemy Island's soul to reach the immortal Ascension stage."

"Good. Don't let the demonic cult have him. At all costs."

"Yes, Senior Lin!" His voice sounded amused. I saw another flash of flames. He likely had to return to the fight.

The turtle let out a deep anguished groan that I felt in my bones. It was losing to the vine and it knew it.

Little Spring tugged on my sleeve. "Sister Lin, isn't there anything we can do to help without putting ourselves in danger? Either for the turtle or everyone here?"

I frowned. "Who am I?"

"Fairy Lin!"

"That's right! Of course, there is something we can do! It just won't be much."

He nodded. "As long as we can help in some way. I almost feel a bit responsible since none of this would be happening if I hadn't told Peak Master Enduring Flame about the vines."

I smoothed his hair. "If you hadn't found them, we'd be in a worse situation later in the convention. You did well."

Now I just had to figure out what we could do. And that needed to happen before I made the evacuation announcement since the cultivators here might be useful.

Obviously not something physical since I was still a weak-ass Foundation Establishment stage cultivator.

I knew of techniques that could easily take care of this. But I couldn't use them. I also couldn't teach them because they were Immortal Ascension stage techniques reliant on the Heavenly Laws.

What about tools? We had the space. But it wasn't like we could fit the whole damn turtle island inside, nor the mountain-sized vine. Which was assuming I was willing to get anywhere near it, which I was not.

We could use the space to save the people who were put to sleep. But exposing it would shout to every greedy asshole in the area — which was everyone that wasn't a puppet — that they should kill us and take it for themselves.

What about pill recipes? There was a recipe I knew that could wipe out the Soul Devouring Vine while leaving the patient uninjured. But I couldn't create it. I was not in the Immortal Bone Creation realm… And others couldn't because they didn't have advanced enough hand seals… except for one fucking person on this whole island...The asshole who selfishly asked for my time slot.

I looked to Little Spring, "Inform Peak Elder Grass Sprout and our three juniors that they should evacuate to the emergency exit."

"I'll warn them about the guards and Lina."

"Also, confirm with Four Directions Eagle that he's finished setting up our teleportation array."

If he hadn't, we'd all be fucked.

"Want me to say goodbye to Alchemist Ruthless Divine Medicine and White Lily?"

I grinned. "Promise that we'll meet them at the next convention." If there was one after this fiasco. Frankly, this was as bad as the crab mission!

He nodded, his eyes filled with determination.

"And once you're done with that, announce to everyone on Alchemy Island that the convention has ended early and that they should leave for the emergency exits. And that any righteous sect member in the Immortal Bone Creation should help Enduring Flame with the fight against the demonic cult."

The kid paled. "Yes, Sister Lin!"

Of course, since we were ‌ending the convention now, Violet wouldn't get any compensation for our lecture battle. Muahahahaha! I wish I could see the look on her face once she realized that I was the only one who benefitted.

Wasting no more time, I split my mind in two.

It was time to save a fucking turtle.

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (15/16)

To get ready to leave this place, I focused part of my mind on ensuring our safety. The first step to that was checking in with Ghosty.

::Have you recovered enough to use that defensive shield I taught you?::

::You know I'm still recovering.::

::I'm not asking you to use it at full strength. Obviously, you're not well enough for that. But can you produce a shield that holds off an attack from another Nascent Soul?::

::Senior Lin—::

::I won't ask unless it's absolutely necessary.::

He hesitated. ::One time. Then I'll be back where I was a few months ago.::

***

While there were many ways to help the turtle, considering our current limitations, the most effective would be to delegate.

To that end, I used part of my mind to contact the Guest of Honor.

"Senior Azure Pill Saint, this is Fairy Lin, from the Indomitable Will Sect."

"Oh! The little alchemist who gave up your lecture spot for me, not that I'm benefiting from it. As you may have noticed, everyone needs to evacuate immediately."

"The black turtle we're on is being attacked by a Demonic Soul Devouring Vine."

"Which is why we should all exit as fast as possible."

I frowned. "We can't allow evil cultivators to get their hands on Senior Alchemy Island. If you're willing to make the pill to save the turtle, I'll give you the valuable prescription, rights, and all."

He chuckled. "You want me to stay here and risk my neck? For a beast unrelated to me?"

Technically an ascendant beast.

"For a recipe that only an Immortal Bone Creation expert can create. One that will help you reach greater heights."

"Bah! Don't be ridiculous. You're a mere Foundation Establishment cultivator. Even if you knew about a pill like that, my life, as the creator of new hand seals that will be used for generations, is worth more than a simple recipe. And it's certainly more significant than yours."

I really wanted to yell at this asshole while doing an impression of the 'Listen here you little shit' meme from my past-past life.

[Image Link]

But that would end poorly. This fucker was so powerful that he could wipe out my existence with the flick of his fingers.

"Senior, if you don't agree, then what I'll have to do will make your contribution to the field feel nonexistent. You may as well help now and become more famous."

He chuckled. "Are you threatening me, a Pill Saint?!"

"Just stating facts."

He snorted so forcefully that Little Spring and I flew backward several feet.

"We're done here. Good luck with your attempts to surpass my accomplishments, brat."

Was this fucker serious?

The Pill Saint appeared above the main lecture hall, then vanished.

He basically ran away. The man wasn't even trying to save face at this point. Then again, just because a person lived a long time and produced results from their hard work didn't mean they were good. Or that they cared about their reputation over their lives. In fact, the more someone had to lose, the more likely they were to do everything in their power to continue to stay alive.

Fuck. Without him, I only had a single option left. But it was something I hadn't wanted to do. I would have to reveal the work of many brilliant alchemists who deserved to discover their improvements in this life as well. Just like science, the biggest advancements in alchemy couldn't be achieved by one person alone. It took many brilliant minds working together over many years to create something more. By disclosing their work, I would take their future achievements away from them to save this turtle.

And for revenge. Okay, mostly spite. This fucker needed to get taken down until his accomplishments were a mere footnote in alchemical history.

It wasn't a choice I was entirely happy with, but I never claimed to be a damned saint.

I ended my split mind technique and concentrated on Enduring Flame. Next, I tested out my telepathic technique's current range. Little Spring flew closer and didn't stop scanning the area for attackers while continuing to send out messages to the surrounding people.

::Junior Enduring Flame?::

::You're still here?! What about the others?::

::Little Spring is sending them instructions to leave the convention. They'll likely be waiting for us at the emergency teleportation array.::

::You need to leave now! While this fight hasn't reached you yet, it's only a matter of time.:: He sounded very stressed. It was worrying. Frankly, I didn't know if this Peak Master would be able to win against a Demonic cultivator at the peak of Immortal Bone Creation. Not only were Demonic cultivators generally stronger, but Alchemists were usually weaker combatants in general. But this junior of mine was our only option.

Because I was too weak.

Which fucking stung. From my perspective, I had been on top of the world only four years ago. I could have taken care of that demonic cultivator and those vines with a swipe of my palm. But now…

::Have Pill Saint Five Leaves Medicine keep him occupied for a minute. I need you to do something for me.::

::I don't understand why, but done.::

The Indomitable Will Sect always had each other's backs.

Once I saw them switch, I sent him what was essentially an information packet through the telepathic technique. It contained the pill prescription, exact step-by-step instructions, and the advanced hand seals that the recipe needed in order to work.

He coughed. ::Senior Lin, this! And the pill recipe... This is all ingenious…::

::While I may not look like it, I am from the older generation. What kind of Senior would I be if I left my Junior without giving him all the information he would need to overcome this trial?::

::But these hand seals!::

::Are only a fraction of what my personal logical alchemy uses. You better make it back to the sect, so I have time to teach you the rest. I want our sect's alchemy peak to obliterate every hint of the Azure Pill Saint's accomplishments.:: Muahahaha!

::Then when I come back, I'll be ready to learn!:: His voice sounded more determined than ever.

I grinned. With the promise of more incredible hand seals, I had no doubt that he'd figure out some way to return.

::Save the turtle first.::

::Yes, Senior Lin! It looks like a few more of my peers are coming. We just might succeed! Though, how long that will take is anyone's guess.::

***

Little Spring let out a sigh of relief. "Sister Lin, I finished informing everyone about the convention ending early. Two other Immortal Bone Creation experts also agreed to help. While I was talking to everyone, I helped organize a rescue of the fallen cultivators. Their sect members are collecting their bodies once each area gets cleared of puppets. They're making sure everyone leaves as soon as possible."

Look at this brat! He set a goal for himself beyond what I asked him to and accomplished it without any input from me. I smoothed his hair back. "Good job! Now, it's time we leave before one of those Nascent Soul guards put us to sleep."

While I was fairly certain at least Junior Grass Sprout would come for us if that happened, I didn't trust the greedy alchemists around us not to take advantage of the situation.

"Or before the Immortal Bone Creation fight kills us all," he added, a bit too ominously.

The kid wasn't wrong.

I spread my divine sense out. We weren't that far from the emergency exits, but this would be the most dangerous short distance we'd ever traveled. While remaining stationary up here helped us keep out of the puppet's sight, as soon as we moved, we'd make for some easy targets. And I couldn't allow ourselves to get put to sleep. Sure, we had the space, but we had to see the attack coming to avoid it. The power disparity between Nascent Soul and Foundation Establishment was like that between the heavens and the earth. A cliché saying, but fucking accurate.

It was a good thing we had this! I pulled out the bottle with the Presence Scattering Obfuscation Dan. I tossed Little Spring one, and he caught it with a flourish.

"When crushed and scattered over your body, it can temporarily hide your presence from those Nascent Soul puppets for two minutes."

He peered toward the emergency exit area. "Can we get there in time?"

I nodded. "It will last us long enough for us to reach there."

He grinned, crushed the pill, and sprinkled it on top of his head. "Then let's go home."

***

We neared the exit. A sizable crowd had formed near it as cultivators fought to leave. For some, that was the teleportation formations. For others who were less fortunate, they needed to evacuate the island through their immortal ships. The Con only had a single entry point to the main island, thanks to a barrier that prevented outsiders from entering the convention at will. It also had the side effect of preventing the low-realm attendees from leaving.

The two equally desperate crowds near the entrance had become a single mass of people struggling to leave. But since these were cultivators, there were some flying, so the whole area looked like a dandelion of immortals.

There was no way we could get through that crowd on foot.

We flew into the crowd and slowed down. After struggling for a bit, we came close enough to Peak Elder Grass Sprout, Four Directions Eagle, and the three Golden Core girls to see them. We were almost at our exit!

Of course, that was when my divine sense picked up a Nascent Soul puppet zipping toward us. Likely it was trying to attack the powerful cultivator a few people over and due to my Obfuscation Dan, it couldn't see us.

I grabbed Little Spring and hid in the space right before it struck. We both reappeared after the puppet passed.

[Image Link]

Fuck. The air was too dangerous. I landed and Little Spring followed. Several cultivators ran past. I recognized Violet, but she was too busy escaping to notice us.

Suddenly, Lina stepped out from a mass of people to block our path to the array. That professional smile was still plastered to her face, but then her limbs would twitch like her puppetmaster had a hand spasm.

"Let us leave, Assistant Lina."

Her left eye blinked unnaturally.

Fuck, we didn't have time for this. The puppet guard that just put a cultivator to sleep turned in our direction. Maybe it had sensed us vanish and assumed we were a threat, but it flew toward Little Spring and me. Grass Sprout blurred and appeared right next to the guard. It sent a cauldron-shaped spiritual attack at the peak elder which slammed into her, sending her flying for at least a mile.

Instead of chasing after her, the puppet jerkily turned towards us again, a sleeping pill in its hand. With a snap, it crushed the pill, scattering the powder in our direction.

Eagle blew the dust away with a single powerful step. He took out a massive compass spiritual tool. It floated in the air beside him, spinning with energy that seemed to warp space.

The two Nascent Soul powerhouses exchanged a few blindingly fast blows before Eagle was also sent flying in Grass Sprout's direction. Since she had started heading back, they slammed into each other.

The two Nascent Soul cultivators must have posed enough of a threat since it finally ignored us and flew toward Eagle and Grass Sprout.

Shit! I didn't know how much time we had but we couldn't leave without them. As strong as they were, they wouldn't survive a stray attack from an Immortal Bone Creation expert.

Lina finally bowed jerkily and stepped aside. "Remember, Nothing… Bad… Bad… Bad… happens at the A-Alchemy Convention."

I winced. Poor Lina. She started out as Joo Dee and ended up as a messed-up puppet comparable to a malfunctioning Westworld android. "Yes. I agree. Now, let us go so we can continue to say that. And you'll be back to your old puppet-self in no time."

Little Spring grabbed my sleeve. ::I knew there was something weird going on here.::

No shit. I just wanted a damn vacation! It hasn't even been a whole day yet!

She stepped aside and bowed. "Please come again esteemed guests from the In-In-Indomitable Will Sect."

Aww. Lina. She may have had the association's best interests in mind but, because of her, I didn't have to stop my lecture in the middle due to this mess. Instead, I got assurance that I'd have four lecture slots during the next convention, along with 200 high-tier stones I wouldn't have had otherwise. And since my junior was saving that senior, I could rest assured that the Alchemy Convention would return.

Just thinking about how Violet not only failed to get the 100 stones she was expecting but also didn't receive the slot she pressured the Association into giving her, made me grin at the poor puppet assistant.

And that was when some random body cultivator got in between Eagle and the puppet. The idiot punched the puppet guard sending him flying backward and heading right toward us. It was going so fast and with such strong energy, I would have to hide in the space to avoid it. But, in that same moment, I realized that our three Golden Core disciples would get hit if I did. The chances that these promising alchemists could survive a strike from a Nascent Soul puppet was… Fuck.

While they had started off not liking me, I could tell by the end of my lecture that they'd changed their minds. To them, even though I was younger and had a lower cultivation, they treated me as their sect ancestor. And one thing we did for our juniors was to protect them from things above their realm. The Indomitable Will Sect always had each other's backs.

::Shield!:: Ghosty should have eno—

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (Part 16/16 End

My ears rang. It made it difficult to hear the crowd. A dull pain from my dislocated shoulder reminded me that I was still alive. When I opened my eyes, the world spun.

Fuck, I'd blacked out earlier, hadn't I?

I hoped that the body cultivator who punched the puppet toward us would get his ass kicked.

Oh! There were formation flags all around me. Where the fuck was I? A sour feeling rose up in my throat. I turned over and coughed up seven mouthfuls of blood.

I blinked. That damn puppet had given me a... a con... coction? Con—fuck. Concussion! Why the hell did I have to deal with a concussion on top of throwing up so much blood? Whatever.

The crowd was still here. Still pushing. Some screamed making my new tinnitus worse. So, it hadn't been out for too long.

Damn it, Ghosty! Why didn't you tell me your shield could barely withstand an attack at Nascent Soul? Not that it would have changed much. Maybe the puppet was just stronger than that recovering ghost.

I couldn't complain too much since I was still alive, and from how they were running through the crowd toward me, I could see that my sect's Golden Core alchemists hadn't been harmed. They each wore expressions that were both horrified and desperate. They weren't bad juniors, after all.

I threw up another half-mouthful of blood.

Shit. This wasn't just a concussion. I could feel the dichotomy between my massive soul and weak body. It had increased again. Unlike when I first arrived here, I could understand the strangeness of my thoughts. Must be the perks of an increased realm.

A Lin's Healing Dan would likely solve most of this. If not, then there was always a Lin's Healing Dan 2. I just had to…

I brought out a pill and paused at the sound of familiar voices.

"Sister Lin! Watch out!"

"Senior!"

Ornate purple shoes stepped into view, just avoiding a formation flag. I blinked and looked up. Violet smiled down at me, but she couldn't hide the fires of rage that burned in her eyes.

Fuck. It figured that I'd have to fight her in this state. I gathered my inner Qi and created a shield far above what my current realm could handle.

"Oops," she called out, then she very delicately kicked my stomach.

As the shield broke, my healing dan escaped from my fingers. I spat out another mouthful of blood, staining Violet's robes, before the force of the hit sent me flying backward.

Of course, she'd had to put her spiritual energy into her kick to try and destroy my dantian. The fucking bitch!

I slammed into a soft body. We both flew until we skidded to a stop inside a complex formation. I knew that I knew what it was. Fuck what was it? It shouldn't be this difficult. I was better than this!

Oddly, that was when I noticed Alchemists Magnificent Moon, Radiant Skies, and Emerald Pine through the crowd. They were defending against attacks from several golden core cultivators from our Sect's Rival, the Golden Dragon Sect. No wonder they hadn't been able to get to me in time.

Then who was behind me? I should know this.

"Sister Lin." Little Spring's voice sounded weak and desperate. Shit, of course, it had been the kid behind me. "Are you okay?"

Fuck no. All my ribs were now broken even if my dantian had been protected. My breathing sounded watery, and my left arm was still dislocated. I was positive I bled internally. At this point, I could barely move from the goddamn pain. My head was working at a tenth of its normal speed... and repeating itself. And not making the connections it definitely should.

Which was why it took me so long to look up at those cultivators looming above us.

I blinked. Wait. I recognized those hostile faces.

The Irrepressible Beast Blood Sect!

I turned to Little Spring. ::Spa—::

Of course, that was when the array activated.

As soon as we reappeared on a stone receiving platform, Noxious Fangstrike flicked his finger sending a hand of spiritual energy toward me.

::—ce:: I continued.

His energy reached an inch from my neck before Little Spring moved us into his space. My ass landed on the grass beside Fairy Lake.

That had been too close.

Noxious had aimed to smack us down like flies now that he didn't have to worry about my sect's Immortal Bone Creation expert taking immediate revenge.

Also, couldn't those motherfuckers have waited before activating the goddamn teleportation formation?!

"Take this. Please get better!"

Little Spring placed a Lin's Healing Dan into my mouth.

Instead of replying, I focused on spreading the pill's energy throughout my body.

***

The healing process took a couple of hours. My injuries had been so intense that even the power of my phoenix constitution activated and helped me as I fixed my broken bones and mended the tears in my lungs. I even widened and repaired my meridians that had been damaged from the backlash of my shield.

After I shoved my shoulder back into place, I healed all the minor injuries I hadn't noticed in the heat of things.

My body had been a bloody mess, now it was just bloody. No wonder the kid had been worried.

Frankly, the only reason I was still alive and still had my dantian was thanks to my body cultivation and ingenious last-minute shield.

Fortunately, as the warmth returned to my cheeks, my soul-body dichotomy righted itself. Mostly. Enough that I wasn't worried about it, anyway. And thank fuck for that. I didn't want to go through another long journey to collect the materials for an advanced healing pill again, especially on a poor foreign continent.

After using the cleaning technique to cleanse my body and robes, I could finally think clearly. And, of course, the first person I had to think of was that bitch Violet. She must have kicked me to the unorthodox sect's teleportation formation on purpose. Since she was likely about to teleport herself, she probably got away with it too! Fuck! I had really hoped my cute little juniors would beat her ass for me. Then again, they'd had their own fight to worry about. It figured that those bastards from our sect's rival would interfere for the hell of it.

Regardless of their interference, Violet Pill Fairy had just moved off my Fairy Lin's People to Kill (When You Can) List. Now she was the only name on my People to Ruin (ASAP) List. It was here I keep the names of the rare few individuals who deserve a fate worse than death.

Once I returned, the first thing I would do would be to find that little Pharma-Snake, and slowly destroy her overinflated reputation. Then I'd have to find a way to make her go bankrupt, taking away the two things she loved most in this world.

The bitch had no idea how badly she courted death. Muahahaha!

Little Spring stared down at me with concern. "Sister Lin. You... look like you're planning a murder."

I grinned up at him. "Close enough!"

We had to return home first, of course. Then the real planning could start.

Xiao Bai ran over, tail wagging, and started rubbing against our legs. I ran my hand through his soft, fluffy, white fur. This puppy hadn't aged since the kid brought him back. He was definitely not a mundane dog. But we still couldn't figure him out.

Little Spring bit his lip. "I was worried, earlier. You looked so…"

I knew I had looked bad. So it was time to change the subject.

And I needed to remember to thank Ghosty once he recovered. I'd have to start seriously looking for precious treasures to make that old man a new body. But that would come later.

"I'm all healed up!"

He let out a relieved exhale.

"But, even if we're currently out of danger, we're not in a good place."

"Because of the teleportation?"

I nodded. "You remember the two sects who argued with Noxious Fangstrike's sect?"

"Of course, Harmonious Sound and Leashed Claws."

"I know about them. They're mid-tier, at best. But the most important part is that they're on the other side of the world from our Indomitable Will sect."

His eyes grew wide. "Then is the Irrepressible Beast Blood Sect there too?"

I nodded. "Probably."

He sat down next to me and then lay supine on the grass. Xiao Bai rushed over and jumped on top of his chest until he started petting the dog... Or whatever he was. "How are we going to get back?"

"If we were to walk, it might take a millennium. To go by flying sword at our current level, it would take us a century. An Immortal Bone Creation Expert could do it in four years… if they went at their top speed non-stop."

"Can't we just teleport back?"

I looked up into the fake sky. "If only it were that easy. We don't have the funds for that."

"What about the 200 high-tier spirit stones you received?"

I chuckled. "If we were teleporting around the continent, it would take us far, but halfway across this world? Our sect would need to save up for two years to have the funds to bring us back. That means we'll be waiting here for four years. At this point, we may as well visit a sect we're on good terms with and wait five years for the World Inter-sect Exchange."

The color drained from his face. "What about Clear Eyes Mad Tongue and Spear that Weaves? They're going on that mission you didn't want them to."

"Don't panic."

"And what is Unyielding Firestorm going to do without you there? We were only supposed to be gone for two weeks!"

I grinned. I hadn't been idle while healing myself. "I have a plan for everything. Just watch."

"What plan?"

"During this time period, there was—"

"Is," he pointed out.

I ignored him... even though he was technically right. "Only one organization that has a presence all over the world. The Alchemists' Guild." They were different from the Alchemist Association which put on the convention.

"What can they do for us?"

"You think an organization of that size doesn't have enough funds to send us back home?"

He frowned. "At what cost?"

"You're too sharp for your own good."

The exasperated expression on his face was too adorable.

"It depends. It could be anything. From giving them the rights to all of my future prescriptions to the guild to having us become guards like Red Three and Red Seven for a couple of centuries. But if we get lucky, they might just ask us to do something incredibly difficult but not time-consuming."

"And probably dangerous."

"If you think they'd sign us up for something where the risk wasn't equal to the reward, you'd be out of your mind."

He nodded. "But we need to find an Alchemists' Guild first."

"And to do that we need to leave this space and explore this continent."

"But they'll have people out there trying to find us. How are we going to leave my space without getting caught?"

I brought out the bag of high-tier spirit stones.

"Our first step is to cultivate until we reach a half step from Golden Core. And then use this..." I pulled out the manual for the disguise technique I picked up off an assassin last year and tossed it to the kid.

His eyes grew bright, and he grinned.

"That's right. We're going to fool those unorthodox cultivators into thinking we're completely different people."

"We can even split up to make ourselves more difficult to find since they might be searching for two young experts!"

"Maybe. We can figure out the specific details later." With a thought, I brought my guitar over.

"But I can guarantee that they'll be looking for two alchemists, and not an ostentatious and mysterious Four Arts Cultivator."

And as a plus, my sect's Four Arts Peak couldn't blame me for introducing rock to the original dumbass author's unoriginal Xianxia world. After all, I was on the opposite side of the planet. Muahahaha!