Chapter 64 - (10) 25-30

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 25🎸)

Together we passed the pill's transforming energy through Dread Lotus's body. When we reached her upper and lower intestines, I had to place a few needles in the right acupoints, but that cleared up the last of her major blockages.

Unfortunately, this left her covered in expelled impurities.

Maid Xiao Fan quickly took care of it by using a half dozen cleaning techniques… after I heavily encouraged her.

Once the energy from the pill finished transforming Dread Lotus' body, she sighed. Her brows that had been scrunched in pain eased. "Yes! It's finally over!"

I shook my head. "It's not."

The contented smile on her face froze. Then she glared at me. "What do you mean, 'it's not?' I don't have to go through that again, do I?!"

"We just forcefully cleared your body of impurities and transformed your weak constitution into Superior Songs Body. This is the perfect time to have your first body cultivation bath."

Her eyes turned glossy, and she blinked as if holding back tears. "I'm exhausted. Can't it wait a day?"

Was she trying to gain my sympathy? While cute, she wasn't nearly as adorable as Little Spring. I was immune. "It can't if you want to be the healthiest girl in this sect. Even as we speak, your perfectly clean meridians are developing impurities."

She struggled for a second, then sighed. "Damn it."

I held out an energy replenishment pill. "Take this. I can give you 10 minutes to recover while your maid readies a hot bath."

She nodded to Xiao Fan, and the woman disappeared into another room. Next, she took the pill with a cup of diluted spiritual spring water.

After closing her eyes to meditate, she asked, "So, is this bath going to be more painful or less?"

"It'll be worse, but it won't take as much mental effort."

The frown on her face told me that she was very reluctant. Unfortunately for her, the expectation of a pain-free medical procedure only existed in my past-past life.

"Well, if you can't handle the pain, I can attempt to lessen it. However, the method is experimental… and exciting."

"Uh. So you've tried other… experiments?"

"Yes! Unfortunately, they practically negated the bath's effect wasting ingredients. But don't worry too much. I believe this attempt will work!"

After consuming Little Spring's body cultivation meals, I knew it could be painless! For this next attempt, number 642, I wanted to keep an open mind. And do what I did best — combine different disciplines using my Unlimited Dao. Muahahaha!

Dread Lotus quickly glanced toward where her maid had left. She looked worried, as if she'd been left alone with a crazy person. But I was obviously very sane, so that couldn't be it.

Whatever. I couldn't let her distract me from this precious chance to experiment once more!

She quickly turned her gaze toward me and lightly slapped the side of the bed.

"Wait! Could you have used this new pain-relieving method to lessen the pain I went through earlier?!"

"Of course not!" I straightened my spine and glared. "I can't do it and perform acupuncture simultaneously." At least not in my current realm. "Also, don't forget that this method is experimental."

But it was the most promising experiment I'd ever come up with. Frankly, I wished I could have attempted it when I went through my own body cultivation bath. But I hadn't had a high enough realm.

"Anyway, focus on replenishing your energy!"

She sent me a brief exasperated glance but returned to meditating.

***After ten minutes had passed, Dread Lotus appeared to be twenty times healthier than when I'd first seen her. While she hadn't gained any weight, she had flushed cheeks. Also, the dark circles under her eyes had disappeared.

It was time to infuse her weak body with spiritual energy to strengthen it.

Maid Xiao Fan returned and tried to help her up. She waved her off and slowly sat up by herself.

Dread Lotus stared at the ground for a solid minute. I was about to say something when she suddenly stood up.

Xiao Fan burst into tears. "Young Miss! You're standing by yourself!"

She took a few careful steps, then quickly grew more confident and walked all the way to the room where Xiao Fan had set up the bath.

I followed after her. "Just how long have you been stuck in that bed?"

Her cheeks turned red. "An embarrassing amount of time." Then she turned to me with determination. "What do I have to do?"

"That depends. Do you know the turtle breathing technique?"

She shook her head.

It figured.

I brought out a body cultivation bath bomb, crushed it, and sprinkled it on top of the water. Next, I poured in the rest of my diluted spiritual spring water.

"You're going to have to stay completely submerged. Which is why you'll need this." I grabbed a random spiritual bamboo straw from Little Spring's kitchen. "You should be able to bite down on it, too."

She took a step toward the bath, then hesitated. "I know it will be painful, but this isn't going to kill me, right?"

I placed my hands behind my back. "Of course not. I went through this when I was just a child and I'm perfectly fine. I can guarantee that you won't die-die."

Her eyes narrowed. "… you said 'die' twice."

"That was for emphasis. Oh!"

She jumped a bit.

I took out a jade slip and wrote up a contract. As the creator of the Dao of Paperwork, I couldn't let Early Rise Swift Brush down, by forgetting one of the most important aspects of it — covering my own ass. "Since this is an experiment, you need to give your consent and waive your right to hold me liable if this goes horribly wrong. Not that it will. Just sign this with your spiritual signature."

Her uncles and aunts were so high up in the fucking sect that I wasn't taking any chances.

I handed her the jade slip.

After reviewing the consent and waiver documents, she hesitated. Her eyes focused and her jaw tightened.

"Alright. Let's do this."

She tossed me the signed jade slip and then jumped into the bath. Which was when I split my mind in two and used one part to keep track of every second that passed and her reactions.

I was going to have her experience the full pain of the bath first as the control group. Once I'd figured out how much time she could stand in the bath without pain relief, I would know how effective this weird-ass type of pseudo-anesthetic was. Highly necessary information since this would be my first time using it like this.

Dread Lotus was too light and bobbed to the surface. To help her out, I used my spiritual energy to force her down, careful to keep her straw above the water so she could breathe.

She started thrashing.

::Stop that. You'll only make it harder on yourself.::

::Ow!::

::I'll keep you safe. Just endure it!::

::Shut up! I am!::

::Then do it until you pass out.:: For science!

She opened her eyes, discovered that the bath was improving them, and took advantage of it for a second before closing them... Or she realized that glaring at me while inside a body cultivation bath was a stupid, pain-filled idea that shouldn't be repeated. Whichever.

She crossed her arms but managed to stop herself from moving too much. Her brows were furrowed and her knuckles had turned white. She appeared to be using fury to overcome the pain.

Huh. This reminded me of all the times I gleefully helped my friend's students with their body cultivation baths. So many of them uselessly plotted revenge only to bow down in thanks once they discovered that I'd saved them a decade of hard work.

If this experiment succeeded, and those muscle heads were born in this life, I could finally increase their cultivation without all the pain.

Actually, my hypothesis for this experiment was so simple that I couldn't believe I hadn't considered it in my past life. Then again, after my friend and her students didn't survive the war with the demonic cultivators, I hadn't had a reason to give a shit about returning to that research.

But this was a different timeline with new opportunities!

For instance, my current hypothesis. It came down to this: If I could use a rock song with an anesthesia-like effect that prevented the mind from receiving any pain signals, then the bath would still be effective.

The next part of this experiment was choosing the right song.

I had briefly considered a pain-distancing ballad loosely inspired by Tool's Parabola. Unfortunately, while it was very effective, Fairy Bright Tone had created it to slowly numb someone so they could be attacked in secret. This meant that it worked too slowly. We didn't have time for that.

Instead, I decided on a song that Red Ears Sound Wave wrote influenced by a rock cover of Em Beihold's Numb Little Bug. Its lyrics were too on the nose when looking at Dread Lotus's whole situation, but it had the best and fastest effect.

Bubbles escaped from Dread Lotus's mouth. At 257 seconds, she passed out.

She had also stopped breathing.

Xiao Fan stared at me in horror. "Oh my g—"

"That line is going to get old fast if you keep saying it."

Using my spiritual energy, I pulled the girl out of the bath. Next, I fed her a healing dan and used my divine sense to put pressure on her lungs. She coughed up a mouthful of water and started breathing again.

A groan escaped her. "Is it over?"

"We're just beginning."

"I really hate you."

"A wise body cultivator once said, without pain, there is no gain. But I think that since you can't take the pain, then let's attempt my rock anesthesia method!!" If this succeeded, I might even name it after her.

"Do whatever you want if you can prevent me from feeling that!"

I turned to the maid. "I need you to keep her underwater."

The wide-eyed woman pressed her hand against her heart. "I could never help drown Miss Dread Lotus!"

Dread Lotus gritted her teeth. "Xiao Fan, just do it. While I feel terrible, I can tell that I'm stronger than I have been in years! Whatever Sister Linlin is doing to me, it's working." She grinned. "Besides, this much water can't hurt a lotus."

"Oh, young miss!" Xiao Fan hesitated for a second but picked up her mistress with spiritual energy and held her above the bath.

I put a new bamboo straw between her lips and brought out my guitar. As soon as I played the first chord, I said, "Do it!"

Dread Lotus dropped into the water.

I increased my volume so it could be heard underwater. The heavy music flowed through the room, causing the dust on the highest shelves to fall off. That was when I sang lyrics that emphasized the feeling of being mentally numb while using metaphors and poetry to show the lack of feeling.

Meanwhile, Dread Lotus calmly floated. Her brows appeared relaxed. It was definitely working! Muahahaha!

Unfortunately, I could only know if this anesthesia had any negative side effects on the efficacy of the bath once it finished.

After 968 seconds, Dread Lotus passed out. Xiao Fan pulled her from the water while I flicked another pill into her mouth.

She woke up again, awkwardly pulled her wet hair off her face, and threw it behind her. Her eyes locked on mine.

I recognized that expression. The body cultivation students always had it while they were in the middle of their bath. The 'I want to respectfully strangle Senior Lin' stare.

"Why, out of all the things you could sing me, are you playing a song that includes lyrics about barely breathing and sinking?"

I shrugged. "What? It's keeping you numb, right?"

She opened her mouth as if to reply, then closed it. "How much longer?"

I grinned. "Until the bathwater isn't effective anymore."

Her jaw tightened. "How old were you when you went through this?"

"Nine or ten." Physically, anyway. "And I didn't have any anesthetic."

She ground her teeth. "I'm not going to lose to a child, especially now that the pain doesn't bother me… Continue!"

It was good to see her indomitable will return.

***Dread Lotus and Xiao Fan met me out in the courtyard after changing out of their wet clothes.

"So, how is your transformed, strong, and healthy body?"

"Making me torn between worshiping you as an ancestor or punching you."

"Consolidating your body cultivation isn't a bad idea! And it would help me judge if the pain-numbing music diluted the bath's effect too much."

"Wait, really?"

"You may try to hit me." For science! Muahahaha!

Her jaw dropped.

"To make it fair, I'll reduce the strength I use to match yours and only block you with one hand."

"Are you sure?"

Before I could finish nodding, she dashed forward to punch my face. I used Impossible Leap to dodge slightly and two fingers to redirect her strike.

We exchanged a few more simple strikes as I gauged her strength. She increased her intensity with each attack.

When she tried to knee my stomach, I caught it against my palm. I had to do some mental math and consider her original cultivation level before I could settle on an answer to the effects the song had on the bath's effect. Unfortunately, she attempted to sucker punch me while I was in the middle of doing calculations. To block her, I pushed her knee back. I accidentally used more strength than necessary and sent her flying across the courtyard.

She crashed into a wall, creating a large indent. Her body froze with her eyes wide open.

"Young miss!" Xiao Fan ran over to her.

Dread Lotus suddenly burst out laughing. "I... I'm fine!"

She jumped out of the hole she'd created. Xiao Fan handed her a handkerchief which she used to wipe at the corner of her watery eyes.

Xiao Fan blinked back tears. "The young miss is cured, and is stronger than the average demonic musician!"

Dread Lotus nodded and briefly patted the maid's head.

The conclusion of this experiment… it fucking worked! Dread Lotus now had body cultivation equivalent to the sixth layer of Qi Condensation.

While I would have to test it out on more people to be absolutely positive, I had created the first almost entirely pain-free cultivation bath in existence! And more importantly, I'd probably saved Dread Lotus's life.

The two walked up to me.

Xiao Fan bowed. "This servant thanks Fairy Linlin for curing Miss Dread Lotus!"

She was a really loyal maid.

"Well, Of course I cured her. I said I would."

Dread Lotus chuckled. "Sister Linlin! You've made a friend for life. Thank you for… everything. Let me know if you're ever in trouble and I'll do whatever I can to help you."

I clasped my hands behind my back. "As my friend, you don't need to thank me. Just come to our first practice in four days." I'd need that long to make a peak earth rank drum set.

"I will! I'm looking forward to it." She paused for a moment and tilted her head as she looked at me. "By the way, let me know if you'd like to introduce you to my uncle—"

I coughed.

"—or any other poison master. I'm sure they'd love to discuss the Dao with such a brilliant alchemist."

Shit. While I didn't regret it, healing her might have been too high profile for a spy like me.

Whatever. It should be fine since only the three of us saw everything.

I clasped my hands behind my back. "Of course they would. I am a genius."

She nodded very seriously. "And I will never forget that as long as I live."

"But I am only in Foundation Establishment. I wouldn't want to bring too much attention to myself."

This was still a Xianxia world where assholes at the top would kill talented young disciples just to prevent them from threatening their position in the future.

Dread Lotus wasn't an idiot. She nodded. "I understand. I'll keep your identity a secret as much as I can."

"Sister Lin!" A secret sound transmission from Little Spring hit my eardrums. He didn't sound good. "I need—" He cut off.

Fuck. "I have to leave."

Dread Lotus's brows scrunched with concern, but she gestured for me to hurry.

I pulled out my flying sword and stepped on it while sending the kid a few sound transmissions, asking for his location. There was no response.

How could I find out where he was? The sect was too big to use my handicapped divine sense. Using the space and suddenly appearing next to him would be too noticeable. And I wasn't sure if I had enough time to hide somewhere so I could ask the little golden dragon.

Wait! He was with that idiot, Little Teasing Mouse.

"Where is Senior Verdant Spring?"

"Wu wu wu! Little Linlin! Come quick! The Poison Master says he's not going to make it."

Motherfucker! What did that goddamned protagonist get into all by himself? "Where are you?"

"I-I'll give you directions. Just hurry before he's gone."

Gone?! What the fuck did she mean by 'gone'?!

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 26🎸)

After using a flying sword technique to reach my top speed, I followed the directions the mouse girl gave me to a small palace. I touched down right next to her. The girl looked like she was about to let a river of tears fall and was only just keeping it together.

Without saying a word, she grabbed my sleeve and practically dragged me inside and through several twists and turns. She pushed open a heavy wood door revealing a bath and a bamboo bed where Little Spring lay. 

His face was too pale. Next to him, Xiao Bai whined sorrowfully. 

"This doesn't make any sense," the poison master hovering over the kid murmured before turning to us. He nodded to Little Teasing Mouse but didn't even acknowledge me.

I quickly scanned Little Spring with divine sense and found evidence that he'd already taken a Lin's Healing Dan. Considering the fucked up state his body was in, it had definitely helped him to survive long enough for me to get to him. But it didn't heal him fully. At this point, many of his organs were on the brink of failing. The kid was in worse condition than Dread Lotus had been in! How the hell had all this happened?

Fuck, I needed time to figure that out.

After pushing the fucking useless poison master out of the way, I temporarily stabilized him with sanitized acupuncture needles. This would give him at least 10 minutes.

Unfortunately, I couldn't just feed him more medicine without knowing if it would react to whatever this idiot had already tried. 

Considering how bad he still looked, I doubted that another pill would help.

I turned to the poison master who rubbed his shoulder where I'd pushed him. "Tell me what happened."

"Wuuuwuuu! It's all my fault!" Little Teasing Mouse said. Apparently, she couldn't hold back anymore because a flood of tears poured down her face. She hiccuped.

The old poison master rested a hand on her shoulder. "No, no. It's not your fault, dear. This situation was impossible to predict."

It seemed like they were both answering and ignoring me. A vein bulged on my forehead. "Shut up! Tell me what happened right now. I'll assign blame later."

That shocked her enough to stop her tears. "He... hic… he went through the Beast Blood Contract Bath."

No shit! I figured that out from the goddamn tub in the center of the room. I was already planning to put him through hell training for this stunt. Maybe worse — hell band camp. But he had to be healthy to go through that.

I glared at them while letting my divine sense pressure them. Everyone in the room flinched.

To calm myself, I breathed in. "Keep going. Tell me what happened during the bath."

The poison master answered this time. "Well, everything went fine at first. He stepped into the bath. His beast willingly gave its blood. Then he sat there, just like any normal beast blood cultivator. It was only toward the end where he started to show signs of pain. Before I knew it, he grabbed his heart and sank into the water. This is usually the reaction we see when a beast's rank outmatches their contractor, but..."

He gestured to the weak-looking Xiao Bai. The puppy tilted his head cutely.

Goddamn it. I had known that puppy wasn't as mundane as it most definitely was... wait... Even now, all my knowledge of its uniqueness was fading after a short amount of time and I was slowly returning to believing he was just a mundane canine.

As much as I wanted to explore this phenomenon, it wasn't important. Right now, I needed to save the fucking universe's precious goddamned protagonist. 

"Junior Linlin. I'm sorry. Because I brought him here... Because of me... he's going to die. Wuuuwuu!" Tears streamed down her face again. Which wasn't fucking helpful!

I ground my teeth. "Don't you dare curse his ass! This brat isn't allowed to die!"

The two stared at me in shock. The mouse girl even stopped crying.

"Both of you, if you're not going to tell me the ingredients to the beast blood contract bath, then get out." 

When they didn't respond, I picked them up with spiritual energy and threw them out. Then I shut and locked the door.

Clutching at the wood rim, I leaned over the tub to analyze its contents through scent first. I recognized a few different herbs and a mixture of things that I couldn't figure out since it had been too long. There was a trace of the spiritual spring water the kid must have added. That probably only intensified the bath and didn't do him any favors aside from keeping his organs clean from impurities. Organs that were failing anyway. 

What happened to make the brat go through with this bullshit unorthodox method? He was smarter than this!

But I couldn't rule out that, despite his protagonist status, he was still just a kid.

Fuck. I didn't have a lot of options and only a limited amount of time to save him. There was no way I could concoct a specific pill to help. If a Lin's Healing Dan couldn't fix him, then I could only rely on his special constitution. But it wasn't activating. At this point, it should be sending energy to heal his ass and make him stronger. Which meant that the goddamn bath must have done something to change it.

No. The constitution of a protagonist could not be fucked up that easily. 

So, I had to start at the beginning. What did this bath even do? It connected a beast tamer to their partner on a physical level. It even allowed the tamer to share useful traits of their beast. And it did that through blood.

This had to have something to do with bloodlines. But Little Spring already had one. Likely a dragon, since he was a little protagonist.

Then the energy from Xiao Bai's bloodline had to be fighting against Little Spring's. They were so busy trying to dominate the other that they had no time left to heal his body. In fact, they were making him worse. Their struggle had to be causing his originally healthy organs to fail. And the reason I couldn't sense them was because their energies had to be opposite enough to cancel each other out.

So, how did I get these two opposing bloodlines to stop fighting?

The only thing I could think of was shocking his system into focusing on healing.

Fuck. This was goddamn counterintuitive.

With a grasping gesture, I removed the needles. I took out a small knife and pressed it near several of his vital organs, using a sword technique to pass through his skin and slice just the tissue I wanted. In quick succession, I hit the liver, bladder, heart, lungs, stomach, and spleen.

His face turned paper white. He coughed up a mouthful of blood.

I shoved a Lin's Healing Dan between his lips and guided the pill's energy to go through his system repairing the injuries I'd just made, all while following his cultivation technique.

I healed his spleen.

Come on, work, damn you. Follow the goddamn leader!

I reached his heart. Nothing. This wasn't fucking working! 

Wait. There. A trickle. Two different conflicting energies began to repair the kid's heart. At first, they had trouble healing together. Each energy got in the other's way and made the organ worse.

This wasn't good. It was like one step forward and two steps back.

There had to be a way to fix this!

I split the healing energy in two and guided the other energies to spiral in harmony. They copied me and finally moved through his body without damaging him. By that point, I didn't have to do anything anymore. On their own, they strengthened his organs even more than they would have individually. 

I was positive that, after this, even I would have a hard time stabbing him. What kind of bullshit luck did he have?!

Once I finished healing his body, I waited to see if the energies would continue to fight. Fortunately, they seemed to have stabilized. At least, for now.

After I gave him an energy-replenishing pill, his eyes opened. He froze for a moment. Then he swallowed. He looked like he knew he'd done something bad. 

"I knew you'd save me."

I frowned down at him. "Undo your disguise technique so I can take a look at you. I need to see if your original appearance changed."

He nodded and focused. 

The kid slowly went from looking like a young teen to a tall middle schooler. Everything looked normal, aside from his hair, which had somehow turned completely white. Oh... and that was new. White fluffy ears had somehow grown on top of his head. While they looked like Xiao Bai's current husky-like ears, I was positive that was only because of the not-quite-a-puppy's mind-altering effect. 

"…"

"What? Do I look bad?" He sat up. With a few incantation gestures, he brought up a water mirror. When he saw himself, he frowned, then wiggled the ears on top of his head. They flattened.

Fucking adorable. 

Or they would be. 

Unfortunately, I couldn't find them cute since the reason he now had those ears was an unorthodox method that would harm his future path and make it difficult to cultivate.

Aesthetics meant shit if achieving them harmed the body.

I turned away.

"I was trying to figure out what Xiao Bai is by looking at your ears... but it's not working."

"Sister Lin... are... are you angry?" he whispered.

I couldn't look at him. "Take a guess."

"Ah... I... This wasn't supposed to happen like this."

I clasped my hands behind my back. "Oh? Then what did you think was going to happen when you got into an unorthodox bath?"

"Well, I had made plans to fool the poison master. I even thought they had worked."

I knew the brat was too smart to really go through with a bath like this. But, despite his best efforts, his plan had messed up somehow... Or, the goddamn author of this universe wanted this to happen. If that was the case, then fuck them and their left eye, in particular!

I turned back to him. "What were your plans?"

::When I went to help Xiao Bai cut his paw, I stopped his skin from touching the blade. Instead, I used crimson dyed syrup to replace his blood. But he had to have accidentally cut himself on the knife without me noticing.::

::How could you not notice?::

::Oh… I had immediately wrapped his paw up to hide my deception.::

He glanced at the adorable not-puppy with worry in his eyes. "Are you hurt, Xiao Bai?"

He jumped up and down. His paws made clacking sounds on the tiled floor. The kid picked him up and set him on his lap. He ran his hands through his soft fur.

I sighed. ::Xiao Bai must have believed that this bath would benefit you both.:: I scowled down at the dog. It tilted its head innocently when it looked at me. Yeah. He wasn't fooling me any more. From this point on, I would never forget that he wasn't actually mundane, no matter how much he definitely felt like he was.

Frankly, I wanted to be mad at the not-dog, but I couldn't. Even if he was some kind of secret Ascendant Beast, he was still just a child.

I picked the puppy up so I could stare into his blue eyes. ::You must feel like you can't trust us to protect you. At least not yet. And that's why you're hiding your true form. That's fine. But don't you dare pull this stunt again. Do you hear me?::

"Bork!" He then licked my face. His slobber felt incredibly gross.

I closed my eyes tightly and held in the urge to yeet the dog.

Throwing a small puppy across the room was something only villains did. Him licking my face was a show of affection and not a biological attack. And, actually, dogs had fewer bacteria in their mouths than humans… but they still had them. 

Very slowly, I placed Xiao Bai back on Little Spring's lap and immediately used a cleaning technique on myself, him, and the dog.

The kid winced. 

"Did that feel like being stabbed with a billion needles?"

"N-no." He frowned. "Though it did hurt..." he said, then mumbled, "worse than it usually does."

::That must be part of the side effects. It likely gets worse the higher your realm is.:: Considering what Noxious Fangstrike said, anyway.

::So, are you ready to tell me why you went through with this stupid idea in the first place?::

He blinked and his eyes appeared glossy. ::Uh... I thought you'd be angrier.::

::Oh, I am. I am so furious that I'm planning out months of training... but you're my patient right now. And, while I might be an old monster, I don't yell at patients who've almost left this plane to drink Meng Po's Soup.::

He shoved his hand into the not-puppy's neck fur and held on. ::Was I that bad?::

::You must have saved the universe in your past life to have me as your martial sister.::

::Definitely.:: He nodded, then hesitated. ::Well, after doing some reconnaissance, I discovered that the fastest way to get to the second floor of the treasure pavilion, like I promised you, was to go through with the bath.::

A vein bulged in my forehead. ::Are you telling me that you went through with this for the mission?::

He nodded. ::Well, I was planning to pretend to. I'm not stupid enough to sacrifice my cultivation base for something like this.::

::I figured that you weren't that idiotic.:: I loomed above the kid. ::But, unfortunately, your plan failed which just added the biggest mission of all to our to-do list.::

He winced. ::Are you… going to cure these side effects?::

::Of course!:: I crossed my arms over my chest.::Who do you think I am?::

::Sister Lin!::

::That's right!::

And the first thing I needed for that was the ingredient list of this goddamn Beast Blood Contract Bath. I needed to fix it first. Once I saw how the corrected bath worked, I could cure those already affected. 

Actually… The bath prescription was something Violet Pill Fairy had never had in my past life, yet she had been able to partially resolve Little Teasing Mouse's side effects. To finally prove that I was the better alchemist — I had to fully cure Little Spring! No, not just him. I would fully cure this whole goddamn sect and ultimately one up that bitch! Muahahaha! 

"Ah, sister Linlin... you seem a lot more excited about helping me than I thought you'd be."

I coughed.

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 27🎸)

Before I solved the side effects of the Beast Blood Contract, I needed to get the bath's prescription. Fortunately, there was a convenient poison master outside the room who knew it.

I waited for Little Spring to return to looking like his 13-year-old disguise only with white hair and husky-like ears on top of his head. Once he nodded to me that he was ready, I stormed out of the bathing room and right into Teasing Mouse. She bounced off me and sprawled onto the tiled floor. 

I loomed over her and picked her up using spiritual energy. While she was hanging there, wide-eyed and forced to listen to me, this seemed like a good position for a necessary lecture. Especially since I couldn't let her stupidity go after I had just brought the kid back from the brink of fucking death. 

"Let me ask you a question."

"Y-you're very close."

"Is your head completely empty?"

"No!" She hiccuped and struggled. "It was my fault that Verdant Spring went to the bath, but him dying wasn't! Poison Master Swift Hands explained it to me."

I closed my eyes for a second so I didn't punch more brain cells out of her head. That would have the opposite effect I was going for. "Listen up, you dumb little shit."

"Hey—"

"In the future, before you suggest that someone goes through with a bath like this, you better make sure their cultivation base is compatible with it. You better think before doing anything and everything from now on, or else you'll end up murdering someone."

"It was an accident!"

"Do you think accidental murder doesn't give you negative karma?" No wonder she fucking failed her tribulation in my last life. Too many people died because of her dumb ass.

Her lip trembled.

Swift Hands used his own spiritual energy to pull her away from me. "How dare you bully Little Teasing Mouse!"

He hid her behind him and she peaked out at me. 

"N-no. It's okay." She wiped her eyes. "I understand. After all, Junior Linlin and Verdant Spring were f-friends."

Little Spring must have taken his sweet time getting Xiao Bai because he finally left the room with a very confused expression on his face. 

Swift Hands and Teasing Mouse froze. "You're alive?!"

They finally noticed?

The girl stopped crying and jumped over as if she were going to hug the kid. I used my spiritual energy to grab her and move her next to the poison master.

"I don't care how happy you are that Verdant Spring is healthy. You're not tackling someone who almost died a few minutes ago. Didn't I just tell you to use your brain?"

I thought that was reasonable advice, but the poison master's face turned red with anger, and pulled the girl behind him.

I couldn't help rolling my eyes. "A bit of scolding won't hurt her. If anything, everybody being overprotective is preventing her from learning."

He glared at me. "Little Teasing Mouse absorbs things at her own pace."

That was just him calling her dumb using different semantics. "Fine, whatever you say. But you need to set things right."

"Me?!"

"Your messed up bath hurt my Senior. Take responsibility and tell us the ingredients."

"Ha! I didn't mess anything up. The bath was perfect. It was Junior Verdant Spring who was incompatible with it. That's not my problem."

This fucker. "If we have the ingredients, we can cure his side effects. Giving us that information is the very least you could do."

He sneered. "I won't provide any information to a bully like you!"

Fuck. 

Little Spring stepped forward, looking adorable. "Senior, can you please give it to us? Junior Linlin really has a good chance at solving the bath's side effects. She could help the whole sect!"

He huffed and turned his head. "If those side effects could be solved, our genius poison masters would have done it by now. Besides, she made Little Teasing Mouse cry."

The kid and I shared a look. Apparently, we both couldn't believe how unreasonable this guy was being. 

There was no getting through to him. Unfortunately, people being unreasonable assholes to the universe's protagonist couldn't be helped. This was a Xianxia, after all. 

"You know what? I'm done here. There are other poison masters I can turn to." Ones who hadn't turned braindead due to the little girl's black hole of adoration.

In fact, it was about time I met up with Winter Fox.

***

The poison master had just finished answering all of his students' questions after a lecture when I arrived.

"Junior Linlin! I have the prescription you requested." He pulled out a jade slip and handed it to me.

I put it near my temple and reviewed the information. Curing my student's poison body would be very easy now that I had the proportions mapped out.

"We also caught the one responsible for harming our poison body cultivators. But it's a little more complicated than catching this one disciple."

I narrowed my eyes at Winter Fox. "How so?"

"He claims that he was only doing what someone ordered him to, but he can't remember the person who did it."

"Do you think it's the demonic cult?"

He grimaced. "If it is, then our sect has a bigger problem than this little incident." 

If the demonic cultivators had infiltrated this place, then that might give the righteous sects an excuse to flatten the whole mountain range. 

Then again, it could also be an orthodox infiltrator trying to destabilize this place from the ground up. 

As much as the righteous sects pretended like they were moral and above dirty dealings, there were plenty who did things that were almost as bad as the demonic cultivators... which made things really awkward when explaining that our path was the best. They made us orthodox cultivators look like narcissistic assholes and hypocrites. 

But that was also classic for a Xianxia. The original author really hit all the cliches with a broad stick.

"If you keep looking, I'm sure you'll figure it out."

He nodded. "We hate the demonic faction more than those orthodox pricks do. You can trust us to rip any of those bastards to shreds if we find them." He made a gripping motion with his hands as if he were viciously imagining murdering swaths of demonic cultivators by wringing their necks.

"Actually, Senior Winter Fox, I have one more question."

The ears on top of his head swiveled to focus on me. "What is it?"

"Where can I learn how to concoct a Beast Blood Contract Bath?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it. 

"Junior Linlin. The recipe for that bath is a closely guarded secret. You'd have to accomplish a meritorious service to the sect in order to have even a few of the ingredients entrusted to you."

Then how the fuck was I supposed to cure Little's Spring's side effects?

"But you have helped with this incident! So I can find a way to get you the recipe. However, you won't be able to concoct it without a master to teach you how."

"I think you're underestimating my skills."

He smiled as if he were humoring me. "I'm sure I am... what do you want it for? Are you considering contracting with a beast?"

Me? Contract with a beast? Ha! I was already lucky that I didn't get mauled daily. A contracted beast might hurt itself just to harm me.

"No. I'm going to solve the side effects of the bath, but in order to do that, I need to know the original ingredient list."

His mouth twitched. "I don't think you realize that fixing the contract bath is impossible. Our poison masters have spent lifetimes trying to fix it, and they've accomplished very little. And we're not any less good at alchemy than those guild brats."

"True, but I'm better."

He tapped his chin. "I'm not convinced... But I might be if you can help me. I have an issue I've been struggling with for the past few years. If you tell me how to resolve it, I'll not only tell you the recipe and teach you how we concoct the bath, but I will provide two dozen batches of ingredients for you to practice with."

This was like taking a trapped rabbit from a fox.

"I accept! Explain what your issues are."

His eyebrows raised as if he was surprised I actually agreed. "There is a very elegant poison called the Feather Growth pill. It's a non-lethal attack-type poison that is broken and scattered on your enemy. Wherever it touches, it causes extreme itching. And if it isn't immediately detoxified, then it will cause the victim to grow feathers. Once the feathers fall out, the poison will be gone from their body."

That sounded like a useful poison for distracting enemies or bystanders. 

"Alright. Show me how you concoct it."

He pulled out the ingredients and prepared his cauldron. While this was the first time I'd seen someone concoct this pill, I could already tell from using divine sense on the poisonous plants he carefully placed on the clean table how it was designed.

The pill used a highly toxic spiritual herb called the Blood Feather Grass, which was a red leafy plant that looked a lot like red feathers. Next, it would use the combination of the spiritual herbs 10,000 Spines Cactus, Morphing Rhododendron, and Pink Ink Cherry Pit in order to prick the skin of the host and hold the feathers in place as they grew.

Chances were, after the poison had left the victim's system, it would leave ugly welts on the body that would have to be healed and detoxified. It was really vicious, even if it was non-lethal.

Other than those herbs, there were 7 more that enhanced the effect and provided energy for the strange effect to work.

Winter Fox started by throwing in the cherry pit and its pair herb, Yin Ice Grass. Immediately, I saw a problem, but I decided to keep watching to see where the poison master took this.

As I watched, I found several more errors that could affect the concoction.

Just before he finished adding the last plant, the 10,000 Spines Cactus, the glowing solution fizzled out. There it was, the final mistake.

He gestured to the cauldron, then waved his hand to remove the failed liquid. 

"I have seen others concoct this poison, but I can't seem to get it right."

"I see several issues already."

He nodded.

I walked over to one of the cherry pits, picked it up and broke it in half, exposing its smooth fuchsia interior.

His eyes grew wide.

I pointed to the small rotten spot inside of the pit. It wouldn't have been noticeable to his divine sense, considering his cultivation level. "Whoever gave you this batch of pits is not your friend."

"Oh, my..." His jaw tightened. "Couldn't she have made a mistake?"

I shook my head. "It would have been obvious when the cherry was ripe that it was infected with a seed rot disease. The only way you could receive this pit was if they'd purposefully selected the seeds that didn't show the infection."

"That explained the discount I received." He grimaced. "Is that the main reason it failed?"

"Yes, but that's not the only one. You still would have concocted a poison even with a slightly rotted pit, but the effect wouldn't have been very good. I doubt that poisons need to be as precise as medicine since the point is to harm."

"I disagree. If a poison isn't exact, then it can hurt those it's not intended for. A poison master has to be even more careful and precise at what they do than an alchemist. A poison that harms everything equally without regard to its target is, in my opinion, a failed product."

I grinned. What a kind fox. He was much better than Bloodsword's spirit-beast-wife.

"Not a bad point of view! I like it!" Any good practitioner of the scientific method should be able to change their point of view when presented with solid, peer-tested evidence. Since I wasn't as practiced with poisons as these poison masters, I'd follow their lead on this until I could form my own tested conclusions. 

He smiled gently at me. "Then what is the other reason?"

This next part could make me his enemy, but I had to explain it. ::You either have a Pure Yin Body physique or are practicing a cold yin cultivation method, right?::

::I don't have any special physique. But thank you for worrying about me.::

I nodded. "Well, you need to be more careful. Your cool energy is affecting the temperature of the cauldron and increasing the yin nature of the plants."

"Ah..." His face turned red. "I know about that issue but, usually I just increase the heat I use in the furnace and that takes care of it."

I pointed to the Purple Viper Snow Grass. "This herb is the largest problem. It's supposed to be paired with the cactus which has a too subtle yang energy. Your cultivation increases the grass's yin energy too much. This causes the concoction to fail just before it receives the necessary heat from the cactus."

He nodded. "So, I should put the cactus in before it."

I nodded. "Most other cultivators don't have this issue, but you need to be aware of this the higher your realm reaches, unless you change your cultivation method."

"I'll pay closer attention to it," He said, then bowed. "Thank you for your instruction. I'll get you the recipe and those herbs soon."

Before I could say anything else, a massive, human-sized cauldron slammed down on top of me, caging me in like an inconvenient spider. My shoulder smashed against the side of the cauldron and I flipped upside down as it accelerated at speeds my body could barely handle.

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 28🎸)

It didn't take long before I was thrown out of the cauldron and onto my feet. I directly brought out my guitar and sent out a sword Qi slash as soon as I saw the humanoid figure who I assumed was the dumbass who captured me. Wait… motherfucking Noxious Fangstrike?

He used a single finger to block my attack. Then he had the audacity to chuckle.

My Qi hadn't even tickled him.

Fuck. At my realm, I couldn't go up against him. While Foundation Establishment cultivators were a long stroll away from Golden Core, the difference between Foundation Establishment and Nascent Soul was like comparing the heavens and the earth. Cliche as that saying was, it fit this situation perfectly.

Which meant that if he wanted me dead, I was fucked.

But he hadn't tried to hurt me yet. As long as this fucker could be civil, I could avoid using the space and possibly outing myself as a spy. Unless he already knew — fuck, was that why he was here?

He cleared his throat. "Junior… Linlin?"

"Yes… Senior?"

"There is no need to look at me with so much hostility. I only brought you here so we could have a private conversation."

Was this guy for real, or just giving me enough rope to hang myself? "If you wanted to talk, you didn't have to kidnap me." I clutched the neck of my guitar tighter. 

His face turned bright red. "I heard from little Dread Lotus that you cured her."

So he was just going to ignore what he did? That was how he wanted to handle things? Did this fucker even know what shame was? Not to mention he brought his niece into this. While I'd only known her for a day, I could tell that she wasn't the type of person who would betray her benefactor. 

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I doubt that she said anything about me." 

"You're right. She just mentioned that she'd been cured and refused to say who did it. She can be so silly sometimes. I mean, you were the only one who was there and working to heal her… it's not hard for me to put two and two together."

That was right! This fucker had seen me. 

But then why did he capture me like that? Was it possible that he was just awkward as fuck, and too used to being near the top of the sect hierarchy, so he went about this the wrong way? That was… actually something I could sympathize with.

Being towards the top was so hard sometimes. It was just too easy to grab someone from the younger generation and expect them to obey me or become my student. Like I did with the brat.

I just didn't think it would happen to me. Karma really was a force of nature in this world. 

Just because I could sympathize with him, did not mean I wouldn't give him a hard time. He deserved it after what he put me through.

I couldn't do much to this asshole, and he really didn't seem like he was about to kill me, so I threw my guitar back into my ring. I studied the alchemy room he brought me to. There were hundreds of jade boxes stored on shelves, probably filled with the best ingredients. There were three pedestals in each corner where strange flames danced while waiting to be used. Three of them!

Apparently, Noxious was one lucky bastard.

I crossed my arms. "This isn't a nice way to treat your niece's friend and benefactor. If you hurt me, she'll never speak to you again."

His brow furrowed in frustration. "I'm not going to harm you! How could I dare?" 

I gestured to the massive cauldron that loomed beside us like the elephant in the room. 

Just to fuck with him, I rubbed the back of my neck. "I think I feel a bit of whiplash from that ride you forced me on."

He blanched, then composed himself before he huffed indignantly. "Not a red hair on your head was damaged when I brought you to my alchemy room. I had Little Cauldron make sure of that." 

I must have glared at him for too long because he continued. "The thing is... I saw you help little Winter Wolf. You want to cure the Blood Contract Bath and fix the side effects to help that new disciple, Verdant Spring."

Shit. He had done research on me. If he'd gone back far enough, he could have realized that I'd been in contact with the city lord. From there, he might suspect that I was a spy.

I clasped my hands behind my back and glared like the master I was. "What are you trying to say?"

"I've already researched that topic for decades, but I have not yet found a cure."

Oh. That was what he wanted to say.

"Just because you haven't solved it, doesn't mean I won't!"

"And that's why I want us to work together."

"What?" Did I mishear that?

He stared at me very seriously. "This sect is slowly dying."

No shit. I knew this place was doomed weeks ago.

"You're not surprised." He sighed. "When I first joined the sect, it was still thriving. We had three times the disciples we have now. We didn't have to rely on adding rogue cultivators like yourself to increase our upper ranks."

Ah, that explained some things. I had noticed how there were more immortal caves in the inner sect than disciples, but I'd thought they were out on missions.

"How did the decline happen?"

"There have always been side effects to the contract bath, but they weren't nearly as damaging as they are now. No one knows why they've worsened, but if we don't find a way to fix the baths and cure those who already have negative side effects, I don't see us lasting more than another two hundred years."

"Are they that bad?" 

"The physical side effects aren't terrible and can sometimes even enhance the body and fighting ability. But there are internal sequelae. They cause cultivation to slow, except in a few lucky individuals like myself."

I knew there was more to it than just cute animal ears, and a change in hair color and energy. This was bad news for Little Spring. He'd need to get this fixed before increasing his realm to Golden Core. 

"Junior Linlin, I brought you here to ask if you're willing to work with me on finding a cure."

Damn. Working with this asshole wasn't ideal. He could discover that I was a spy and kill me before I could even have the chance to escape to Little Spring's space. But this could also be the chance I needed to get a head start on my research. As long as I could keep my identity hidden.

It helped that he didn't know me personally and didn't suspect that I was a spy.

Fuck it. I didn't have enough time to waste on rehashing what others had already tried.

"I have three conditions."

"Name them."

"First. You provide the ingredients."

"Up to a point. If you ask for anything unreasonable, I won't provide it."

Hah! It's like he knew I had a grudge against him and planned to drain his resources dry.

He gestured to the jade boxes around the room. "I've been doing my own research. This has already drained a significant portion of my funds."

"Fine. The next condition is that you listen to me unconditionally when it comes to our research direction."

He scoffed. "You're overestimating yourself."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm the genius who cured your niece when even you couldn't."

His face turned red.

"I'm being very reasonable here."

He struggled for a second before saying, "Alright. I'll listen to you unless you do something completely stupid."

Hey! If either of us was going to do something idiotic, it would be him!

"Then what's your third request?"

"To find a cure, I need to learn more about poisons. I want you to pay for a master to teach me."

"That's too bothersome."

"It's necessary."

"I'll just instruct you myself."

"I don't think you'd be the best teacher for me." Because he was an absolute asshole.

"What? Would you rather have little Winter Wolf mentor you? I know ten thousand more poisons than him. My knowledge on the topic would cause him to weep with envy."

"A teacher doesn't have to be skilled at a subject as long as they're able to explain something to a student."

He scoffed. "I'm good at explaining! I'm the best at explaining!"

"Wanna bet?"

He crossed his arms. "Yes, actually. I would."

"Then you have one hour to describe every poisonous herb used in Verdant Spring's bath." Since I already had all plants in this world memorized, I would know if he told me bullshit. "Then I want to learn the prescriptions and uses for five poisons they're in."

By studying how they reacted in other concoctions, I could better see how they could be affecting the bath. And it was a good way to steal some poison prescriptions.

"If you can't get to each of them, or if I don't understand them within that time, then find me a different mentor."

I didn't want Noxious Fangstrike to teach me, but I would let him have one chance — not that I thought he'd be able to succeed.

"You're asking a lot for a Foundation Establishment brat."

"One who cured your niece when you couldn't."

He glowered at me.

I grinned.

"When do you want this lecture?"

I wouldn't give this fucker any time to prepare. "Now."

The corners of his lips turned up. It was like he was laughing at me. "Then, let's start with the bath's ingredients..."

***"And the last poison that the Three Fires Crimson Carrot is used in is the Hellfire Eye Itch powder. A poison known for ruining lives and obviously causing itchy eyes... Any questions?"

The arrogant expression on this guy's face made me want to slap him. Because, goddamn it, this motherfucker was actually a good teacher! Not only was he able to get through each of the plants and the five poison prescriptions, but he also covered the non-poisonous ingredients in Little Spring's bath. I had the full fucking recipe! This fucker had answered all of my questions before I even had them! It was like he could read minds.

Who was this asshole? I thought he was some second-rate Nascent Soul alchemist, but he turned out to actually be skilled.

He also explained something very important that, apparently, no one had mentioned yet — that there were different contract baths for each of the cultivation stages. While they all used the same ingredients as the Qi Condensation bath, more herbs were added to each increase in realm.

And the fucker told me all of them. It had only been an hour. What the hell? Did he have a way to stretch a minute into five?

Whatever.

"I admit that you're a capable teacher. I'll grudgingly… take lessons from you."

"You caved easier than I thought you would."

"Truly intelligent people are able to change their minds when presented with new facts, even if it means that reality is different from their original beliefs."

"Why do I think you're somehow insulting me?"

"You are my senior. How could I dare?"

He narrowed his eyes at me but said nothing. "Do you have enough information to start working on the baths with me?"

"I don't."

He frowned. "What more could you possibly need?"

"A written record of the attempts you've previously tried and how that affected the bath."

"I haven't recorded that information anywhere. If it reaches the wrong hands, it could ruin our sect."

"This place is already dying."

"And I don't want it to die faster."

"I wouldn't be surprised if some demonic cultivator has that knowledge now and is using it to make the baths worse."

His lips pursed into a thin line.

Ah. He must be worried about that. Especially since he probably heard the rumors about the supposed cure.

Actually, working with him might help me find proof that the sect had ties to the demonic cult. Or, what seemed to be more likely — that they weren't involved with them at all.

"I need you to spend the next three days recording all of that information in jade slips. After I've memorized it, you can destroy them."

"It will take me only a day to compile my attempts, so let's meet tomorrow."

"Sorry, Senior, but I'm busy then."

A vein bulged on his forehead. He gritted his teeth. "I'd like to work on this as soon as possible. What's so important that you're delaying the start of our research for three whole days?"

I grinned. "Well, I'm building a badass rock band. I have to make preparations if Dread Lotus is going to join us. She'll be disappointed if I don't contact her in three days like I'd promised."

The crease on his forehead relaxed, and he waved me toward the exit. "Oh. Well, if it's for Dread Lotus then that's fine. Tell her to come visit me when she has time."

Wait! That easy? Apparently, being her friend came with a lot of perks.

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 29🎸)

The things I had to take care of had been piling up recently. Before shit inevitably hit the flying spiritual fan, I was going to cross out what I could.

I returned to my immortal cave after purchasing forging and alchemy raw materials, then entered the space's smithy.

My immediate goal was to complete the drums, a spy recorder, and the cure for Three Drops Silent Toxin.

The little golden dragon flew in at top speed and then circled around me. "Hey!"

With a wave of my arm, I placed the spiritual metal and leather for the drums onto my stone workshop table. "What do you need? Did the brat get himself into trouble again?"

The spirit turned into his teenage-looking human form. His eyes appeared to be a bit red, but his expression was more serious than I'd ever seen it. Then this arrogant dragon bowed. "Thank you for saving my master… and for working to find a cure for his side effects."

He looked more sincere than I'd ever seen him.

"Are the side effects doing something to your connection to Little Spring?"

He nodded. "It feels… sluggish and weaker."

Fuck. The bath must have messed with Little Spring's bloodline-based contract with his space. That was just another negative side effect I'd have to fix.

"Are you asking me to rush the cure without actually asking?"

His cheeks reddened.

"Don't worry. I'll make it one of my top priorities now that you're finally respecting me as your master's martial sister."

He opened his mouth, paused, then turned back into a dragon and flew away.

What? Was he embarrassed?

Little Spring appeared next to the furnace. He smiled brightly. "I'm ready to help, Sister Lin!"

Maybe the dragon knew the brat was arriving and didn't want to get caught.

"Help me set out the tools! We'll need both hammers, the big rollers, and the small crucible."

He nodded and started bringing out everything using spiritual energy while I brought sand from the lake to make a series of molds on the stone floor of the forge.

I had just spread out a thick pile of sand that I was going to form a circular mold for a Crash Cymbal when Little Spring turned toward me.

"Sister Lin..." he paused, and gestured to his white hair. "Will this prevent me from helping you?"

"You think your spiritual energy isn't compatible with mine, now?"

He nodded.

That was a possibility. If he couldn't work with me, then that would make creating higher rank pills and tools more difficult. But I never had his protagonist boost in my past life, and yet I'd still reached the Immortal Ascension stage. While working with him made things easier, that didn't mean I needed his help.

"I think we'll have to see for ourselves... but there is a possibility that your current energy will mess things up. We will likely have to wait until after I've invented a cure to forge items and concoct like we used to."

His fluffy ears drooped.

Goddamn it. The kid seriously got an adorableness boost.

"Well… you can still learn to forge a sky-rank tool."

His ears perked up and focused on me. If the kid had a tail, it would be wagging. "Do you think I'm ready?"

This fucker perfected practically everything I gave him in an inconceivably short amount of time. "Of course you are! At least you're ready for lessons. You'll have to practice to actually accomplish it."

I clasped my hands behind my back so I looked like the master I was. "Now, what do you think makes a sky rank tool?"

He touched his chin as he thought. "Is it the materials?"

"That is part of it. If you don't have high-quality materials, you won't be able to make high-quality tools... unless you put in the effort to raise the quality yourself or use enough energy to purify them during the forging process. But what else makes a tool sky rank?"

"The advanced techniques?"

"The enchantments! Without the right enchantments and materials that allow them to be activated, you can't create higher rank tools."

"Does this mean you're finally going to teach me how to enchant tools?"

"I thought I'd already taught you?"

He scowled. "You only showed me how to do it. You never explained anything."

Oh, right! Actually, I had handled all the enchantments at this point, but it wasn't like he hadn't been paying attention to me when I'd worked on them. With his protagonist skills, he could probably copy what I'd done before. That said, nothing was better for learning than being able to ask a question and get an answer.

"Fine, let's go over sky-rank enchantments. First, remember that they need a higher rank material than we've been using so far. We got lucky with the Keyboard because our energy synergized well enough to push the instrument into sky-rank. This time we're setting out to create a sky rank tool from the start."

He nodded.

"Enchantments we use are similar to formations, but there are other kinds as well. Each school of smithing has its own style." Part of what made Xianxia such a fascinating genre was the variety. Of course, living in a world without standardization was hard as fuck sometimes.

"For this drum, we'll add sky rank enchantments that enhance its functionality."

"Which ones would those be?"

I shook my head. "While the rank is important, it's best to design what abilities you want the tool to have first then use the sky rank version of them. Otherwise, our drum set that is supposed to function as a shield and last a hundred thousand years, will become a set of single-use exploding drums."

"An exploding drum set does sound powerful."

I flicked his glabella, and he rubbed it with a grimace.

"You've played them before. What features would you want your drum set to have?"

"That's easy. I'd have them to be mobile so they could be used in a fight. They would need some kind of defensive enchantment since the instruments are eye-catching and would make the drummer a target in any battle. Also, I think we should include sound enhancement. Maybe even one that could damage the ears of a Golden Core cultivator!"

I nodded. "All good things. Anything else?"

His eyes grew wide as if he was surprised there were enchantments for all the things he wanted. "Is there a way to shrink them down somehow?"

"Not a terrible idea. Being able to resize them at will would also give the player a greater range of notes. But it still needs more versatility. So, what else can we make them do?"

"Could..." He paused and shook his head.

"What?"

"Could we make them entrap someone?"

Like what that Noxious asshole did to me?

I held my fist out and he naturally gave it a bump.

"That's a perfect idea! Let's also add in an illusion enchantment so the drummer can either use it to hide or become the center of attention."

"But can we really add all those things?"

"Ha! Who am I?"

"Fairy Lin!"

"That's right. Of course, we can make them do all that. We're no longer weak little beginning Foundation Establishment cultivators. We're at the peak! A step away from Golden Core. Do you think we can't pull something like this off?!"

He grinned. Then his smile vanished. "But... what about my energy?"

"That is an excellent question! We have to discover how messed up your Qi is now. The only way to do that is to experiment!" Muahahaha!

There were so many ways I could test his transformed energy. Some of those methods were slightly dangerous, but only a bit.… which wouldn't be a good idea… but, on the other hand, we had healing pills for any injuries for a reason...

He frowned. "Sister Lin. You know that I'm your martial brother and not your test subject, right?"

I coughed.

Damn it. Testing the brat through extensive experiments wasn't ideal. We didn't have the time for it, anyway.

"How could you assume your own martial sister would consider you a test subject? I'm not that thoughtless. I'd never do any experiments on you. Not without your consent... unless you were about to die…"

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"… and it could save you."

That skeptical expression on his face made me think he didn't quite believe me. Brat.

"Anyway, I bought enough material to make a few extra Cymbals if we needed them, so let's forge them first to see if your changes prevent us from working together."

I gestured for him to warm the furnace.

After some hesitation, he stepped up to the large furnace. He used the incantation gesture to start the warming process. Unfortunately, whatever happened with the bath had really messed with his energy. Instead of increasing the flames, a white-hot fire blasted out.

Little Spring dodged out of the way and I created a shield to protect myself.

The kid quickly formed the seal to lower the temperature. The fire vanished, and the forge room cooled.

For a brief moment, we stared at each other with wide eyes. Then he sent me a sheepish look.

Apparently, the bath made him too strong. This was such a fucking classic thing to happen to a Xianxia protagonist.

He rubbed at the blackened floor. When the soot didn't easily come off the stone, he grimaced. Fuck. Even the pile of sand I'd been working with had turned to glass.

"Maybe doing some more tests wouldn't be so bad."

I nodded. "But, for now, I'll be handling all the forging until you're cured or get used to your new strength... In the meantime, don't do anything stupid." With a grimace, I picked up the glass before tossing it and the rest of the charred sand into a storage bag. "Maybe take notes or something."

"Yes, sister Lin!"

***Three days later, while completely drained of energy, I put the final touch on the drum set — an enchantment that connected them or separated them at will. It took three medium-tier spirit stones to empower that final enchantment.

Ow, my spirit stones.

Ghosty was worth it, though. So was spreading rock through the world.

As the energy from the spirit stones settled, a massive bright blue illusory spiritual ram appeared over the set, showing that it had reached sky rank.

Little Spring stared at the illusion with confusion. "That ram looks very powerful, but... why a ram?"

I pulled out a drumstick and tapped a snare drum, causing a sound wave to echo through the smith.

"The only suitable leather the treasure pavilion had was from a high-level, rank-three Great Winds Ram."

"Oooooooh."

"Sadly, I didn't have time to find the appropriate crystals to forge a spiritual polymer, so I had to make do with what was available."

He nodded and ran his hand down a shiny metal snare where I used a special technique to polish it to a mirror finish.

"Sister Lin, shouldn't an instrument like this have a suitable name?"

I paused and looked it over. "Like Lin's Kickass Drums?"

"I was thinking, Great Winds Drum Set."

"Hmmmm. My name for it is definitely better... but we are in hiding, and you did help plan the enchantments. We'll go with your suggestion."

He grinned.

"Now that we've finished, are you planning to head to the treasure pavilion? Or do you want to watch my new band's first practice session?"

He pulled out the small recording spiritual tool I made while waiting for things to cool. "I want to place this on the second floor of the treasure pavilion as soon as possible, so I'll come to your next one."

I shrugged. "Don't forget to pick up a good sword while you're there. Your energy is overpowered right now, so you might be able to take on a peak Golden Core cultivator if you manage to get it under control and have a weapon to match."

He nodded. "I'll practice once I have my new weapon!" Then he glanced at me, his eyebrows scrunched with worry. "You should take a break, Sister Lin."

I waved him off. "I'm fine. We don't have enough time for me to rest."

He looked like he was about to argue, so I pulled the drum set into my ring.

"I need to check in with Gold String Delicate Touch to see if he's entered the inner sect yet. If he hasn't, then we'll have to practice in the outer sect. If that's the case, I'll concoct the antidote I need to give Three Drops Silent Toxin."

I paused. Was there anything I was missing?

Little Spring had his spy tool.

I had the drums and a cure.

Little Spring wrapped around me. I stiffened. Right, hugs. That was what I was missing. Kids needed hugs. Especially after the shit this one just went through.

"Thank you for everything, Sister Lin."

I patted his white hair. It was much softer than it used to be.

"Please, get some rest."

"Hey! Do I look that tired?"

"Very!"

He was right. I was... exhausted. If I were in my original Immortal Ascension body, I wouldn't have felt tired even after years of hard work. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't had a real break in over a week. "Fine. I can spare a couple of hours to sleep after telling my bandmates to meet up."

He let go and beamed at me before vanishing from the space.

That fuckin' thoughtful kid.

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 30🎸)

It was finally time to get the band together! Muahahaha!

I stood in the middle of the sound-proofed outdoor practice area Dread Lotus had rented for us. The location had a stone floor, several environmental controlling formations to help with acoustics, and a noise-concealing formation for privacy. However, what made it special, and probably cost my new friend a shit load of contribution points, was the view between the trees and the ocean. From this high up, I could even make out the extra shallow curve of the massive planet we were on.

But this view, while nice, wasn't that important. My bandmates were about to meet for the first time. Unfortunately, the last band I helped get together didn't go well. At least, not at first. There was something about the personality of four arts cultivators that often made them arrogant as fuck. This lead to some of them having massive fights over artistic differences.

These weren't small arguments either.

Rappers from my past-past life thought they had hardcore beefs, but they had nothing on these musical cultivators who literally killed with their songs.

One of my students who swore his way was better wrote a rock song that dissed his enemy. It caused her to go deaf for several hours. Well, technically, if I hadn't put up a shield in time, she would have bled from all seven orifices.

But they were still mostly good kids.

Now I had to consider if Dread Lotus, Gold String Delicate Touch and Azure Melodic River would immediately butt heads.

With my luck? Yeah, they probably would.

Bringing these three together without too much drama would be difficult, especially for me. However, it was doable. And, thankfully, musicians didn't have to like each other on a personal level to produce good music. Though it helped.

While I had the hardest time getting Gold String to join, I doubted that he'd be hard to work with. I just had to keep in mind that he strived to become stronger at all costs — even becoming a disciple in an unorthodox sect instead of a righteous one because they had more powerful techniques. The only reason he joined me was because I showed him how kick-ass I could make him through the power of rock.

I was most worried about Azure Melodic River. She was laid back. Possibly too laid back. That would get on Dread Lotus's nerves since she's now healthy and seems ready to get shit started. And if I considered River's communication style, that was a little too suggestive... I'd need to keep my eye on her to make sure she respected Dread Lotus at all times.

What a fuckin hassle. But it would be worth it as long as we cure Ghosty and spread the Dao of Rock.

Azure Melodic River flew over on her upside-down keyboard. I hadn't designed it to be used like that but, whatever worked was fine.

She touched down and — using a kick that reminded me of a skateboarder from my past-past life — flipped her instrument over. "Junior Linlin! I'm surprised you didn't gather us sooner."

"Forging instruments takes time."

"You forge instruments?"

Right, I hadn't exactly told her that I'd created her keyboard. I'd just mentioned that I'd put something together. "Well, I am this continent's greatest spiritual tool smith."

The look of doubt she sent me was priceless. I almost wanted to see what her expression would be if she ever realized I wasn't lying and only needed to be Immortal Ascension stage to prove it.

Before she could say something more, Gold String Delicate Touch joined us. He greeted me and bowed to Melodic River. "Senior."

She looked frustrated but nodded to her junior.

Before she could call me out, I pulled out the shiny new drum set just as Dread Lotus arrived on an adorable lotus-shaped fan. As she dropped from the flying tool, her high-quality red and gold robes fluttered around her.

Dread Lotus grinned. She was definitely enjoying having a healthy body. "Greetings, juniors!"

"Senior Dread Lotus," we said.

"That is enough formality…. Ooo, what's this?" She glided over to the drum set and began studying it.

Azure Melodic River grabbed my sleeve tightly and in a high-pitched voice whispered. "That's Dread Lotus. The Dread Lotus!"

Oh shit. Was she about to start some drama? "She's joined our band. Do you have a problem with her?"

Her eyes grew wide. "I'm going to get to practice with her?!"

Wait. She wasn't being her normal cool-ass self. Was she… fangirling? Really?!

"What? Is she famous?"

"Is Dread Lotus famous?" She scoffed. "She's only the best Foundation Establishment demonic musician in the whole world. I have seen her twice. Every time she's played... has been a delight, both spiritually and physically. She is the dream and goal of all musical cultivators in our realm."

Azure Melodic River was way too excited. This could easily lead to problems.

She grabbed my sleeve tighter. "Her health isn't very good, though. Is she going to be okay?"

"Relax. She's the healthiest girl in the sect."

She raised a skeptical brow. "Don't joke with me right now. I'm very worried about her condition."

"Trust me." I pulled her hand off my sleeve and stepped over to Dread Lotus, who had picked up a drumstick and was tapping the leather tops to test them out.

"These drums are so unique. Where did you get them?"

"Actually, I forged these with you in mind. But if you want to try the guitar instead—"

"You made this?!"

I clasped my hands behind my back. "Of course!"

"I knew you were a genius but this..." She looked at the set with greed in her eyes. "Well, I should at least try them, shouldn't I?"

Azure Melodic River took a step forward, hesitated, and then said, "But you pride yourself on your zither performances!"

Her gaze focused on the other girl's. "Something I learned recently is that demonic musicians don't have to stick to just one thing."

She darted up to Azure Melodic River and threw a punch that stopped right in front of her face, causing a rush of air to blow through the woman's blue hair. Dread Lotus tilted her head and grinned.

Melodic River pressed a hand to her heart. A squeak escaped her.

Huh. I guess I had underestimated Dread Lotus. She could definitely handle things herself.

"Good form," I said. "Now, let's start our introductions. Dread Lotus is on drums, if you like them."

"I love them."

"Azure Melodic River is on the keyboard. Gold String Delicate Touch is on bass, and I'll be rocking out on the guitar while singing."

"Actually," Azure Melodic River said, "not that you aren't good, but I've heard Dread Lotus. She would be amazing on vocals."

My friend shrugged one shoulder. "I mean, I could do them."

"I could sing too," Gold String said confidently.

All three looked at each other, sizing one another up. I could practically feel the tension in the air.

Fuck. This was the start of the inevitable fight, right? I had to stop it before it started.

"I'm sure all of you could. We can switch up depending on who sounds best for whichever song." It wasn't like we were in a professional band from my past-past life that was cultivating a specific sound to be our signature. "But I'll do the singing for now. You all need to learn these songs first."

They nodded.

"Then what is our goal for this band?" Gold String asked. "Are we just here to study the Dao of Rock to defeat our enemies?"

I knew it. He wanted to increase his strength.

"Before we get into battle music, we'll start off with songs that heal souls in the Nascent Soul realm." Because I needed Ghosty to get better as soon as possible.

Dread Lotus took a step toward me. "Are you serious?!"

"Have you ever heard me joke?"

"Yes."

I coughed. "Well, I'm not joking about this!"

Gold String frowned. "We could be put in a terrible situation if we know something so powerful, but we can't defend it."

The haunted look in his eyes made me think he was speaking from experience.

I pointed to him. "Excellent observation. But you are free to teach these songs to everybody. In fact, please do."

My three bandmates stared at me with confusion.

"What I want is to spread rock everywhere, to everyone." So it never dies. "That said, you still need to protect yourself, so if you can comprehend five healing ballads by the end of day tomorrow, I'll allow you to learn a song so powerful that it will melt your enemy's face off! And once you master that. I have a few more offensive songs that will get us fighting higher realm opponents."

Gold String's gaze became determined. Actually, they all looked at me like I was a treasure inside a secret realm.

Maybe I wouldn't have to worry about these three not getting along after all?

***Since I had to teach Dread Lotus the drums from scratch, I first helped Melodic River and Gold String. I explained each of their parts and played them so they could get a feel of how they should be played. After that, I left them to practice.

It was a good thing this place had a separate sound-concealing formation for just this situation.

After that, I brought Dread Lotus to the drum set and went over each of the strikes she could make.

She started off timidly, hitting the drums, and eventually began to enthusiastically beat them like she was taking out her repressed aggressions on the new spiritual instrument. The sparkle in her eyes grew with every hit the drums were able to take.

I just considered this a test of how sturdy my tool forging was.

The answer: very. Was there any doubt?

"I absolutely love these. They are mine now, right? Right?"

"If you can learn these songs perfectly, I'll give them to you."

"I will."

"But first you need to learn how to practice."

I taught her how to same way I did with Three Drops. Then I went beyond that and showed her how to separate the set into individual flying parts, and how to use them to capture a target.

Once I'd finished she grabbed my hand. "These are perfect for me! Did you really make these for me?"

"Of course I did!"

She almost jumped with her excitement. "Eeeeee! You are the bestest friend I've ever had!"

Ah, was the sun a bit too warm today?

I cleared my throat. "Well, being your friend has already helped me, so, of course, I would want to give you a gift... but you have to learn these next songs perfectly."

"I will play them so well it will cause problems for the sect!"

How could playing the drums too well cause any problems for the sect? Whatever. As long as Ghosty healed up in the end.

***

After I taught Dread Lotus how to perform her parts, I brought us together. They nervously fiddled with their instruments.

I grinned at the three of them. "The first song we'll play will be an easy one. Spirit In Repair." This was a song inspired by John Mayer's In Repair and was originally written by Irrepressible Soft Twitter.

Of course, since this was our first time playing, we didn't sound impressive. We didn't even sound good.

Dread Lotus pouted. "We're all experts, so I thought we'd play better."

I scoffed. "You learned a brand new instrument a couple of hours ago. How can you expect to be perfect at it?"

"But I am."

That... was actually true. Dread Lotus now had a Superior Sounds Body special constitution which allowed her to easily pick up previously unknown instruments and songs. She was faster at learning music than Little Spring, that monster of a protagonist.

"But we're not perfect together, and that is our biggest issue. We each need to play together with no errors, and with the right amount of soul to heal a Nascent Soul's injuries."

There had to be a way to fix this.

It likely came down to our comprehension being too different. This would cause the emotions we brought to our parts to not match. "Alright, we'll each discuss our understanding of the song and its separate sections. We need to have the same knowledge of each part and how they come together to enhance the meaning. I'll go first."

Just after I finished explaining my understanding of the guitar and lyric portions, that asshole Noxious Fangstrike moseyed on over like he was in the neighborhood and wanted to say hello. Frankly, his showing up now was suspicious as fuck.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Greetings, Senior." He nodded to me. "It's almost like you knew that this was the perfect time to interrupt us."

He clasped his hands behind his back and didn't respond to my subtle accusation that he'd been spying. While I had used the soundproofing formation, it wasn't good enough to prevent an eavesdropping Nascent Soul like him.

Dread Lotus set her stick down with a clack and ran over to him. "Uncle! What are you doing here?"

"I'm picking up my new research assistant."

She frowned. "Who is that?"

He gestured to me and I scowled. ::Am I your research assistant, Senior, or are you mine?::

::I'm an elder. Allow me to keep my image up in front of my niece.::

::Fine, but you'll owe me.::

"Oh! That's great news. Linlin is my best friend. So make sure to treat her well. I'll be upset if she comes crying to me, saying that you've bullied her."

"I think she's more likely to bully me," he muttered softly.

Hah! Said the guy who captured me in his goddamn cauldron. "Alright, you three, you know enough and can figure this out together. I expect your coordination to be improved by the time I get back."

"Yes, Band Leader Linlin!"

"Dread Lotus, you're in charge until I return."

She grinned. "I'll be sure we sound fifty percent better, at least."

Noxious Fangstrike hesitated. "Well, my research isn't urgent. Maybe I could stay here and watch—"

"No! Uncle, please go. You'll make us too nervous."

He frowned. "Fine! I can see I'm not wanted... but I would have liked to see my beloved niece more, now that she's feeling better."

::You're not going to guilt them into asking you to stay.::

::Why are you and Dread Lotus the only ones not nervous and respectful around me?::

::I'm perfectly respectable toward you, Senior-who-couldn't-cure-his-own-niece.::

::Don't test me.::

::What? You want to harm your niece's best friend? Should I tell her that? She might never speak to you again.::

::...::

"Let's go." He turned around, flicking his sleeve in irritation.

***

Noxious showed me to a desk in his alchemy room, where he set down several small piles of jade slips.

He pointed to each stack going from right to left. "These are all the references I found mentioning what the bath was like back when the sect first started. This is a list of all the ingredients we currently use. These are the various prescriptions for each poison that uses one or more of the same herbs. These are the failed tests I remembered my seniors telling me they'd conducted. And these are all my experiments." He clasped his hands behind his back and appeared way too proud of himself.

"I'm impressed. You went above and beyond what I asked you to compile."

"I only collected what I thought you'd need. We have to resolve the bath's side effects as soon as possible."

I grinned. "If your bath can be fixed, I'll fix it." Of course, the first step was to go over all this information. It was a good thing I was the creator of the Dao of Paperwork or I might be troubled by all the material he'd provided.