Chapter 63 - (10) 19-24

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 19 🎸)

How did I, as a transmigrated Chinese-American foreigner, become a badass in this Xianxia universe? By being a kick-ass, genius student, of course. Muahaha!

In my past life, I constantly studied and researched. No piece of information was too low for me to absorb. As long as something could be verified through the scientific method, I would use it!

I'd even try to make it better.

Back then, I discovered that I shouldn't be overly arrogant when it came to learning. While I knew more than everyone around me, that didn't mean I knew everything.

Now that I had the chance to study something new, I was excited to sit in on my first poison master lecture. This was knowledge that would be lost in the future if I did nothing to attempt to preserve it.

Of course, while I waited, Little Spring ran into the hall with Little Teasing Mouse following him. He quickly scanned the room and found me. The two awkwardly shuffled past the rows of disciples.

Goddamn it. ::I thought I hinted that you should leave her ass behind.::

He visibly winced.

::She isn't even an alchemist.::

::Sorry, Sister Lin. She wanted to come with me. If I had spent any more time convincing her not to attend, I'd be late.::

::Fine, just get over here. While this would be low-level information, it will be necessary for a solid foundation in poison arts.::

::I'm looking forward to it.::

If that girl spoke during the lecture I would throw her out with my own hands.

The two took their seats beside me.

A short man with white fox ears stepped onto the stage. With a gentle smile, he introduced himself as Winter Fox before lecturing about concocting poisons.

Teasing Mouse tilted her head. She was visibly confused. Then she opened her mouth.

I sent her the fiercest glare I could. She was not ruining an important foundational lecture for me and the rest of these students.

Tears welled up in her eyes.

Seriously? From just a glare?

Little Spring tugged on her sleeve to get her attention.

He must have told her something through the telepathic technique because she stopped tearing up. Her eyes narrowed. Then her face turned red as if it took a lot of effort for her to send a secret sound transmission back. She looked disgustingly adorable.

How the hell had someone this braindead survived so long in this ruthless sect?!

From his expression, it seemed like the brat calmly answered her questions as the lecture continued. It was like he was used to dealing with highly frustrating people.

I almost wanted to ask him who in his life was so hard to deal with that he took her annoying interruptions in stride.

Certainly not me.

***

For an hour, Winter Fox concisely spoke about poison concocting. He went over the several well-known recipes that every intermediate poison master was supposed to know about. One was a pill that I could have sworn I'd seen in other Xianxia. It essentially disguised itself as a heavenly beauty pill, called Paper-Thin Beauty Poison.

It slowly turned the victim into an ethereal fairy, even going so far as to change their bone structure and fat percentage. But as their good looks increased, their skin would become fragile. Eventually, even a light touch would create a bloody wound. Their newly achieved attractiveness would vanish as the poison destroyed them from the inside out.

Fucking malicious. But this was an unorthodox sect, so it was to be expected.

Frankly. I almost wanted to feed it to that bitch Violet for what she did to me. Sending me fucking halfway across the world and expecting me to die!

Next, he confirmed my suspicions concerning the texts I memorized from the outer sect's scripture pavilion. Those manuals had subtle lies and misconceptions that would be traps for invaders. A teacher like Winter Fox was supposed to correct those but those trying to learn it as it was would get fucked over.

For example, several poison recipes in the books left out their use of Red Star Sweet Maple Leaf. When used with a poison concocted with Viridian Snake Venom and Fire Cloud Mushroom Spores, it hid the poison's scent and taste. It also increased those ingredients' effectiveness. Brilliant and insidious.

Winter Fox even went over the few poison master's unique hand seals, which looked nothing like the current standard. I had to take out a jade slip just to record them so I could practice later.

If I had time I could revise them to be powerful and Orthodox.

Frankly, the poison masters here were really in a league of their own. If this sect produced higher-realmed cultivators at a quicker speed, it would have become the strongest unorthodox sect on its continent.

Once the lecture ended, several disciples walked over and asked Winter Fox questions. After he answered, they handed him either herbs, pills or spirit stones. Getting compensation like this was often how these teachers earned something for doing free lectures. And this Q&A session was the major reason I came here.

Unfortunately, before I could walk over, a tall man with azure hair blocked the way out of our row. The fucker didn't even notice me and my need to exit. He stared at the dumb mouse girl while grinning happily. "Little Teasing Mouse! What are you doing here?"

"Big brother Water Viper! I was assigned to show our new Beast Tamer around the sect since we're similar ages."

Was this asshole going to move or would I have to make him?

Water Viper continued to rudely not even see me and instead eyed Little Spring with suspicion. "Well, let me know if he tries anything and I'll put him in his place."

The brat scowled slightly but held his anger in — probably because the guy was technically our senior.

"Junior Brother Verdant Spring is kind and suuuuper smart. And he has the cutest puppy spirit beast! He taught me so much... but I can't really understand it all."

Water Viper smiled. "Well, if you're interested in poison arts, you know you can come to me and I'll help you."

The woman who sat behind us suddenly hugged Teasing Mouse's arm. "If anyone is helping her learn about poisons, it will be me. Isn't that right, junior sister?"

Wait a second. I recognized what was happening with this girl. And it explained how the author made her personality seem rational in this fucked up world.

Little Teasing Mouse received unconditional help, love, and kindness because of her cuteness. This allowed her to stay sweet and stupidly ignorant — increasing her adorableness factor. If she ever had any difficulties, her fans would help her, so she didn't have to lift a finger.

Bloodsword probably ran into her during a mission on this continent some time after this sect was destroyed. He likely saved her just after her last helper died, sacrificing themselves for her adorableness.

If Little Spring technically had a protagonist halo, this girl had a black hole of adoration — what was originally referred to as a Mary Sue halo, before the term went out of style. Those weren't necessarily opposing forces. In fact, it was possible that they'd end up orbiting around each other, drawing the other in.

Shit. If that happened, I'd have to deal with this dumbass mouse girl regularly.

Yeah, fuck that. I'd lived on that goddamned harem-filled mountain for a millennium, I wasn't dealing with anyone's braindead ass again. At least not for an extended period. I'd rather become an ugly hermit.

While I would not make this kid's decisions for him, I could make my own choices based on what was best for me. And part of that was giving him a warning.

::If you start thinking that you need to help this girl because she's so sweet and cute, I suggest that you run the other way until your head clears.::

He flinched. ::S-sister Lin! That—::

::—Just do it.::

::... Okay, I will. Is she using some kind of secret mind-control technique?::

I stared at him, examining his very confused expression.

::No.::

He scowled as if I'd asked something unreasonable.

::Look, there are some people who just need to not be near each other because they make the other a worse person. If you're not careful she could be like that for you.::

::I understand… a little.::

::Do you?::

::No, not really. Sorry, Sister Lin.::

Fuck. Whatever. I tried my best to explain it in a way that wouldn't make me sound insane. It was up to the brat at this point.

Since the crowd around the lecturer temporarily decreased, I figured that it was time to leave the mouse girl's black hole aura. I jumped over the seats and gracefully landed on the stage. "Greetings, Senior Winter Fox. I'd like to consult with you on a matter concerning poison body cultivation."

He turned to me. "Ah, junior. I'm afraid I'm not an expert in that field. Though I have dabbled a bit. I can't help you if your question is too advanced."

"But as an esteemed senior, you'll likely know who can."

He puffed up his chest as if he appreciated my compliment. "Go ahead."

"My demonic music student is also a poison body cultivator with a stable but incorrect base. From what I can tell, the poisons he was supposed to consume in equal proportions were not taken correctly. He has a severe but stable imbalance."

He frowned. "How bad is it?"

I explained the proportions of each poison type I felt with my divine sense. Though I didn't know the exact poisons, I knew enough to explain it to the master who did.

He smiled at me gently, but I could tell from the vein popping on his forehead and the flattening of his fox ears that he was furious. "By any chance, is he a disciple in the inner sect?"

"Outer sect."

Under his breath, he said, "Foolish."

There was more going on here than I realized. And it didn't seem like an unfamiliar issue. "Do you already know how to fix his cultivation?"

He hesitated. "I'm not sure if you know this, but our sect gives supplies to the outer sect's poison masters. They're supposed to make the pills for the outer sect's body cultivators."

"You're suggesting that someone is conning the sect by skimming the more expensive ingredients to sell to a higher bidder later?"

"That is exactly right!"

I frowned. "They've definitely created an inferior pill to trick contribution points off disciples, as well. If done skillfully, their fakes would look similar."

His expression turned grim. "Their imitations would stall our body cultivators' progression and hurt the future of the sect. I need to inform my seniors." He took a step as if he was about to rush off, but turned back. "For bringing this to their attention, I'll make sure you receive a reward."

Well, that would be useful.

"Also, I'm a fair teacher, so I'll make sure the senior poison masters know how helpful you were."

Wait…

"If you're lucky, you'll get to meet Senior Noxious Fangstrike himself!"

Fuck. "No!"

He blinked. "What?"

I cleared my throat and clasped my hands behind my back to make myself look like a humble master. "I only brought this up so I could help my student. It's what a teacher should do. It's not enough to gain the attention of our esteemed seniors."

He pressed his palm to his chest in shock. "Junior Linlin is so responsible and kind. You're making me want to introduce you to them even more."

Shit. "I did nothing to deserve that. Actually, all I need is for you to give me the information on poison body cultivation and I'll fix my student's poison imbalance myself."

He nodded. "Since you call yourself an alchemist and not a poison master, I can assume you're still new to the sect. So, I'll work with my seniors to swiftly solve the fraud issue before it cripples our ability to defend ourselves in the future. Who knows how many promising young disciples these fools have already harmed?"

Frankly, I hadn't expected an unorthodox sect to care this much about its outer sect disciples. Though it was possible that I simply ran into the only logical guy in the sect who actually gave a damn about his sect's future.

"They probably haven't harmed too many or they would have been caught by now."

"Poison body cultivators are very important to us. You may not know this, but they're often called the shield of us poison masters."

I knew that. Most alchemists were treated well everywhere they went, and poison masters were just alchemists with extra steps. Not that they'd admit it.

"I'll need to know the recipes for up to the third round of poisons and any medical notes you have on how their cultivation is supposed to progress."

"Junior, I'm sad to say this but this isn't the first time in the sect's history that a poison body cultivator was given fake pills. If you want to cure him yourself, I'll just look into the possible cures and hand the recipes over to you."

"That easy?" This wasn't a trap, right?

He nodded with a smile. "I'll have to consult with my seniors, but it shouldn't be an issue. Come by here in a few days and I'll have the prescriptions you need."

Considering that the hardest part of living in a Xianxia was the lack of all the world's knowledge at my fingertips… getting the information for a cure in a few days was pretty fucking fast. "Thank you, Senior."

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 20🎸)

By the time I finished talking to Winter Fox, Little Spring had been pulled into a poison concocting competition. Classic Xianxia. A main character couldn't go five chapters without getting into something.

A borrowed cauldron steamed in front of him as he mixed various ingredients. He kept glancing at Water Viper and the girl from earlier, as if he was trying to figure out what order to put each toxic herb in.

Wait, was he copying these alchemists because I'd told him to keep a low profile? Very good!

Off to the side, Little Teasing Mouse quietly cheered them on while jumping up and down on the balls of her brocade slippers.

It didn't take too much longer before large billows of purple vapor wafted from each cauldron. With a hand seal, the two regular disciples sent the misty poison to collect into a pill in the air.

Now that was an unusual pill-forming method!

Little Spring had been using the hand seals I first taught him while hiding it behind the old ones. Once he reached this point, he created a seal on the cauldron with his spiritual energy and then twisted his fingers into our pill forming seal. Beads of sweat covered his forehead. 

Once they finished, Water Viper collected his pill into a jade bowl and brought it to a disciple who must have been nominated as the judge. 

The judge rolled the pill around the bowl while he used a technique on his eyes I'd never seen before. "Oh, my! Look at the color and clarity! This is a high-quality Three Lines Decapitation Toxin. Its poison efficacy is 76%! Absolutely deadly."

Now that was an interesting technique! It was hard to get exact numbers in this time period, so something used to examine a pill accurately was valuable. I'd have to learn it while I was here.

The girl sniffed disdainfully. "The last time I concocted this recipe, I had an efficacy of 80%."

Water Viper snorted. "Don't lie. That one was only at 70% at most."

She handed her bowl to the judge.

His eyes glowed as he looked down at her submission, then shook his head. "Your pill has an efficacy of 72%."

Water Viper sneered. "See, I told you I'd be the better poison arts teacher for Little Teasing Mouse."

Little Spring gave the judge his own bowl. "I'm undeserving of being Little Teasing Mouse's poison arts teacher. But I will take the contribution points you promised me, seniors."

The two looked at him like they couldn't believe he thought he had a chance. 

"But I don't think I'll be too much better than you, since this is my first time concocting this pill."

The judge narrowed his eyes on the purple pill. "Wait. That can't be right." It looked glossier and clearer than the other two. "Hold on."

Oh, no…. Did this brat forget to keep a low profile after all?

::You didn't create a pinnacle pill right?::

::Of course not! Even you have trouble creating one your first time.::

Sure, but logic didn't always work when it came to this kid's protagonist halo.

"This pill… has 81% efficacy!"

Everyone in the room stared at Little Spring with wide eyes. 

"Whoa!"

"Impossible!"

::That low? You must have worked hard.::

::Thank you, Sister Lin! I tried my best to add a few minor imperfections that match the ones my fellow disciples were adding. Sadly, our superior hand seals increased the quality too much.::

They did that. ::Regardless, I think you did an excellent job of keeping a low profile while not looking weak.::

::Thank you, Sister Lin!;;

::Return to your space once you're done here. I'm going to teach you to craft a new instrument!::

::A new one?::

::you'll like it. It's called a Majestic Kick-Ass Aluminum Keyboard of Many Sounds - Lesser Version.::

He paused for a second. ::That's an interesting name.::

::As you can see, I'm very good at naming things.::

::...:: He sent me a brief disbelieving glance. From that, I was sure it meant he couldn't believe how awesome my naming style was.

Little Teasing Mouse ran over and hopped excitedly. "I told you that he's a genius!" 

"This has to be some kind of mistake!" Both Water Viper and the girl said in unison.

The judge huffed and crossed his arms. "If you don't trust me, then don't ask me to judge."

Little Spring held up both hands. "Please don't complain. It's obvious that I was just lucky. It's Senior Water Viper who deserves to be Little Teasing Mouse's poison teacher." 

Water Viper crossed his arms. "Well, you're right about that."

The brat held his palm out. "While I can't teach her, I will take those contribution points, seniors."

Little Teasing Mouse grabbed Little Spring's sleeve. "I knew you could do it!" Then she turned to her friends while wearing an adorable smile. "See! I said he was a genius! Now I get to be taught by a genius! This is so lucky!"

The kid's eyes widened and briefly darted to me in panic.

::But I already said I couldn't do it. Why is she ignoring me?::

::Uh. I can't deal with her.:: She was too disgustingly cute. If I went over there, I might say something logical and aggressive that would make me the enemy of everyone in the room. Just like what always happened in my past life with Bloodsword's wives. It was not something we needed while we were undercover. ::You're going to have to get out of this on your own. We're here to spy on this sect. If you spend all your time teaching that idiot how to concoct pills, you won't be able to contribute to getting our asses home.::

His jaw tightened. ::I'll take care of it.::

Bloodsword's fucking braindead wives were the worst.

***My large crucible with an exact mixture of spiritual metals flew into the furnace to melt. That was the signal. Little Spring automatically took over control of the flames. Next, I brought over the two special molds I had spent an hour preparing while I waited for the brat to enter his space.

Frankly, he should have returned sooner, but apparently, it was difficult to get away from his new friends. They had kept him way too long when I had a lesson planned. 

I was not fucking happy. But, as his teacher and older martial sister, I wasn't sure what to do about it. 

Once the metal finished melting, I used a technique to lift the crucible and shake it.

"Remember, the metal for this instrument should be shaken, not stirred."

"Why is that?"

"So that the metal becomes softer and more malleable on the inside, and harder on the outside." 

Before its perfect consistency was ruined, I poured it into each frame box. While I counted down until the boxes had cooled, Little Spring took care of the crucible.

"Quick, bring the hammers over. It's about time you practice that new technique."

"Yes, Sister Lin!"

The big and little hammers flew into the furnace. 

I broke the seals on each box, exposing the steaming silvery metal to the air. With a flick of my wrist, I sent both sides of the keyboard into the forge.

I grabbed a handful of gold powder and threw it inside while controlling it with my spiritual energy. It formed the base for several enchantments and drew perfect lines between where each key would go and the slots for the recording crystals.

"Hit each line with the little hammer's Long Dragon Tapping method."

The kid closed his eyes and his hands moved. I could see the hint of an illusory dragon behind him before the hammer struck each line in quick succession.

God damn protagonists. When did he reach this level of forging? Didn't I just fucking teach him this technique not too long ago?

I grabbed a handful of the local spiritual chrome powder and casually threw it into the furnace, so it covered the exterior of each side.

"Now, take the big hammer and use Hard Strike to harden it until it has a mirror finish."

His brow furrowed as he concentrated. Then the big hammer crashed into the keyboard, causing it to bend.

The kid froze for a second and glanced over at me with wide eyes, checking my reaction.

Fuck. I didn't let any shock show on my face. Usually, he did everything near perfect the first go around. Maybe his new friends were distracting him? Very calmly, I said, "Finish it perfectly." Because I didn't want to spend more money and time on this project.

"Right away!"

He used the big hammer to bend it back, then carefully hammered each side while looking very stiff. But he managed to finish it.

I pulled the two sides out and set them on a stone table to cool. Fortunately, I could tell by how each side settled onto the table that the bend had been fixed. Still, I needed to find out where his head was at.

"Something you feel like telling me?"

"The thing is... to get out of teaching alchemy to Little Teasing Mouse, I had to... promise to play together tomorrow."

"..." A vein bulged in my forehead.

I could tell from the heat wafting off the two sides of the Keyboard's aluminum frame that they'd cooled to the point I had to work on them again. I pulled out the bag of recording crystals and began slotting them into the round sockets made just for them. The kid grabbed a handful and helped from the other side.

"I know you warned me..."

"So you do remember!"

He winced, but continued to place the crystals inside the slots. "Sister Lin..."

"Whatever." With a clack, I set the last crystal inside the slot.. "Just limit your time with her and don't forget what I told you."

"Don't be mad. I couldn't teach her alchemy, so I had to make up for it somehow."

This fucker. If my physique wasn't improved with body cultivation, I'd have a headache. "You did not need to 'make up for it'. It sounds like you fell victim to some manipulative tactic."

He winced. "That's… You didn't see the way those seniors glared. If I hadn't made that promise, it would have started a fight. And beating up so many people stronger than me wouldn't be low key at all."

With the bottom of the base completed, I pulled over the bin of keys we'd created and began painting their top with a glossy spiritual paint I'd concocted using several of the ingredients I had ordered earlier.

"Plus, I think going around the sect with Little Teasing Mouse will be a good excuse to search for more clues about the scroll."

"Only if you can figure out a way to get an invitation to the second level of the treasure pavilion."

"I'll do that! I promise."

When I finished painting the last key, I set my brush down and crossed my arms. 

I did not like this. But the kid hadn't done anything stupid in a while... aside from almost fucking up my instrument. Not that I'd ever admit it to him, but in some ways he'd been more responsible than me. Especially while my brain hadn't been quite right back when I first time traveled. Of course, thanks to my cultivation, I was now perfectly sane. Muahahaha!

In the end, while I didn't trust that mouse girl, I respected Little Spring's ability to make a logical choice.

"Alright. Let's finish this keyboard. Tomorrow we'll have to record all the sounds."

"You need my help for that?"

"No, but you should know how to forge one of these by yourself. By the time we complete it, you'll be the second smith in the universe who can create a Majestic Kick-Ass Aluminum Keyboard of Many Sounds - Lesser Version."

The kid's eyes filled with determination. "I'll do my best, Martial Sister Lin!"

***With Little Spring's help, it took only half a day to get the various notes and sounds I needed. Mostly because I had him stretch out a wire so I could hit it with a hammer while recording. It made things go much faster than doing everything by myself. 

He also convinced Xiao Bai to bork at different pitches for some alternative sounds. Once I played his voice back to him, he tilted his head adorably, then howled along.

We next visited my students, who had continued to learn new songs. I recorded Three Drops Silent Toxin as he demonstrated each individual drum sound and had Shadow Panther play every bass note.

The two grinned when I played back the sounds they'd helped with.

Recording like this was something I liked to call a Sound Wave Scavenger Hunt.

It wasn't perfect, but it was fast.

Once we'd finished collecting the last notes we returned to the space. I finished the final adjustments to the instrument causing an illusory silver dragon to appear above the keyboard before vanishing.

Finally! We'd finished. Muahahaha!

It looked so good and performed perfectly. This was going to make Melodic River look so cool.

Little Spring hesitated. "Sister Lin, are you sure some of those sounds were even necessary?"

I paused. "No. But I need this instrument to sound more complex to snag another bandmate."

He looked exasperated, as if questioning why we had to go through all that.

"It will help us heal Ghosty. Anyway, be grateful that this is a lesser version. I spent a whole month collecting sounds for the full Immortal rank keyboard once." I stroked the smooth silvery surface of the instrument. "This one has merely reached sky rank. But it's good for our current cultivation."

He seemed to struggle for a bit. "Spending that long gathering sounds would be very frustrating."

"It wasn't terrible. I had all my Dao of Rock students help me with it. They'd kept coming up to me, wanting to add more sounds to it. They were all very proud of their contribution towards it. When you work together on a project like this, it's fun."

He grinned. "I agree."

"Now that it's complete, want to hear it?"

He nodded.

I grinned. "Then meet me outside my immortal cave as soon as you can."

***I exited my temporary home to find Melodic River drinking a small bowl of medicinal wine under a nearby tree. Her languid posture made her appear damn cool. She really would make a fantastic member of my rock band.

"There you are!" She smiled. "I've been waiting for you. Did you finish what you needed to?"

I pulled out the silvery keyboard and inserted my spiritual energy into it until it hovered at the perfect height for playing. Since I was a master weaponsmith, it had been simple to add a flying tool enchantment to the instrument. Especially since this was a tool for a Foundation Establishment cultivator. 

Melodic River's eyes widened. "You didn't mention that it could fly!"

I grinned. "That's part of the fun. If you get good enough, you can even play it while it's above your head."

"I think you might have been underselling it. Could you play for me?"

"In a moment. An… Older Martial Brother of mine is coming to listen in."

"Oh," she seemed slightly disappointed. But then grabbed a gourd filled with wine and shook it. "How about we drink until they get here?"

"I'm underage."

Her eyebrows furrowed as a skeptical expression crossed her face. 

I shrugged. "I'm a little younger than I look." While also being much older than I was physically. Time travel was weird. And it made things like drinking age and when to treat myself as an adult fucking awkward.

I had been an adult in a child's body for the first 9 years of my past life. Technically, this was my second time going through this kind of age awkwardness. Frankly, it was one of the reasons I avoided romance at the beginning of my first life here. By the time I'd become an adult, comfortable in my own body, I'd seen too much of this fucked up Xianxia world I lived in and decided to swear off romantic relationships altogether. They weren't worth it. Not when someone could betray me for a heavenly treasure, sell me for their own benefit, or try to use me as a cultivation cauldron. Fuck that shit.

She sighed. "It would have been nice to know that earlier."

"Well, it's more good wine for you."

"So it is!" She grinned.

I heard Little Spring call my name. I turned to see him running over, followed by Xiao Bai and Little Teasing Mouse. 

God damn it. I had to deal with her again? Ghosty better appreciate the amount of frustration I was dealing with to heal his ass.

I raised an eyebrow at the brat.

::Sorry, Sister Lin. She followed me.::

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 21🎸)

::It's fine. I want to spread Rock as far as I can.::Even to people I found annoying as fuck.

Melodic River grinned at Little Teasing Mouse. "Junior martial sister! Good to see you."

The girl nodded excitedly. "I haven't seen you since you got in trouble with Sister Black Crustacean Claw."

River laughed awkwardly.

"I still can't believe you were banished from North Peak for a whole month."

Her face turned bright red, then she cleared her throat. "Well. I deserved my punishment."

The little girl shook her head, causing her round ears to wobble. "I think she went too far when she sent half the crab-type beasts after you."

Little Spring and I exchanged glances, both silently acknowledging that we were sick of those monsters after the Crab Mission. Fuck them andtheir ultimate evolutionary state.

River coughed. "That... may have been a littleexcessive. Anyway, we're here to listen to Junior Sister Linlin play." She quickly and very obviously changed the topic.

Right! I needed to introduce the keyboard to this world. 

I considered playing Prejudice by Tim Minchin. It was a song with a diverse range of music styles… but I didn't think the people in this universe would understand its themes. After all, this world didn't exactly have the concept of gingers. 

I had no desire to see the confused look on their faces as I called myself whatever the fuck "matchstick" was.

Whatever. I needed to show them not only the keyboard but also rock. There was one song that was absolutely perfect for this. Queen'sBohemian Rhapsody. Popular memes in my past-past life believed that it was written by a fae disguised as a human who returned to his realm far too soon. 

Of course, I wouldn't play the original song, but a spiritual song inspired by it created by Rising Purple Thunder. That fuckin' weirdo. Actually, he reminded me a bit of Melodic River. Who knew? Maybe she had been him in his previous life.

I pressed my fingers to the keys, and the notes flowed out. As if wanting to join in, wind rustled the leaves and caused branches to sway.

Little Spring narrowed his eyes on my finger movements as if memorizing the song. If it was that brat, he might be able to do it.

On the other hand, that mouse girl had her head tilted as if she were very confused. Adorably so. Fuckin' dumbass.

Melodic River closed her eyes as if experiencing something transformative. Her delicate wrist rotated back and forth as if she were touching every note. This movement was the exact same one Rising Purple Thunder used when listening to a song he enjoyed.

Shit, what if she really was the past life of my rambunctious little rock student? Didn't that mean he caused just as much trouble in his past life as he had when he was in the Indomitable Will sect?! That hedonistic brat.

But that wasn't something I could be sure about. However, it made me realize that maybe my students' souls were somewhere out there, following the path of music.

Playing in the strong wind must have caused my eyes to water. I barely managed to keep my voice from cracking.

Pearlescent Rose suddenly flew over and landed beside the three others, interrupting my thoughts. Her eyes barely left the new instrument, but I could tell that she'd come for another purpose.

A few minutes later, I played the last notes.

::Sister Lin, was that also rock?::

I stiffened. ::Of course! It's just missing a guitar, drums and some backup vocals. The keyboard is a more classical instrument, which is why it sounds so different. But it's definitely rock. Rock has so much variation that it's never ending.::

"Once you have time, we should talk about this new instrument, Junior Linlin," Rose said.

Melodic River stood up. "Can I try?"

With a gesture, I sent the flying keyboard spinning forward and had it stop right in front of her. When I released my spiritual energy, the instrument dropped, but the fairy caught it with her foot. With a slight kick, she had it hovering at waist height and began playing a scale. It didn't take her long to figure out that if she increased the amount of energy added into it, it would switch over to a different set of sounds. Soon she was playing a simple tune using Xiao Bai's barks, causing the puppy to howl along. 

Teasing Mouse giggled and clapped to the beat. 

Considering the expression of joy Melodic River was trying to hide with a cool facade, I was pretty sure I'd just collected a new band member. 

Rose approached me. "Little Linlin, I spent a long time thinking about what you mentioned."

"Senior, it's been a lengthy couple of days. You'll have to remind me."

She sighed. "You said that you'd need to know about someone before you used Rock to heal them."

Right, that! I nodded.

"If you have some free time, I'd like you to meet my disciple. She needs help that I can't give her. And at this point..." She pursed her lips.

Well, Rose had come to my rescue before. More importantly, she'd helped smooth things over between me and that senior beast blood contractor. I knew she had done a lot of work behind the scenes to solve this issue since I hadn't been targeted again. Surprisingly, I also hadn't been asked to pay for damages after running through the outer sect with those stampeding lizards. I owed her. It was time to resolve this karma.

I clasped my hands behind my back. "Let me meet her and I'll determine if I can help."

***We all left Melodic River to play around... er, practice the keyboard. Little Spring and Teasing Mouse decided to return to North Peak, while Rose brought me on her immortal boat to the other side of South Peak. 

The courtyard she gestured to clung to the side of the mountain. A tall Nascent Soul realm cultivator stood in midair in front of the red gate. He appeared dignified, with thin lips and gray hair at his temples… until he crossed his arms and pouted. "Little Dread Lotus! Please let your uncle in! Your uncle just wants to see if you're okay! I'm not leaving until I hear from you! Your family is worried about you."

This guy could absolutely break in if he wanted to. The few formations attached to the courtyard for defense couldn't keep him out. Which meant he respected his niece enough to not enter without her permission.

The red gate opened and a maid with tiger patterned hair stepped out and bowed deeply. "This one greets Grandmaster Azure Kraken. The Young Miss isn't feeling well and will have to decline your visit."

He frowned, then flew down to the maid. As Rose and I approached, I could see a vein bulging in his forehead.

Oh snap. Was he about to kill the messenger?

Before I could say something to stop him, he pulled out a pill bottle and handed it to the maid. "These are good for circulation." Then he shoved two more bottles into her arms. "These will help nourish her bones and organs. And this other one can remove toxins. Make sure she gets them!"

The maid bowed low. "Yes, Grandmaster."

He huffed and flew off.

All of those pills were expensive as fuck. I knew because I'd earned a lot of spirit stones concocting them before. They also weren't easy to come by in this area. Just who was this disciple? The sect's little princess?

And judging by those medicines, there was something wrong with her body too that made even her uncle worry about her health.

I turned to Rose, who looked sheepish. "My disciple is the daughter of Azure Kraken's brother. She is very well loved by all the seniors in the sect."

Basically, if I didn't help her properly, they might blame me and make my life hell in this sect. This also explained Rose's hesitation when speaking about her disciple's problems. 

Motherfucker! Just what did I get myself into?

***

It took some coercing on Rose's part, but she eventually convinced the maid to let me meet Dread Lotus in her room.

It was dark inside and smelled of good medicinal incense. 

The Foundation Establishment girl lay in a classic heated bed. Her too-thin arms had bony wrists. Her cheeks were sunken in and her pink hair appeared dull. The fact that she looked this unwell meant that there was definitely something physically wrong with her, or her mental issues compounded her physical frailty.

"Young Miss," the maid said, "this is Fairy Linlin. Your Master sent her to you to see if she could help you... Your uncle also sent you some medicinal pills."

"Just put them with the rest of the gifts," Dread Lotus said with a very hoarse voice. Then she turned to me. "You should just leave. I doubt there's anything you can do to help me."

I snorted. "That's because you don't know me. I'm a genius."

"Heh. Are you, a Foundation Establishment little girl, more ingenious than my Nascent Soul aunts and uncles?"

I grinned and crossed my arms. "While I'm sure they're brilliant in their own way, they don't hold a candle to me."

She laughed, which became a horrible cough that shook her small frame. Her maid rushed over and turned her onto her side to cough comfortably before putting her back.

She wheezed while studying me with calm blue eyes. "I like your confidence. Alright. I'll give you a chance." She gestured for me to take a seat next to her bed.

I pulled out my guitar and sat down. "I told your master that I'd need to know why you stopped cultivating, but from your appearance, I assume it has something to do with the side effects of practicing an unorthodox technique."

She grimaced. "I had never been very strong or healthy. But I had a talent for cultivating demonic music. Unfortunately, it made my body significantly weaker than my peers."

"But that's not the full reason. Even with the side effects, you shouldn't end up like this."

Her brow furrowed. "Are you trying to say I look weak?!"

Wasn't that fucking obvious?

She softly chuckled. "I'm just kidding. But the look on your face was priceless."

Brat!

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 22🎸)

I rested my arm on my guitar. "So, what happened?"

Dread Lotus sighed. "What you'd expect. I went on a sect mission and it didn't end well. To save myself and my fellow disciples, I used a forbidden technique that further damaged my health."

I gestured toward where her maid brought the pill bottles. "But with your resources, you could easily find medicine to help you get better." Though it would take some time.

"Heh." She looked up at the ceiling. "That... you're not wrong. But it's an endless cycle of improving my cultivation, then pausing to stop my declining health, only to return to cultivating. Over and over again. Nothing changes!" Her voice cracked.

"Cultivation can often be painful and life-threatening. But the rewards are worth it."

"Immortality is only useful if you enjoy life."

That was true... but it was an odd fucking thing for someone who'd just joked around with me to say. Just how poor was her health?

I scanned her with my divine sense. What I saw made me want to grab her and shake her.

Many of her organs were on the verge of failing. Almost all of her acupoints were nearly clogged with impurities. She had lingering injuries that should have been easy to heal. To end up in this condition, she couldn't have used any of the medicines her uncles sent to her! 

Also, there were signs of long-term damage. It was a pattern I recognized that was caused by a rare special constitution called the Myriad Songs Body. Frankly, this condition sounded like something the shitty author of this universe just made up on the spot, but it was actually a double-edged-sword-type special constitution that was often seen in Xianxia. It made a musical cultivator an unbelievable genius; however, it cursed their body to grow weaker and weaker. The fact she practiced a body-weakening unorthodox method compounded the issue.

But that was just the obvious external shit. 

Dread Lotus was fucking lucky to be born into the family she was. She had the resources to help her live a fairly normal life, even without a permanent fix for her constitution's problems. Life shouldn't be so hard that she'd want to give up. As a cultivator, she should have a strong mind that would prevent her from taking a dumb way out. Especially when she had such a supportive and loving family.

So why… Ah! I saw what was going on here. The forbidden technique injured her soul. This wasn't unusual. The fact that Rose wasn't able to heal her meant that her soul-based wound was tricky and was made worse by her diminishing health.

However, there was a straightforward and easy path to prevent her body from worsening. "Have you considered other cultivation methods?"

She rolled her eyes. "I've already tried everything this sect has to offer. I have no talent for anything other than demonic music. Except I was never healthy enough to try poison body cultivation."

"Then you need solutions from outside the sect."

"Do you think all my aunts and uncles haven't already brought me everything they could think of from outside? Nothing has helped!"

She started coughing and her maid ran over with a handkerchief to prevent her from getting blood on her dress.

Damn. Her soul's condition was even worse than I thought. She'd completely lost the most important thing a cultivator needed to reach immortality — an indomitable will.

I straightened my spine and looked down at her. "You're forgetting something."

She pursed her lips and waved her maid away. "What is that?"

I used my thumb to point at my chest. "I'm a fucking genius. Why else did your master send me here?"

"Because she's desperate?"

Oh, come on. "Your master is a good woman who cares enough about you to trust me with your recovery. Which also means she's very intelligent."

She frowned. Her blue eyes studied me with suspicion.

"I will help you... However, I need some incentive to do my best." Because if I had to remove the weaknesses in her constitution, it would take an immense amount of effort. Even if I owed Pearlescent Rose, this wasn't something I could do for free. 

Her eyes narrowed. "What? Are you asking for my spirit stones, treasures, and contribution points? Because if you can actually cure me, you can take them all."

"No. What I want is something much more involved."

She brought her hands protectively to her chest. "I won't do anything weird."

The fuck? Why would she think I'd want her to do something weird? Did I sound like a damn charlatan or something? Whatever. "I want you to join my band and help me heal others!"

Because Ghosty was even worse off than she was. She at least had a body as bad off as it was.

"Oh." Dread Lotus thought for a second and then slightly shook her head. "Stop. I know what you're doing. You're trying to show me I have a future when I don't. Others have attempted cures before. They've always failed."

Motherfuckers! If I ever found the assholes who lied to her, I would beat them to death. They made helping her so much fucking harder. Because now she was resistant to the idea that she could get better and she was suspicious of everyone offering a helping hand.

"I wouldn't call myself an expert in special constitutions, but I know a thing or two. And you have one called the Myriad Songs Body. It's not a disease, so it can't be cured. What we can do is change it into an advanced version that increases the positive effects and removes the negative ones. And I happen to know how to do that."

She scoffed. "You said it yourself. You're not an expert. You're also too young to be one."

Cheeky brat! This was what I got for pretending to be humble. 

She needed a good flick on her glabella. Sadly, she was too weak for that.

Since I couldn't wake her up the normal way, I played a power chord. It must have done the trick since her eyes widened. 

"Listen up! I'm going to sing you a badass rock song. Afterward, if you still feel like allowing yourself to waste away — I won't bother you anymore. I can't help you if you don't want to fight for yourself. But if you feel like trying, then I'll make you the healthiest girl in this damned sect!"

Her expression went back and forth between hope, suspicion, and anger. I half-expected her to throw me out.

As I watched her fight against herself, I wished Little Spring was here. He'd always been so much better at convincing people. I was positive his protagonist-haloed-ass wouldn't have had to jump through so many conversational hoops to get her to agree.

Eventually, Dread Lotus sighed. "Since you were brought here by my master, the least I can do is listen to a song and give you a chance. Besides, I've heard her talk about your Dao of Rock, so I'm a little curious."

"As you should be." My Dao of Rock was profound, after all.

The question now was what this girl needed to hear to heal her broken soul and stop her from giving up.

Her brokenness stemmed from her health and her belief that she could never get better. From her perspective, she'd essentially suffered from an incurable disease that could only be managed.

I needed to play a song that could encourage her. Something meaningful that would make her want to see the future. To try again and keep moving forward. But above all, I needed a song that could heal her injured soul. 

First, I thought of original songs by Irritating Ghost Pepper and Drowning Melody. But, in the end, the best songs for healing still came from those inspired by Tool's music. 

I'd actually written the perfect song with several of my students. It was called 'Walking the Spiral to Immortality,' and had been heavily inspired byLateralus.

It almost seemed like fate that a song we all worked on together could help the next generation of rockers… or would this count as the previous generation? Whatever. I knew my students would be proud either way. 

I inserted my spiritual energy into my guitar and picked out the very long and slow intro. "Before I sing, let me first introduce some concepts to you. Things you've seen but may not be aware of. Truths about our universe that will blow your fucking mind."

She rolled her eyes, but I could see I had her attention.

"Everything that exists is connected. Yin and Yang, plants, even the measurements of your face. All are influenced by a concept observed in certain numbers and ratios. This connection can even be seen in the way our planet rounds a sun that speeds ever forward as it travels through the stars around a spiraling galaxy." Wait, while this was true for my original world, it might not have been correct for this one. Well, I was either right or horrifyingly wrong since Xianxia could get weird and make no scientific sense. Whatever. I wasn't an astronomer and Dread Lotus wouldn't know anyway.

"Even in cultivation, you see it. Because we walk along a continually growing spiral to reach immortality. A spiral of ever-increasing energy." Mathematically speaking. 

"Once you break the concept down into numbers, you'll notice it in the music you hear. And it is especially prevalent in this particular song."

As if to prove my point, smoke from the medicinal incense twisted into a spiral above us. 

"But I'm not here to give you a lecture on mathematics. Instead, as I sing this to you, I want you to close your eyes and relax. Open your mind up to possibilities, just as you've discovered the profoundness of the spiral and its connection to everything."

Dread Lotus closed her eyes.

I lifted my hand high into the air and brought it down heavily. Intense notes filled with energy reverberated through the room. They reached inside her so deeply she would feel the vibrations in her soul and bones. 

Dread Lotus sucked in a deep breath.

That was when I sang to her a song that spoke of beautiful discoveries, opening oneself up to possibilities, and using them to walk along a spiral of opportunity toward immortality.

It touched on the concept of embracing the truth of the heavens to fight against their will. And the need to keep going. Because, regardless of what happened, if one walked along their path of cultivation, they had to keep moving ever forward. To live and grow. To become powerful! But, above all, be human. Because it was the human things that made an immortal life worth living. A profound truth that only someone like me, who had reached the peak and returned, could impart.

With one last echoing chord, I ended the song. Dread Lotus opened her slightly watery eyes. The tip of her nose had gained a bit of color.

I tossed my guitar back into my ring. "Touched?"

"No!"

I grinned.

Look at this fucking liar.

Her maid stepped over and wiped the moisture from her eyes.

She glared at me. "Why does a song about something so stupid make me feel so..."

"Inspired? Like if you keep living, you'll see things that will make you want to live forever."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. Because I'm going to help you get back on your feet... and you're going to join my band so we can heal others together." Muahahaha!

It was good to see that the Rock my students and I created was as effective as I remembered. 

She swallowed. "Do you really have a cure for my… special constitution?"

"If I didn't have a way to help you, I wouldn't have said anything." As the best goddamn alchemist on this world, I knew that if I couldn't fix her condition, no one could. "But before we get into that, you need to decide on a secondary cultivation method that will support your current one."

"I already told you, I'm not skilled in anything else."

I ignored her. "Your choices are to learn orthodox alchemy or body cultivation. Because, if you're going to remain the healthiest girl in the sect, you'll either need to know which pills will help you or have a body that won't break."

The maid frowned. "How dare you suggest body cultivation to someone as frail as the young miss?!"

Dread Lotus shook her head. "Not alchemy. While I can memorize songs, I can't do the same for plants. I've tried. I even wrote a song to help me, but ended up forgetting the lyrics."

"Then body cultivation it is. I was hoping you'd choose that." I wondered if she'd be willing to be a drummer.

"Young Miss!"

She sighed. "It's fine. If I'm the healthiest girl in this sect, as Fairy Linlin says I will be, then I'll be able to practice body cultivation." A grin spread across her face. "I'm actually looking forward to it."

The maid hesitated and then backed down. 

Yes! Final band member get!

I put a jade slip to my temple and created a list of all the ingredients I'd need to fix her constitution issue, bring her to full health, and have her start on her journey of body cultivation. Since I couldn't use my cauldron while I was here, I also included a request to borrow a decent one. 

With a flick, I sent the slip over to her maid who grudgingly caught it. "I'll need these."

Dread Lotus nodded to the girl. "Tell my maternal uncle that I need everything right away... and let him know that he can visit if he brings them himself."

"Yes, miss," the maid bowed. The corners of her lips had curled up.

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 23🎸)

Little Spring's POV

My older martial sister was almost always right... except when it came to people. I'd noticed this over the years, but she could be a little overly judgemental of certain individuals she'd had contact with in her past life. Like my immortal cooking master, Fairy Garlic. She couldn't stand her.

She was the same way towards Little Teasing Mouse.

I knew she had her reasons, but in this case, hating Teasing Mouse just didn't make sense. She might be a little pushy, but she was kind and enthusiastic. Everyone we passed in the sect greeted her with a smile on their face. Even those cultivators that had frown lines would warmly beam at her.

Actually, greeting everybody was why it took so long to get anywhere. Considering the amount of time we had to complete our mission, this might have bothered me. But, by slowly getting to know every disciple on North Peak, I was treated with kindness and became someone people could trust… possibly with sect secrets. Like a certain scroll's location. 

All of this unearned trust was thanks to Little Teasing Mouse.

She pointed to a small rock wall near a cliff. "And just around this corner is one place where we let the herd-type spiritual beasts roam. Be quiet or we'll cause their wool to fall off."

I briefly considered explaining that sheep didn't work like that, but she was already tiptoeing around the wall. I slowly followed her until I saw a flat grassy field that appeared to have been carved into the mountainside. Fluffy spiritual sheep of various colors grazed nearby in a herd. They looked like a color-stained cloud that constantly changed shape.

"This is where we collect some of the material for our sect uniforms. And over there," she pointed to a large but simple building, "is where our spiritual silkworms grow. Several beast tamers there specialize in raising and contracting with silk worm-type beasts."

I glanced at her mouse ears. If a beast blood contractor took on a characteristic of their contracted beast, how did it work with silkworm farmers? Did... did they have no ears? Was their skin super white like a silkworm? Oh, no... could they shoot silk... from… from their butts?!

I shuddered. 

A man with ram horns who had been tending to the herd jogged over to us.

"If it isn't Little Teasing Mouse," he whispered with a smile on his face.

"Greetings Senior Baa Baa Black Ram."

We both bowed, and she gave her usual over-enthusiastic introduction: "This is Junior Verdant Spring! He is super smart and friendly. And he has the cutest puppy ever. He even wowed the poison masters! I just know he'll be the bestest, juniorest member of the inner sect."

He nodded to me. "Actually, you both came at the right time. How would you two like to earn some contribution points?"

Teasing Mouse nodded. "What do you need help with?"

"I want to attend a lecture, but I need to move my herd to the lower field." He pointed to a dirt path that led into a dense forest. "It's over by Crab Lake."

She nodded seriously. "If you two can herd my sheep without losing a single one while I go listen to the lecture, I'll give you each 1,000 contribution points."

"I'll do it!" She jumped from foot to foot excitedly. Then she turned to me. Before she could open her mouth and volunteer me, I stepped in front of her. "Senior, I'll agree as well, but I'd rather do it in exchange for some information. Since I'm so new, I could use some advice."

"That works better for me. If it's something I know about, I'll gladly give you the information. And if I don't, I'll pay you in contribution points."

I nodded. 

"Before I leave you to it, I'd like to know how you plan to herd them. My little lambs are precious to me."

Little Teasing Mouse stared blankly at him. Then she scrunched up her eyebrows really hard and rubbed her glabella.

M-maybe Lin did have a point about her not being the smartest disciple in the sect.

That meant figuring this out was up to me. I picked up Xiao Bai and stared into his large blue eyes. "We have to herd these sheep down that pathway to a field near a lake. Can you help me do that?"

His mouth opened and his tongue lolled. 

"We can't lose a single one."

He licked my face. Probably in agreement.

I nodded. "Now, when I set you down, let's move those sheep."

I carefully placed my puppy on the dirt ground and he took off toward the beasts. Once he was only a few feet away, he let out a quiet, "Bork!"

The sheep froze for a second, then their black faces all turned to stare at Xiao Bai. I could practically see them question his existence.

"Bork-bork!"

"Baaaaahah. Baa."

"Bork!"

Little Teasing Mouse leaned over and whispered. "I think he's communicating with the sheep!"

I nodded. "He is very intelligent."

"I hate to break this to you," Baa Baa Black Ram said, "but your puppy is not smart enough for that kind of communication. He is likely a mund—"

Xiao Bai let out one final "BORK!" that echoed through the mountainous area. A few rocks fell off the cliff. Further up the mountain, a small avalanche cascaded down, spreading snow into the forest above. The timing was a little strange. It was like his bark had caused those. Except that was just my imagination. After all, Xiao Bai was a perfectly mundane puppy. Sister Lin even said so. 

The sheep started stampeding toward the silkworm building.

Little Teasing Mouse gasped and grabbed my sleeve. "Oh no! We have to stop them before they destroy that building and all the silkworms again!"

Again?! Then why wasn't there a fence?

Xiao Bai ran after them, but he wasn't fast enough. I used Continuous Step, Impossible Leap to reach him. Quickly, I picked him up and brought him to the front of the stampede. 

"BORK-BORK!"

The sheep slid to a stop. Some of them softly bumped into each other while baaing. Then they ran toward the forest pathway.

Baa Baa Black Ram's mouth dropped open. He rubbed his cheek as if it stung.

I put my puppy back down so he could chase after the sheep before jogging back over. "Senior, what were you saying earlier about my Xiao Bai?"

He coughed. "Ah. Nothing. I'll just… see you after that lecture is over."

***We easily brought the herd through a long, winding path. Then, as if taunting us, a mischievous pink sheep darted out from the group and into the forest. It started to nibble on various bushes as if it were insatiable. To prevent it from escaping, I zipped over on my flying sword. When it saw me, its eyes went wide, and it tried to run away. Fortunately, Teasing Mouse wasn't too far behind me and we corralled it between us.

She frowned. "Now that we've stopped her, how are we going to get this cute, adorable little girl to go back?"

"Isn't that the easy part?" I picked up the spiritual sheep by hugging her and lifted her up.

"Bah!?" She started to struggle. I used spiritual energy to strengthen my muscles and threw her to the back of the herd. Since she was a spiritual beast, this wouldn't hurt her. Besides, it was kind of fun to see a pink fluff-ball fly through the trees.

When she re-joined the herd, by landing softly on her four little legs, she immediately started baaing to her sisters as if complaining.

I was a bit bored, so I hoped more would attempt an escape, but after the first incident, the beasts didn't bother.

***Eventually, we arrived at the new field. It was covered in tall spiritual grasses and thorny bushes. The beasts swiftly got to work chomping on the overgrown grass.

Little Teasing Mouse took out a handkerchief and wiped her brow. "Senior Baa Baa Black Ram will definitely answer your question now."

I nodded.

"But... you could just ask me. I'm your senior too, you know?!"

"You've introduced me to almost everyone in the sect. Since connections are important for someone new like me, you're helping me a lot. I don't want to owe you any more than I already do."

She pouted. "My cute little Junior! I didn't do that to have you owe me. I did it to let people know that you're our talented martial brother. So you should just ask me whatever questions you have. I promise to answer if I can… and that way you get more contribution points! You'll need a lot of those to survive here."

That was kind of her but, I wasn't sure she had the answer. Or, more accurately, the right answer. After all, while she was very charismatic, she was not terribly… mentally gifted.

Well, maybe I wasn't being fair to her. After All, I spent most of my time with geniuses like Sister Lin, Master Chef Garlic and Junior Clear Eyes Mad Tongue. 

The red sheep Xiao Bai was playfully following opened up a pathway to a massive lake. The sunlight sparkled on still blue water until the surface broke. A crab slightly smaller than the ones that overran the village during the Crab Mission jumped out. Droplets fell off its red carapace. It lifted its claws high over my puppy's head.

"Oh, no! Not crabs!" I should have realized sooner that a place named 'Crab Lake' would be infested with these horrific monsters. It was so obvious!

I pulled out my sword and used Continuous Step to run over to the lake. With one last leap, I made it between Xiao Bai and the crab. I formed a few hand incantation gestures to prepare the Starfield Shield that Sister Lin taught me recently.

Horrible flashbacks ran through my mind of stampeding crustaceans, people screaming, and the fiasco that we didn't speak about.

Never again!

"Bork!"

The crab clicked its claws and waved. It almost looked... friendly?

"Bork-bork!"

It bounced up and down on its thick legs, then scuttled back into the water. 

I let out a breath I hadn't even known I'd held.

Little Teasing Mouse casually walked over.

"Oh. I forgot to tell you that the beasts around here are super friendly."

I briefly pinched the bridge of my nose and put my sword back inside my bag. "I see that now. Thank you for letting me know, senior."

Though it would have been nice if she'd told me that ahead of time... Was this what my martial sister meant when she said that she couldn't deal with Little Teasing Mouse?

Yeah. That made sense. Sister Lin didn't have a lot of patience for people like her.

***"You did an excellent job, you two!" Baa Baa Black Ram observed the field that had already been half-consumed by the sheep. "I supposed I should answer your question now."

Finally! 

Sadly, I couldn't just ask him if he'd heard anything about the evil scroll, since that would be too suspicious. That left me with one option: lying. 

"Since I'm close to reaching Golden Core, I wanted to buy a better sword for myself. The ones on the first floor of the treasure pavilion don't suit me, so I was hoping to find a way to the second floor."

Black Ram stroked his scruffy beard. "Hmmm. There are a few ways. For one, if you were at Golden Core, you'd be allowed to visit there at any time."

That option was out. I'd merely reached the peak of Foundation Establishment only a little over a week ago. My martial sister and I didn't even have the right defensive tools to go through a tribulation as massive as ours would be. Though she had been teaching me how to make protective items so I could help her forge them when the time came. 

"If that's not possible, you could take on a long-term sect mission to earn a treasure from the second floor."

Too slow. We only had a little over two weeks left before the Founding Day Festival.

"What about going through the Beast Blood Contract Bath?" Teasing Mouse piped up with her squeaky voice.

But I'd told her that… oh, well. She just did what she wanted, didn't she? Kind of like Sister Lin… not that I'd risk suffering through hell training again by saying as much.

He snapped his fingers. "Right. I almost forgot about that! Since the bath can be dangerous the first time, the sect offers those who attempt it a chance to choose a treasure on the second floor."

That... wasn't possible. And even if it was, Sister Lin had told me not to do anything weird that might affect my cultivation… wait! "So, even if it fails, I'd still get to go up and receive a treasure?"

They nodded.

"Though you won't earn one the next time you go through it."

I clutched my hands into fists and hid them behind my back so they wouldn't see my excitement. Because this showed possibility. "Tell me more about this bath."

Little Teasing Mouse jumped up and down excitedly. "Oh! It's really easy. The poison masters prepare a bath for you, then you step in. Next, your beast must willingly drop its blood into the alchemical solution. Which is important because if it's not willing, you will fail and ruin your cultivation base!"

That explained why this sect found it essential to have a good relationship with their beasts! They really hadn't lied to me about that.

"It just takes a half day of bathing and you'll be physically stronger by the end of it," Black Ram said.

"Don't forget to mention the best part, senior. You'll gain a deeper connection to your newly contracted beast! You'll even take on characteristics of your partner!" She sighed like that was the most wonderful thing in the whole world.

Black Ram grimaced. "But it can still be dangerous. If your chosen beast isn't compatible with you, it's possible that you could die."

"Has anyone ever accidentally used the wrong blood before? Like one that wasn't theirs? Or a mundane beast's?"

Teasing Mouse giggled. "How did you know?"

Black Ram sighed. "Yes. It was someone who loved their pet lizard so much that they'd deluded themselves into believing that it had become a spiritual beast."

"What happened to them?"

"Oh, they completely failed, which angered the poison masters so badly they coughed up blood," he said.

"I remember that! He basically had an expensive bath!"

I frowned.

She pulled on my sleeve. "Even though he failed, he still received a token to go up to the second floor! Though... he had to pay for his treasure. So, even if something weird happens, you'll be able to find a good sword if you can afford it!"

Hmmm. Perhaps there was a way to fool the bath? I could even secretly add some of my spiritual spring water.

"Here, let me check with Viridescent Fire Snake to see when the next available bath appointments are."

She pressed her finger to her glabella and whispered to send a secret sound transmission. Then she tilted her head and frowned. 

Well, if there weren't any open within the week, then—

Her eyes grew wide, and she grabbed my sleeve. "We gotta leave! Now!"

"What? Why?"

"Someone canceled their bath appointment! If you don't go through with it right now, you'll have to wait three to four weeks."

She brought out a flying fan, pulled my puppy and me onto it, and then flew faster than I'd ever seen her move before.

But... I hadn't even decided to go through with it yet. I picked up Xiao Bai to prevent him from rolling around on the fan. 

Well, if I could get Xiao Bai to pretend to cut himself, and then use some thin syrup I dyed to replace his blood, I could fool the poison master! That would cause the bath to fail. Because I'd sabotaged the concoction, there wouldn't be any problems with my cultivation base either. Essentially, I would be perfectly safe! 

Getting that second-floor token, like I had promised, would definitely surprise Sister Lin. And it should make up for all the time I was forced to spend with Little Teasing Mouse instead of forging tools to help us get home. 

But, most importantly, once I reached the second floor, we could finally ask about the evil scroll!

This was the perfect plan! I just knew it.

But, in case it failed somehow, I'd keep it a secret from Sister Lin. I didn't want to get her hopes up, only to fail at the last minute.

Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 24🎸)

"Young Miss!" her maid said as she returned. "Your maternal uncle is here!"

I stopped my lecture. Apparently, the lesson on the Dao of Rock that I was in the middle of imparting had ended.

Dread Lotus smiled weakly. "Let him in."

A familiar Nascent Soul cultivator entered the room. 

His mere presence gave me the urge to jump out of my seat and point at him in shock.

That motherfucker, Noxious Fangstrike, clasped his hands behind his back and strode up to Dread Lotus with an arrogant look on his face. Shockingly, he smiled gently down at his niece.

If I had known he was her uncle, I... would still have helped her. But I definitely would have left before he visited. 

"Uncle! Did you bring the ingredients I asked for?"

A vein bulged on his forehead but he calmly said, "My only niece, who never asks me for anything, requested this. How could I not bring these ridiculously overpriced herbs?"

She beamed up at him and held out her hand.

He placed a spatial ring on her pale palm, which she immediately tossed to me.

"Junior Linlin. Please do what you have to while I speak with my uncle."

Thank fuck, she was giving me an excuse to leave. Being near an absolute asshole like him while also being unable to kick his ass wasn't good for my spite-filled heart. Unfortunately, as I walked through the door, I heard her ask, "How was your trip to the Alchemy Convention?"

It was a question that made me realize I needed to do what I came to this sect to do, spy.

Unfortunately, I hadn't been able to create any of the recording devices yet and this sounded like a conversation I had to listen in on. That left risking exposure by using my divine sense. While it was unlikely that he'd find me since my soul was two realms higher than his, being discovered was still a possibility. 

I stepped out of the room, leaving a strand of my divine sense inside. 

"It was too short," he said. "I had planned to spend the first day messing with those orthodox cultivators who keep lying about our sect. Then I would have spent the rest of my time there searching for clues about your condition and our sect's cultivation issues. Unfortunately, the convention ended before it could get started. The entire trip was a disgustingly wasteful expense for our sect."

"I'm sorry to hear that, uncle. Did you at least have some fun?"

"Well, I did get to mess with the orthodox faction. There was this arrogant little brat from the Indomitable Will Sect who had a superpowered cleaning technique. One she used on me!"

Dread Lotus gasped. "Oh no, uncle. Knowing your condition, that must have hurt a lot."

"You wouldn't believe how terrible it was. It felt like three billion needles stabbed into my skin!"

Damn, if I'd known that, I would have hit him with my cleaning technique a few more times.

"Oh, no… that poor little girl."

"Hey! I was the one who was in pain."

"You think I'd believe you didn't take revenge on her for hurting you?"

Dread Lotus kept showing me how smart she was.

"Of course I did, but I played it off as if I was being an unreasonable bully after my juniors almost gave away my secret while we messed with that child." He chuckled. "It was very amusing to see that orthodox brat glare at me."

"Oh no. What did you do?"

He huffed. "It wasn't anything much."

"Uncle…" she warned.

He sighed. "I ran into this woman, Violet Pill Fairy, during a debate between little kids. She'd overheard me earlier in the day asking a vendor about your condition and mentioned that she could provide a clue and cure... as long as I promised to help her win."

Oh, shit! That was why he joined the debate as a judge? I'd just assumed he'd taken pettiness to a new height. Apparently, the man was good at keeping his true motives close to his chest and presenting truths as falsehoods.

"That deceitful orthodox cultivator went back on her word after the debate ended!"

"You didn't let her go, did you?"

"I wouldn't have, but she was there with a Pill Saint. That was one of the reasons I thought she could actually help."

"Oh."

"That Violet Pill Fairy had one extreme grudge against those kids, though."

"Why? What did she do?"

"She kicked that orthodox girl and her martial brother into our teleportation platform. I'm certain she made a deal with our hired formation master somehow, since I didn't have time to stop him before he activated it."

"Uncle… I haven't heard gossip about you bringing back any extra people. You didn't… kill those children, did you?"

"Little Dread Lotus!" He sounded shocked. "You think your uncle would murder some poor brats who'd been thrown halfway around the world?"

"Maybe."

"Dread Lotus!"

"If they tried to kill you or harm the sect, you definitely would have… but other than that, I doubt it."

I heard the pull of silk and assumed he straightened his clothes. "That's right! Have more faith in your uncle."

Of course he wouldn't kill us himself. Since this was a Xianxia universe, dealing with little Foundation Establishment cultivators would be beneath him. He'd probably send some Golden Core juniors to do his dirty work instead. 

"Then what did you do with those poor kids?"

"Well… I tried to capture them with my Spiritual Grasp technique since they would have made great hostages. However, they used some kind of teleportation item to escape."

The space's upgrades had really benefited us in that situation.

"Well, you did bully those kids unreasonably."

He did! Fucking asshole. Well done calling him out on his bullshit. Dread Lotus was proving that she was absolutely the princess of the sect. More so than Little Teasing Mouse.

"They were definitely terrified of you," she said.

"Little Dread Lotus! Aren't you supposed to take your uncle's side? I even brought you so many rare, overpriced ingredients."

"Uncle, you should find those kids before they get themselves into trouble. Maybe we can make a deal with the Indomitable Will Sect for protection by their allies over here in exchange for their safe return."

"We could do that, though we'd have to send them by immortal boat since our sect can't afford to teleport anyone that far. We need all the help we can gather to protect ourselves from the Harmonious Sound and Leashed Claws sects."

Sadly, even by immortal boat, it would take us well over a decade to return home. During that time, there would be no guarantee that we wouldn't get murdered by some wandering Immortal Ascension stage monster. I'd much rather gather proof about the sect's secret dealings with demonic cultivators — if there were any — and negotiate with the city lord for immediate teleportation.

Once I reached the garden, I split my mind in two. One part concentrated on the conversation in the other room, while the other focused on prep work.

I pulled a sanitized table from the space. As I took out each new ingredient, I decided that I'd be content with costing that asshole a sizable chunk of his savings. 

The first pill, the Superior Cleansing Five Transformations Dan, was actually closer to permanent gene therapy. It would activate Dread Lotus' constitution and bring out her hidden potential, upgrading it into Superior Songs Body.

"So, can you tell me why you need all those ingredients?" Noxious asked. Which brought the conversation from the other room back into my focus.

"Not just yet."

She wouldn't want to get anyone's hopes up, in case this didn't work. And I didn't want that asshole to get too curious about what I was doing.

"Fine, then I'll guess for myself. That girl you handed them to promised to cure you in exchange for them."

"Uncle..." she warned.

"I hope she knows that if she makes anything that harms you, the whole sect will come together to torture her for a hundred years."

Her sigh echoed through the room. "There are some things that are so obvious they don't need to be said."

"I should go watch her to make sure she doesn't do anything suspicious."

"Please don't. Fairy Linlin has already helped me a lot. If you pressure her, she might mess up and waste expensive ingredients.

As if I would.

"Then you'll have to buy me more."

If I didn't know any better, I'd think that she was tempting me to fail. 

Whatever. If he showed up, I'd kick him out. The last thing I needed was to have that Nascent Soul asshole breathing down my neck. Besides, if he was skilled enough, he might connect my movements to my actual appearance so I couldn't have him watching me.

Once they started talking about inconsequential news going around the sect, I focused most of my attention on my pill concocting.

I had four pill types I needed to create. The first was the Superior Cleansing Five Transformations Dan. Next, I would create a special pill designed to solve the residual physical effects of forbidden techniques, since normal healing pills did shit for that. After those, I would throw together an extra-spicy body cultivation bath bomb — the same one I used to help me pass the Indomitable Will Sect's entrance trial. 

The last pill on the list was Lin's Advanced Healing Dan. These were perfect for Golden Core cultivators, but they were so effective that they could literally bring a Foundation Establishment cultivator back from the brink of death to be fully healed.

***

It took me three hours to concoct everything I needed. Fortunately, by that time, Dread Lotus' noxious uncle had long left. 

Her eyes sparkled with hope when I entered her room. "Is it done?"

I clasped my hands behind my back. "Are you ready to feel the best you have in years?"

"I was ready three hours ago. I even had a nap."

"Good, you'll need energy for this. Unfortunately, it will not be painless. In fact, I've heard that it feels like something gnawing on your organs." 

She scoffed. "I can handle some pain. Don't look down on me."

Well, she had been through a lot.

I first handed her the special pill that helped clear away the effects of forbidden techniques.

"What's this?"

Something that the cultivators of this era would kill to possess. "Just take it. It will increase your strength and help you survive." Which wasn't a lie.

She took it and closed her eyes.

I called her maid over. "Help your Young Miss strip down to her Doudou."

The maid looked to Dread Lotus.

"Do whatever my junior sister asks, Xiao Fan."

On a side table, I set up a gourd filled with watered down spiritual spring water, a teacup and my sanitized acupuncture needles.

While her maid helped her get undressed, Dread Lotus glanced over at my table. "Are you really going to need all that?"

"One effect of this next pill is to expel impurities from your body. This will initially cause the buildup in your acupoints to get worse. You're in such poor condition that if I don't clear them out manually, this pill might kill you. I'm setting things up to keep you alive."

She pursed her lips. "You're making it sound so easy to bring someone back from the brink of death."

"Tell you what, if I mess up so badly that you die, I'll pull your ass back from hell myself." 

Besides, what was a good Xianxia without a visit to the local underworld? I hadn't actually been there myself, but I'd heard some terrible things.

"Confident, are you?" Dread Lotus taunted as Xiao Fan finished undressing her.

"More confident than you are scared."

She suddenly grabbed my sleeve. Her knuckles turned white. Her eyes seriously stared into mine. "You get me through this alive. You make me healthy, and I'll be your friend for life."

As a foreigner to this universe, I rarely made friends. The few of them who were women were old crones or bulky body cultivators, since the cute young girls always fell for Bloodsword and his protagonist halo. Or they tried to use me to get close to that fucker. Inevitably, when I didn't help them get close to him — obviously for their own good — it would lead to them resenting me and us falling out.

But this life was different. Maybe, if her sect wasn't in league with the demonic assholes, I could look forward to a long and real friendship. Though it certainly wouldn't hurt to be friends with someone I was very much looking forward to rocking out with.

Even if it only lasted for half a month.

I gently squeezed her shoulder. "If you can get through this and the body cultivation bath and still want to be my friend, I'll gladly accept your friendship."

Her eyes filled with determination. "Just watch me."

I handed Dread Lotus the Superior Cleansing Five Transformations Dan, and a teacup filled with spiritual spring water.

While staring into my eyes, she put the pill in the water and swallowed both at once.

"Quickly, help your young miss onto her stomach."

The maid immediately did as I asked.

I rested my hands on Dread Lotus's back and helped her guide the pill's energy along the correct pathways to transform her special constitution. 

At one point, as I knew it would, the energy stopped moving. It had reached a newly developed blockage. I quickly dipped a needle into the gourd of spiritual spring water and jabbed it into her acupoint. The effects of the water cleared the meridian, allowing the energy to continue down the correct path.

Dread Lotus let out a pain-filled groan.

"You're doing perfect," I encouraged.

"This hurts worse than you said it would!"

"I've experienced worse pain, but I'm still alive."

"That's the problem."

"You sound like you want me dead."

"Relax. I'm just teasing."

"Focus, or you might die." I jabbed another acupoint near a blocked meridian.

"Ow! I hate you," she said, but shut up.

She was still a little liar.

"Do me a favor. Don't tell your uncles about this."

"Who would? They'd definitely murder you."

We ran into a few more blockages that I easily solved… until we reached her heart. We needed to pass energy through it to facilitate the upgrade of her constitution. But, unexpectedly, it was blocked. No wonder she looked like she was going to die at any moment. I gritted my teeth, pulled out my largest needle from the spiritual water bath and stabbed it in between her third and fourth ribs directly into her heart, causing her to slump and pass out.

Xiao Fan gasped and pointed at me. "Oh, my god! You killed Dread Lotus… you... you bitch!"

Just because we were in South Peak didn't mean... Whatever, I had no time for jokes!

While simultaneously using my divine sense to force her heart to keep beating, I grabbed a Lin's Healing Dan, twisted her head around, and shoved the pill into her mouth.

As I took out the needle, it pulled out a line of black turbid impurities. They stank up the room and stained her Doudou. Before she could start bleeding out, I forced the healing energy to fix her heart wound.

She sucked in a deep breath and opened her eyes which glared directly at me. "A warning would have been nice!"

"No time for warnings. Just trust the process!" Muahahaha!