"I didn't wake you, did I?" He hadn't checked the time, but he knew it wasn't too late. She shook her head, smiling softly.
"How's everything? Felix, okay?" She propped her phone, freeing her hands so she could lay on them. Her attention focused on him meant everything, and he smiled a bit, trying to hide it as he turned his head.
"Yeah. Hopefully, I helped enough. I'm going to see if he can work with me this summer." His voice trailed off, focusing on her expression and trying to peek at her desk.
"How's the college essays?" He asked, watching her face turn a bit.
"Fine." She ran her fingers through her hair, showing how visibly frustrated she was.
"Tell me about it." It was his turn. He lay back on the bed, the phone in one hand pointed down at his face. His other hand slid behind his head as he settled, trying to pay attention. There was something about this that he was missing.
"They're just silly. Who would I consider a role model for overcoming complications? Just things that I don't know where I could start." He nodded, trying to brainstorm for her.
"Anything else?" He looked curiously, still thinking.
"Of course, there's always more. It's okay, I can finish them." She smiled towards the camera, letting her body shrug.
"What college are those for?" Chan needed to know. Maybe she thought he didn't want to go to school. He watched her smile fall, thinking for a second. "Are we not going to talk about what's bothering you?" He held his head up, searching for an answer.
"Chan, I just don't know anymore." She fell silent, and he waited.
"Know what?" She shook her head and didn't know how he could possibly understand her. "If you're afraid I don't want to go, you're wrong. I want to go." She looked surprised at his confession.
"Really?" He watched Soyeon's expression towards him; she was unsure. "Why?"
"Yes, I want to go. With you." He added, and she gave a smile.
He continued the conversation, telling her about his plans to pursue business. His goal was to attend university, and he wanted her to have the husband she wanted. He was still trying to be everything that she would want, and he laid out his entire plan. She listened attentively, butting in when she felt necessary. The two laughed; he was talking about the different positions that she could have. She had always been between being a doctor or owning her own company. She had actually loved dancing and dreamed of owning her own studio. He joked about how he would be taking business trips while touring the world with her. She laughed, listening as he talked about their future in such an excited tone. He continued, talking about what college would be like with both of them.
Chan talked about living life on campus and being able to walk with her every day. He talked about this being their final year of high school and how he was ready for them to grow. Soyeon listened attentively while he listed his thought-out plan before mentioning the summer. He would be working at his father's company and wondered if she had found anything yet. She told him about her plans for tutoring other families. Chan tried to hide his jealousy, but she reassured him that she still had time for him. Last summer, when they began dating, Chan had worked hard to plan out as many dates as he could. This summer was going to be no different, but there were new intentions.
The phone call would slowly come to an end, his phone notifying him that it was time for her to study. She always set a focus timer that gave her a warning to get in studying. Chan had learned to end the call first, setting his timer ahead of hers. He knew with finals week, she was always stressed, so he wanted to give her time to study. He hung up the phone, looking at his backpack that sat on his floor. He reached for his jacket pocket instead, pulling out the small box that held his gift to her. For one year, they would have been together, and this was a commitment he had felt strongly about. Chan thought about the words his father had once told him, and he was not going to lose what he wanted. Chan lay in deep thought before his own focus timer had gone off; it was his turn to study. With or without Soyeon'd help, he was going to make sure he kept his grades up for her and himself.
Meanwhile, Soyeon let the phone call end. She placed the phone face down on her desk, her head following after. She lay there in a fight with herself, thoughts of Chan flying around. She knew that she liked him, but she constantly found herself not wanting to give up who she was for him. All the student body had already been talking about their relationship. Everyone knew what he was going to inherit and how lucky she should be. Everyone felt like they needed to tell her how she was 'good for life' and how 'he would treat her like a princess,' but that was not what she wanted. She wanted someone who genuinely loved her and wanted her to succeed in her own way. She wanted to be proud of what she could do on her own, not because of a rich husband.
She knew how that looked to everyone, how everyone always told her she wouldn't have to study hard anymore. How her parents had changed the way they would treat her when they found out. She saw how everyone changed when they began dating. This wasn't what she wanted, and she didn't want things to be different. The alarm forced her head up, revealing the puffy red eyes that dripped onto the desktop. She wiped her eyes slowly, looking up at the picture board mounted to the wall. She scanned the photos of him and her, some from when they were younger. She had been tutoring at his home, and his mom would sneak pictures of the two. Her heart skipped at the picture they took at his dad's company dinner, Chan had bought her a nice black dress to match him. She remembered the fun night they had and how grown-up they looked.
This was what she remembered most, how the conversations led her to believe she was lucky to have him. How their young love will blossom, and that they should get married right after high school. She let out a small yell of frustration, pulling her laptop into reach.
Soyeon already held enough frustrations from her parents; they continuously berated her for not wanting to marry Bang. It was starting to sound like it was her obligation and that she had to. The thought of being with him was always nice, but what about her other dreams? Why couldn't she have both? She wanted to marry him; she wanted them to start a family, but she wanted to be amazing on her own. She was still trying to figure out if she still wanted to live her old dreams or make new ones. With tears on the edge of her eyes, she opened the Word document and began to type.
Chan had finished studying, his thoughts running back to Soyeon. He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling the small box from inside. He tossed and turned it in his fingers. He couldn't help but question his decision. What was he doing wrong? He still had not figured it out yet. He desperately wanted her to tell him, but the thought of angering her. She was quick to temper, but this was a conversation in person. He took a sigh, placing the box roughly on the side table next to their picture. He picked up the picture of the two of them sitting together on their beach trip last summer.
Chan smiled at the thought of when things were simpler. Was this part of growing up? Realizing that things are getting serious? He began to wonder if he wasn't moving fast enough, but this should be good. He reassured himself that this was not going to go bad; she was definitely going to enjoy it. But why wouldn't she just tell him what's bothering her now? The thought could not subside. There had to be more than what he knew. He was not going to bother her studying, but what to do when you have a heavy mind. He could not think straight. He thought of inviting her to the clubhouse, but there was a strict rule of no girls after hours. He looked towards the box; he wanted to try something.
It was late, there was school tomorrow, but his mind made him do it. He couldn't help it, and there were no consequences when it came to her. He hadn't even prepared for bed yet; this could work. He looked at the time, calculating how much time he could get with her. Don't be like this. That's what he kept telling himself, but there was something about this feeling. He just couldn't think that there was he was missing information. He knew he had acted like he knew what he was doing, but when it came to Soyeon, he could see through her. He knew when she was bothered, and it worried him.