I am dreaming.
I don't need to pinch or slap myself to confirm my assumption. I know this for a fact, as it has been almost a year that I have talked to Rosemary.
Rosie. That's what the people close to her called her. I called her Rose, at times June. We became friends when we were seven years old. I could not pronounce her name properly due to my lisping habit. She would never call me by my name because she didn't like it. One Sunday evening, we decided to call each other by the months we were born.
"Here, try this one," she says. In her hand a bubblegum pink cotton candy waiting for me.
"Thanks, I have missed this." I cannot hold my smile back, even though I know it is a dream.
"I have missed this too," she says. I frown at her.
"You hate cotton candies," I remind her. Her eyes twinkle.
"I was talking about this." Her fingers move to and from between us like a delicate dance move. "I have missed being with you. Why did you change so much?"
I don't remember when the change in me started. I was just like any kid in my household. A snotty brat who thought everything was going to be fine and in her favour forever. My cousins have changed with time too. Some of them have become more mature, some more ridiculous, but none have changed how I have. Once I fought with Rose, I became more distant, aloof, and quiet. It was not a choice. I had just lost my will to do anything. Life was not fun anymore.
Then, I saw my father kneeling before Aunt Josette. I saw the demonic side of that woman. Since I am still dreaming, I will confess to myself. I was terrified. I was scared that somebody was watching me all the time. If I took one step out of line, something would pounce on me and tear me into pieces.
"I have missed this too." I don't tell her how frightened I was for three long years, or how I had nightmares of Rose getting attacked by a monster.
Rose moves closer to me. "You need to be careful now, April. You have stepped into a dangerous space and you don't know whom to trust."
"What about the men in this house?" I ask her nervously. Suddenly, the greenery of the school compound is engulfed by the grim of the mansion.
"Hmmm... they are supposed to protect you. Who knows from what?" She looks at me sadly and says, "Will I never see you again? I miss you."
I try to assure her. I will put all of my efforts to survive and see her again. I will go to school, study with them, and talk to Rose again. I don't know where this determination comes from, but I feel the urge to hug Rose once again like I used to.
My answer stays unspoken. My eyes shoot open and I find a curious face over mine.
"I wonder what are you dreaming about?" his playful tone makes me uncomfortable. His physical closeness makes me even more uncomfortable. Is this what I have to deal with from now on?
The displeasure must be etched on my face. He moves away and smirks. "Did I make you blush?"
"Please maintain a formal distance," is all I say.
My answer does not affect Art much. Or even if it does, he does not show it.
"We thought you were going to get furious again," Felix says. He is seated on an armchair that was not there before I fell asleep. "I must say, I am missing the old Franny. She was sweet and cute."
I stare at them for a long minute. Then I comment somewhat timidly, "She was easy to bully."
"You were never bullied. What you faced was a mild discrimination, which, to be honest, you deserved." For the very first time, Felix gives me a blunt truth. "The only difference you have with the old Franny is that you speak more clearly."
The other side of me is not something you would see every day. I remember trying to be vocal about many things at home, my suspicions about Aunt Josette being one of them. I guess these men have been indulging me a little too much, giving me the courage to speak up.
The other probability makes me uncomfortable.