Chereads / The deepest part of my soul / Chapter 30 - Chapter 29

Chapter 30 - Chapter 29

I stared wearily at Shannon. Not even a cup of coffee could help. I stayed out a little longer yesterday, by the time I got home Mother and Ailish were already asleep. So I couldn't even tell them exactly what happened to Rhys's family. Of course, I could have done it this morning, but everyone was in a hurry, and it is better to discuss this in a calm environment.

„It's like it's not even morning." She stared out the cafe window. She also seemed exhausted, but she did not tell the reason for this. She tended to be much fresher and full of life than that, even in the morning.

„The sun only rises a little later." I muttered and needed a sip of coffee.

„Yes, Christmas is almost here." This seemed to make her even more sad, even though she loved the holidays. „I should start buying presents." She glanced at me. „What would you like? Just don't say a new cello, because I don't have the money for that."

„You already got me something." I pointed to my tattoo. „But it wouldn't matter anyway. Whatever I receive from you in the years to come, I will be happy, as I always have been."

„Well, the condom I gave you when we were 17 didn't make you so happy." She gave me a mischievous look. „I just wanted to look after you." She feigned offence.

„I hardly needed it, but I appreciate your concern." And I was just being a little sarcastic.

„It's only natural." She nodded grinning. „But back on topic, have you got anything planned with Rhys?" Are we planning? I do not think so. It would be very unusual not to celebrate with my family. „A romantic dinner or something?"

„I don't think so." I shook my head. That would be... so strange.

„Why not?" She was confused. „At Christmas, we should be with the ones we love. It's a good thing that the holiday lasts several days. I will still be with Dad on Christmas morning, but the next day I will come over to you and expect you to visit my father too. You know he loves you too. But you'd still have time for Rhyss. I'm sure he'd like to spend some time with you too."

„Maybe. I don't know. I'm still thinking about it. I don't know what to get him anyway."

„I'm sure you'll come up with something good." She chuckled and I stared at her.

„What is it?" I asked and her shoulders began to shake even more.

„Nothing, nothing. I just remembered what you mentioned earlier. I think he would appreciate such a gift if he could use it with you. Or you could even dress up as something. You know, cosplay, and then you could undress for him. You would be his best gift." I don't know what expression appeared on my face when I heard her suggestion, but it must have been something funny, because she started giggling like a crazy brat. „If you could see yourself..." She could barely breathe. „You'd find it funny too."

„I'm glad I put you in a good mood." Although my voice was cold, I was somewhat serious.

„You know what I would be happy about?" She asked, ignoring my comment. „If only there were someone to use up those remaining condoms with." Of course, she didn't mean it. Not completely. Maybe she really wanted a partner, but when it comes to sex... She's not the jump-into-bed type. 

„Write a list." I suggested. „For Santa. You write down the ideal outer and inner qualities of the guy, and then see if you can find him under the tree." I grinned at her and she pretended to consider it.

„It wouldn't be bad." She tapped her chin with her index finger. „I just need to know what my 'dream man' is like. But I have no idea who I would choose if we could choose like in the market."

„Be tall, short, fat or skinny?" I raised my eyebrow.

„Of course, he should be tall, muscular, with broad shoulders and narrow hips." She rolled her eyes. „I don't care if he's blonde, brown, red or black. His eyes are blue, green, brown or other colors. I don't need the blond prince on a white horse, the brown guy without a horse will do if he understands me." She sighed dejectedly. So would that be Shannon's problem? Loneliness? She would like two hugging arms and a kind pair of eyes?

„Look, there comes your brown guy." I gestured towards the door that was opening. It was Liam and as soon as he noticed us, his eyes lit up and he started towards us.

„Did you call him here?" She hissed angrily. „Why?"

„I didn't call him." I mumbled back. „I just saw him coming looking out the window."

„Hey, girls!" He smiled at us casually and then sat down with us without asking.

„Liam." Shannon looked at him like he was a bug. "What are you doing here?"

„We have first class together, you know?" He leaned quite close to her, but she didn't pull back.

„How could I forget!" She was ironic, but she didn't seem angry. „The pain in my ass."

„Shannon." I warned her because I felt she was starting to exaggerate.

„Sorry." She gave him a fleeting glance. „Sometimes your notes come in handy." 

„That's why I exist." He growled mockingly. „How is your boyfriend, Shaelynn?" He turned towards me instead.

„He's fine." I answered. Aside from a few little things like his mother's condition.

„Indeed!" Shan's eyes lit up. „How was the family lunch?"

„Surprisingly short." I replied awkwardly. How much can I tell her about Rhys' family? How much do women tell their friends about their boyfriends? Shannon shared a lot of unsolicited information with me, but none of it was important. But even if I did tell her what was going on, I wouldn't do it in front of Liam. „Her mother was very nice, her sister was a bit more hostile, but her husband and son were cute. And Mother and Ailish did their best to impress them and act nicely."

„Nothing catastrophic happened then." She sighed. I don't know if she was relieved or disappointed.

„Define disaster and I will answer." She smiled at that.

„I think that disaster means something different to everyone, so it is difficult to define it." Liam interjected, and she turned to him and her gaze said: who spoke to you? This behaviour was unusual from her. She had never been so hostile to anyone. „I'll go and pay." He mumbled and stood up.

„Why are you like that with him?" I was confused. „He would be perfect for you as your brown guy without the horse."

„He?" She forced a laugh. „After all, his hair is dark brown."

„And?" I asked. „You said it doesn't matter to you."

„Yes. Anything but dark brown hair." In another situation, I would laugh out loud at this.

„You're just making excuses." I pointed it out. „What's your real problem with him?"

„Are you trying to give me love advice? You?" She asked mockingly. You, who is now in your first relationship? She didn't say that, but that's what she meant. I flinched.

„Yes, you?" I immediately recognized the malicious voice. „Who could not handle men's approaches well? You, who are also just looking for excuses why your relationship with Rhys can't work."

„I am sorry." Shannon said at the same time as Seth. „I know, I'm a real jerk today." She ruffled her hair in frustration. „The upcoming holidays have made me realize how lonely I am and I've become envious of you. Rhys is there for you... but don't get me wrong!" She asked quickly. „I don't envy him from you, but what is between you two. Anyway, I'm glad you finally have someone by your side. It's just... I've never felt so abandoned or sad."

„Don't talk nonsense! You will never be alone as long as I live. Although probably not after that either. Your personality attracts people who want to be your friends."

„It wouldn't be the same, no one can be like you to me. Only a few people know me well. If it weren't for you, no one but Dad would know who I really am. It might sound stupid, but..."

„You are wrong!" Liam returned to us unnoticed. „I know you in a way that others don't."

„Don't be ridiculous!" Shannon was both angry and sad.

„That's you, not me!" Liam pursed his lips a little. „Everyone knows that I've been trying to get you to be my girlfriend since we were freshmen. Probably even you."

„Sure, but you never meant it. You've dated a bunch of girls, so I could hardly take you seriously! I thought I'd just be a bit of fun for you."

„I never took you lightly." He was completely outraged. „Of course, you entertain me from time to time, but I like to talk and joke with you, but you are more than that. You always have been."

„And what about your girlfriends? You hit on Shaelyn, too."

„I wanted you to finally do something! There were so many girls because I was waiting for your reaction! But you never showed anything. As for Shaelynn, I thought she was just like your other friends. I thought she wasn't really important to you, but I was wrong and I'm sorry for that. But during these four years, I only waited for you! But I see now, it was completely unnecessary. You won't take me seriously or believe me." He looked at her with disappointed, angry, sad, tormented eyes. There were so many feelings swirling in them that I almost felt dizzy.

„All you wanted to do was get into my panties!" She was still sure of it. „You admitted it too!"

„Of course, I want to get in! Who wouldn't? But it's not just about that. When it comes to you, it's never just. I've loved you since you tripped on the stairs and fell on me! I have never been ashamed of these feelings or hidden them. But from now on I will try to make those feelings go away." And with that last word, he left us.

Quite a few people turned towards us while the fight was going on and followed Liam's path with their eyes. Shannon buried her face in her hands and exhaled loudly.

„What are you going to do now?" I inquired.

„Yes, what will you do?" Seth asked me but I ignored him.

„Nothing." She raised her head. „You heard that, didn't you? He is ready to settle his feelings and leave me alone. I've wanted this for a long time."

„You don't look happy though," I stated. „But I strangely understand you."

„Really?" She looked at me in surprise.

„Well, not everything." I quickly corrected myself. „But I understand why you want him to leave you alone, and at the same time, you are happy to see and wait for him. I was the same way with Rhys. I was afraid, but I also wanted what he could give."

„You're still scared." Seth chimed in. Why doesn't it disappear? Not that he's not right, but that's why it's so annoying.

„Liam." She was stuck for a moment. „I... He... I don't know. I never looked at him that way! To me, he was the guy who acted like he wanted to sweep me off my feet, and my role was to grumpyly reject him. I took it as a game, you know? We were friends from the beginning, but then something changed. His girlfriends started bothering me and I became more and more rude, hostile and impatient with him. I didn't understand either. 'This is Liam, your friend who happens to be a guy. You can't be jealous!' That's what I kept telling myself. It never occurred to me that he was taking me seriously. I knew I was important to him, but only as a friend. I thought so. This surprised me now, really." Her wide-open eyes also revealed this.

„If you both felt the same way about each other, then where is the problem?" I was confused.

„Everywhere." She said without hesitation. „I'm not good at apologizing, so I don't like to fight. Anyway, why would I apologize? Because I misunderstood him?"

„Will you let him go?" I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

„You have to let those who want to go." She shrugged.

„Maybe he doesn't actually want to go." I threw it there seemingly half-heartedly.

„He said it."

„We say a lot of things we don't mean." She just sighed.

„Your competition is in two days, right?" She changed the subject conspicuously, but I left it to her.

„Yeah." It was my turn to sigh. I didn't feel adequately prepared.

„What are you performing?" She wondered.

„Let it be a surprise."

„Good, but know that Dad and I will be there too. He even will wear a suit in your honour."

„That's nice of him." I smiled genuinely. „What will you wear?"

„Let it be a surprise." She winked at me, but her sadness didn't disappear. „You better tell me what you're going to wear."

„My mother chose, as I hate shopping, and she was strangely enthusiastic. I will be wearing an ice blue long dress with one side split to the thigh and with embroidered sleeves.

„Wow! Then you will look like an ice queen! Rhys is coming too, right?"

„Yes, he will be there too. He is looking forward to it as he has never heard me play the cello before. He reminded me of a little boy who can't wait for Halloween to finally get some candy." She laughed and seemed to forget her troubles for a moment.

„I think he wants something sweeter than candy." I forced a smile. I was still not ready for his desires.

„What I want is much more important." I grumbled.

„Well, what do you want?" She asked. What do I want?

„I feel like this is the question of the month, or rather the year." I answered with concern.

„I totally agree." She sighed and continued staring out the window while I stirred my cold coffee.