The weather wasn't warm, but the sunlight reached our faces and hands. It couldn't touch any other parts of us because we were dressed from head to toe. An icy wind was blowing and I would never have thought I would come outside since I am a houseplant and I don't really like the cold, but Ailish wanted to have a picnic regardless of the weather. I didn't want to disappoint her. Again.
We lay on our backs, looking up at the sky while munching on some fruit. Mother was in the kitchen making sandwiches and said she needed to make a phone call before she came out.
„What is love like?" She asked lightly, observing the sky. I froze and not because of the wind. You are asking the wrong person, my dear sister. Everything I know is from books.
„Strange." I said the first thing that came to mind.
„Strange?" She asked back in surprise.
„And... And dangerous." I added, not feeling like I was getting any closer to the right answer.
„Dangerous?" This time she seemed to doubt it.
„Do you have to repeat everything I say?" I snapped at her annoyed even though I didn't want to. It's not her fault that I feel cornered by this question and I don't know the answer.
„I only do it because I don't understand how love can be strange or dangerous." She explained. Sometimes I feel like she is more emotionally mature than I am.
„It's weird because people fall into its trap over and over again."
„Then it's not the love that is strange it's the people." She argued with me. „And stupid." She muttered and I couldn't hold back a smile. Maybe both are true.
„And dangerous too." I continued my previous thoughts. „Dangerous because it makes people do reckless and dumb things." I wonder how convincing was I? After all, I have no idea what I'm talking about.
„My opinion remains unchanged. People are dangerous idiots and love has nothing to do with it. And don't, don't smile at me like you have a lot more experience than me and look down on me for my thoughts or my perspective."
„You are a weird kid, that's for sure." I said with all the love I had as I got on my elbow to see her better. „How did you come up with such a thing?"
„I was thinking about whether to risk love or not. What do you think?" She looked at me curiously.
„What?" I was absolutely flabbergasted. „You are too young for it." She is my baby sister. She raised an eyebrow and I sighed. She always did it more effectively than I did. „I mean, not for love, because age doesn't matter there. I think people can fall in love whether they are five or ninety-five. But a relationship... It can be difficult and problematic." Said I, the layman. „I don't think you are old enough for one."
„Then what is the right age? Thirty?" Great! My little sister mocking me.
„And I don't think love is something you can decide to feel or not." I shrugged.
„Maybe you are right." She said without any enthusiasm. She didn't like to agree with me. „There is a boy... He is nice." It was as if she was searching for the right words. „I don't know whether to risk it or not."
„To risk? What would you risk?" I was at a loss.
„My heart." She answered simply.
„But you are still kids!" I almost shouted.
„And children's hearts can't be broken?" She asked like I was stupid. But of course, she is right. A child's heart can be broken just like an adult's. Irreversibly.
„You read too much." I sighed. Perhaps that's why she seems older than her actual age. Let's just say her social skills are just as bad as mine. If not worse.
„You don't read enough." She shot back immediately. Well, yes. I'd rather play the cello and she'd prefer to read than work on our social abilities. We are siblings without a doubt.
„Touché!" I nodded in recognition. „You know, it's just hard to accept that you are going to be a teenager soon, start dating and stuff. In my eyes, you are still this tiny." I raised my hand to show how tall she was around the age of five. She grimaced spectacularly.
„I haven't been a dwarf for a long time. But what I really wanted to ask was whether love is worth all the trouble or not." She looked at me seriously. How much is love worth? And what? How should I know?
„Are you seriously asking me?" I was shocked but she just nodded. „I have never been in love." I told her without reservation. „So I don't know but sometimes I read too." I looked at her mockingly but she just smiled. „There were scenes where I felt it would be worth it. When the characters are so happily in love, carefree and intimate, I think it would be nice to experience it myself. It would be great if there was someone I could love and who loved me. Going through life together, supporting each other. But then comes the suffering, the disappointment, the tears and the rest. At that point, I feel thankful that I have no one to hurt me so deeply. If love and pain go hand in hand then I don't want it. Of course, they make up in the books but in reality.... It doesn't always end with a happily ever after. So we can say I have mixed feelings about love. But at the end of the day, it is your decision. I don't want to tell you what to do or to influence you." She was about to answer something when the back door opened. Mother came out with a basket that probably contained sandwiches and Ailish decided to remain silent. She doesn't seem to want to share this kind of thought with Mother. She came over and sat down before handing out the food.
„Mom, how did you meet my dad?" My little sister asked totally unexpectedly after some silence. I looked at her in shock. Her father was a taboo topic. I don't even understand her sudden interest when she has never actually met him and never asked about him before. That man was more of a sperm donor than anything else. Mother looked a little upset as well.
„It was a long time ago." She waved as if old things didn't matter.
„Mom!" She looked rather resolute and if she was like that she always achieved her goal. „I deserve that much, don't you think? I just want to know how you two met." For the time being. I could hear her thoughts. Mother sighed with a frown.
„As I said it was a long time ago, but I remember it being an exceptionally hot day. I went into town to get some ice cream but I couldn't concentrate on driving because of my headache. I wasn't paying attention and I almost hit him at a crosswalk. That's how it started. As a minor disaster and ended similarly. That's all."
„What happened after that?" She continued her questioning. „Was he very angry?"
„Not at all." She answered to our greatest surprise. „He smiled at me and tried to calm me down because I was starting to panic. He didn't want to go to the hospital saying he was fine, but I successfully convinced him. It cost me a date. There wasn't even a scratch on him and we met in a cafe the next day. He was nice, I liked him, but I didn't want anything from him. Sadly, he didn't give up. He insisted on meeting again and I agreed. I believed we could be friends." She smiled bitterly. „I was wrong. For him, women couldn't be just friends. It became more than I ever wanted, but I couldn't help it because I slowly fell in love. He said we feel the same way. That was definitely a lie. Or a misunderstanding. Maybe he thought my love was the same as other women's love he had met before. Perhaps he thought I'd be content to just have fun for a while. One of us was wrong, or both of us. And you know it ended as a typical sad love story. You would think that a woman over 35 would be wiser and not so naív."
Sadness took over her and Ailish decided not to ask any more questions. We ate in silence, listening to the sounds of nature while surrounded by peace and stillness. We didn't need words, being together was enough. I yawned and after putting my hands behind my head I closed my eyes.
The next thing I knew I was sitting up rubbing my eyes because I had fallen asleep. Meanwhile, the sun had mostly set and the moon could be seen, although it was still light outside. Ailish was napping next to me, Mother was nowhere to be seen, but she covered us with a blanket before disappearing. I was about to get up when the door opened and Mother came out. The moment I saw her face I jumped up.
„What's the matter?" I hurried towards her.
„I came to wake you up." She said nervously looking back and forth between my sister and me. „Shannon called us." Her gaze settled on me.
„Is she still on the phone?" I took a step forward. „I'll go and talk to her." I wanted to go in but she grabbed my arm. I took a deep breath and didn't shake it off.
„She has already hung up." Her face became even more sombre. „Her father had a heart attack." She broke the bad news and I froze. Her father is everything to Shannon. She can't lose him! Him too! No! I stepped past my mother and raced for my car. „Where are you going?" She ran after me.
„To the hospital." There is only one big hospital nearby, so I am sure they took him there. „I know she needs me." I may sound arrogant, but I know I am right. And I can always count on Shannon so it's time for me to support her.
„Put on your coat! And don't forget your phone so I can reach you if needed. Take your car keys and your coat, I don't want you to catch a cold. Your wallet..." She said lightning fast, not noticing that she was repeating herself.
„Mother." The calmness of my voice surprised me too. I looked into her eyes. „Don't worry about me." I told her and went into the house to collect my things. Then I climbed into my van and drove off.
I didn't know how I got there safely because I didn't remember the road leading there at all. All I could see was Shannon's face in front of me, smiling, joking or talking nonsense. Then I saw how heartbroken she would be if she lost her father.
I was going too fast so I was lucky I didn't meet the police. They would have stopped me for sure. But maybe I could have mentioned Rhys. No! Don't think about him!
I parked my car and almost ran to the reception desk. The woman sitting there didn't want to tell me where to find Mr. Waverly's room at first, but I managed to convince her. I went to the elevator and pressed the button for the third floor. After getting off I turned left and saw Shannon. She was sitting on a chair with her head down, her hair covering her face. I must have made a noise because she looked up and stared at me like she wasn't sure if what she was seeing was real. Her eyes were teary, her face was a mess and she had never looked so terrible before. She stood up shakily and unsteadily as if she wasn't sure her legs could hold her. Then to my greatest surprise, she started running towards me. I froze for a split second but then I spread my arms. Once she reached me she hugged me so tightly as if she couldn't stay afloat without me, and I returned the embrace, although I was rarely as unsure as I was in that moment. Her touch, her closeness... even among friends was difficult for me. But I put aside my reluctance because she needed this.
„Everything will be alright," I murmured in a soothing voice, even though I knew it wasn't certain at all. „I will stay by your side." At least, that was true. She put her head on my shoulder and started crying as I began to rub her back. I don't know how long we stood there, but I didn't even care.