Sunday.
Day 5.
George.
I played it cool with Issa, but inside I was deathly terrified of what Cam could possibly want at this hour. At that point it was almost 3 in the morning. We were normally up at this time but it was rare of him to call for me the way he did. Did he find out about me and Issa still being together? Did he maybe hear us in my room?
As scared as I was, another part of me was so incredibly overjoyed that Issa and I were trying this. I did care about her, but I was also scared about it as well. A small voice was screaming that this wouldn't work between the two of us, but an even louder one was telling me to let it be and work it out, so that's what I was going to do.
Purposely stalling, I finally arrive at Cam's office and slowly knock at his door.
"Come in please." I hear Cam's voice from within the room. It was oddly calming. Why was I feeling that way about it? Cam was formally my friend, and he still was but that had changed significantly when I got here all those years ago. I wasn't even totally sure I knew him that well anymore.
I knew Cam so well before this place. He would never kidnap people by choice. There had to be more to it. Or maybe I was just trying to find something, anything, good in my best friend, even if there wasn't anything at all.
I walk into Cam's office and see him sitting down on the ground on a large bean bag chair, playing with his rings on his fingers, looking bored.
"What did you want Cam? I was in the middle of something." I wasn't annoyed, but it came out as if I was. I quickly corrected myself;
"Anything I can help you with?" I didn't think Cam would hurt me at all, he never had, but he was still in charge here and I wasn't about to test it.
"George, please come sit with me?" He was staring me down with hopeful eyes, clearly just wanting some company. I sit down next to him.
"You know I don't mean to be rude to Ani right? I didn't even mean what I said about us being together out there. You know that." I thought back to the lobby with Issa and Lectra. He was relentlessly rude to her. And even before that he had hit her. At the time I thought it was just because of her outbursts, which admittedly was kind of a problem. Because whether or not she'd admit it, Issa had a mild case of anger issues.
Not that her getting slapped was deserved in the slightest.
"She just gets me going for some reason. And not in a good way. But about us pretending to be together for the amusement of others. I-" Cam was now looking away from me, avoiding eye contact.
Before I was kidnapped and taken here, Cam and I were inseparable. We would play games together all night and joke about so many things, even really being together for our fans when we streamed when in reality it was all fake. I would be lying though, if I said I never felt anything for Cam. I had once, then we got here and feelings changed. I assumed he was just playing around just for the bit, same as I had been, so eventually I decided to simply let go of those feelings.
"George, you know we always joke about being together. At first they were jokes. Then you got here and I-I felt them for real George. Especially recently." We were only a few feet away so I was sure he heard the hitch in my breathing happen. What-? I felt I couldn't trust my hearing and had to gawk at him to make sure. Cam was looking right into my eyes bashfully. I was scanning for a hint of anything to tell me he was joking around, but the look in his eyes only told me he was dead serious.
"You have feelings for me, Cam?" I was surprised but not upset. I knew I should tell him about Issa right then and there but I was way too surprised to do much of anything, even breathe right.
"I only really noticed when Ani showed up-How protective of you I was when I realized she drew you because she admired you. I hated it." I stood up from the floor and just stared at him, it's all I could do right then. I wasn't disgusted towards him for caring for me. I only hated myself because I didn't mind it. What was wrong with me? I was with Issa now, but I couldn't help but care for both of them. That was wrong though, I can't have them both.
Right?
"You feel the same, don't you George? I can tell." He now gets up and steps closer to me.
"It's the reason you don't mind being here at this place." He was right. I don't know how I didn't notice until now. Maybe I lied to myself when I told myself the feelings for Cam were completely gone. They had never even left.
"You took me here Cam, I can't just-" Cam interrupts me sounding surprised;
"You think I took you here? Why would you think that?" I simply give him a strained out expression in total disbelief of what he just said then explained lightly;
"Well, I mean, you took basically everyone else who's here. And I assumed it was you because you knew everything about me. You knew I had valuable skills Cam, it just makes sense. What else was I supposed to think?" Cam scoffed, clearly offended but also in understanding.
"I would never bring you here myself. When I found out you'd been taken here, my heart broke." I felt my heart sink into my stomach. There was someone else bringing people in?
"Who took me then, if it wasn't you?" I was finding myself getting teary eyed. All this time I thought it was my best friend who kidnapped me and now I'm finding it was someone else. Cam had always said he couldn't talk about how I got here, it was all a blur that day so long ago. I just didn't understand until now why that was.
I always knew Cam couldn't have been as bad as he was letting on, and now I knew for sure.
"If I tell you, you can't tell anyone else. I trust you George, don't make me regret it."
"You can trust me. I won't tell anyone. Please tell me." I was relieved that Cam wasn't the one who kidnapped me, so why was I feeling this queasy?
"I can't tell you his real name because even I don't know it. I just call him the Boss. He took me first before anyone here. Then he ordered me to help kidnap more people for him so he wasn't discovered." His words take me aback. Completely speechless and shocked I sit back down on the ground.
"He would rather have me do all his dirty work so no one knows who he really is. I'm being forced to do all of this George. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this when you first got here, I was just scared." In my heart, I knew Cam wasn't capable of any of this going on here. I felt so much relief knowing he wasn't the complete monster everyone here thought he was.
Now I could tell Cam was acting just as distressed as I was feeling when he suddenly inhaled a shaky breath to add;
"Be that as it may, I am still partly the reason you're here."
"What are you talking about Cam? What did you do?" I could feel anger rising from my many other emotions.
"He approached me at a coffee shop and we started talking, then your name came up. I told him everything about you and he obviously thought you were worth something so he ended up taking you shortly after he took me." He took a step towards me but I turned away avoiding him.
He stays put watching me back away, then pleads scarcely;
"I had no idea he was as bad as he was when I told him, otherwise I never would have said anything. You need to believe me." It was getting harder and harder for me to trust what Cam was telling me. He was my best friend and it hurt to hate him.
"I don't care about that. You're still treating people here horribly. People here are terrified of you Cam."
"Do you think I want to be this way towards them? I have to! There has to be order around here or everything will go to shit and I'll be the one punished for it." I hated admitting it, but everything he was telling me was starting to make sense. Most of it at least.
"Then why do you just casually get to leave this place if you are a prisoner here too? You could easily just leave and never come back, or just break everyone out yourself." Cam sighs loudly then sits down in front of me. He puts his face resting in his hands then explains;
"One; I'm allowed to leave because the Boss lets me so I am able to find more people to take here. And two; we're all chipped. I know it sounds crazy but it's true. That's why no one ever remembers getting here. It's a long process but eventually they're given a drug that makes them pass out, then it's implanted." What the hell? I have a chip inside me? How would I not know about that? I couldn't speak, all I could do was stare at him in shock. This was all so much to take in.
"It's the tiniest chip that's implanted behind everyone's neck just behind their ears. It barely leaves a mark. I even have one, which is why I get permission to leave, he trusts me. If I ever decide not to come back they'll just track me and send someone to get me. That's why I haven't left. That, and because you're here. I can't leave you George."
Cam and I were staring into each other's eyes and for a minute, I forgot all about Issa. It was only Cam and I. I cared about him, but it would take some time to feel the same way I felt about him before we arrived here.
Cam's green eyes penetrated mine apologetically, like they were saying it for him. I wanted to forgive him for putting me here, even if it was an accident, but he put all of these other people here too.
"I get that you can't tell anyone. I just wish you hadn't taken so many people here. No one deserves this."
"I'm not trying to justify what's going on at all, but some people actually like it here. I-" Cam stops mid sentence like he's trying to find the correct words then starts again;
"I even like it here. I don't mind it."
I had always hated admitting it to myself, but I agreed with him. I didn't mind it here either, I had been here for so long, it felt normal, like home. I wasn't in any real danger as long as I stayed in line and did what I was told, and what I was told to do was something I actually enjoyed. I saw little issue living here. Even though I still saw it as unfair to others. I even got to talk to family and friends, thanks to Cam.
"You let me talk with my friends. And even family every now and then, why couldn't you do the same for others?"
"How would I even ask that? 'Hey, can we all have family passes and maybe-just maybe-we'll come back later?' I don't think so. If we get him angry, he might take away all of your privileges along the way." I rolled my eyes at him, knowing he was kind of right, then added;
"I'm sure if everyone is just told that we have chips, they'll know better not to just up and leave. I mean, you do. He trusts you so why not a few others too?"
Cam just simply shrugs.
"Please Cam. At least try. For me."
"Oh wow, use yourself against me. Nice." He grinned and butterflies shot through my heart. I almost forgot what his smile looked like while living here, he never smiled anymore.
"Fine. But it'll take some time so don't expect anything right away, okay?" I lean forward from where I was sitting and reach for Cam, hugging him hard. We hadn't hugged in a long time. Before we got here, he would never hug me. He would always get uncomfortable so I never did it. Now I saw why he was that way, because he was afraid to admit his feelings. He hugged me back then I feel him relax into my neck with a huge sigh. We're still hugging when I say;
"Cam?" He copies my whispered tone, still snuggled into my shoulder and asks;
"Yes George?"
"I missed you." I could feel him tense up now. He pulled back from our hug then say without hesitation;
"You never answered me before. About whether or not you have feelings for me." He trails off and fiddles with his rings on his fingers once more, clearly flustered.
I did have feelings. But now I was with Issa. I liked Issa, so much. We had chemistry I couldn't deny it. But so did Cam and I. I knew starting something could potentially end me and Cam's friendship if anything went wrong and I didn't want that to happen. I don't think I had the courage to tell him exactly how I felt, that I wanted them both.
But I did at least have the backbone to tell him how I felt for him even if I shouldn't.
"I-do." Is all I manage. Cam's eyes light up as he runs his hands through his hair then suddenly spins in a small circle, like he had just won the lottery. I just watch him smiling, feeling guilty about Issa again. Cam stops and regains himself. He blows out some air and says coolly;
"So we gonna do anything about it?" I was so used to this kind of talk during our stream talks with thousands of people watching, but now with just the two of us here, being serious, I felt nervous. Knowing my face was turning bright red, I turn away from Cam. He grabs my arm and pulls me right back.
"We don't have to start anything if that's what you want George."
"But I do want that. It's just complicated right now, that's all." Cam looked confused and a little hurt at my statement. I should've just came straight out about Issa to him, but I can't quite find the right words. Instead, what I say next would haunt me forever.
"Cam-I do want this. I want you." Cam stares at me in shock then as quickly as I said those eight words, he moves toward me and kisses me.
The kiss felt like so many years worth of tension built up finally being released. Cam was cupping my face while I was grabbing a fistful of his hair. It felt so right then. I think kissing him was a way of finding out if the emotions I was feeling for him were real. All it did was confirm those feelings and make them grow even more.
Then Issa's face showed up in my mind along with everything we had did and almost did in my room right before this. I was the one to pull away from the kiss finally.
"What-what's wrong?" Cam's says this totally out of breath. The guilt was eating away at me as we spoke to each other. All I was doing was making it worse by not saying anything. I didn't want to lose either of them though. I couldn't just choose.
"Nothing's wrong. I was surprised and-well, it's just-this is your office. Wouldn't that be a little weird in here?" Cam pushes me against his desk as soon as I finished speaking then says with a sexy smirk;
"No, it just makes it better. Plus, my room's just down the hall-" I gently pushed him off of me in an instant, making even more excuses. As excited and totally amazed at this moment actually occurring, my guilt was still eating at me even more.
"I'm also tired. We had a pretty serious and stressful conversation tonight. As much fun as I'm having, I just want to sleep." Cam straightened up then shrugged, giving in finally.
"Okay. I get it. I'm pooped too. But remember, we have a stream tomorrow with the guys, so don't sleep in too late." I laugh at him and give a slightly offended glance, holding my hand against my chest like he had just hurt my feelings. Cam doesn't laugh, he just says;
"I mean it. Don't. Be. Late." He then pecks my forehead, just like I had done to Issa a little while before. Damn it.
•••
I wake up and look at the clock. It was 11 in the morning and I probably only slept 5 hours. I kept waking up every five minutes with butterflies, and not the good ones. Was it so wrong to want them both? The guilt for cheating on Issa with Cam was immeasurable. I had to stream in a few hours but I had no energy to do anything but lay back in bed feeling sorry for myself.
Despite feeling like actual garbage, I get up and head over to the cafeteria to eat something to make me feel better. I don't even bother changing my clothes, I felt like shit, I was also going to look like it.
I arrive at the lunchroom and sit alone by myself as usual. Ever since I started getting permission to talk to my family, people found out and started hating me for it for helping out Cam, so now I just sat alone.
The food they were serving was, sadly, chili. I absolutely despised chili. Karma was hitting me in every way and now it's even what I was eating. I didn't even want to eat. I took a few spoonfuls of the horrible stuff then decided that was enough for me.
I look over and see Issa coming into the room by herself. A few seconds later Lectra pops up from her seat a table away from me and runs at her. I see them exchange hugs then Lectra says something then Issa laughs and hugs her again while also saying something. I watch as Lectra follows her to the food and see Issa grab only a salad. She must also hate the chili.
As Issa is following Lectra to their seats, I see her eyes find me sitting alone at my table then she subtly smiles at me. She then looks away tossing her hair away dramatically. She was such a good actress, pretending to hate me like we planned. It was too bad she actually should hate me.
I tune into the table Issa and her friends are sitting at and listen. Everyone here was pretty silent so it isn't hard to hear their every word.
"Again. I'm sorry I left you alone last night. Tell me what even happened." I hear Lectra say this a little too loud. I knew she meant the basement party where I ran into Issa where things escalated.
I see Issa look over at me then roll her eyes and turn away. For a second, I forgot she didn't actually hate me, it was just for show. I was feeling this much guilt and now I was flat out paranoid. Terrific.
"It's not really a big deal. I just went back to my room. Wasn't feeling the greatest. I fell right to sleep." She was good at this. It hurt because she'd probably soon be hating me for real. I was starting to feel sick so I tuned out the conversation then got up to dump my tray.
I couldn't stand to look at her again so without even a glance, I left the lunchroom and went back to my room to prepare for the stream with Cam.