Sunday.
Day 6.
Issa.
After my night with George, as almost amazing as it was, I woke up feeling not so great. My mouth was dry and my head was pounding. Was I still high last night when I was with George? That would explain the random spurt of confidence from what me and him almost did together. I wouldn't have had it any other way though.
I'm staring up at my ceiling when suddenly I fully realize; George and I were still going to be able to be together. As much pain as I was in right now, I was too happy to really even care. It was going to be fun to pretend to hate George then sneak off with him later.
This morning, I woke up to a knock at my door and found it to be Kris with the pile of clothes I had ordered. Finally I could wear something other than those jeans and t-shirt. I looked through all of them and eventually picked out a dark blue tank top which I covered with a black flannel and finished it off with a pair of shorts. It was simple but cute enough. I looked in the mirror at myself, feeling especially confident today.
I was glad that I knew some days being here I'd have good days, like today was becoming already. And that was all because of George.
I wasted no more time and started toward the cafeteria. I got to the lunchroom feeling even shittier now that I was walking. I just needed some water and something to eat then I'd feel loads better. I take one step in the room and see Lectra running over to me. She throws herself on me, hugging me a little too hard for what I could handle at the moment.
"Issa! What the heck happened to you? I actually thought I'd find you dead in a ditch. Well, if we had any around here-" We both laughed then hugged each other again.
"I'm sorry I left you alone to party, that was dumb." She adds sadly.
"Just let me get my food so this headache goes away, then I'll tell you all about last night." I wasn't even sure I should tell Lectra about what happened last night. I knew I could trust her, I just wondered if telling nobody would be easier.
Lectra and I walked over to the food and I about gagged. It was chili, I hated chili. I skipped over it and grabbed a salad instead, along with a water. I turn with my tray and see Lectra scanning it judgmentallyjudgementally. I ignore her and we start walking to her table.
I feel a pair of eyes watching me so I glance over and see George staring me down. I can't help but smile then I quickly remember I should be pretending to hate him, so I lamely flipped my hair at him. It was a pretty dramatic move that I felt stupid for, but kept walking anyway as if I wasn't totally embarrassing myself.
We finally get to our seats with Wes and sit. Lectra immediately pipes up;
"Again. I'm sorry I left you alone last night. Tell me what even happened." I found myself looking at George again to see he was also staring. I roll my eyes at him and look away. I know George can hear us talking by how close he was sitting to our table, so I gave it my all.
"It's not really a big deal. I just went back to my room. Wasn't feeling the greatest. I fell right to sleep." Trying my hardest not to glance over at him again, I say more;
"On the plus side-look what I got today!" I gestured to the clothes I was wearing. This time Wes spoke up;
"Oh don't think we didn't notice you walking in like that. I think half the room saw you. You look way too good." I remembered how jealous Lectra was getting toward Wes with other girls so I wasn't about to entertain him any more.
"It's just a shirt with a flannel and some dumb shorts, not Gucci. Calm down."
"No he's right Issa, I'd go gay for you right now if you asked. No joke." I roll my eyes at her lovingly then Wes was straightening up at her comment.
"Woah. Would you really Lectra? I'd pay to see that! Want my chocolate milk? It's all yours, just give me a little show-" Lectra slapped the back of his head to which he just laughed at and turned back to me, ignoring him. I glance at Wes now rubbing his head looking ready to cry, making me giggle to myself.
Everyone then continued eating except me. I was now looking over to where George was sitting and noticed he had already left.
"So are you and-George-" She cups her hand around her mouth in secret and whispers his name like it was a bad word and continues;
"-still going at it?" I whip my head around and look at her, surprised.
"Um. Why would you think we're doing things?" I did not sell that performance at all, but I was hoping she didn't notice how nervous I was.
"C'mon. You keep looking over where he was just sitting. I'm not blind." She had a point. I wasn't being very subtle about looking at him.
"No, I was just looking around at everyone. Thought I saw someone I knew-" As I was pretending to look around I actually did notice something. It was the girl from my dorm from when I first got here. She was all alone at a table across the room. I had forgotten she got here with me.
"Wait. I actually do know her. Do either of you guys know her name?" Lectra and Wes both look over at her and shrug. I really did feel awful that I didn't know her name. Even here she had zero friends. That settled what I said next;
"I'm gonna go talk to her-" I didn't wait for them to reply, I simply walked over to her table, all alone.
"Hey. We know each other-sorta-right?" She blows away a strand of blonde hair then slowly crains up at me. She looks me up and down judgmentally then frowns at me.
"We used to go to college together. You were at the same dorm with-" As if I wasn't even talking to her, she gets up with her tray and walks away toward the garbage. I stand there in shock. Why was she ignoring me? Was it because I didn't know her name? Maybe it's because she saw what went down between George and I. I turn back around and follow her.
"Hey. Sorry if you're upset about what happened with that guy in the classroom. I usually don't do things like that. Honestly, it was even weird for me." Now she was stopping mid-track and turning to me, looking angry.
"You're joking, right?"
"I'm not? I genuinely don't know what I did to you. I don't even know your name." That made her face go even redder from her angriness. She walks closer to me slowly then breathes out like daggers;
"You-you think you can try to be friends with me here after you slept with my boyfriend? Are you that shallow?" Thinking this must be a joke, I couldn't help but laugh at her. She must think I'm someone else, because I've only ever slept with the few people I've dated.
"I think you have the wrong person? My names Issab-" She puts her hand up to my face then, stopping me from talking any further.
"No-I know your name, but you don't even have the decency of knowing mine after you screwed him!" The cafeteria goes silent along with me. I gulp down my embarrassment and stutter out;
"Um. I really don't know-"
"You and your dumb ass roommate went to my boyfriend's party and you screwed him. You've really slept with that many guys that you can't remember this one? Really?" By this point, the girls voice and the cafeteria was back to normal and not paying as much attention to us anymore, thankfully.
"My roommate, Jo? Look. I must have been drunk or something because-" She laughs hysterically then starts walking away again while saying;
"Like that makes it any better. You better watch yourself. I know what you did in that room with him, and I won't hesitate to let Cam know if you don't stay out of my way." She stops for a minute and whips her head over her shoulder saying;
"And my names Lizzy, as if you really care." Then she was gone, walking out of the cafeteria. I stop walking and just watch her walk from the room into the hallway as she dissappears into it.
I stand there, looking around the cafeteria at the wandering eyes of random people now watching me. Lectra and Wes immediately walk up to me and lead me out of the cafeteria and eventually into my room.
I had no idea how to react to what just happened. I sit down on my bed and Lectra and Wes both sit around me. How could I have slept with a random guy, with a girlfriend none the less? Even worse, because of it, I was being blackmailed.
"I'm not gonna pretend I didn't not hear that mess. But, what happened?" Lectra is the first to speak up and I see Wes slowly shaking his head eager to hear what I had to say about the situation.
"I honestly couldn't even tell you. I have no memory of sleeping with anyone else besides past boyfriends." I stop talking but nobody says anything so I continue;
"There's a chance I was maybe drunk. I know that doesn't make it better at all, but I don't know who the guy even is." Wes and Lectra look at each other and Wes gets up from my bed.
"This looks like a girl issue so I'll be in my room if y'all need anything-" Without waiting for so much as a response from either of us, he leaves Lectra and I alone together. Now that we were alone she spoke up;
"Um okay. At least this isn't really a big deal right? It's not like she can do anything about it besides hate you?"
"Actually, she threatened to blackmail me if I didn't stay out of her way. She was there when George and I-did things together that first day." Lectra immediately let's out a frenzied puff of air.
"You did those things even though another person was in there with you guys? Damn girl, nice."
"No, not nice. Are you listening? She's blackmailing me Lectra." She sighes then moves in for a side hug;
"Who is she gonna tell that cares? Plus you and George aren't even together anymore." I guess now was as best time as ever to tell her the truth about George and I.
"Actually, that's not technically true. We kinda sorta are together, just secretly." She pulls away from our embrace and just stares at me, trying to find any hint of a joke. When she doesn't she says;
"Issa. She could go to Cam and who knows what he'll do to you."
"I just won't do anything to aggravate Lizzy, then she won't have to go to him. Like I said, we're a secret." She scoffs before adding;
"Her names Lizzy? Of course it's snake like. Or lizard-y, I guess?" I giggle only briefly at her statement then get serious again to say;
"Okay, as much as I hate her for using George against me, I still feel horrible. I mean, I guess I slept with her boyfriend." Maybe I could remember him if I knew his name. Anything to piece it together. But for right now, I had nothing.
"Yeah, yeah whatever. Well I still hate her. Hey, when were you gonna tell me about pretty boy?" She was now waggling her eyebrows and winking at me way too aggressively.
"Uh. Well that's where I went last night. I kinda ran into him and ended up in his room at some point." Lectra perks up again and yells;
"So that's where you went! You have a pattern of going home with guys when you're not sober, dontcha?" She meant no harm by her comment, but it didn't feel good. She wasn't wrong. I wasn't sober and ended up in a guys room. I was beginning to feel worse about Lizzy.
"We didn't sleep together though. Not entirely at least." Lectras eyes grow big then she grabs my pillow and screams into it. She returns from it acting like she hadn't just done what she did, then says as calm as she can;
"Ehem, what do you mean, not 'entirely'?"
"We didn't quite get there cause Cam called for George to go to his office." She stares straight into my soul in disbelief and says;
"Your life is flat out a drama movie. I'm jealous." Lectra pauses then continues;
"So, Cam wanted to see George that late at night? And Cam obviously has a thing for the guy. Isn't that a little suspicious?" I hadn't thought about it but now that I thought of it, George was abnormally defensive about anything I said about Cam. He even seemed to think he isn't as bad as he's letting on to be. Maybe there was more than what I was seeing.
"I do think Cam likes George, but no way would George go for his friend. That's all they are, friends, one hundred percent." Lectra doesn't say anything, she just nods and lays down on my bed and I join her. It was only the afternoon and I was already tired out from the day.
I turn and look at Lectra and studied her features as if it was the first time I was seeing her. She had a slim facial structure with a flat curved nose. Her eyebrows were a little thick, but it worked on her. Lectra was gorgeous in like a Greek goddess type of way. She finally turned to look at me. I wondered if she was studying me as well. We stay like that looking at each other for a few seconds until eventually she speaks up;
"You ever kissed a girl?" Almost immediately my eyes widen and I turn away and say;
"Huh? Um-" She starts laughing and so do I. I place a palm down on my forehead and turn back toward her, relieved. I answer then anyway;
"I haven't. But who knows, maybe when I was drunk I did. I do alot drunk apparently."
"That reminds me, you're not allowed anymore smoking. That was not a good combo for you."
"Okay mom. I won't do it again." Absolutely disgusted by what I just called her, she fake gags and gently pushes me with a smile.
"Do not call me that ever again. Bleh!" She still has an arm around me from pushing me and we both just stare at each other once again. I hadn't kissed a girl before but I had to admit I was curious. But I knew Lectra was my friend, I didn't want to ruin anything by kissing her. I get up and stretch, leaving her alone laying down.
"Shouldnt we be working on something? I mean I've still barely done anything since I've been here." She yawns dramatically, still laying down and says;
"You do that, Imma stay right here. I need a nap." She kicks her leg up on my bed and tosses a pillow over her head. Within seconds I hear snoring.
"There is no way you're asleep already-" I poke her stomach and realize that she really did fall asleep. Jeez.
Quietly, I move over to my desk and sit in my chair, trying my best to ignore her snores. I open my sketch book and turn to my latest work. I had started drawing some characters for an animated short I was planning. Admittedly, I hated what I had going so far. I flipped to a new page and picked up a pencil. I thought back to what Lectra and Wes said about my singing. They seemed to think I was an amazing singer, I was starting to believe them on it too. I knew I was just getting a big head about it, but whatever.
As if by itself, I started writing down words. The pages were being filled with new words by the minute as if they were just flowing out of the pencil. I had always written poems when I got bored since I was a kid, but never thought about writing a song. I start writing, feeling a rush of adrenaline and look down at my paper to read what I had. It wasn't anything special, but it meant something to me either way.
It was just like when I was younger, venting everything that comes to mind on a little piece of paper. It was almost like therapy, except this actually helped me. Minutes go by and without thinking, I start saying the words out loud. A melody was ringing out in the words I spoke when suddenly I hear a small voice pipe up from on my bed;
"I can't believe I actually fell asleep. I was totally kidding then it just kind of-happened." Completely forgetting I wasn't alone, I tear my eyes away from the paper and look over at Lectra who was now sitting up, rubbing her eyes.
"I don't mind. Feel free to use my bed whenever you want. Just remember, George and I might've done something nasty on it-so-" Lectra basically falls off my bed in disgust. She gets off it then repeatedly wipes herself off everywhere while making gagging noises.
"That's good to know." This time she takes a seat on the floor in front of me. She looks up at me and continues;
"So are you up for another fun night today? We're all heading outside for the bonfire."
"How are we supposed to have a secret bonfire? Isn't very 'secret' if you ask me." Lectra rolls her eyes then explains;
"This one was actually okay-ed by Cam. Whenever someone does something for him that makes him alot of money, he loosens up and let's us all do something special as a reward." Lectra pulls out a piece of crumpled up paper from her pocket and shows it to me.
It read; 'Bonfire-11 tonight.' It was very subtle and boring looking as if someone made it with zero effort, which it probably was.
"Sometimes we even get to set up music and lights up in the track outside too for a party. It's actually pretty fun." She then crumples the paper again and tosses it into my trash can.
"I can't believe you didn't see the posters. They were up everywhere around the place." Now that she pointed it out, I probably did notice them, but never bothered reading it. This place was seeming more like just a normal school the longer I stayed here. We got dances, bonfires, we all sneak out to do things we're not supposed to do.
And there was plenty of drama to go around.
"It sounds like fun. I'll go. I mean, what else would I be doing?" Then I remembered I had made plans with George again later tonight.
"Actually-I told George we could hang out tonight already."
"Oh c'mon. You've got all the time in the world to see him. When's the next time we'll have a bonfire again? Not anytime soon, that's for sure." She had a point but I really wanted to be with George tonight. We were moving so fast and I barely knew him. I wanted to know more about who George really was.
"I'm sorry Lectra. I'm gonna pass for tonight." She sighs and gets up.
"Sure I guess." She gets up looking disappointed.
"I'm gonna go work in my room. I'll update Wes on everything with George and you being all in love or whatever." She finally smiled as she says this.
"Uh no, not in love. Not even close. I've known him for a couple days." All she does is laugh and say all matter-of-factly;
"That song you were singing says otherwise." She then leaves my room without another word. Of course she heard it. After skimming over the poem again, I realized maybe I did write some of it for him. I definitely wasn't in love with George, but I could see it happening, just not now. Definitely not now.
•••
I was sick of sitting in my room so I decided to go sit in the library and get some work done. I didn't feel like going to the computer room as it was always a little too loud to work. I sit down at a small couch by myself next to a window in the library, which wasn't nearly as crowded. All I did for awhile was stare out it, imagining how nice it felt to be outside. I hadn't been outside since I got here, which hasn't been too long but I was already missing the feeling of the sun.
My view out the library's window was a large oak tree with tall unclipped grass surrounding it. It was almost August, which meant it would be getting colder outside soon. Not much colder here in San Francisco, but cold enough for sweaters. At least that was where I assumed I still was, after being taken here at the school.
In reality, I had no idea where I could really be.
I take a deep breath hating the thought, then see a leaf fall from the tree I was still staring at it with jealousy now. I look up to where it was just on to see a squirrel. It was crouched on a branch eating a nut. I forgot how much I missed animals, especially the squirrels running around campus.
This squirrel looked remarkably smaller than the ones I was used to. On campus, we weren't allowed to feed them, but everyone did anyway, so they got fat. I found myself smiling at the squirrel but eventually snapped out of it and started working. I kicked up my feet on the couch to lay back and started sketching.
I couldn't believe just this morning I was writing a song, which was definitely just more of a poem. I still had no idea if I was even good at it, so why was I putting so much faith in it already? I just needed to focus on my animations and keep it like that.
I started drawing and planning out how I wanted my short to go, but once again could not get into it. As usual, I was totally blocked.
I threw my pencil down at my lap and placed my face in my palm, giving up. I looked around and saw that no body else was actually in the library with me. I once again grabbed my pencil, and turned to my poem writing pages. Just like last time, I started writing immediately.
Looking up once more to make sure I was still alone, I started to hum a tune to the words. I closed my eyes and started humming a random melody. Finally feeling good about the rhythm, I started singing the words aloud, singing only loud enough for me to hear. I didn't think the words had any real meaning to them until Lectra pointed it out. Singing them only made me realize it more.
I was maybe starting to sing a little too loud because seconds later someone walks into the part of the library I was at.
It was, of course with my luck, George.
I wasn't sure if it was okay to talk to him, but since we were alone, I just stared at him walking towards me. He got a couple feet away but neither of us said anything for what felt like forever until he simply said;
"Hey. Can I sit?" I felt myself smiling at him.
"Of course." I didn't move any closer to him than necessary in case someone were to come into the room and see us, so I just moved my feet for him.
"How've you been?" He says casually. I assumed this was just to act innocent but I couldn't help my smile.
"Well I'm sure you heard the singing. I've been writing this weird poem. Not sure how I feel about it yet." He gives me a questionable look and tilts his head.
"You're not doing your animation stuff?"
"I was. I just can't get inspired at all here. When I'm writing my poetry it just flows right out. It makes me feel better. Relaxed." I was still smiling because of how casual we were talking. It felt funny to have to pretend even though there was no one around. In an instant, Georges expression changed from questionable to concerned;
"If Cam finds out you're doing that-look, he wouldn't like it. You're not here for song writing or singing Issa." He was starting to sound douchy so I stopped smiling and just frowned at him. He see's I look upset and continues;
"You sounded good Issa, but Cam royally hates you. He isn't gonna let it slide." I was totally expecting him to be supportive but instead I was getting the totally opposite.
"It's his fault that I can't do what he wants. I'm here and it isn't very inspiring if you ask me." In a stone cold voice he simply says;
"Okay, whatever." He was acting different, not like the George I had gotten to know, and I hated it. I know I can be stubborn but I seriously couldn't do what Cam wanted me to do, and he was just going to have to deal with that.
I didn't want to respond to him because I knew if I did, I would explode on him. All I do is turn and start looking out the window again, completely ignoring him like he wasn't there. The squirrel I was looking at was gone and now there were a few birds. They were just boring brown sparrows hopping around making nests. In the corner of my eye, I watch George shuffle to look out the window with me.
I see him looking where I was then stop and look at me. He catches my glance then asks;
"Are you gonna go to the bonfire tonight?"
"What? I thought we were going to stay together tonight?" He slaps his head and makes a face.
"Crap. I forgot about that. I wish I could but Cam expects me to be there with him." I felt stupid for expecting so much from him, but we made a promise. A promise he easily broke for Cam.
"That's fine. Lectra invited me so it works out just fine. You'll get to hang out with Cam so win-win I guess." I was hoping he'd realize the sarcasm in my voice so I added more to it;
"Bonfire sounds better anyway." Only just now noticing he looked very pale, he just sat there watching me. I lose my attitude immediately.
"Are you okay? You look-not good." George gets up fast and backs away from me.
"I've gotta go. See you later." In a split second he was gone, leaving me alone wondering where the hell his outburst came from.
And who the hell he turned into in only a day being apart.