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The Barons Sloth System

Domenic_M
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Synopsis
A lazy parasite leaching off society, he is determined to work hard when he is surprised with a second life. Only to find his future dashed by the mysterious 'Sloth system'. Without any knowledge on if he has a purpose, the lazy parasite follows the system directive of being lazy, with only a few tasks to complete in order to avoid trouble, gather funds or as an investment for future laziness.
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Chapter 1 - Reincarnated

After a life where I was merely living off scraps. Too lazy to work or do anything. I finally died due to an unhealthy lifestyle. My heart was clogged by fat and after laying down too long it completely stopped when I was startled during one of my rare walks. It was relatively late at night at the time as I had just been going to grab some things from the nearby store. In the end, an ambulance wasn't called in time and I died on the sidewalk.

'So this is the end…'

However, when I expected something to happen, or rather nothing. I suddenly felt cold before my eyes snapped open.

"@&$#@%&$" A woman with blonde hair spoke before I turned and saw an older looking man with orange hair.

"@&%#$@#%&$#@%&$" The man with an orange hair and beard soon responded, turning to face the blonde woman before turning away and seemingly to leave after another voice called out.

On the other hand, after a brief period of shock I was immediately determined. This time. This time for sure!

'Alright!'

'This is it!'

'In my new life!'

'I will be productive and active!'

'I will work hard and achieve my goals!'

Such were my naïve thoughts as I opened my eyes to a completely new world in the hands of a new mother and father.

'…'

'Even so! It won't stop me-'

'Then I'll become a scholar or philosopher! Maybe an artist-'

'... maybe an abstract artist…'

I sighed. It seemed I was doomed to live all my lifes as a human parasite who leeches off society. Though I could only remember my last life so maybe it was an earned right from merits of my previous lives I don't remember? Who knows.

'Well. That was unexpected. I haven't even done anythi-'

I stopped myself as I remembered what the system had called itself…

'...'

With little control over my body and a repeat of my last pathetic and depressing life seemingly on the way, I couldn't help but burst into tears. The room was soon filled with my high pitched crying.

'Ah… I want all of them…' I soon realized it wouldn't be like some of the novels and manga I had read where there would be obviously powerful options while the rest were weak. All the options were good and worth picking. Though I didn't quite understand what all of them were, my vast experience from novels and manga combined with the system's straightforward naming gave me a rough idea.

Physical traits were obvious. Did I want to be born with natural strength or handsomeness?

The inner traits were harder to explain. However in many stories I had read, when referring to 'cores' they were usually either a container for various powers or the foundation to use them.

The names were pretty self explanatory as well.

Unbreakable core. In many stories you couldn't use powers if your core was broken. Often if you grew too powerful too fast or used strong powers it could also cause a character's core to break.

Infinity core. Usually characters had some kind of limit to the powers they could use in the form of limited amounts of energy needed to use those powers. This could be in the form of spirit energy, mana, Ether, general power, magical energy or whatever.

The last one was the only one I didn't quite understand though. From the name I could only guess it would mean I didn't have to consciously use powers as the core would have a mind of its own. Assuming my thoughts were right it could be both a blessing and a curse.

As for the magical attributes. My guess was that basic hexa-elemental affinity was referring to some form of elemental magic. For example fire or wind if I were to go by the traditional system seen in stories I knew of.

Space affinity was relatively self explanatory. It was simple and had a lot of theoretical options. I just didn't know how well my last life's physics knowledge would apply to this world.

Why did I assume this was another world though? Two reasons. One, my mother put every supermodel on Earth to such shame they should just go hide in a ditch. Two, who gave birth outside a hospital and three. Where on earth did magic attributes and cores exist? Fourth, my story knowledge told me that characters were very rarely reincarnated into the same world they died in.

As for the last magical attribute, time affinity… I didn't have much of an idea to be honest. It was evidently some kind of control over time, but I didn't know to what extent.

I spent some time trying to decide, but couldn't, then suddenly.

"WAAAHHHH!!!" My baby body screams magnified as an intense headache came over me as my thoughts became muddled and unclear.

'F#CKER! YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ARE DOGS!' I insulted the system as my mind suddenly switched to another train of thought, causing the headache to go away.

'Fine! Since I don't want to be the same as my last life I'll take a risk!'

I finally decided what I wanted and made completely different decisions to what I normally would.

In my last life I would have chosen natural strength, infinity core and space affinity or possibly basic hexa-elemental affinity.

Instead, I went for the opposite.

'Natural charm! Sentient core! And time affinity!' I responded to the system.

'Well ain't that just dainty.' I thought as I looked at the transparent, glass like screen in front of me with yellow text projected cleanly on it. I would call this screen the Status panel in memory of all the stories I had read.

At the same time, my new mother was rocking me back and forth. Just as I was wondering if she could see the glass panel hovering in front of me, her hand passed straight through it as if it didn't exist. I quickly cast the question out the window and instead focused, or rather unfocused my mind as I let myself become a baby completely, my thoughts never lasting more than 15 seconds before I eventually fell asleep in my mothers arms.