The next morning, I wake up and turn my phone over to see fifteen missed calls from Amanda, six texts from mom and three voicemails from Hailey.
"April, call me back. It's your dad."
"April, seriously, I don't know what time it is there, but we have an emergency. You need to come home."
"Hey... April. Um... Girl, you need to get on the next flight out of Florence and get back home. I know you're supposed to be on your honeymoon but-" She starts crying. "I'm sorry. Just... get home."
I run into the bedroom and wake up Trevor in a panic. "We need to go home. Something is wrong with my dad. I got all of these texts, and missed calls, and voicemails. We need to go. I'm sorry, but we need to go."
We pack up everything as quickly as possible. Trevor got us on an emergent flight out of Florence straight to D.C. We arrive at the GW Heart Center 18 hours later. But we get there too late. I walk into the waiting room to see my mom sobbing on the ground with my sister and Hailey holding her. I feel like the room is spinning. I can't seem to catch my breath. "He's gone, isn't he?" I said in a small voice. Hailey and Amanda look up at me and Hailey just nodded. Amanda cried even harder.
It felt like someone stole the air out of my lungs. I couldn't take a breath in. I started to see spots, and the next thing I know, I'm surrounded by black.
"April. Hey, come on open your eyes. APRIL!" Trevor is waking me up. "Hey, are you okay?"
"What's going on? What happened?" I look around as I'm laying in a hospital bed with a bag of saline attached to my arm. Hailey is standing next to Trevor while Amanda and my mother are pacing the hall outside my room.
"Oh my god babe, you scared the hell out of us!" Trevor runs over to me kissing my cheek. I look at him in confusion. "You were severely dehydrated and you had really low blood sugar. You passed out." Hailey opens the door for my mom and sister to come in.
"OH! April, are you okay?" My mom asked. Her cheeks were still wet from previous tears. "I was so worried." She comes over and hugs me. She takes my hand, and I refuse to let it go.
I start crying. "What happened?" I ask in a whisper between tears.
My mom starts to tear up again. Still holding my hand, she explains, "Your dad and I were tearing down all the decorations yesterday, and he said he wasn't feeling very good. But he just passed it off as exhaustion from the wedding. We got back home and he laid down on the couch and said it felt like a grizzly bear was weighing down on his chest. I asked him if he was in pain, but he said it felt more like intense pressure. He thought it was just anxiety of you being gone. Then, early this morning, he got up to use the bathroom and he just collapsed. I ran in to help him, and I called 911. The ambulance came and they started CPR on him-" She cuts off.
"Then, we got here to the hospital..." Amanda continues. "We waited for over an hour before the doctor came out and told us he had a heart-attack. They rushed him into surgery. He was in surgery for over six hours before someone came in here to tell us that he died on the table and they did everything they could."
"I just keep thinking, what if I didn't let him ignore it? What if I just took him to the doctor like my gut was telling me to? What if I just-"
"Mom stop. Don't do that to yourself. Living the rest of your life in the what ifs is not going to bring him back. You can only control what is right in front of you, and what you're going to do now." I squeeze her hand.
A doctor comes in and looks at my chart. "Okay, April Kennedy." We correct him to April Fogherty. "Oh, I'm sorry. Congratulations, and my condolences." He raises an eyebrow as if to say 'why did I just say that?', then continues on, "Your blood sugar was pretty low, but I can brush that off as no food in the last 18 hours, correct?" Trevor and I nod our heads. "But your blood pressure is pretty low. And that's something a little more concerning. We did some blood work while you were still unconscious and we found that your white blood cells are a little more elevated than we'd like to see. So, we would like to do some further testing, but we don't need to do that right this minute." He gives us a small smile.
"No. Just do it. We've had enough of waiting until it's too late." My mom pipes up.
"Well, it is up to Mrs. Fogherty, now." He points in mine and Trevor's direction.
Trevor grips my shoulder. He looks at me with concern in his eyes. He can't seem to make out words, but I take it as he agrees with my mom.
"She's right. We're here, and we're going to be here for a while until the doctors are ready to release my dad, anyway. So, take your tests."
A nurse comes in with a tray of supplies fifteen minutes later. She takes more blood from my arm, then wheels me out of the room. We go down a few floors to the radiology department and they put me in some full body diagnostic machine. I laid there for over a half an hour before I heard a loud beeping noise that signaled the machine was done imaging my body. The nurse wheels me back to my room, but my mom and sister aren't there anymore.
"They went to collect your father's body." Hailey explained. "They went with the funeral director to view him and watched as he loaded it up. Then they were going to come back when you got back."
I look around me again, and see Trevor with his head in his hands. "Trevor?" He looks up at me. "You okay?"
"Hmmm." He grunts. "No. I'm not okay." He folds into himself, trying not to cry. I look at Hailey to leave us alone for a few minutes. She leaves and he starts up again, "First, it's your dad and now there might be something wrong with you? I'm leaving in two weeks, and we're supposed to be having an immeasurable amount of fun on our honeymoon, and instead-" He raises his arms and shows the room. "We're here." He slaps his hands to his thighs. He lets out a long sigh. "I'm just worried about you." He says softly.
"Trevor, look at me." He looks up. I extend my hand to his, and he takes it. "I love you so much, but-" I can't seem to find the words... "I'm going to be fine. I'm sure this is nothing. Maybe I'm catching a cold or something from exhaustion. We have literally been going non-stop for a total of 72 hours, with a few hours of sleep in-between." I rub my thumb against his hand. He squeezes even tighter. "And no matter what, we promised to love each other through sickness and in health, remember?"
He lets out a small chuckle. "I remember." He kisses me on the forehead. Then mom, Amanda, and Hailey walk in with the doctor.
"Alright, so it'll be a while before we get any results back on your scans and blood work, so you are free to go. Please sign the dismissal papers and the..." My mind trails off as he continues talking about what I need to do next. My mind is racing. I can't have anything bad happen right now. I can't do this alone. I can't grieve my father without the support of my husband. I just can't. "You understand, Mrs. Fogherty?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. Got it. Thanks doc." He walks out the door after shaking all of our hands and offering his condolences once again. "Let's get out of here, huh?" I look to Trevor.
We all get ready to leave the hospital. I feel like I'm dreaming. That at any moment now, Trevor is going to shake me awake and I'll wake up in the bed in Florence. This will be but a nightmare. But there's no such luck. Trevor and I make our way to our new apartment in Alexandria. It was the perfect place to rent since I just finished my first year of college at Georgetown University. I will start up my second year in two more weeks. Three days after Trevor leaves for basic. At least that will keep me occupied.
We reach our new apartment, and Trevor picks me up and carries me over the threshold into our new home. He sets me down and kisses my cheek. I kiss him, and make my way around the apartment to see what it looks like.
"How did you get this place?" I exclaim.
"You know Ricky Duncan from the year ahead of us?" I nod my head with a goofy smile on my face. "His dad owns this building and gave us a really good deal."
It felt wrong to be happy. Like I'm betraying my father or something. "I'm gonna go get a really long, hot shower." I tell him. "Once I find it that is."
Trevor lets out a small chuckle. "There's one in our bedroom. Second door on the left." He points toward the hall straight across from the door.
I walk passed the kitchen to my right, the dining room beside it, and the living room to my left. In front of me is a hallway with three doors. On the right is a half bath, to the left is a spare bedroom, and further down on the left is our room. I walk in and throw my bag on the big bed. I undress and make my way to the shower. I let the hot water hit me, then I sink down to the floor of the shower. Sobbing. I'm supposed to be at my happiest right now, and instead, I'm at my lowest.
A half hour later, I make my way out of bathroom after fishing my shower, brushing my teeth, and putting moisturizer on my face. I walk out and Trevor is laying on the bed. Maybe I can salvage this. I walk over to him and climb on top of him. I start kissing him, but he doesn't seem to be enjoying it.
"April, no. Come on, honey, stop."
"WHAT?" I yell at him.
He looks at me startled. "I can't do this. It's not right. You're very vulnerable right now, and I would feel like I was taking advantage of you." He grabs my hand, and looks at me with concern behind his eyes.
I scoff. "Seriously? Come on Trevor, I need this." I try kissing him again, but he still turns his cheek away from me. "I need to feel something else. Anything else, other than this- this- horrible empty feeling right now. Please." I plead with him.
He just looks at me, sits up, then kisses me on the cheek. He stands up , and starts heading for the door. "I'm gonna go make us some food. You just..." He sighs, "Stay here for a bit. I'm gonna give you some time."
I don't need time. I need you. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. But there's a part of me that knows he's right. He's always right.