It was two days before my father's funeral when I got a call from a Dr. Morrison. He told me they have the results of my scans and blood tests, and told me to come to the hospital whenever is earliest for me. So, Trevor and I made our way back to the hospital, and we met with Dr. Morrison.
"We analyzed the results from your blood test and found that your white blood cells were more elevated than we'd like to see. That, coupled with your low blood sugar, low blood pressure, and your passing out... I believe that you have a rare diagnosis of Stage Zero Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Now, a few questions for you, have you noticed any other strange symptoms?" Trevor and I just look at each other and shake our heads. "I see. There's a few symptoms like: bloody noses, chronic head aches, light headedness, chronic drowsiness, loss of breath..." He went on to list a few more things.
"Okay, I might have had some of those symptoms the last few months. I just thought it was because of the wedding." I look to Trevor, and he just looks like a shell. "So, what does this mean?"
"A lot of people hear the word 'cancer' and automatically think of death." Trevor and I nod our heads. "Well, in your case, you got extremely lucky. You see, leukemia spreads rapidly and we usually don't catch it earlier than stage three most of the time. You are a rare jewel, my friend." He smiles sweetly at me.
"So, what does that mean? Will she have to go through chemo, radiation, what does the next steps look like?" Trevor asks in a monotone voice. He usually sounds like that when he doesn't allow himself to feel his emotions.
"Well, I will set up a time to get you through one round of chemo. It's a total of 21 days, and then we will reassess. I will retest your samples and we will decide if you will need a bone marrow transplant, more chemotherapy, or maybe we can go the route of immunotherapy. Immunotherapy is a little less invasive than chemotherapy. But chemotherapy is a for sure way to beat this..."
Dr. Morrison continues on for a while, but I feel like I'm just hearing white noise. It's like I'm on the receiving end of a phone call from Charlie Brown. Trevor looks pale. I grab his hand, and he holds it firmly. The Doctor asks us if we have any questions. We both shake our heads.
"I know this is a lot to process. But, April, Trevor, I believe the odds are in your favor." He smiles. "And it seems like you have a wonderful support system with you." He waves his hand in Trevor's direction.
"He's leaving." I whisper. "He won't be here when I start all of this." Trevor looks at me, and I look at him. He has tears in his eyes. It is the second time in two days I've seen my husband cry out of fear of our unknown future.
Two days later, we arrive at the funeral home. I specifically remember my father's will saying he didn't want an open casket funeral, and he wanted a dance party, not a funeral. Amanda stands to my right, Trevor to my left, and my mother next to Amanda. We stand there shaking hands and hugging people who keep telling us how sorry they are in one breath, then congratulations to Trevor and I in another. It was a weird sense of emotions.
We sat down in the front row while the minister spoke about life after death. He shared fond memories of my father and how he was a wonderful evangelist to the people in prisons, weddings, and on his many missionary trips. Others come up and share their favorite memory of my father. My mind would be present at the funeral then switch back to the doctor's office. I haven't told anyone else about my diagnosis yet. There was too much going on. I couldn't pile on more bad news on my mother, or she would be the next one we were having a funeral for.
We followed the hearse to the cemetery to lower my dad's coffin in the ground. We each threw a pile of dirt on the casket and sang Amazing Grace. Then we made our way to a banquet hall where the church had a dinner set up for our family and guests. We all ate ourselves silly and drank ourselves black. I just wanted to leave my circumstances.
"Are you sure you should be drinking alcohol?" Trevor whispers loudly in my ear.
Amanda must have heard him. "Why shouldn't she drink alcohol?" Then she gasps and smiles, "Wait... are you pregnant?" She squeals, "You are, aren't you?!" She runs over, excited.
"Who's pregnant?" My mother ask, astonished.
"No one, ma. I'm not pregnant, Amanda." I push her away.
"Then why can't you drink?" She crosses her arms. I know I'm going to have to tell her eventually. "Seriously, April. What's going on? If you're not pregnant, then what?" She looked concerned.
"Not here, okay?" Trevor whispers in her ear.
Me, Trevor, Amanda and my mother walk outside the banquet hall to a quiet room. I shut the door and motion for them to take a seat. "I got my results back the other day."
"Yes, and?" My mother asked with her eyes wide. "You're scaring me, April. What did the doctor say?"
"I have what they call stage zero acute myeloid leukemia." I finally say, taking a seat. It was my first time saying it out loud, and it felt like someone was trying to steal my breath again.
"Leukemia? Isn't that... that's like cancer isn't it?" Amanda asked.
"Not like cancer. IS cancer." I say. I explain everything the doctor said, and the next steps and everything else they should know.
They cry with Trevor and I, and mom stands and gives me a hug. "I want you to come back home after Trevor leaves. You know, if you want to." Mom rubs my arms.
"We'll see how it goes. I still plan to go to school and dance and all that, mom."
We talk for a while after. My mom protesting again and again about how I need a support system. My father just died, and now my husband will be gone, and I'll have no one around. How do I expect to go to classes and teach dance when I have chemotherapy three days a week. So on, and so forth. I finally throw my hands in the air.
"This is why I didn't want to tell you!" I shout. "You think you need to control every aspect of my life. Well, you don't. Trevor is my person now, mom, not you." My mother and Amanda audibly gasp.
Mom takes a few steps back, trying not to cry at my sudden outburst. "Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way about me."
"No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just-"
"Under a lot of stress that you shouldn't be putting on yourself." Trevor interrupts. I sigh in agreement. "Mrs. Kennedy, I know you're worried about April. I'm worried about her too. I even thought of cancelling my trip to basic and waiting. But she rejected the idea. She's a strong young woman. And she's only like that because of you and her father. You raised an amazingly, strong, independent, confident woman. You can't be upset to find that that is who she is now. Right?"
My mother sniffles and nods her head. "You chose a wonderful man, April. I know that this is a lot for the two of you. I'm sorry you're going through this. You're supposed to be on your way back from your honeymoon today, not attending a funeral. Not finding out you have..." She pauses. She chokes on the word, "cancer."
We all hug each other. Then we go back to the banquet hall with our heads held high. We love each other immensely. I know that my mom wants what is best for me. I know my sister just worries, even though that's supposed to be my job as the bigger sister. I know that Trevor just wants to support me, but I can't ask him to wait on his calling. A calling to serve your country is the highest honor, next to ministry in my book. And I am so proud of him.