Trevor and I hardly slept last night. If we weren't making love, we were crying and holding each other. He leaves for Fort Knox in four hours.
"I'll be back in time for Christmas at least." He says through more tears.
"Yeah and then you leave right before the New Year. You literally leave two days after Christmas. I only get to see you for 16 days after not seeing you for 13 weeks!" I exclaim. "I don't know how to get through this. Not alone." I whisper into his shoulder.
"I know, baby. I know." He cries again. "I'm scared for you. I hate that I'm not going to hold your hand through treatments. By the way, that starts on Monday right?"
"Yup. three more days, and then it's hair falling out, throwing up, and constant pain according to Dr. Morrison." I sit up on the bed. Trevor pulls himself up next to me. He wraps his arms around my waist. "Maybe you're lucky you're not going to be here to see me like that. I don't want you to see me like that."
"Oh, I know. Me neither. I would probably divorce you because you'd just look so awful without your long brown hair anymore!" He says, sarcastically.
We make breakfast and talk about the upcoming months and how different that looks for each other. "It's weird, you're gonna go to training to learn how to fight for our country. And I'm going to go to the hospital three days a week to fight for my life."
He goes quiet. "I can stay." He finally says.
"Trevor, no, we talked about this. You need to go. I cannot be the reason you don't follow up on your calling." I throw my fork in his direction. He dodges it and laughs. "I'm serious, babe. I got this!" I sound like my sister. She's such an optimist.
"I know you do." He smiles at me. He stands up and runs around the table lifting me off my chair and carries me back to the bed.
We love each other one last time before driving him to the airport. His aunt May meets us at the gate and says her goodbyes through fits of tears. Trevor tries not to cry, and I try to stay strong so he doesn't. But looking at his aunt, he runs back and thanks her for raising him. She kisses his cheek and thanks him for being such an awesome son to her.
Trevor's aunt May took him in when his parents died in a car crash when we was four. He doesn't remember much about his parents. He always said when he tried to picture his mother's face, Aunt May's is all he could see. But he remembers his mother singing a lullaby to him called "La Nana Nita." That story is actually how we started dating because my mother used to sing that song to me as well.
As Trevor made his way to the gate, May and I decided to sing "La Nana Nita" to him. He could hardly hold his composure. He just pointed at us and smiled, then brought his hand to his heart and blew us a kiss. May and I hugged each other.
Three days later I received my first letter from Trevor.
Dear April,
I arrived at Fort Knox last night. It's chilling here. I never really grasped exactly what I was getting myself into. I knew what to expect, but I still didn't expect all of this. My bunkmate snores, loudly. The Sergeant Master came in and yelled at him to stop snoring like a freight train or the enemy will be able to spot us. He left and we just started laughing. His name is Mike, but everyone calls him Lil Shawty. He always spouts some kind of rap nonsense, so the guys on the bunks next to him started calling him Lil Shawty. I think it's gonna stick. Anyway, I only have a few minutes to write and then it's off to run 6 miles. I miss you. I love you. Good luck with your chemo-therapy. I hope you get this letter before you go to the hospital. I love you so much, and I wish I could be there with you.
Love always,
Trevor Fogharty
Dear Trevor,
I'm not sure how to start off a letter. I feel like we're back in Mr. Potter's History class in eighth grade, passing notes to each other behind his back. I'm glad that you arrived safely, and I'm sorry Mike snores so loudly. I miss you too. I started my first round of Chemotherapy this afternoon. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I feel okay so far. They talked to me about a placing a permanent port on me since I would be going in for treatments so often. I guess they're going to do that on Friday. I start classes again tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. It's going to be weird signing my name as Mrs. April Fogherty on all of my assignments. But I am really excited to be getting into my core classes and learning about international Political affairs. I'll have to let you know how that class goes. Pretty soon you'll be calling me Madam President Fogharty!
I love you so much Trevor. I miss you so much. I hope you are doing well so far. Only 12 weeks and 6 more days to go!
Your loving wife,
April Fogherty
Dear April,
It's September 6th, 2018. I have only been gone a week, and I miss you terribly. I miss holding you at night. I never knew that I would get used to something so fast, but I wish you could lay here next to me at night. I want you to hold my hand as we run through the fields. I want to hug you when I come down off the mount. I want to kiss you when I come up for air after crawling through the mud pit. I want to feel inside you at the end of the day because I would have just enough energy to love you all night long. I miss the way you smell. I don't like the way the barracks smell when we all come in after a long day of training. There's no time to rest most days. We only have a maximum of 15 minutes to shower, 30 minutes to eat, and we maybe get 5 hours of sleep total at night. We run drills all day, and some at night too. I just want to sink into our bed and hold you all night long. I miss you. I love you.
Yours,
Trevor Fogharty
Dear Trevor,
September 10th, 2018,
I'm sorry it took me so long to write back to you, I have a ten page essay do in my Political research class. I finished my first full week of chemotherapy. I was in such a bad mood until I received your letter. Then I was feeling something else entirely. I miss you too. I miss the feeling of your breath on the back of my neck as we fall asleep. I miss waking up next to you in the morning. I miss your calming presence after a long day of classes. I miss you cooking breakfast in the morning as I get a shower. I miss the smell of burning bacon. I wish you could hold my hand through treatments. I wish you could hold my hair back as I get sick afterwards. I wish you could distract me from having to finish this research paper. But, I'm glad you're hanging in there. I hope you're not getting into any trouble. I think it's ridiculous to push you guys so hard like that, but I guess if you were in war... that's how it would be. Come back home to me soon.
Love,
April
Dear April,
October 18th, 2018
Lil Shawty broke his leg today. I don't exactly know how he managed that, but I wouldn't expect anything less from him. I miss you terribly. It feels like my heart breaks little pieces off every time I think of you. I just want to hug you, kiss you, make love to you. I wish you could see me, I look ripped! You thought I was muscular before, but man, I look Thor! That's my nickname by the way. Our Master Sergeant told me I was Thor because he thinks I'm a lady's man. Mike and a guy named Chris jeered that my mind was only on one girl. Here's a hint, that girl is you and only you. I love you so much. I hope classes are going well, and I guess you're coming up on your last round of chemo. Let me know what the doctor says to do next please. I love you. I miss you. Only 6 more weeks until I get to see your beautiful face.
Yours truly,
Trevor
Dear Trevor,
October 20th, 2018
I'm sorry to hear about Mike's leg. Love your nickname, you know he was always my favorite Hemsworth! I can't wait to see you, but... I'm not sure what you'll think when you see me. I've lost a lot of weight. I've lost some of my hair. It's really thin and brittle. Amanda says I should just chop it all off. I haven't found that courage yet. I finished up my chemo and had more blood work and other tests done. Dr. Miller says things are looking good. He seems optimistic that I'll just have to do immunotherapy for a few months. He talked to me about the chances of struggling to have children. It broke my heart. I know we should have discussed it on the phone the other night, but I just couldn't say it out loud. School is exhausting me. I held off on teaching dance classes for a few weeks until I can build my strength back. My mom and Amanda are still pressuring me to move back home until you're here. I think I'm going to take them up on it because it's too hard to manage things here by myself. I can hardly muster up the strength to cook myself dinner anymore. And the dinner I do eat, I experience again. But not in a good way. I get my port removed this coming Tuesday and Dr. Miller will give me final results and next steps then. I miss you. I wish you could be here. Halloween is next week, and I wish I could have my costume partner with me once again. It'll be the first Halloween away from each other since the eighth grade. Anyway, I better get back to studying. I have midterms next week as well.
Love,
April Fogherty
Dear April,
November 26th, 2018.
I can't believe it. One more week and I get to hold you in my arms. I can't wait! I have missed you so much. It's been so hard not having you here. I never knew I could miss somebody this much. I never knew I could LOVE somebody this much. I finally understand the saying "absence makes the heart grow stronger." But I wish we didn't have any absence at all. I wish you could join me here. I can't wait until you come to the graduation ceremony. I want to hold you, to kiss you. I want to see you, even if you don't think you look pretty. I think you will always be beautiful in my eyes. This last week will be the hardest. We will be running half marathons in the morning, shooting drills in the afternoon, the obstacle course after lunch, drills before dinner, and run again after dinner. Then we will have raid alarms going off at random times of the night to run through our drills just like we would if it was war-time. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. But are you ready for finals? I'm sure you'll do great! You'll have finals, then you'll come to see me! I can't wait! It feels like my heart is bursting out of my chest. I love you so much.
Love always,
Your husband.
Dear Trevor,
November 28th, 2018
It's Thanksgiving! It kind of sucks that our first Thanksgiving wasn't spent together. But I can't wait to see you! Yeah, my finals are this week, and I'm actually doing really well in my classes, all things considered. Dr. Miller said my labs are looking fantastic and is putting my on a low dose of immunotherapy. I'm scheduled to have a bone marrow transplant February 16th! And you'll never guess who is donating. Rachel! And speaking of Rachel, her and Hailey made it official! They are girlfriends, finally. They showed up to Thanksgiving dinner together and came out to the whole family. I thought your Aunt May was gonna topple over in disbelief. I cannot wait for you to see my hair. Amanda chopped it all off. It actually looks really fierce! I can't believe I cut off my hair! I'm actually in love with it. But it also helps that my hair is starting to grow back. It's been a month since my last chemo treatment, and I am finally starting to feel better. I am going to physical therapy to rebuild my strength. AND get this... I started back up dance classes and I decided to choreograph a hip-hop Romeo and Juliet showcase! I have 26 dancers, and they want me to dance as Juliet. Anthony Riccardo is going to be my Romeo. Well, not MY Romeo, just Romeo in the show. I have full autonomy of choreography. It'll be the biggest, but the best challenge I have ever endured! I am so excited! And I am so proud of you, and cannot WAIT to see you next week. I'll be the girl with really short hair screaming on the top of her diminished lungs as you get your... diploma? I actually don't have any idea how a military ceremony goes, but I guess I'll find out! Until then, I love you.
Your best friend and love-sick wife,
April Fogherty