Fyodor was looking at Dazai just like he was looking at his nemesis. If he had the talent, he could have killed Dazai with his gaze. "Take this jacket off me." It wasn't a kind request, it was an order.
"Okay." Dazai felt like he was obliged to obey, but he didn't know why. He slowly freed Fyodor from the restraining jacket. "Do they force you to stay in this jacket all the time?"
Fyodor chuckled lightly, but it was definitely far away from a happy chuckle. "I'm not allowed to take this jacket off except some certain times."
Dazai couldn't believe that. Restraining jackets were forbidden in most of the psychiatric wards because it was an inhuman method. "Why don't they allow you to take this jacket off?" He asked curiously. After all he needed to know everything about his patients to help them properly.
Fyodor began laughing even though there was nothing funny in the situation. "Why? Do you want to see why?" He said as he was laughing. He rolled the sleeve of the white shirt he was wearing and Dazai saw the scars. When he saw the scars, Dazai wanted to throw up... They were horrible... Some cuts were so deep that they were sticthed several times, meaning Fyodor had hit on a vein or fat. They were done with different sharp objects such as knives and razors. His arms were tattered with small holes where he injected drugs to himself. "Did you like what you saw?" Fyodor laughed a little as he rolled his sleeve down.
As Fyodor was laughing, Dazai had the feeling in his stomach that he hated. It was like he was frozen in his place. He couldn't move, he couldn't run, he couldn't even make a sound. Fyodor's laugh was like a hypnotizing melody just like the sirens' song which caused the death of sailors in ancient times.
'Get a grip on yourself!' He told to himself. The one who was in control in here was him, not Fyodor. He ignored the feeling. Dazai has always been good at ignoring his feelings. He tried to question Fyodor about his past, his family and traumas, but Fyodor either didn't answer or gave short answers. Eventually Dazai realized that the effort he made to make Fyodor talk was in vain. He let out a sigh and looked at his watch to check the time. He had stayed in there longer than he expected. Besides, Fyodor was looking at him as if he was going to squeeze his throat if he had stayed there for another minute. "I need to go, Fyodor. I will come again tomorrow."
"Doctor, let me ask you a question." Fyodor said with a dangerously calm voice.
Dazai felt goosebumps. "Sure."
"Why do you ask these questions to the people who you don't care about?" Fyodor spoke with the same, dangerously calm voice as he was staring into Dazai's eyes. Fyodor's eyes were filled with so much hatred that Dazai could even touch it.
Even though Odasaku warned him about Fyodor, Dazai didn't expect such a hatred like this. He couldn't deny that he felt really uncomfortable. "Why do you think that I don't care about you?" He asked trying to reason with Fyodor.
Fyodor let out a deep sigh. "You will go to your home in the end of the day, but I will stay here. I bet you won't think about me or your other patients while you are laying on your comfortable bed."
Dazai's heart ached, but there was no way that Fyodor knew the hell he had been. If he was not a professional he would have a break down in front of Fyodor. "I will see you tomorrow, Fyodor." He walked out and locked the door.
Fyodor mumbled something as Dazai was leaving the room, but Dazai couldn't hear what he said. "Go to hell if it is possible."
After Dazai left the room Fyodor smirked. He couldn't wait the next day to see Dazai. Because he had found a new toy for himself to play with.
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"How did it go, Dazai?" Odasaku asked as soon as Dazai got out of the room. He must had been waiting there for a while. He was worried that Dazai was going to leave this patient too. Because if Dazai couldn't help Fyodor, then no one could help him either.
Dazai let out a sigh. "We didn't have a good communication." Dazai didn't say anything more. There was no expression on his face, but he was slightly disturbed by the fact that Fyodor didn't like him much, but on the other hand it would be surprising Fyodor to like him when they saw each other for the first time.
"I'm sure that you will develop a good bond with him too, like you always did with your other patients." Odasaku smiled and patted Dazai's shoulder. "Don't be sad that he didn't like you. He will like you eventually." Someone else wouldn't understand that Dazai was uncomfortable, but, as a person who had been with Dazai since childhood, Odasaku knew.
"I'm not sad." Dazai simply said. "It is getting late. Let's go home. Mieko is waiting." He immediately headed to the exit door. He really didn't want to talk about Fyodor at that moment.
"Okay." Odasaku felt Dazai's restlessness so he didn't ask more and he just followed Dazai.
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Fyodor was laying on the uncomfortable bed. He couldn't remember the last time he had a good night sleep. He thought sleep would finally come after the nights he had no sleep. It was what supposed to happen. However, staying awake for days wouldn't mean his body would crave a good sleep.
There were a lot of things in his mind... His mind was crowded by many fake scenarios mostly consist the events which were not real. His mind couldn't shut down the worries of his life, the painful events of his past and the nightmares... Those nightmares had been existing for years. He had lost the count of the times he woke up breathless after having those horrible nightmares.
This time he took his medicines without arguing with the nurse when she brought them. He hoped they would help him to fall asleep. He laid on his bed and closed his eyes as he was waiting for the medicines kick in.