Death is not the end.
Ever since I was a young boy, I've never truly believe that death is the end of our journey, but instead, I call death as the beginning of anew.
Unlike most other kids, I saw death as something beautiful, something needed to happen so that the world may continue to move on.
Because if there was no death then people won't be able to appreciate the beauty of life, they won't be able to appreciate what they already had. And the world would be a much boring place to live on.
"What's the point of living, if there is no death."
I've lived all my life with these very words engraved into my mind; echoing and swirling around inside my head like a vortex that never stopped moving.
I was the type of man who enjoys the tiniest moments in life, whether it be an anime opening that made me cry or a sight from the highest peak of the tallest tree I used to climb when I was young, but at the same time I was a boring person.
That was me, the person who never really grew up.
All of it became a part of me, yet, I have never change the slightest.
Excluding the people I've met along the way.
As the door opened, my family entered one by one.
It surprised me how my older sister's husbands came to visit me as well.
We weren't close, we had the type of relationship where both parties thought of each other as acquaintances. On the borderline of friends and strangers.
Not far, yet, not close enough to start calling each other as friends.
Next that entered was my grandparents, then my friends, And my two cousins; who now have children despite our age only a few years apart.
It always surprised me how many people near my age, both men and women, are either pregnant or already have a child.
Am I the weird one, well, it didn't matter.
The room became full in an instant, it never occured to me how each and every single people I'm close with suddenly visited me on the same day.
Did they planned this?
Maybe it's the universe helping me pass in peace. Rewarding me from saving a human life, well, make that...two...human life.
I couldn't help but smile at the sight of everyone I cherished.
"How are you, my son." My mother suddenly held my wrist. Her hands and face wrinkled by age, and her arms trembled ever so slightly.
"I'm...good." Replying with a strain voice, more air rather than sound.
"Don't worry. It'll be okay. You'll get better. We'll do everything we can, okay? So...So....don't give up...." She looked like she was going to burst into tears, and she did after a few seconds.
I wanted to wipe her face, wipe the tears off her cheeks, but my arms refused to move, refused to do my bidding.
I didn't want to see her like this nor did I want to be in this situation. It pains my heart just by looking at her, as If I was pierced by an invisible dagger, never to be pulled.
At some point as I stare at the ceiling. I sometimes wonder whether changing the past was possible.
Time-Travelling, that is.
Maybe If I can go back, then I could probably make things better? Achieve a different and happier outcome. Everyone would be happy and the world would be a much happier and better place.
But at that same question, another one sprouted.
I could fix things, but at the same time, I could also destroy..everything.
However, even If I had such power, I wouldn't change anything. I don't regret my actions nor do I regret being in this condition.
If I can save another child from another disaster without going back in time, my life is a small price to pay just for that.
After all, I have already experience many things in my life, and it is time to pass the torch to the next generation.
As I felt the time passing by, my eyes staring towards the long and thin lightbulb fixed onto the ceiling. My siblings steps forwards, all of them with their children.
Considering I was the third child of five, I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of my death being the first.
"Look's like its true that middle children have bad luck."
I never acted like a good brother so to speak. I always find faults in my siblings and use those to my advantage, I'm a manipulative and a hypocrite person who will do anything to get what he want in a lazier way, I'm someone who loses interest on anything whenever my plans doesn't go my way.
I'm the type of person who stopped going to school so that my younger siblings would be able to.
But that was just a cover, in truth, I was scared, an introverted person like me, was afraid.
Afraid of what the world has to offer to someone as myself, afraid that each and every single one of my decisions will fail, afraid how the people I love will look at me with disappointment in their eyes.
And I still do till this very moment.
But now I know, If I were to live once again, I would like to change for the better, someone who strives to achieve what he want's with his own two hands without cheating or manipulating other people.
That is who I want to be.
In a moment of thought, my eye catches the presence of my niece. The child of the first born in our family.
With her chubby cheeks and dark brown eyes, her long black hair sways like silk. She pointed at my direction, curious about my condition.
"Mommy? When can uncle play with us." She asked, her innocent eyes darting back and forth towards her mother's face and mine.
"Soon....very soon." Her voice started to break.
Wiping the tears off her eyes before it even fellas I gave them a smile.
It took a moment before she finally turned away. And so was my other siblings who gave me a light hug one by one before walking back.
Alas, I smiled when I glanced upon the people I've loved. For once, I could see everyone I cherish, altogether in one large room.
I'm lucky to have such people in my life.
As I feel my end coming near, my eyes heavy as lead, my childhood friends came next.
Their hands behind their backs as they stood next to each other according to their height.
The smallest to the left and the tallest to the right.
Until all of them circled me.
They only stared, without a single sound uttering out of their mouths. They force a smile on their face as each glance at my bandage-covered appearance.
"Why....so....silent?" Again, my voice straining to get out.
They bit their lips and refused to look directly into my eyes.
It dawned upon me how silent they were, I've always thought my last moments would be something more unique, only happy memories till the end
I never wished to have this kind of atmosphere as I slowly loses my life, what I wanted was to die laughing ,s miling in the face of death.
Someone free and someone who shouts "I WAS HAPPY!" with my very being.
And I know they knew it too, I never considered myself a playful person, but when it come's to laughter, I was the loudest one amongst the group.
I slowly raised my left arm, shacking in mid air as I make a fist.
Their eyes opened wide, knew already what type of gesture I was making, considering how close we were, even without words, my actions were already realized.
They pointed their fists and bumped into mine.
"See you in the next life. I'll....be...going first" My arm fell back on the bed, panting, my breaths cut short as If I ran a mile without stopping for a break.
When I glanced back towards my mother, she face the floor as she cried, tears falling towards the clear white tiles of the hospital floor.
I could only look. Could only stare towards the person who loved me the most as she started to sob.
I waited for the next group of people to say goodbye.
Yet, no one step forward.
For some reason, I could feel the pain on my body disappearing, my vision slowly blurs and my strength began to fade.
Is it happening? Am I dying?
White light started to envelope my vision, each person in the room called my name.
As my memories flowed in a quick pace inside my mind, recalling even the most forgotten one's, it passes in an instant, without a second to waste, yet, it felt like I've relieved those very life in those few moments.
"So this is what it's like."
With the last of my strength, I took a deep breath.
"We...will....see each other....again....in the far off...future...we will laugh....once more." A single tear fell to the bandages on my face.
"See you soon.....All of you.....Thank you....I love...everyone...."
The white light completely engulf my vision.
I died, with a smile on my face and the happiest I can be.
Being absorb by the white light, I could still hear their shouts and cry's even now. Echoing through my very ears and existence.
However, It ended after a few moments.
As I bask onto the bright white light, waiting for the moment where my soul would go.
I grew closer and closer, the light was so close that I could feel it in the palm of my hands.
Then it disappeared, vanished, as if a light switch was pressed by an otherworldly presence.
Pitch black darkness enveloped my very existence like a hundred number of towels wrapped all over my body, enough to block any sign of light.
I was afraid, yet, somehow, comforted, like I was being surrounded with a warm sensation, like going underneath the hot springs in the night.
I always like to sleep, but the thought of forever sleeping came out frightening than I thought.
Existing forever in this darkness was something I don't want.
Well, whether there will be a next path I need to take,
now I can only wait.
Whatever it was remains a mystery, for now.