I spent a whole day without eating or bathing. I even spent the day in my room. I guess I have one more day to live peacefully, though dirty.
And that's why I decided to sneak out at night. I don't care what might happen, but I don't like being upset, dirty and hungry at the same time. I climbed down my window and sneaked out.
I didn't want to go that Lake again, so I decided to just bathe in one of the rivers that down to the lake. I'll fish while am at it.
I didn't remove my clothes, incase of anything. I tend to be insecure about things you know. But before that, I fetched dry wood. That'll save me some energy later on.
I jumped into the river and felt the ice cold water freezing my bones. I shivered. Better being cold and clean than to be dirty. Being dirty is not good for my skin care right now.
I tried catching fish and I finally got one after a thousand trials. To be honest, it was floating, dead. But who cares, not a hungry person who is almost homeless anyway.
I made fire the traditional way by starting a spark. I started roasting my fish. I even tried to make myself warm while I was at it.
"Woah bitch, you had survival tactics in you," I tell myself, proud. "That Count thinks he can starve me? He can't shake you up girl. Even if he might make you homeless with a snap of his fingers. You can't let him shake you up."
I was trying to make myself feel better but it was not working fully, my head was becoming heavier each day. I really hate this life.
A snap of twig snapped me to be sharp. I tried to not get frightened but if anything happens, I might not escape because when am wet and cold, my bones don't work well. But still, I can do anything to escape and survive, I can even jump over these trees right?
Don't let me think I can cheer myself up with false assurances.
I didn't even try to call out as I pretended I heard nothing, maybe it was just a freaking hallucination.
I went on roasting my fish, stomach duties first baby girl. You can't let yourself to starve yourself when that is the job of Edgar. "What an evil man, how can he say I should respect them even when they want to kill me?" I snap yet again. I am someone who is usually sour. I mean I still have his blood running in my veins goodness!
I heard faint sounds of many people behind me this time. Not really behind me, but somewhere where I was facing against. Should I be alarmed? Are there river pirates?
"Who's there?"
That was enough to make me scramble to put on my veil.
"Hey you!"
"Who's that, what's happening?" that last one was a voice I could be said to be familiar with. I whipped my head around and stood up to look for him.
"Is she roasting fish? Young lady, shouldn't be at home where you are sheltered?"
I sat back down since I was maybe overthinking it.
"Astoria?"
I looked behind me to see the person I was looking for just now.
"Calix?"
He immediately rushed to my side after sending the people with him a bit out of earshot and sat next to me, looking worried. "What are you doing here alone at night? Did something happen to you?" he was soft and so boyfriend material. Something I really needed right now. Someone to pamper me into forgetting my worries for the meantime.
"I came to grab a bite," I point to the fish with a shrug. Deep down, I didn't feel this calm, I was nervous. I cheated.
"Why? It's late at night," he scolded. "Did your family refuse for you to eat?"
"Nah, I just wanted roasted fish," I shrug again.
"Well that's not clever. You are my fiance, what will happen to me if something happens to you?" his tone wasn't that gentle anymore. He was getting worked up.
"I know, I get it, I just wanted to eat fish. Let's not make a fuss of it," I assure him but he shook his head furiously.
"What if word gets out that you sneak out at night? No one will believe that you came to eat fish because your moth-" he immediately shut his mouth, realising what he was about to say.
"Because of my mother's title and the reputation I already have? I honestly care less about what people think about me Calix, if I did, I would have killed myself long back," I tell him nonchalantly. That was not true altogether because I think of killing myself each day. Bit it's not because of Shireen but because I couldn't live with myself.
"But you are the future Arch Duchess," he reasons.
"So I should think of what I should and shouldn't do?"
"A reputation is what is most important to a noble lady," he tells me.
It honestly didn't occur to me that a day like this will come where I have to think about someone. If it wasn't this era then I don't think I still would. In this era, reputation is everything. Gosh.
I have to consider someone now. Give me a break. Why are there so many things that I hate? The only that keeps my sanity intact, a fresh air out alone, is something that I should forget. As much I hated hearing everything Calix was saying, I just nodded.
I really felt like crap, but he was scolding the hell out of me.
"I'll keep that in mind from now on, but tell me, what are doing here with all these people?" I nod towards his companions location.
"We are here on official business, don't worry about that. But we will be out of the Kingdom for atleast a month," he says.
"You were to leave without telling me," that wasn't disappointment, I honestly didn't know why I said it. Somethings just didn't feel right, maybe because I was in a really sour mood at the moment.
"I did not know I was supposed to tell you, but I will next time. It's a good thing you are here don't you think?"
"Well you just scolded me for being here a while ago," I joke. He laughs and puts his hand on my shoulder, pulling me closer.
"Now I can say a good goodbye to my fiance," he whispers. I wasn't quite in the mood if he wanted to make out. By the way, is that even a thing in this era, kissing is till marriage right?
"What-" the words died down my throat when he went to kiss my throat, his breath fanning my veil. NO!
I craned my neck away, in the process also pulling myself out of his embrace.
"Is there something wrong?" he asks, brows furrowed. "You are now my fiance right?"
"Not wife yet," I tell him sternly. I felt like the snake that I was. I mean, I kissed a guy I don't know till I bruised my lips, but I can't kiss my fiance because 'I am still not his wife'?
"You will be soon anyway," he gives me a pitiful look. I swear, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't. What's worse, I missed that stranger. I know it shouldn't be like this, I know, but why is it that I am like this? "Now come on, give me something to make me wait for that day," he leans in again. I didn't move until his breathe hit my face. I immediately shot up.
"When I'll be ready," I tell him. He looked disappointed and irritated but he still forced a smile anyway.
"Then when I return you won't escape. Now eat up your fish."
I honestly wasn't looking up to it. I dreaded the day I'll actually be his wife.