I looked at him, composed. "What?" I asked. He turned fully to me with keen eyes as he tried to read me.
"When did you dye your hair?" He asked.
"Why are you asking? Why do you want to know?" I asked. Was he expecting me to tell him that I was the dancer in red? And why was he suspecting all of a sudden?
"Because you should be telling me things, I am going to be your husband remember?" He replied in a mono tone. I took my time to look at him. Tell him everything? Why do I not like the sound of that? Was he being controlling or am I overthinking this.
"Calix, is there something wrong?" I asked more seriously. It felt as if Calix was not okay with me, like he looks angry at me. What dirty deed of mine did he get to know?
I sighed, I should just tell him about the kiss, maybe I'll feel less guilty.
"Ca-"
Air was knocked out of my lungs when Calix kissed me through the veil. Seconds after his lips were on mine indirectly, I pushed him off with a glare. Calix fell on his butt making my glare disappear.
He looked at me, his expression unreadable before he stood up and dusted himself. He sighed.
"Not even a kiss huh," he chuckled dryly.
All the guilt weighed heavy. I didn't react like this with that fucked up stranger stalker that night. But Calix is no stranger, he is the man I am going to tie my life to.
Why can't I just feel right?
Calix saved me, even though I didn't want it. Point is, I owe him whether I like it or not.
"Do you love me?" He stunned me with this question. I sat up, maybe it is actually time to come clean.
"Love is a stron-"
"You belong to me, Astoria?" He asked, but it didn't sound like a question, it was a final statement.
"Ca-"
He walked out on me. Why the hell wouldn't he listen? I wanted to come clean. What gives? I should tell him everything, I want to tell him everything but it's like he is dead set on not lending me his ear. I just want to load off this guilt. If he wants to send me back home, well and good coz I deserve it.
Life of a dependant woman is hard y'all.
*****
"Astoria Lancaster," a deep raspy aged female voice said. Looking at the Arch Duchess who looked disgusted, in her room, was something I could double up and give it to the next. I mean, look at her pointy nose smelling out for my troubles. Her scrutinizing wrinkled eyes bore into mine like daggers. Her thin lips pressed in a straight line with slight disgust.
"Yes ma'am," I replied. Believe it or not, I almost laughed at the situation and my answer.
She humped loudly with disapproval. "Do you know who my son is?" She asked.
"Calix," I replied simply. She scoffed while I fixated my gaze to the floor out of forced respect. Who was I kidding, she didn't like me, and I don't think I like her either. So the respect could only be forced.
"He is the future Arch Duke, little girl," her tone was harsh and condensing. I nodded, agreeing with her.
"That much I know, ma'am," I say, as respectful as ever. Silence overwhelmed the already uncomfortable space. I waited for long, for her to speak. And she finally stood up, closing in on the distance between us. My gaze still fixated on the floor, I could feel her venomous glare burning into my forehead.
"Look at me," she hissed. I sighed inwardly and made to look up. But before I could, her heavy palm slapped me right across the face. With my head injury and all, I saw literal stars. It already took me alot of my energy to stand here as she talked down on me, but the slap was like the final draw to finish off my energy.
I stumbled backwards, not properly hearing what she was saying. My ears felt as if two glasses were being held against them. My head felt like it was falling off my head. I didn't even notice when she pushed me backwards until I hit the wall and to the ground. I could tell she was still talking to me but I couldn't point out what she was saying.
My hand weakly went to the back of my head where there was a huge scar and I felt a warm liquid gushing out. With my hands balled into fists, I held both sides of my head in attempt to soothe my pain.
Then suddenly, I was yanked up by my hair, making me gasp painfully. It was already enough that I had a painful scar that has just been renewed into a fresh wound, but painfully pulling at the hair?
"Let..... Me go!" I protested weakly. But another slap landed on my cheek.
"..... Daughter of a prostitute.... Want to be the Arch... I'll teach you.....," I couldn't hear clearly and my vision was blurred with black dots until I completely blacked out.
~
Waking up with headaches and people next to me, not filtering away their loud voices.
"What, you are choosing me over a prostitute?"
"Mother, listen to me, she may have had an ugly past but I love her."
"So what? Answer me, are you choosing her over me?"
Maybe I should just leave. I have no feelings for Calix, and I won't get the peace I want here either. Instead, I am getting Count Edgar 2.O. She beat me up.
She beat me up.
She beat me up.
And she is calling me a prostitute to which Calix hasn't denied. Ugly past? What's that ugly past he is talking of?
"... it's not?"
"Mother, not in here, she might wake up. You had beat her when she is already too weak. Her head wound is now as new as ever," Calix says.
"She is just after your title," silence. "Let's just wait for your father!"
Even if I leave, where to? I have nowhere to go. I really shouldn't have been reborn. I have been unhappy ever since I knew me. Since my family died.
All I ever wanted is to be okay. But I guess it's such too much to ask for.