Niaoniao POV
They said my husband is not here yet, they let me out, I feel free, weak and very broken. Wear warm, beautiful clothes. I lived for a long time as a ghost, and throughout the seasons I felt nothing but pain in my heart, even though I carried nothing but my faint memories.
I walked, crossed the bridge, and stood for a while. While I carry a blue umbrella, I have always been weak towards the cold. My husband gave me a blue umbrella because I love the color blue, so I will not be lazy and let the cold defeat me. He cared for me and loved me, and despite that, fate had a different decision... Winter or fate left me no choice
Suddenly I heard a very familiar voice. I felt weakness in my fingers. I approached slowly, then my steps began to speed up, and then I reached the place of the voice. It was far but close, perhaps because his voice never left my soul and my hearing. I stood there on the other side of the place where he was standing. He stands with a beautiful young girl and they both smile. He holds her hands and blows on them to warm her. How I wished it were me.. How I wished I wasn't myself.
Without even realizing it, my tears fell. I did not feel my tears from the cold. I only felt my pain because of the extreme cold. While my hands began to weaken and I almost dropped the umbrella into the water beneath me, someone grabbed my hand that was holding the umbrella and lifted it away from me. I looked at him for a long time. He was the young man from before in the room, Shushin's friend
He said: "Why are you crying?"
I told him: "I don't know, either. Maybe I'm happy, maybe I'm sad."
He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes without moving: "You are happy because he is happy, and sad because he is happy."
My eyes were still on my husband and his new wife. Even despite this wreckage, I only know the word "my husband," which has a light and beautiful touch on my tongue, and I fear losing that word.
I told him: "She is not really his wife."
"what do you mean?" He said
I smiled, and sank into the memory of that day
.....
Two years ago
Rang and I were sitting on the bed, talking and discussing various matters, and he said to me, "So, Miss Niao, do you really have a solution to everything as you say?"
I said confidently, "Yes, of course."
He hummed, then thought deeply, placing his hands on my hands: "So, if you were a man and your wife died, what would you do?"
I laughed: "What is this unfortunate question?"
Rang said with dissatisfaction and a soft voice: "Please answer"
I laughed : "Okay, okay, I am a loyal woman. I will definitely not get married again. I will love her forever. She is my other half in the end. Whether I am a woman or a man, I am still myself."
He said in a slightly serious tone: "But society will not allow this"
I thought for a while: "Then I will take an orphan concubine! I can give her a warm home and satisfy society, satisfy my soul, like a contract?"
"Aren't you going to get over and walk with your life?"
I looked into his eyes and said seriously, "I will not give up on the only woman I love."
....
I thought a little about that day two years ago, and what I said was a bit of a joke. Did he really carry out what I said? Why would he do that? I'm trying to get past...
And then I felt a bolt of lightning strike my body part by part, because he looked into my eyes. That look explains why I love this man. He has eyes that shine brighter than the stars. His features were more beautiful than a bedtime poem. I loved the way he looked at others as if he were a lion and when he looked at me he turned into a butterfly. I found myself slowly, after knowing him, turning into a butterfly too. For a light butterfly or some kind of bird, he freed me from what I was and that's why I loved he
He looked at me, smiled, bowed his head, then took his wife by the hand and walked away. I did not take my eyes away until I no longer saw him.
"I think it's time to go, Miss Niao,"
said the boy next to me.
He woke me up from a dream that I wanted to never wake up from
When he found me not listening, he said again: "I don't know why love is so bitter"
I said as I left him: "I don't know what bitterness is, life or love, but I know that whenever the night falls and he is by my side, I forget everything and focus on his eyes, his love, his heart, and everything about him. Is this love? Then why do we love? Literally, the sun is here and the morning is here. But I feel that I see nothing but darkness and moonlight, and it is just him. I cannot accept anything. If this was love, if Rang was my love, perhaps I would not mind."
He said as he walked beside me: "To be honest with you, I think the fate of the dead is death and there is no need to wander around. He cannot be your love and you cannot know the meaning of love anymore and I do not know the meaning of all this, but I would like to think that this is just fate."
I smiled sadly: "I will leave. But I'm still not ready, please be patient and bear with me, put yourself in my place"
He said, putting the umbrella in my hand: "I was in your place. My choice was to look forward and never look back"
I replied: "Just because you don't understand pain doesn't mean it doesn't exist...."
But Oh, maybe I'm the only loser here, I don't know why I love so madly, or am I the only normal one here? I also envy this boy, because for centuries, I have nothing but my worn-out self and some dreams
Yesterday, I was in the same place as today under the same umbrella, but my heart was far away with some person, today I dream about the person in front of me and I know that he is far away
To God, when will my pain go away?