Have you ever encountered the absurdity of playing a shitty game? A game that greets you with death the moment you begin, and then forces you to endure endless loading screens before you can respawn.
Kazu out, no, I'm dead.
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Ha!
I gasped in shock and pain as I jolted awake and opened my eyes abruptly. I tried to get up, but I couldn't. A throbbing pain radiated from my chest, where a half-broken metallic spear was impaled. And this place… it looked familiar. I've seen this cave before.
I placed both hands on my head, which began to ache.
Damn it!
What was happening? There were no buildings, and it seemed like this was no longer Earth.
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An hour had passed.
Nothing changed.
I had to do something. I dragged myself with my trembling hand. But my hands began to give way. I couldn't move anymore.
I was just there, my left cheek on the ground. My pale hand was visible in front of me. Had I lost too much blood?
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I stared at my rotting hand, where the bones were exposed. Had I lost all sensation? Had I stopped feeling anything?
I was just existing. How long had I been out?
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I'm cold and lonely. All that's left of me now is bone. How long had I been this way? I feel distant in certain ways.
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Was it months? Years? Decades? I wasn't sure. It had seemed like an eternity.
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And one day, it happened.
I felt a burning sensation as I melted into the ground. The surroundings changed too.
The environment was evolving at a rapid pace. I had a strong feeling of connectedness to the earth. I tried to get out of it. But my body had turned into earth before I knew it.
In the distance, there was an ocean, and a sunset was taking place. It was quite lovely. But it did not last long.
The ground split and I fell.
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I couldn't see anything. It was far too dark here.
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A loud explosion rocked the ground, and I was flung into the air.
I saw mountains and the sea. It was mostly covered with barren ground. There was absolutely no vegetation. There was nothing alive here.
Nothing.
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Then I saw them.
A meteor shower.
But they were unlike anything I had ever seen, almost magical. They resembled the aurora borealis but were concentrated in each meteor.
BOOOOMMM!!!
Wow! It's huge!
Wait. This was no longer a meteor shower. It was similar to an extinction-level event, such as what happened to dinosaurs. But there was no one alive here.
I guess it was fine…
As if it was fine!!! I was still here!!!
As I was thinking about it, a large one struck me. I could see a shockwave-like light wave forming.
And I was out.
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It was green.
Green everywhere.
I woke up surrounded by a lush thicket of grass. And I somehow got my body back to normal. White shirt, black pants, and even my identification bracelet. But my identification bracelet quickly turned to dust.
Everything felt so alive. The air, the wind, the water, the sky… everything was vibrant.
A paradise.
I inhaled and exhaled. I felt pleasure simply by breathing. No, this was ecstasy. I started to forget what had happened to me.
All I wanted was to breathe.
I suddenly remembered how my father sat. I stopped thinking and just wandered around, looking for a large rock. When I found one, I sat cross-legged and closed my eyes.
I felt the entire world. It was somehow connected to me.
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I wasn't sure how long I had been like that. The sensation was no longer there. It seemed as if it had been all a dream. I wanted more.
Everything was dark. What had happened to me? I was trapped.
I began to feel anxious.
"Help! Help! Can anyone hear me?"
I tried shaking but nothing happened.
My breathing became tense. My chest tightened. I was completely terrified. Why now, after everything I had been through? Maybe because I knew what was going to happen to me next. So far, everything had felt like a dream, but this was much more real than anything else.
The feeling of impending doom.
"Help! I… I… can't…"
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When I woke up, I felt somehow refreshed.
But then…
I realized I was still here in this nightmare. I started to get scared again.
"No!!!" I yelled.
"Please! Please! Someone…"
I screamed out for help while crying. I had never sobbed like this before. Pathetic? Who cared?
Why? Why?
I ran out of breath. I was… going to… pass out…
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I jolted awake with a gasp.
What!
No! No! No!
I was still trapped.
Oh, please, God.
God? Yeah, I remembered, I met one. What was his name again? I neglected to ask. Should I call him? After all, he resembled my Dad. He wouldn't ignore me, right?
"Father!! Dad!! Oyy!! I know you can hear me."
Now that I thought about it. It was the same cave I was in before he dragged me to his Drop Shit.
"Dad!!! No, dude!!! I know you know I'm here, can't you not mess around?" I yelled loudly.
"Oy, what's your problem? Please take me somewhere, I don't want to be here, I'm getting claustrophobic, please…"
…
"How about I tell you everything you want to know?"
He wasn't responding at all.
…
Forget it. If he truly intended to help, I should have received help from the start. Sigh.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. I wondered why there was oxygen when I woke up but it gradually dissipated after I was awake…
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Goddammit! I was still trapped! Sigh.
Why? Why did this happen? Sigh.
I should give up on questioning. It was futile.
It had been hours. When I stopped yelling, oxygen seemed to last longer. Was this how I would always be?
The fear of being trapped had subsided and taken on a new shape. I might be here for all eternity. The fear of being unable to do anything was suffocating.
To my surprise…
I felt hungry. I was starving? How come? Weird. No. No. The weirdest part was why now?
I felt dizzy, I… I had…
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What! I'm still alive. Sigh…
I always woke up with a weird sense of refreshment. But everything remained dark. Reminding me…
I was doomed. Fear wrapped around me.
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Do you want to hear the worst part?
Not the lack of oxygen to breathe, not the hunger sensations.
The thirst… I craved water. Water~, please. My mouth was too dry, and my throat. Ow! Shit! My chest!
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I didn't know.
Days?
Months?
The only time I could think things through was when I woke up refreshed.
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I've accepted my grim fate. What terrible sin did I commit to warrant this punishment? Complaining is like spitting in the wind.
There's no use in asking questions.
Struggle? Nah, already did that.
I'm just gonna sit here, stuck, and do nothing. As I feel my breath, it gradually becomes rough but calm.
Fear is losing its grip on me.
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I used to think that doing nothing was boring, but I was wrong. Before, I would get bored just by thinking about it. But now I understand that knowledge and experience are not the same.