Chapter 12 - Day 12

I need to develop a problem within me.

A drinking or smoking problem, anything I can blame this shit on. My own thoughts haunt me to no end and my brain can't be left alone without multiple sources of media chewing at it or I'd fry myself out.

But I already must have some problems to be able to have a thinking process like this right?

Guess pushing people away and repeating self destructive behaviour you know is your trigger for depression isn't enough of a problem to carry all of my guilt out of my daily ongoings.

I need something certified, something proven.

All of my vices yell only one thing, choose me and let yourself go. Well I can't, I want destruction sure, but not boredom along with it. To walk down only one path? I don't think I can do that.

Sleeping like a dead man in a coffin. Believing you're the antagonist and feelings all powerful.

Fuck that was embarrassing

I exercised for 10 minutes and cleaned my room, that alone made me feel like I have all aspects of my life under control. Crazy how little things can change your ways huh.

A tv which no one is watching but the white noise is needed to cancel out the awkward silence. The dining together idea we think is gonna bring us close, well I did ask for salt atleast.

I need to do somethings to make myself atleast presentable cuz I think someone will care. I still think I do that for myself, so selfish of me??

𝙶𝚘𝚍 𝚐𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚞𝚙 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚎

𝙽𝚘

𝙷𝚎 𝚐𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚞𝚙

𝚄𝚙 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚗𝚘 𝚋𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕

𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝?

𝚃𝚘 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕?

𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍

𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚍

𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚒 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚗𝚘 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚖𝚎

𝙽𝚘𝚠 𝚒 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚍𝚐𝚎

𝚃𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚙𝚞𝚜𝚑 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢, 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚞𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚘𝚏𝚏.

-𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚝

(Differentfonttodayenjoy)

Ah, something to think today:

Molding someone so well that even after attaining a age of independent thoughts, they make the decisions you would

Be selfless or selfish?