I thought lying to everyone would be hard
Remembering what you've said to each face, what the premise was, what the base is.
Well, it was at start. But then I made the lies interesting. Most times, I didn't lie. And at the times I did, I made them so damn spicy that they came in my mind the moment I saw the person concerned.
But I wasn't, I wanted them to know, to catch me in the act, I even left some cues, I added typos in my real life.
I'm just not getting what I want out of life.
Maybe I've to run for it
I walk like I'm lost
I walk like I don't wanna be found
But every damn place I go
Feels like it's known to everyone
I walk to find peace
Maybe solitude is what I'm going for.
But each failed attempt of mine
Tells me
I have to run for it
Maybe starting now.
Or how else am I gonna look in the eye of my future self. He's gonna blame me. And rightfully. I don't put enough work in my betterment to escape that blame. Maybe because I've already gone numb. I've already blamed myself too much for it to affect me. That's why something of so far ahead in the future, doesn't affect me at all right now. This whole damn thing, this 14-15 day writings, it seems like I'm writing "where it went wrong" diary. "How to fail at life".
The highlights of my life, the parts anyone would like to remember about theirs, is what makes me not ask for more. I just want a normal, simple life. Maybe or maybe I don't. I just know this is not I want.
Nothing is going to happen unless you make it happen.
Fuck it hurts to know that
-sidhant