The following chapter has mild depictions of abuse, violence and torture.
If any one of these them trigger you, please feel free to skip a part of this chapter.
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That night, was probably the first time I had ever dreamt since coming here, and as luck would have it, my first dream was a nightmare.
The room I woke up in was dark, as devoid of any light as substance can be.
It almost felt like I was standing in a completely black room with nothing in sight but emptiness that stretched on forever.
I was trying very hard to adjust my eyes to the darkness in hopes that I'd be able to make out something, anything but it felt like my eyes were almost glued shut.
I decided to try not to panic and to calm my breathing, because if I didn't, I would start hyperventilating.
I wasn't really claustrophobic, but I think anyone would start feeling like they're being closed in, in my current situation.
As I tried to calm myself down, without notice, I felt indescribable pain.
Pain I hadn't felt in a long time but a kind that was, for some reason, horribly familiar.
I suddenly felt like I was back in my world, at home, transported to the moments when I'd come home and find my father sitting at the table looking at me emotionlessly, getting ready to beat me.
On those days, I knew I'd get beaten black and blue until he was satisfied, satiated. And that very scene took place before my eyes but this time, I was not the unfortunate victim, but a bystander.
Even though the pain wasn't directed towards me, I still felt it to my very core, as if every blow reverberated through the illusion of myself before me and reached my own weak limbs.
I couldn't help the tears forming in my eyes. It was strange.
As an outsider looking in, for some reason the pain felt much worse and a strong, visceral feeling of shame, anger and regret started bubbling within me.
As I looked on, with painful recollection, I remembered that this last kick my father sent my way was the one that knocked me unconscious.
I braced myself for the impact but the pain didn't come, Instead, I saw black again. I looked around dumbfounded. What the hell is going on right now I thought to myself.
Again, I felt another … pain.
This time however it was on my head, more specifically my forehead. I tried to bring my hand to my head to see if I'd been hit or worse but I found myself being unable to. It was like my arms were being tied down. In fact, when I tried to move the rest of my body, I couldn't move a single inch.
Bewildered, I tried to recall if something like this had happened to me in the past but drew a blank. My dad wasn't the kind of man who had a lot of patience and taking the time to bind someone is something that would require a self control which my dad lacked.
He would never delay the pleasure of hurting me in such a way, in fact, my hopeless attempts to defend myself got him off.
As I continued to try to register what was happening to me, the pain came back , this time twice as hard.
I couldn't help but let out a muffled groan this time. All of a sudden, I heard laughter. I thought I might've been hearing things but considering the predicament I was currently in, I knew I had heard correctly.
There wasn't a single sound besides my own groans so I knew I heard laughter. It sounded like the laugh of a woman. Then the scene before me unfolded.
This time instead of seeing myself, I saw little Simuel, looking like he could be around 3 years old.
It looked like he was lying down on a steel bed of sorts and he was tied up. Standing before him was a woman and another man, though I couldn't make up their faces.
All I could see what that the woman was wearing a light green dress and had a fan covering her face, the uncovered half blurred out.
The same went for the man but he did have a scar on his left eye that for some reason, I could make out easily.
Little Simuel looked like he was struggling and the woman was saying something but no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on what was being said, not another sound came out.
All I felt was pain, searing, agonizing, paralyzing pain.
It felt like something hot was penetrating the insides of my head and entering my brain. No matter how much the little boy struggled, the two other parties did not care. The pain only amplified until the poor boy couldn't take it anymore and passed out.
Because I could feel the pain that was being inflicted on Simuel, it took everything in me not to pass out as well. I could still feel that searing pain but the feeling of being tied down had subsided.
I was now plunged in that earlier darkness and all I wanted was to escape it. Suddenly the ground beneath my feet solidified and I immediately started running, fearing it wouldn't last long.
I kept running in hopes I would find a way out until I suddenly began falling. It felt like I was plunging to my death and the whole time all I could think of was seeing Donellan. I wanted to see him right away.
I kept falling until I heard a voice saying "You are useless, you will never amount to anything."
(Back to normal, feel free to keep reading)
I woke up with a start, on high alert, trying to make sense of my surroundings.
When I knew I was back in my room, I signed in relief. My body was drenched in sweat and still trembling and my muscles were tensed with fear. It was the first time in a long time that I felt fear. I couldn't make sense of what I had just experienced.
Thinking about it made my body tense up even more. It felt so vivid and real that I couldn't chalk it up to it being a simple dream. Instead of a dream or better yet nightmare, I felt like these were memories.
I did remember the part of my father beating me up because that was an unfortunately real part of my past, but what I had experienced and witnessed in Simuel's body was something else.
It strangely felt like a memory too, but if this was a memory, I would've known. The novel never mentioned that such a thing happened to Simuel, especially when he was so young. So what could it be? I signed in exasperation.
"I don't want to think about this anymore." I said, as if saying it out loud would force my brain to comply. The sweat that had drenched my body was cold now that it had dried.
I looked at the clock on the wall and could see it was only three-thirty in the morning.
I couldn't recall how long I had been asleep but I knew that dream felt like forever and that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, not in the state I was in.
If I had been in my world, I would've distracted myself by watching movies or anime, but I had no sort of distraction like that at my disposal.
I could read, but I didn't think that would be a strong enough stimuli, plus, I would have to open the lights for that.
Unexpectedly, my thoughts were filled with Donellan. As if my body were possessed, I got out of bed, without even putting on a night robe or my slippers, I opened the door and made my way down the hall.
I knew Donellan's room wasn't too far away from mine so after passing a couple doors, I found myself in front of his.
I was hesitating on wether or not I should disturb Donellan in his sleep, but I honestly didn't feel like going back to my room and being alone. So I mustered up some courage and opened his bedroom door. (In retrospect, I should've knocked, it's bad manners not to, but it was really late and I didn't want to disturb anyone else)
I noticed there was a little bit of light illuminating the room and saw the man I had been looking for sitting at his desk still working, burning the midnight oil as they say.
I was surprised to see him up but also relieved, this guy really is a workaholic I thought.
As if sensing my presence, Donellan turned around and started frowning.
He didn't have to say anything because he was giving me that 'why are you up this late, don't you know what time it is' kind of look.
I couldn't help but give him a sheepish smile.
"Father, I can't sleep." I said honestly.
There was no use in lying.
He would probably see right through me anyway.
Donellan had a scary ability that allowed him to know if someone was being truthful or not.
He looked at me with concealed concern but I could tell he was worried. This made me smile a little.
"What's wrong? Are you in pain?" He asked brusquely.
"No I'm fine. I just had a nightmare and can't go back to sleep."
He looked relieved that I wasn't in any pain.
I added "Is it ok if I sleep here with you." I asked timidly. Donellan didn't say anything for a while but I could tell he was observing me.
Donellan probably noticed my slightly tense and trembling body and his face softened a bit.
He let out a sigh which made me feel nervous, thinking he would send me back.
Honestly, it was embarrassing that a teenage boy like me was so shaken up by a nightmare, but I couldn't help it.
It also didn't help that I was currently in the body of a 6 year-old child. Sensing my nervousness, Donellan got up from his desk and picked me up in his arms.
My body that was tensed before, started to relax immediately and couldn't help but sigh in relief.
It was weird how comforting this cold man was, just being in his arms made me feel safe.
I unconsciously snuggled into his arms and held onto him tightly. Since my face was buried in his chest, I didn't see the smile that was adorning Donellan's face but it was there.
A smile he hadn't shown anyone.
Not even his mother whom he loved more than anything.
He picked up the small child in his arms and laid him on his bed.
He made sure to cover the child and stroked his head. He was slightly worried for the little boy. Nightmare weren't always good signs in their world. A nightmare could be used as a warning or an uncovered memory.
He suddenly thought about what Ms Levinseon said to him and his face turned dark.
Since he didn't want to disturb the little boy's sleep, he turned off the light and decided he'd go to bed as well.
He carefully got in bed as well and the boy sensing his father snuggled closer to him.
He looked upon the child's face one more time before closing his eyes.