After that, my appetite to find out more dwindles severely, and in a short breath, it becomes non-existent. Regret quickly bubbles to the surface, becoming a permeating presence. I have less than four years before I'll disappear for a period of two thousand years. The world will move forward while I remain stagnant, frozen in time.
I'm so screwed. It takes little to nothing, and I turn into a frenzied ball of nerves. I'll never see Mason again. He will move on with his life, marry, have children with another woman, and live happily like I never existed.
I pace like a mad woman inside the tiny loft, the walls closing down on me, and adrenaline rushes through my veins. I'm frantic.
There is no way around it. No way to override the natural inclination of my genetic makeup. I don't need a book to tell me this, I can feel it in my gut, solidifying into a harsh reality.
Wiping my brow, I look at Shay who slumbers peacefully on my bed without a care in the world. Annoyance bleeds into my frustrated rage, and then I remember that I don't have a lot of time with him. My rising fury simmers down until it becomes a dull ache behind my ribcage. Sorrow takes its place, and I realise I prefer rage, instead of longing, and despair.
Naturally, it all becomes a mass of coiled emotions, fighting to rise to the surface. Each battling for supremacy, logic fades into the background and nothing makes sense anymore.
Mason anchored me, reminding me to stay in the present, to not drift into the unknown.
Without his grounding presence, all of a sudden, I feel lost. Need crawls under my skin like an insidious lover, and I fight the urge to jump out of the window and go to him.
Alas, I can't. At least for now. He needs solitude to come to terms, but I need him.
Rousing Shay from his slumber, I command him to take me to Mason. This is my third trip for the day, and I already know that the after-effects will be devastating for me. And as much as I want to give him space to process everything, I need him more.
Shay brings me to a place I've never been before. I expected Mason to go home. Instead, I find myself in a cold desert. As far as my eyes can see, jagged sand mountains crest the horizon dusted in a thin sheet of snow, and in the middle of all of that, the is a small house. Nothing spectacular. It is simple. Four walls, a flat roof, a door and a window. And that is all I get to see before, I pass out right then and there.
By the time I come to my senses, dusk is creeping in. I spent the past couple of days mostly unconscious. That's one way to get some rest. I do wonder why does it affects me so severely when Mason and Graham seem just fine with it.
Clutching the book to my chest I rise to my feet, Shay is sniffing the ground somewhere to my left, not even bothering to take notice of my presence. I suppose this is the norm now when we travel. I stop at the front door and take a deep breath before I knock. There is a good chance that he might turn me away, but it is a risk I'm willing to take.
The hollow sound of my knuckles beating against the white oak door echoes through the valley like a gong. I find it strange that he chose to come here. Even though, I don't have the faintest idea where here is.
The sound of footsteps shuffling against stone brings me back to the present. The door swings open, and his haunted eyes find mine. Those same eyes that once regarded me with warmth, now regard me with chilling coldness.
" You can't be here," He says curtly and goes to shut the door in my face, just as I wedge my foot in. That gives him pause and stops him in his tracks.
" Well, I'm here. So, contrary to your belief. It appears that I can," I push past him, and slip inside the barren house. There isn't much in there. A bed, a chair next to a table, two cupboards above a sink, and a stove. Surprisingly, despite the fresh breeze sweeping across the valley, the house is warm.
Grunting, he slams the door shut behind me, while Shay makes himself comfortable on the bed, and proceeds to go to sleep. How I wish I could trade places with him. Alas, once again that's just wishful thinking.
Slamming the damned book on the table, I take the only seat in the house while a brooding Mason perches himself on the edge of the bed. Surprise, surprise, he is balefully scowling at me, across the few feet that separate us.
" I don't want to hurt you, Lily. I told you is best that I don't come near you. Micah will find a way to use me against you, if he ever finds out that I'm his son," The harshness in his tone makes me a little wary, but not enough to deter me from my task.
" Well," I sigh, " We are in this mess, whether we like it or not, Mase. I don't have time," He curls his lips between his teeth," We are running out of time, and your father knows it. That's why he is so aggressive in his pursuit," I slide the book on the table towards him. It glides over the edge, thumping on the floor and falling at his feet.
" I have a little over four years left before my cycle ends, and then I'll be out of commission for two thousand years," I deliver the news in a matter-of-fact tone. He picks up the book off the floor and begins to skim it, jumping from page to page until he finds what he is looking for.
His brows pinch as he begins to read, and his frown deepens as he moves over the writings. Once he finds the relevant information he lifts his head, his clouded blue eyes find mine, and a silent understanding settles over us like a weighted blanket.
" That can't be right," He says in complete denial. Well, I'd happily join him in that fantasy but that won't change the irrefutable fact that our time together will be cut short, and with that Micah's viciousness in my pursuit will increase exponentially.
" I'm afraid it is," I say with utter conviction, a stark opposite to his negation. Briskly, he closes the book, the movement disturbing the few wisps of hair that have settled over his brows. Even in his desolate state he looks utterly mesmerising. Needless to say my mind begins to wander. I've been robbed of the possibility of living a full life at his side, and the desire to cram every little thing that I won't get to experience alongside him solidifies into despair.
" Don't look at me like that," He interrupts my wayward thoughts, and I find him scowling at me as I regain focus and come down from fantasy land.
Shifting on my seat to adjust my position, " We are lovers, Mase," I lift my left hand, and wiggle my ring-bearing finger in front of him," You promised me happiness, and undying love, among many other things. I expect you to hold your end of the bargain. I'm not going anywhere," I cross my arms over my chest and glare back at him. He pouts, holding back his boyish smile and I know I got him. He can brood as much as he wants, next to me, where he belongs. We've been to hell and back to get here, and I have no intention to let him off that easy. Especially, when I know that he is only doing it for my sake.
" You have classes tomorrow, " He points out smugly, raising a brow in challenge.
I wave a hand dismissing his point, " I can skip a few classes. They won't notice I'm not there, at this point. Unless I'm causing some sort of trouble, I might as well be a part of the furniture," He clears his throat to choke the chuckle that bubbles up. I give him a small smile in return, the tension lining his frame, eases a fraction.