Things were quiet in the morning. No one really spoke. Cameron and Rudolf took an Uber home. They both looked pretty messed up. I'm lucky I guess because I'm feeling alright.
Rose is coming over in a bit. I told her I went out and she seemed pleased. I think she wants me to be more outgoing, but it's not like I even socialized at that party. I just sat and talked to Rudolf and Cameron the entire time. I'll have to remember to tell Rose about Jackson. Last night was the first time I saw him in person. Before that, it was just photos that Cameron didn't bother taking off of his Facebook.
Jackson's a lot different than I thought he'd be. Maybe it's because he was so trashed, but he was volatile as hell. I was shocked when he marched over and threatened Rudolf. Who the fuck does that? Rudolf looked scared shitless, but he didn't budge. If someone threatened me, I wouldn't be able to sit back and let it happen but Rudolf's small. Jackson's not. That's why I inserted myself. I didn't want things to escalate.
Last night was actually fun until that whole mess started. Rudolf's a funny guy and I didn't mind him tagging along. I have to admit I'm a little surprised that he was willing because he seems shy. I guess Cameron's just good at forcing people out of their shell. Come to think of it, I'm surprised that Cameron has been inviting Rudolf out at all. I thought he was just trying to turn this into a hook up, but that's weird because Rudolf isn't like the guys Cameron normally goes for. He's also let Rudolf stick around longer than usual. I wonder if Cameron could actually be catching feelings? I kind of hope so.
I wander into the kitchen and get a bowl of cereal before sitting down at the table with my laptop to look over some of my coursework for the weekend, but instead of actually doing anything I just end up dicking around on the internet. Ugh. I'm supposed to be setting up a website for myself but I can't find the motivation. There are too many steps involved. I don't like photographing my art and writing these awkward statements for each piece is even worse.
It's hard. It feels like you just have to brag about yourself and that isn't my style. I can barely find things about myself that I like on a good day. Cameron's the opposite. He's so good at all of this crap. It makes me wonder how Rudolf will cope when it comes to marketing. He might not do all that well in the start. He'll learn, though.
Eventually, after I've wasted enough time fucking around, I hear the front door open and Rose calling hello. She doesn't bother knocking. Why would she? It's basically her house too since she's here all the time and it's not like my roommates mind. They like Rose. Everyone likes Rose. I get up from the kitchen table and abandon my things to greet her in the living room as she strips off some of her winter layers.
"Hi!" she cheers when she sees me.
"Hey, bug," I reply, walking over and giving her a squeeze.
She squirms out of my grip and finishes unwrapping her scarf. "How's it going?" she asks. "How was last night?"
"Fun, for the most part. Rudolf tagged along. Cameron insisted he come with us. I'm kind of surprised he did."
Rose smiles at that. "Yeah, he seems quiet, like he keeps to himself."
"He does," I confirm. "He said he doesn't go out much. We were having a cool time but then Jackson showed up and started mouthing off. He was so fucked up and fought with Cameron before basically like, threatening Rudolf?"
"Jackson threatened Rudolf?" Rose stares at me wide-eyed.
I nod sullenly. "I mean, I've never met the guy, so I didn't really know what to expect…but I definitely didn't expect that. He was seriously messed up, telling Rudolf not to go near Cameron and shit. He ended up smashing a bottle on the floor and then fucking his foot up."
"Tsk…" Rose clicks her tongue, looking like she feels bad for him.
"It was ridiculous," I go on to say. "Didn't they break up like, fucking forever ago? Why is Jackson still hung up on it?"
"Yeah," she mumbles, looking unsure as she walks past me and takes a seat on the couch. "Yeah, it was a long time ago."
"Right, so what's Jackson's damage?"
"He's got issues," Rose twists her lips. "Cameron was kind of an awful boyfriend though, so I don't really blame him for harboring bad feelings over it."
"Awful boyfriend how?"
"They were just young and stupid. Cameron was a bigger dick about things than he needed to be."
"Like what?" I press.
"Well, he wasn't very patient. I think he just could have been nicer about the whole thing."
I scoff at that. "Well, he isn't very patient now, either."
Rose smirks. "Well, I guess some things never change." She pauses and then adds, "Cameron cares a lot about how people see him."
"Yeah, I'll say," I mutter.
"When his parents found out he was gay it was a huge problem in his relationship," Rose continues. "I think maybe he just got uncomfortable and felt like he was under a microscope. I think a lot of what he did back then was because he wanted to impress his dad and distance himself from his mom. She's so overbearing. I think he felt really unsure of himself. I mean, he was young. He was just starting to figure himself out. Being forcibly outed probably made him freak out."
Huh. I guess that makes sense. It's pretty obvious that Cameron's still bitter as hell over how that all went down with his parents.
"Well, still..." I insist. "Jackson should try harder to understand that people make mistakes."
"I agree," Rose tells me. "Sounds like he was super out of line last night."
"It was extra lame of him to get so up in Rudolf's face," I add. "If Jackson wanted someone to pick a fight with, he could have just taken that out on Cameron. He knows how to handle himself."
"Yeah, what the hell?" she puts a hand to her forehead, looking exasperated.
"You think Jackson was jealous?" I wonder aloud.
Rose wrinkles her nose. "I wouldn't have guessed it...but maybe? I don't know though. It was so long ago now."
"I wonder if they've been in contact."
"Maybe," Rose murmurs. "Not like Cameron would ever tell us."
She's right. Cameron doesn't tell us much of anything that's happening to him and if he does, he laughs it off like a joke.
"That's probably why you two get along so well," she tacks on with a chuckle. "You're both so mysterious about your feelings. You must like how you don't pester each other about it, you enablers."
I can't help but scoff at that. "I'm not," I protest.
"Aw, I was just kidding," she reassures me, but something tells me she's not.
Cameron probably is masking his emotions but when it comes down to it, I don't see the point in wallowing in self-pity and asking Rose to get involved in things inside my head that she can't fix. Sometimes I just feel crappy. That's that.
"All right," I mumble, not wanting to get into conversation about this because I know she'll never let it go.
This is something she brings up a lot, but I don't know what to tell her. I'm not being secretive. I'm not hiding things from her. I'm not trying to be closed off. This is just the way I am. I don't feel the need to talk about every emotion I have.
Before either of us can say another word, my phone rings. I grab it and check who's calling.
It's my dad.
"Sorry, gotta take this," I say to Rose before putting the phone to my ear.
"Hey, Dad!"
"Hey kiddo," he says sweetly. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"
"No, no. I'm just with Rose. What's up?"
"Oh, hello, Rose!" he exclaims loudly so that she'll hear. "Hope you're doing well!"
"Hi, Paul!" she says in return. "I'm great, thanks!"
"I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing," he says. "Sorry I missed your call yesterday! I got held up at the clinic."
"That's cool. I figured it was something like that."
My dad works a lot. On top of raising me by himself, he's also a physician, which is really fucking time-consuming. I understand though. I'm used to it.
"What have you been up to?" he asks me.
"Not much," I tell him. "Went to a party last night. Kind of made a new friend."
Rose raises an eyebrow and I just give her a smile and shrug.
I guess friend is a loose term for whatever thing Rudolf and I have going on. It's an exaggeration, but whatever.
"That's my girl!" he says, sounding pleased.
He knows that I'm not very exuberant, but that's fine. I don't want to be like Cameron, surrounded by people all the time. He has such shallow relationships with all of them. I mean, he says we're best friends, but sometimes I feel like I barely know him.
"Cameron's ex showed up at the party," I decide to share. "He caused a big scene. It was so dumb. He broke a bottle and split his foot open."
I can't get over how odd that whole thing was. I want to ask Cameron more, but I don't think he would ever tell me the details.
"Why would he do something like that?" My dad hums, sounding surprised.
"I have no damn clue," I mutter.
I tell him about the rest of the night, the part where Jackson threatened Rudolf and what followed. My dad's pretty easy to talk to. We've never really had any secrets between us. I think if we did then my childhood would have been a hell of a lot different.
"Well, be careful," he warns, trying his best to sound stern.
"Don't worry dad," I reassure him. "I told Jackson to leave and he backed off. I'm fine. Nothing bad happened."
"Still," he sounds unconvinced. "That seems like a whole mess of drama."
He's not wrong. Everything involving Cameron's "exes" is so over the fucking top, not that he even stays with anyone long enough for them to really be considered an ex. He plays with their feelings and they end up hating him but not like they can say anything because he's so well-liked by everyone else. It's not right and I wish he would stop, but I don't really feel like it's my place to intervene. I don't even know what I would say. I don't get why he does it. Maybe he's insecure or maybe he really is just that narcissistic.
"Don't stress on it," I say, hoping I sound convincing.
"It's just that one thing or another always seems to be happening with Cameron," he explains his concern, and I get it. I really do. I just don't know what to do about it.
Drama seems to follow Cameron around. He acts like he hates it, but I think he secretly loves it. He feeds off of it…
"Yeah, I guess so," I mumble.
"Just promise to watch yourself. I don't want you getting tangled up in someone else's mess."
"I won't," I promise him.
I'm being serious. It's not going to happen. It just won't. Cameron wouldn't even let me get involved.
That's probably part of why he was so livid about what went down with Jackson. It was totally public. Everyone at the party saw them fight and everyone saw Cameron get shoved around. It was probably mortifying for him, not that it should be, because it wasn't his fault. Jackson was acting like a damn animal.
Cameron's usually pretty good at shutting down this sort of shit before it starts. Honestly, I don't know how he does it. He'll go on one or two dates with a guy that seems obsessed with him and as soon as Cameron wants the relationship to end, that's it. He tells them he's done and goes on his merry way. All the dudes he's spurned still treat him like a fucking god.
"I know you can hold your own kiddo," my dad says with a chuckle. "All right, well, I've got some errands I need to run, so I should let you go, but I love you."
"Love you too," I tell him.
With that, I hang up the phone.