May, 1st 2023
Should I get back to her and start over?
Diary Entry #105
Julia Harianto
————————————————————————————————————————————
I closed the book, then locked it. Many people asked me why you still write a diary? It's 2023 not 2000. It's HIPAA, bitch!
"…for your truth it's all the same" shit this song makes me want to stand up, then mimicking Brian May. I tapped my finger on the coffee table, following the rhythm of this song. Shit. She's sleeping, right? Let her sleep. My job is done. Then what?
Right, let's play some game, shall we? I turned on the laptop. What!? Shit, I forgot to bring my laptop charger. Fuck! I closed my eyes to hold myself .
I can't let out this quirk while she was here. She doesn't know. Let's just keep your mouth shut, okay? If not, I will kill you. (:
Nice, this song. "An angel's smile is what you sell. You promise me Heaven, then put me through hell. Chains of love got a hold of me. When passion's a prison, you can't break free…" Who doesn't like this song?
"Oh, you loaded the gun. Oh, there's nowhere to run. No one can save me, the damage…"
"Julia." Oh, shit. I hurried to pause the song. "Julia… don't go." I put my hand on her forehead. Should I call Rose? She once told me… she was available for 24/7, or I… called Mrs. Sherlyn?
If I called Mrs. Sherlyn, she… maybe at Huston right now. Argh… fuck! I took a deep breath, then I press Rose's number. Forget about what we were fighting for a while. Shit. She turned her phone off. Am I in trouble? Maybe her brother was there.
Okay… we have Google, ChatGPT, Bing Chat, or whatever it is, but… they not an actual doctor! I took off her fur jacket slowly, then petting her hair. She embracing me tightly as if she doesn't want to lose me. "Stay here…"
I put her to bed slowly, then took a deep breath. How can she drive far away from Texas to this city? I clench her hand.
"I'm here." I said.
Irene could be right. I'm overreacting about everything what's going on. I'm stressed with my problem, then it's like a domino effect. Everything crumbling down, destroyed one by one. I picked my phone, then changed the music into the ballad one.
I closed my eyes to feel the emotion in this song. I want her to be happier without me. Okay, let me explain what happened for the past 4 years together.
I met her when I have a schedule in Los Angeles. Our friend introduced me to her, and we… became closer as the time goes by. I remembered when we just runaway from a coffee shop because… none of us brings a wallet. The owner of that coffee shop called the cops, then we… yeah. Detained together.
One month, two months… and so on, was smooth. Until a rumor spread around her. Paparazzi caught her with a man. Walking outside of the hotel, and… I snapped.
That's the first time we… fought. My side, I want to tell the world that she's mine. Am I wrong, or maybe what I did is wrong? I-I mean… I want to claim her as mine, but she disagrees. Since that, our relationship is full of yelling, slammed door, stomping, and tears.
Living under the same roof, but as if we were living distant. "I even… ordering a couple ring for us, Irene. I want to live with you until we grow old together," but my dream already fades into black. Our break up was the first worst heartbreak in my life.
I tapped my finger to coffee table, then looked at a watch on my wrist. It's already 04.09 AM. "Good night, my beautiful angel. Sweet dreams." I closed my eyes after saying a good night to her. I already prepared everything. When she wakes up, she can cure her headache, then eat her brunch.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I opened my eyes because I heard someone munching food. I blinked several times. "Oh, you already awake." She said as she drinks her pickle juice.
Great, she's already cured. "Why you keep bothering me?" Irene did not answer my question. "I'm not asking to the statue, right?"
"Oh, I'm sorry if I always be your weight, your majesty!"
I took a deep breath, then walked to the bathroom to wash my face. "You should be thankful to my cousin for taking care of you," Irene only hummed. I can't say that I'm the one who was taking care of her.
No words come out of our mouth. She still acted like she didn't know, or she really didn't know? She is unpredictable right now. I can't read her mind. "I'm late for work. Wait for me until 9 PM if you can't walk. I called someone to take you to the doctor and if you need anything like a new cloth, they will bring it to you."
"Why you still care about me?"
I looked at her eyes, then put her handbag on her lap. "I will go back to my office, to take a shower, then I will meet you soon," I tapped her hand gently, then packing my belonging.
I tried not yawning in front of her because I only sleep for two hours. "Keep it that way, Julia. Keep lying to yourself." She standing up, then tried to walk to the bathroom.
I saw her ankle, then took a deep breath. "How many times I told you not wearing that heels, Irene?" I carried her like a bridal to the bathroom. "If you finished, you can call me."
I sit, then leaned my back on the wall. Should I take a day off? I took a deep breath, then closed my eyes. I should call Evelyn to bring my laptop charger.
Shit. Dear God, please don't let me fall asleep before I arrived at my office. I send a message to Evelyn to picked my laptop charger, then deliver it to here. It's a public holiday, right? May day. I walked to the couch, then laying my body there and close my eyes.