"Like everything that starts with happiness, always so beautiful, so tempting, so envious. Is a lie. When you live in this world, the best way to live is to never expect happiness, so when the bright light fades in the distance, you'll know that your true home can only be found in the dark."
Heh, I wonder what the younger me would think if he saw me, now that I've found my way in the dark, and moved from a mistake that was never meant to be, now that I've created a light of my own, far, far too bright. I wonder what you would say, because..."
It was bright that day in Tokyo. 11th April. Around 6:10 to 6:15am. The Sakura tree's bloomed early that year, I can still remember it so clearly that I liked looking at them from my window as they coloured the park outside.
It was just a week before the mid-terms. I was in my apartment half asleep after switching off my alarm clock, trying my best to leave the comfort of the bed. I had a part time job on the weekdays after school and on the weekends I'd work as a novelist and a streamer, I didn't have much but I lived on my own so I had to make money somehow.
I was too tired to get up so I sunk my head under my blanket hoping to never wake up, but the feeling of something soft caressing my shoulder, shrugging me back and forth, put my tiny dreams to an end.
I turned around, hoping pointlessly that it'd stop, but instead, it became even worse. Annoyed, I turned around, sticking my head out of the blanket. "GO AWAY!"
Suddenly, I heard a loud thud on the floor, that and what sounded like the yelp of a puppy.
Like the waking up from a dream. I wiped my eyes and looked again. Surprisingly, what sounded like the yelp of a puppy was actually the sound of a girl.
"Sai-chan?"."A-ah?! Miya, G-good morning?" she replied, seated on the floor as she squinted her eyes. Her voice was light but a little rough, probably because she just fell down.
Mae Saitome, my classmate and childhood friend. We've been friends for practically all my life. We even go to the same high school.
She was wearing a red blazer with a short sleeved sailor uniform underneath. Her irises were red, as well as her long silky hair. She only started wearing glasses only when she entered middle school.
"What are you doing here? How did you even get inside?"
"Oh, um, well... we agreed to walk to school together today, didn't we?"
"Well, yeah, but today's a weekend."
"Eh?"
"Eh?"
"Sorry Miya, but today's a Monday."
"Hm?" I turned and picked up my alarm clock. The time read, 8:20am and the date showed, Monday.
I could already feel the sweat running on my face as I stared at the alarm clock. "Hey, Sai-chan. What time does school start?"
"8:45"
"And how long does it take to get to school?"
"20 minutes if we run."
At that moment, a smile ran across my face as I rose my face from the alarm clock. "Sai-chan, please wait outside. " She looked confused at first, but after a second, her face became stern. "Understood."
She got up and went outside, and after 5 minutes, I burst open the door, fully dressed in my school uniform and a toothbrush in my mouth. "Let's go!"
"Right!"
Locking my door. Sai-chan and I took off and ran to school.
"Huff, huff, we made it!"
"Ha ha, yeah."
We were just on time for the first bell, we entered our class and got ready for class. "Hah, one more bad attendance, and I doubt I'd be able to make it to the next year." I laughed.
"That's your fault for always skipping classes," There was a bright smile on her face as she said that.
"Hehe, yeah, yeah."
I liked talking with Sai-chan. To be honest, she was the only friend I've ever had my age, well aside from one other person.
I opened my textbook to the contents, and I saw what looked scribbling on the page.
'This is your punishment for coming late. Turn to the next page.'
"Yeah, this is definitely her," I said to myself, "I wonder what she's on about," Flipping the page, I saw a picture. "Huh? Is that me? What's that in my hand?" I looked closer into the picture, and what I saw in my hand was a porn mag.
"HOW THE HELL DID SHE GET THIS?!" It took all I had to prevent myself from screaming out, but I'm sure that it showed on my face because I saw Sai-chan looking at me in a questioning way.
I immediately tore the content page and hid the picture in my bag. Gesturing to her that I'm okay. "I hope that's enough to fool her Sai-chan's really smart, so I might be in real trouble if she notices."
"Kuroshito Miriya!" A voice shouted from the front of the class. The voice was unfortunately familiar. Actually, I bet it's familiar to everyone who attends this school.
A tall fat man wearing glasses who was practically bald aside from the little he hair had at the back of his head.
"Is there really nothing but air in that empty skull of yours?!"
Yep, that's him, our school's one and only math teacher. Mr.Hayesae. At that moment, I thought to myself,"I'm dead."
"Are you listening to me?!"
"Ah! Sorry, sir, I just wanted to ask Sai-chan if she could"
"Shut up!"He looked at me angrily, huffing like an animal's; his face red and his glasses looked like they almost fell off his face.
"..."
"Honestly, kids like you are disgusting. You just live freely, not caring about how much your parents are suffering for your sake."he looked at me disgustedly, then he walked away.
To be honest I didn't really care about his words but for some reason, I got really pissed, and the sound of the other students murmuring in the background made it worse, even though I knew they weren't talking about me, It still annoyed me.
At that moment, I wanted to walk out and sleep in the infirmary so I could calm down, but Sai-chan was starting at me worriedly, so I decided to go when it broke.
Time passed pretty quickly, and before I knew it, I was already in front of the infirmary. "Is anybody here?" I asked as I came inside,but there was no response. "Looks like no one's here."
The infirmary was a small room with the nurse's desk beside the door and a 2 rows of 3 beds, each covered by blue curtains.
I went to the bed furthest away from the door just in case I needed to hide quickly.
I opened the curtains and noticed the bed wasn't laid."What the hell? They used the bed and didn't even bother to arrange it when they finished?"
"Hah..." Sitting on the bed, I bent my head and looked at my feet. "I really don't wanna lay this bed, but at the same time, I really just wanna sleep," I raised my head and looked up at the ceiling.
"Screw it, I'll just sleep on another bed." I was about to get up when I felt a tight grip on my leg. "Hm?" I looked down, and I saw someone's hand tightly gripping my leg. "WHAT THE HELL?!"
Squirming, I fell off the bed. And hit my head on the floor. " O-ouch."crouching on the floor while holding my head, I heard a faint rustling voice.
"Hmph, serves you right." A feminine voice said.
"Huh?! How?!"
I looked up and saw a girl. She had long red hair tied in a ponytail and side bangs that stretched to her eye level.
She was standing looking down at me, with her arms folded as she pouted.
"Kuzumi?" I said, but she didn't respond. "I can see your underwear, you know."
"Idiot!" She yelled, covering her underwear with her skirt as her face turned bright red. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"Sorry, sorry."
"Ugh. Your disgusting."
"Says the person hiding under beds in the infirmary."
"I-I was just hiding because you suddenly opened the door!" Her cheeks turning red.
"Oh, so you were hiding from me?" I said, smiling.
"Yeah, right, like I'd hide from a guy who gets scared of a woman." Smiling as well.
"Tryna justify yourself?"
"N-no, m-maybe?" She sat on the bed facing the ground as she fiddled her fingers.
There was a second of silence, and then both of us suddenly burst into wide laughter. I'm not sure why, but for some reason, that moment made me feel really happy.
Kuzumi was my only other friend that I was able to make when I came to this school. She was the example of a perfect high schooler; top of the year, athletic, extroverted good at video games, and very good at making friends.
She was always a wild person in her own world but everyone loved her, normally we wouldn't even be friends but for some reason whenever I was with her it was a lot of fun.
Honestly, because of my bad reputation, I was surprised she wanted to be friends with me, though It's not like I remember how we became friends in the first place.
After that, we skipped all the remaining classes and had fun running around and playing pranks until school ended, completely forgetting the reason why I went to the infirmary in the first place.
I had to work part time so I couldn't walk home with Sai-chan that day, she looked disappointed but if I missed even one day of work I might not have enough money to pay for both my rent and my shool fees.
After a long day of work, 2 part-time jobs and jealously staring at the money in the cash register. It was already 7:00 pm and I was on my way home.
I checked my phone and saw messages from both Sai-chan and Kuzumi. They were having a sleepover at Sai-chan's house and sent me a bunch of pictures.
"She really is friends with everyone. Hahh, I'm so jealous," I said, smiling at the pictures. I was about to text back when Kuzumi sent me another notification. The text read:
'Do you want to join us?'
At that moment, I heard a voice. "Do you really want to go there?"
Afraid, I turned around, but no one was there. It was the same empty side walk, the same empty street and the same empty road..., but it wasn't how quiet the streets were that got me scared. It was the voice I just heard. A calm voice, with a feeling of coldness, sounded like exactly like mine.
I looked around for a while and began questioning why the streets were so quiet as I began crossing the road cautiously.
After taking 2 steps on the zebra cross, I saw a truck speeding down to me at full speed. At that moment, I knew it was over.
So I leapt back unto the side walk and fell on the ground, watching the truck pass.
"Hehehe, not today truck- kun," wiping the dirt of my chin as I was on all fours.
"Um, what are you doing?"
I turned around and saw Sai-chan wearing a white top and black sweatpants staring at me. "What the fuck?" (My first thought).
"What are you doing here?"I asked. Flustered she lent me a hand.
"W-well you didn't reply to our text so I came looking for you."
"Oh, she was just worried about me," I said to myself. Looking at her more closely I could see drops of sweat running down her cheek. "Did she run all the way here from Kuzumi's place?"
"Hm? Miya? Your face is red."
Hearing her say that my heart skipped a beat. I turned around, holding unto her as I started walking forward not knowing where I was going.
"Hmm~ you aren't blushing now are you."
"So what If I am? Don't tease me..."
"...Why?"
"..."
"Please tell me."
I gripped her hand tighter, for some reason I couldn't let my voice out.
"If people see us they'll misunderstand."
"Let them!" I said, slightly angry."That's...what I want..."
"So you won't let go?"
"Never."
She giggled and I could feel her hand gripping unto mine as she walked closer to me. "So cute."
That was the one moment of my life that I actually wished that time would stop moving, and because of her today felt like the happiest day of my life. I really loved her, for a long time I have, and having her walk beside like that made me feel a feeling I had never felt before, but I knew it's a feeling I would never forget and never wish to throw away.
But oddly enough, she wasn't she wasn't the only thing that was in my thing that was on my mind because Kuzumi's face flashed in my mind. Unfortunately I can't remember how I felt when she popped up in my head, and I'm sure I'll never be able to remember.
"So do you want to come with me to Kuzumi's place?" She suddenly asked but there was something off about the way she did it and even in her expression she looked a little sad, but I decided to ignore it.
"Sure." I thought I did the right thing because Sai-chan looked a little happier after I agreed to go with her, but all the while we walked to Kuzumi's place she barely said a word, but at random moments she would grip my hand, when I ever tried to ask her if there was something wrong she would just say, "it's fine," and that's how it was until we got to Kuzumi's.
Her house was a duplex with a pink roof surrounded by a lawn. I knocked on the door, and immediately Kuzumi opened the door with her usual bright smile.Wearing a pink blouse and a red towel tied around her neck.
"Welcome to my castle!" She said, making a weird pose that I can't even explain.
"Are you 5 or something?"
"Oh, shut up. Hmm, but looks like someone's all grown up I see," looking at Sai-chan then at our hands.
Embarrassed both of us quickly removed our hands as she laughed whole heartedly, welcoming us inside.
We all stayed in her room and nothing seemed out of the normal even Sai-chan was acting like normal.
We played video games, talked about school, Sai-chan and Kuzumi dressed up in different clothes that they found in the house, we ate snacks and we ate food that Kuzumi made, and aftter 2 hours of fun and games I decided to go home.
"Hah, too bad you can't stay over."
"Don't say stuff you don't understand Kuzumi."
"What's that meant to mean?!"
Turning to Sai-chan, "I'll see you later," leaving the house.
"Mmm, that was fun," stretching, I thought to myself, . "I can't wait for tomorrow."
"But what was Sai-chan thinking about anyway?" I tried to think about it but I couldn't come up with anything. "Meh, I'll just ask her tomorrow. Now let's look at those pictures I took of Sai-chan dressing up today."
I put my hand in my pocket but I couldn't feel anything. "Huh? Where's my phone?" I opened my bag and I still couldn't find it.
"Did I leave it at Kuzumi's?" I hadn't gone that far so I decided to go get it.
When I reached her house I heard a loud sound from behind me. I turned around, the clouds covered up any possible light so I couldn't see anything but I could still hear the faint echo that spread around. "An explosion?"
I could see people start turning on the lights in their homes. "I should hurry..."
I knocked on the door but no one answered. I looked at the window for Kuzumi's room and saw that the lights were off. "Are they asleep?"
I tried the knob and the door opened. When I came in the lights downstairs were on but the lights upstairs had been turned off.
Suddenly, I heard screaming coming from upstairs. Like a switch I started to feel sick, I became uncomfortable.
Quietly, I walked up the stairs. Her bedroom door was slightly opened with and only a small amount of light from downstairs to show it's presence. By the time I got there the shouting had already stopped.
Subconsciously I found myself crouching at the door, peeking into the room.
"Did you think it was funny? Watching me act that way?" Her voice sounded like she was hurting.
"Kuzumi? What's going on? What happened to her?" I thought to myself.
"Kuzumi..."
"SHUT UP!"
She screamed so loud, I could feel my spine shiver. She was panting heavily and coughed at intervals.
The clouds began to shift and moonlight came in and lightened the room.
Kuzumi stood infront of her window, at her right was a drawer and at her left was her bed with a bunch of snack wrappers and clothes scattered on it while Sai-chan stood, shivering at the other end of the room where Kuzumi's desk and cupboard were placed next to each other.
The light from outside allowed me to see both of them perfectly. Sai-chan clasping her hands as she stared at Kuzumi, her face covered in fear as sweat ran down her face, and Kuzumi masked with rage as a her shadow formed a silhouette covering a part of her face.
A memory of my childhood appeared in my head. When I saw someone with that same expression on their face, if not worse.
I turned my head down and stared at the floor, my body was shaking, my heart was racing, I could feel my sweat drenching my body, it took all I had not to get up and run away. I wanted to say something but my body wouldn't let me, tears blurring my eyes.
"I'm sorry," Sai-chan said.
I could hear Kuzumi's panting reduce, Sai-chan wimpered slightly. I managed to raise my head back up but what I saw next was what really terrified me.
Kuzumi staring at Sai-chan with cold blooded eyes, pulled out a knife from the space between the mattress and the wood of the bed. She had covered the butt of the knife that would usually stick out with her pillow and parts of the clothes that were on her bed.
"Move," my head thought, but my body wouldn't respond. ("Hmm~ you aren't blushing now are you?")
"I'm tired..."
Move...("so you won't let go?")I grit my teeth.
"K-Kuzumi-chan..." Sai-chan spoke horrified, backing a foot away.
Move, move...("That's your fault for always skipping classes.") The tears began to flood out of my eyes.
In a second, Kuzumi dashed forward at Sai-chan with the knife.
("Miya") MOVE!!!
Quickly, I barged the door open, bashing into the room. I saw Sai-chan look at me. I ran towards her and bodied her out of the way.
I'll never forget it.
As I pushed her away I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as something hot drove deeper into me.
I think knowing what it was is what made it even more painful.
I turned and saw Kuzumi's eyes, pitch black with rage, as she kept driving the knife into me until she pinned me to the wall.
No matter how much I pray or dream. I'll never forget it.
I pushed her away, making her fall to the ground and hitting her back on the edge of her bed, but her grip on the knife was firm so it got roughly driven out of me. The pain felt far worse than before.
My vision became blurry, saliva and blood began pouring out of my throat, I could barely breath, blood poured out of the space in my stomach spilling all over the floor.
I placed my hand over it as I staggeredly tried to make it to the door. I heard a loud grunt as Kuzumi dragged my shirt, pulling me back, she managed to turn me to my side but I still tried to make it for the door as more blood came out of my mouth.
Unfortunately, I slipped on my own blood and fell on my side. Then once again it drove into me.
I can never forget it.
She turned me over and climed on top of me. Her face looking even angrier than before. " I HATE YOU!!" She shouted repeatedly as she stabbed me again and again. It felt like I was being stabbed with flaming arrows.
In a final attempt, I rose my hand to reach for the knife as she dragged it out, but she pushed it down as she stabbed my chest twice breaking my ribs and driving into my left lung. Blood rushed through my nose and my mouth, and my eyes shook uncontrollably, I couldn't even move my body. The most I could do was twitch.
Eventually, I couldn't feel anything anymore. Nowhere in my body could move, I could see everything in the room; Sai-chan covering her mouth as she cried, Kuzumi's angry face as her blood covered hands clenched onto the knife she was stabbing me with, the view outside the window, even my own bloodied body as it laid motionless on the floor
At that moment It finally dawned on me. "Ah...I'm dying." Surprisingly, my mind was empty, I really couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel bad for Sai-chan, and I couldn't hate Kuzumi.
I think Kuzumi noticed it too because it was at that same time she stopped stabbing me, and even Sai-chan too at that same time she screamed so loud. Kuzumi, as if she had seen ghost turned with a ghastly expression on her face, then she turned back to me and screamed.
She dropped the knife and backed away from me she squeezed her head tightly with her hands ruffling her hair.
Little by little, the voices became more silent, and my vision became darker, my heart beat loudly but slowly, incredibly slow. A sudden white light flashed all over the room, and all I could see was white, and there was nothing but silence.
15 times she stabbed me, 10 times I tried to move, 7 times I panted, continuously blood flooded out of me, endlessly I cried.
So much happened in just a few minutes.
Why did this happen to me? What should I have done? Should I have moved faster? Should I not have tried to help her? Did I get in the way? Was it my
fault
for helping her? Was
it
wrong
for me to like her? Why did I go to her house? Should I have run away back then???????????????????
Why did I become friends with them?
Why.....?
Why.....?
Why...?
Why did I ever d
r
e
a
m...
I could be happy?
Then. Once again, I could hear the beating. I could hear the sounds: and before I knew it. I could see. Tears ran out of my eyes. I couldn't scream, even as I had begun to see faces I had never seen before, and a place I had never recognised or been to.
Once again, I breathe in this air. Once again, I'm back here... once again...I'm in this world.
Far far in the future, someone with your face, dancing on what is the wasteland of a warzone.
His eyes were bright blue, his eye lashes were long, his hair radiated in the same blue colour waving smoothly at every movement he makes, he had an earing with silver beads that dangled on a string and at the end of if a crescent moon in the same colour hung, he had golden rings with a shining jewel attached to each of them it on all the fingers of his right hand. He wore a long cloak, stretching down to his heel, which showed his shirtless, muscular top half. He wore a torn trouser his stopped around his knee, and he danced with his fee bare.
All his body shone in a bright blue, illuminating the darkness of the night and the sand that flew all over the wasteland.
The wasteland had large black spikes sticking onto the ground, bodies of large monsters laid decaying, some with their heads missing, some utterly twisted and darkened, others impaled by the black rocks.
Ogres, elves, giant men, and four arms, humans, demi-humans, demons, and dragons, all equally had their corpses scattered across the ground. Some in the mouths of the monsters or under the spikes and boulders or some that had been burnt to ashes.
He was called a spirit, a ghost, a monster, a king he danced moving like the waves upon the waste land, trampling the bodies as he danced the true spirits in hiding, out of fear ran and fled from his presence.
He was halted his dance at the request of a man who rested on one of the spikes. His arm had just fallen off, and his legs were missing. The man was dressed as a knight, but all his armour was gone.
"Please...s-stop this.." ...he begged. His voice croaked and weak, blood spilt from the edge of his mouth.
And like a child, the one that was known as the spirit smiled, playfully he hovered towards the man.
"P-please..."he said as the man passed away.
The spirit then stamped his foot on the air and th ground below him sank, creating a large crater over 20km in diameter, where all the bodies and the large black spikes and the ground itself caved into the ground.
And he laughed and laughed as once again he began to dance in the air, moving with the dust that flew up to the sky.
"Ahh, I really want to hear what you'll say..." he said.
As he rose above the dust storm all that was behind him was what looked like the skull of a monster so big thar its top reached the clouds and so wide that it was impossible to see what was behind it.
But as he flew around, I could see that the monster's skull had been ripped apart from the back.
It looks like it had become a part of the Earth itself. It had many wooden branches squeezing over each other and stopped at the forehead where everything behind that was gone. Water rushed out of what looked like the sockets of the monster's eyes like a mighty waterfall.
He swung himself around the monster one more time and spinned on the monsters forehead above the clouds, giggling. "Because today is the happiest day of my life."