Apparently, ten years ago, Michael Cunningham and Teresa Giordano had kidnapped me and pretended to be my parents. Nobody knows why or how though and they were both denying it to no end as they both saw my being born. Apparently they moved us all from Florida to a little town up north where we are now where they proceeded to only change my name and not theirs. The fakes had birth certificates and all that shit...even a social security card for David Callahan.
So they moved us up north, divorced, enrolled me in school, got jobs, all that without changing their names or looks. And meanwhile, my "real" parents were going out of their minds, calling the FBI, stapling posters to telephone poles... apparently I was even on a milk carton nationwide at one point and that didn't help anybody. They'd just woken up one morning, and I was gone. Which, in my opinion, made them look super irresponsible in front of the police.
Nothing about this was right.
The thing is, I don't remember it that way at all. I hardly remember anything from when I was younger, but I definitely don't remember Mr. and Mrs. Callahan ever being around. I remember my father raising me on his own, and Vincenzo being a pain in my ass since I could remember. Vague globs of memory, sure, but I do remember them quite clearly. And we had never once moved out from the house we currently lived in. We'd always lived in the same place since I was born!
The cops can't explain any of that to me though. They also wouldn't explain why they believe a story that you could poke a million holes through just by checking my age. To cover themselves, they just kept telling me that I must have been brainwashed, that I wasn't really eighteen, that I've honestly been lied to my entire life. They didn't use the word brainwashed, but it's surely what they meant to say to me. But I don't think you can just go in and change somebody's memories like they said.
My memories weren't wrong, that I knew for sure.
So I cried, because I realized that there was nothing that I could say to convince those cops, that while these fakes might have paperwork for some kid I look similar too, I wasn't who they were saying I was. I was my fathers son, and the Attorney General couldn't change that fact.
All this because of Ashton's stupid fucking mom!
After a few hours of sobbing and begging to go back to my father, they finally guided me down a poorly lit grimy hallway. This is it, they can't hold me, so they're going to let me go without them and I might never see my dad free again because of fake charges. As soon as we got to the door, they opened it. Behind it was my extremely worried looking parents.
"Mom! Dad!" I ran to them letting my tears run out as I hugged them desperately soaking up the relief. I was extremely grateful that Teresa was out as well though I wasn't as worried for her sake.
"Oh, Dan!" Teresa and my dad happily returned the hug and held me as tight as I held them.
The cops looked on sympathetically at us clinging onto each other for dear life as of one of us could disappear at any moment. It honestly felt that way."We apologize. We were really convinced that you were that kid since you guys look so alike, but you were indeed born to them."
"That's what I fucking told you," dad snapped. "Since when do the police do work so sloppily?! You people are just awful! You better believe we'll be suing that damned attorneys office and exposing them for corruption! Give me my damn car back!"
As my dad argued I grew increasingly more nauseous and light headed. As if their yelling had triggered a bad reaction, the contents of my breakfast started to spill onto the floor as I started to dry heave.
My dad immediately shut up and started to stroke the back of my head. "Danny! Are you alright? Do you need anything?"
I couldn't get any words out, let alone breathe very well. And I wasn't sure how to let him know that all of this was my fault. I had clearly ignored the Attorney General's warning to me, and she drug another family's pain up to try and confuse me and lock my parents up. It was all my fault for not listening to someone who clearly had more pull in life than I could ever dream of.
I knew there was something wrong with me. I knew from the way my hands shook and my heart stuttered. From the way I clutched onto my dad for support, feeling like his ears would burst, like everything was simultaneously too loud and too quiet. The hands and fingers touching me, trying to help but making it a million times worse as I tried to take just one breath. The voices were too close and yet too far away. The tears were falling down my cheeks and the rapid rise and fall of my chest surprised me even though I knew I wasn't getting in enough air. I knew.
I couldn't think straight! This was my karma, wasn't it? Ashton was too good for me, so I'm being punished for loving him. I knew things were going too well for too long!
A part of me still wanted to refuse to give him up. He was my protector. He was always there, even if I didn't want it, I couldn't part with him. But I couldn't part with my father either, not like this. And I couldn't just choose between them like she wanted me to do! I didn't want to choose between them both!
I love Ashton so much! I don't want to let him go! But I love my dad just as much! I felt unforgettable pain at the thought that Ashton might not be in my world anymore.
"I'm sorry!" I sobbed as my head started to feel like it was wrapped in cotton, I could hear the voices that were around me moving further and further away from me even though everyone seemed to be hovering above me. I could barely hear my dad crying in front of me, saying he would never let any of them go if something happen to me. I tried my hardest to concentrate on him to no avail, and before I knew it, my field of vision started to narrow.
My consciousness seemed to follow shortly after.
When I came too, I felt a different kind of heavy pain. I woke up, lying down in a bed with stiff, white sheets staring at those run down green walls again. All I could see was the ceiling of the familiar ICU. There was a constant beeping sound which sounded like a heart monitor and there was that sickening smell of disinfectant and bodily fluids. I didn't have to be a detective to know where I was. My vision was slightly blurred and it was taking everything I had in me not to fall back asleep.
What exactly had happened to me?
I didn't remember getting injured to end up in a hospital.,..unless something really bad happened to me. It was the only thing I could think of that would describe the sensations I was overcome with, particularly the searing pain in the middle of my chest, just to the left of my heart, which was still beating steadily. After a few seconds of wondering, i heard a voice I couldn't place.
"Mr. Cunningham. You're finally awake. You're in the hospital, your father just asked me to sit with you so he can grab some food for you two," A nurse was staring down at me, with a slight smile gracing her features. I was right. The ICU. Duh. But why?
"Wh-" i had barely spoken before i started to cough violently, each one sending a wave of agony over my body. My mouth was like cotton and my throat hurt like hell. The nurse gave me a few ice chips to suck on before I attempted to speak again.
"What happened to me? Why am I here?" My croaky words seemed to have worried the older woman who's expression changed from optimistic to concerned in a matter of seconds. Not good?
"Myocardial Infarction due to stress," she said gently. "Luckily, you were taken care of right away, so there isn't much damage. You've also been out for 40 hours. About eight more, and we should be able to move from the ICU."
"A....heart attack?" I asked. I wasn't anything but surprised. I hadn't been stressing about anything, but yet suddenly, I have a heart attack. It just made me not want to go home. I didn't want to stay here, but I didn't want to go home either. My chest hurts and I'm really scared of what just happened, but if dad goes to work, I'll have to think about what happened on my own.
Especially since now that I have to break up with Ashton or else my family will pay the price. I felt my eyes get overwhelmed with tears and they started to flow down my face.
"Mr. Cunningham?"
"I just think....maybe I wasn't meant to be here at all," I cried from the pain. "Why do I keep pulling through?"
"It's a good thing that this wasn't a big attack! You survived because you were meant to survive! You must be strong! Most don't get second chances like this after a heart attack." The nurse argued.
"Most aren't eighteen when they have a fucking heart attack," I grumbled, effectively shutting the nurse up as I continued to cry about what I was going to do.
"Theres a blond boy here for you, he isn't family, so we couldn't let him in, but he hasn't left. He told me to let him know as soon as you wake up." She rubbed my arm a bit.
Ashton was already here, and I had to do this now! I had to do this for the sake of my family, even if it meant being miserable. I thought of how far we have come since we first met, delicately going through all the memories from the first day we met on the cafeteria, where I didn't think much of him, right up until our first I love you to each other. How I took longer than I wanted to just to let him know that I really loved him. I couldn't help but smile through the tears and pain at all the memories of kisses and shared intimacy that came racing through, thinking of how far we came and how much this was going to break my heart to do.
The thought of doing this to him made my heart ache it honestly did but I needed to be rational for a second. I wasn't going to do this because she didn't love him anymore to say the least I actually loved him so much that I was going to be doing this for him.
I love him so much!
Ashton was without a doubt, one of the best things to have ever happened to me. The realization made my heart hurt more than it already was, but, I couldn't see life without him. Ever. I met amazing people and felt like I had a family with his and it was all because I met him but it wasn't enough to change my mind though, as much as I really wanted to.
I knew I needed to do this so I gripped the covers a little, then after, I wiped off all the unwelcome tears that streamed down my face. I took one last big painful breath and replayed all the reasons I was doing this in my mind then turned to the nurse.
"Please tell him to come in here," I told her weakly. I wish to everything that he hadn't come here! I wish more than anything that I didn't have to see him right now! I'm so fucking stupid!
To see his beautiful face that sometimes made him so adorable i just didn't want to say no to him, to also hear his sad and heartbroken voice that I knew he would try to hide because he would definitely try not to stress me out. Just the thought of all of it made me want to back out and leave it alone, but i knew this was a good thing for both of us.
"Danny?" I heard his sweet voice call out to me.
My head jerked up and I saw Ashton in pretty much the same state as myself. His cheeks are paler than usual and his faint freckles are more prominent along his cheekbone. Freckles that I only know about because of long days spent in bed with Ashton dotting kisses along every each and every one of them.
I might miss that more than anything.
"A-Ashton," I tried to say with a straight face but failed miserably.
"Lovebug, I heard what happened to you at the police station from your dad. I rushed right from school to see you. All that's left is recovery, so I'll help you through it until you can get back to normal activity." He said eagerly before bending down to kiss my forehead, breaking my heart even more.
"Just stop it already," I begged him.
"Are you in pain?"
YES! "No, I'm not. Well my heart is hurting and I'm scared, but I'm not in pain."
"What's bugging you?" Ashton asked, reaching over and covering my hand gently with his. I sighed and glanced down at our hands clasped together longingly, the hands that had always fitted together so perfectly, right from the very moment I first met Ashton.
I bit my lip and pulled my hand away before painfully turning onto my side so I wouldn't have to see his face. I cursed my cowardice in my head. There was no way I'd be able to go through with this if I was facing him.
"We'll talk afterwards." I forced out, looking down at my hands to avoid looking at Ashton's worried expression.
"Please tell me what's wrong Lovebug you're scaring me." Ashton begged me. His worried voice just made my chest hurt and the tears flow heavier. I sighed and stopped walking too, before gently grabbing the hand he rested on my side, to prolong our touch. "You shouldn't be stressed."
"I'm sorry." I whimpered into the soft, smelly hospital pillow. "Please just try and understand why I'm doing this. It's for the best."
"Doing what?" Ashton pulled his hand away from mine and turned me gently back towards him, his eyes fearful. "What is it, baby?"
I took a deep breath and said the hardest words he'd ever had to say. "We need to break up."
Ashton's already pale skin whitened, he swallowed and his eyes began to well up. This is what I didn't want to see at all. This is what I couldn't face head on without wanting to comfort him. My heart fry like it was being torn from my chest, but I couldn't imagine what Ashton was feeling himself.
"Please. Don't." They were the first words to fall out of Ashton's lips, and i took a deep breath and told myself to stand my ground. Ashton's face had always been my weak spot, I'd always found it borderline impossible to say no to him, but I had to stand firm this time. For both of us.
"I have to. You'll understand soon that this is the right thing for us," I tried but failed to say with a straight face. I wanted to cry and scream and breakdown, the sadness felt like it was about to explode out of me but I held myself rigid, telling myself I could lose it later.
But I had to go through with it.
"You can't just break up with me!" Ashton snapped, "This isn't right, don't lie! I don't understand why you think this is a good idea?" His hurt quickly turned to anger as he looked for the right thing to say. "Why do you want to break up with me? Don't you love me too?!" He sobbed eventually.
"Oh god." I said softly thru my tears, reaching up to Ashton's cheek and placing my hand on it once as he leaned on it. I felt his tears pouring into my hand. "Don't ever say that, Ashton. I do still love you. So much it hurts. I just..." I swallowed hard, figuring out how best to get the words out. "I want you to be happy. You make me the happiest person alive, don't ever doubt that Ashton, but...when you're not around I miss you so much, all the time. I can't concentrate because I miss you so much. I know you must feel that too. We shouldn't have to be miserable." I took a deep breath and said the words i knew would feel like ripping his my own out. "And I want you to get the full college experience. I want you to have everything college and life can offer you without a bag of bones dragging you down. That includes new experiences with men. Men who aren't me." As i spoke the lie, I felt something in my chest spasm, and i wondered dimly if this was what true heartbreak was.
We both sniffed, Ashton's sobs radiating through the room. He rubbed his eyes. "I don't want anyone else! There are over eight million people in the area, god knows how many of them are gay men, and you know what? I don't want any of them! I don't want to go near any of the six billion people on this earth!" Ashton ran a hand through his hair. "I just want you. I don't know how to be without you anymore. I love you so much!" Ashton moved forward and began to grab me, my hands, my neck, my waist, trying to hold onto me and not let me go, but I pushed him away gently.
"I don't know how to be without you, either." I whispered. "But I think I can be. Please let me go. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think it would benefit both of us."
"How the fuck is this a good thing?" Ashton yelled, "THIS is a huge mistake, Danny. You know it! You can't even say it like you mean it!"
I turned away from him again unable to take it much more. I was in pain, both physically and emotionally, but this was a new level I'd never experienced before, not even from Vincenzo.
"Please, Danny," Ashton whispered desperately once more through his sobs. "I'll do better, i won't yell! I promise, whatever it is I will fix it, I'll do anything! Hit me if you need to! Just don't leave me! Lovebug, please look at me!"
"I'm sorry, I can't. I'm so sorry," I replied quietly, looking at the dirty wall next to me, and when I looked up again, Ashton had started to leave.
"I love you too, so you better believe you'll still be spending Christmas with me. I already ordered you the best doctors. And I'm....I'm only leaving because if you get stressed, you'll be in danger. I'll fix it for us, because I can't accept this."
"Get out. It's over."
"I'm coming back because it's not over," he sniffled before exiting from the room.
And every fibre of my being was telling me to run after him even though I physically couldn't, to stop him from leaving, for him to tell me that I was out of my mind to do this, so that I could say sorry and I didn't mean it, to kiss him and tell him it would all be ok.
But I didn't even try do that.
I stayed by myself, telling the nurse that came to fuck off, my arms wrapped around myself, as i finally gave way to the onslaught of tears that had been threatening since way before Ashton had come. I sobbed, thinking back to all the good things Ashton and I shared again, small things like dinners with Sam and Soyoung, doing our homework side by side, coffee and tea in the morning and the hot milk at night. I thought of how no one could ever make me laugh until my sides hurt like my Ashton could, of waking up in the morning with Ashton's legs entwined with mine, of holding hands and kissing him whenever I wanted too. Of making love and never feeling more alive than when I was with him.
I couldn't help but think that i'd made the biggest fucking fuck up of my entire life, which is really saying something, and all I wanted to do was find Ashton and make things go back to the way they were. To actually fight for this relationship like I was doing before without hesitation.
Maybe then I wouldn't be so scared for tomorrow, I just sat back and let the pain take me.
I tried, I really did. After four days of not getting out of bed and eating about three saltine crackers and a bunch of grapes because I felt too sad to eat, dad forced me to get up, and helped me get a shower and eat a meal that had improved their meals lately. I only manages about two mouthfuls of a sandwich but Dad takes that as a mini victory anyway, because at least I had eaten something.
Teresa accompanied me for the mental health and rehab I had started to receive just so I wouldn't be so anxious or stress out over little things. Everyday she would bring me teas and she even cut my hair at some point so that it would stop getting in my eyes.
"Honey, I feel like you should speak to Ashton a little, I can't bear to watch you be so miserable," she told me. "I can see you trying, but....he can pull you out of this funk. I'm sure if it. You're clearly heartbroken."
"Don't do it, Teresa," I said. "Please don't bring him up right now. I can't take it."
"Then why did you break up with him?" She asked.
"Because it was what was best," I said taking this chance to end the conversation by laying down. My longing for him was only made worse by the vow he made ti sprang Christmas with me. "I'm tired, just turn the TV on so I can fall asleep please."
"Honey," she said sympathetically but didn't press on. She just rubbed my head and tried her best to try and comfort me through my misery. I'd run out of tears, or I might be dehydrated, I don't care.
My head hurts.
When I woke up, I saw the last person I ever wanted to see again. There wouldn't be any other reason for them to be here, except to finish me off. But, it honestly didn't surprise me anymore.
It had been a while, but I had gotten the short end of the stick again.
"Attorney General," I simply said with a hoarse voice. She stood very tall in her high heels, I bet she was even taller than me. As soon as I sat up, her expression went from guilty back to indifference and sternness. This seemed to put an invisible pressure in the room. "Are you here to finish me by off? I already did what you told me to do. You win."
"I didn't think it would give you a heart attack," she crossed her arms. "I had to read the reports to believe it."
"Wasn't this your intention?"
"Not at all."
"Well, my parents didn't do this to me. If you've seen my records, then you know that I am chronically ill, so leave them alone. If you haven't come to finish me off, then did you come to admire your handiwork?" I snapped at her with as much venom as I could muster up.
"I would've never guessed you were this weak," she shook her head. "I'm sure you know how I wasn't there for Ashton as he grew up. But I got constant updates from my husbands dreadful brother Chip. Ashton is exactly like me. He grew up being pampered by everyone around him and always got what he wanted, just like me. But there came a time when he came quiet and stubborn. He never gave thought to what I'm building for him and there's always someone cleaning his messes.
"But it's just the way he is. He develop a sense of justice. I remember when he was ten, and some guy was harassing his neighbors daughter. After Ashton found out, he went to pick a fight with him. It was quite a sight, seeing a ten year old confront a thirty year old man. To be safe, he brought a machete with him, no one told him to do any of that. I could've stopped him, but he's different than me in that way. He doesn't care what others think about him. He has his own ideas and won't listen to anybody.
"I watched him grow up, and I worry non stop B that he'll cause irreparable damage to the reputation because of his recklessness and impulsiveness," I didn't know who she was talking about, but that person was not my Ashton. "He's more daring than the average person. He stabbed a grown man when he was ten, he took his grandfathers guns and went shooting, he jumped off a second floor for a stupid bet. You've got him so obsessed that he'll one day hurt himself for you. This is how my son is, sooner or later, he'll destroy himself or others if he can't get what he wants.
"After telling you this, I'm sure you understand that means it's impossible for you to be accepted in this family. I don't even care about your silly dream of IVF. I'd never support those test tube nightmares."
"You make it sound like you did this for Ashton. But you're only talking about someone you see from afar, because that isn't Ashton," I automatically defended him.
"Well it doesn't matter now," she grabbed her bag. "I wish you the best recovery and I'll pass your information onto that artist."
"Don't do that," I snapped at her.
"You don't have to be afraid, if he really likes you as much as he claims, you should be glad. Although he's often rough with his play things, you can be immortalized in that art you like so much, and you can receive a similar level of protection," she stepped closer to me and her eyes started to turn cold as ice again. "If you cause any more trouble for my son, I won't let you off."
"Don't pass my information to that guy." I snapped at her.
"Fine," after this, she gave me a once over, face faltering for a second, she walked right out of my hospital room.
I held my head in my hands feeling ashamed of myself once more. I was doomed to live a life of listening to other people that were stronger than me, wasn't I? I'm doomed to live a life where I have to keep disregarding my own feelings because I was too weak to fight for it! I'm doomed to never love anyone like I had loved Ashton.
It would be about now that he would sense my bad mood and come to comfort me and whisper sweet nothings to me while kissing my ear. He'd rub the back of my hands with his thumbs, and if that didn't work he'd ruffle my hair and kiss me while saying something stupid, just to make me smile. We'd be off in our own world.
I flashed back to the times of our first few weeks dating each other and Sam had asked me if I had done anything over the weekend and i'd grin and say yes unfortunately, would you like to see a picture of my boyfriend? And i wouldn't give him a chance to say no, i'd just pull out my wallet and show him the photo-booth picture of Ashton and I.
In the photo Ashton is on the verge of laughing, his smile wide, his eyes crinkled. The photo was originally attached to a strip of four but two got lost somewhere so there's only one other photo below it that was taken just a few seconds after, where Ashton had turned to look at me, obviously to scold me for making him laugh. But there's no anger on his face. He just...he's looking at me like he's seeing something amazing, something wonderful he didn't know existed. He's looking at me like I was the most beautiful person in the world. I've never seen someone look so in love, and that's why it's my favorite picture, the one i looked at the most these days.
I stood up for a while getting my breath back to normal and rubbing at my chest because my heart just hurts so much, it hasn't stopped hurting since I let Ashton leave. I reached in my messenger bag, fumbling around a bit, pulled out my wallet and the picture I was thinking about.
There it is, Ashton's face. I ignore the first picture and just look at the one where Ashton is looking at me before letting the grief set it. I leaned my head back and let the tears run down my cheeks and wonder if this pain will ever, ever go away.
Because it just felt like the end of the world right now. I couldn't deal with this! Thinking about it over and over again literally solved nothing at all, I'd just become more and more miserable by the minute.
"Hello," another unwelcome voice filled my ears. I didn't have to lift my head to see that it was Vincenzo. "I brought you some food after I heard about the heart attack."
"What are you doing here?" I asked climbing back into my bed. I wasn't in any kind of mood to care about him at all. Shit, I barely had the energy to tell him to just go away and leave me to rot.
"Just a visit."
"Whatever."
"Your nurse said you might be discharged at the end of the week," Vincenzo ventured hesitantly.
I nodded and turned my eyes painfully from the picture to just look at the asshole who entered, who just sat on the edge of the bed, eyeing me hopefully. "Can't wait," I murmured, sighing.
"Aren't you looking forward to it?"
"I just..." i began, shaking my head as my eyes wandered to the IV stand by my bed, where several bottles and bags hung. "As long as I'm in the hospital, I can tell myself it's only here that I feel so crappy. Once I get home, it's different. Then it will feel like I'll never get better or be happy again. I can't even eat or smile anymore," I whispered chokingly, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. I had sworn to myself not to cry in front of Vincenzo again and i couldn't even manage to do that anymore. "All I want to do is cry."
My follow through is just shit isn't it?!
"Well now you can just bulk up like I've been telling you," he said jokingly.
"Yeah, you were right," I said. Just how the hell did he find out that I was even here? He didn't live next to me anymore and it's not like my dad tells his family anything anymore. This was fucking weird.
Vincenzo seemed a bit taken aback by my agreement. "I....forget it, that was a tasteless joke. Really inappropriate. I'm sorry."
"Whatever," I truly didn't care about him right now and wished he would just go away. Vincenzo opened up the Tupperware and unwrapped a fork.
"Chicken Cacciatora, it's good for the heart," he said holding out some for me to eat.
"Thank you," I took the fork and Tupperware careful to avoid even an accidental touch. I couldn't talk much much as tears kept threatening to spill out, so I just ate.
"Eat...eat slowly," his eyes also started to fill up with tears but he quickly wiped them away. After a couple of minutes of just watching me nibble at the food, he stretch out his arm. "C-can I hug you?"
"I don't care," I mumbled. Vincenzo flinched awkwardly but proceeded to lean in and wrap his arms gently around my neck before I felt the tears start to wet my shoulder. "Wow, this is the kind of asshole you are. How come I didn't realize earlier that you were such a soft ass?"
"I didn't know you could joke like that."
"Makes sense, you were never interested in who I really was anyway," I pushed him off of me to break the hug so I could continue to eat in peace. "If you were, you'd know I have a bad personality."
"I am."
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. However he wanted to lie to himself wasn't exactly my business and I didn't care to know.
"Your dad and Sam and I are here to help you, aren't we," Vincenzo reminded me, handing me a tissue.
"Yes, and that's part of the problem," I nodded, wiping my face once briefly before my hand holding the tissue fell back to the bed weakly. "You being here."
I walked towards the bathroom door and opened it quietly.
I turned on the light, and shielded my eyes as the brightness was blinding. When my eyes finally adjusted to the light, I moved my hands away and stepped up to the mirror. I stared at my reflection which seemed to have deteriorated. My dark bags under my eyes had returned and I looked sick again. I was obviously tired – couldn't I just sleep already?
My hands were shaking when I turned on the tap and splashed water in my face a few times. I stared back at my face in the mirror. I hated looking at myself. Usually when I looked in the mirror, I hated just my reflection on the outside, but now i hated myself on the inside. How could I do that? How just dump Ashton and not fight for the relationship? Why didn't I just tell him what was going on? I seriously felt like punching the mirror, and shattering my reflection into a million little pieces because that's what I felt I deserved.
I hoped I died before Christmas.
Instead of hitting the mirror, I turned off the tap and turned off the light. I headed back into bed and sighed. What had happened to all of the courage that I had the other day in front of his mother?
Why did I fool myself like that? I'm too weak to even help myself!
I put my face back in my hands before I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. This was the worst feeling ever, sitting here with Vincenzo of all people. I wished desperately i could just rewind time a little. Why had I followed through with what she said instead of putting my trust in Ashton? It was the stupidest thing i could have possibly done.
"Dan?" The tired voice startled me as I had almost forgotten about Vincenzo still being there. I turned to face him who was sitting down in a chair making himself more comfortable than I would've liked. I really hoped to everything that he wasn't really planning on staying here with me. "What's wrong?" He asked with a yawn.
"I can't sleep, so I'm grumpy," I mumbled. "To sleep well, I need Ashton here with me. It's the best way for me to go to sleep."
"You two broke up though!" Vincenzo snapped.
"Yeah," I heard my voice crack. "All I can remember is how heartbreaking and hurtful it is. God, I hate myself so much for it. How could I do that to him, after I've been through so much myself? I should've put all my trust in him."
"Just say how you feel, I'll listen to your troubles," he said.
"Will you? Ok then?" I'm not sure why, but I was suddenly feeling extremely petty. Like I wanted Vincenzo to know exact how much I love Ashton because he just didn't get it. "The pain is so constant and unbearable, that I don't even know if it's physical pain or emotional pain anymore. When I was forced to break up with him, I felt like I was really about to die. Knowing that I might go back to school and have to see him, but to not be able to approach him or talk to him, breaks my heart into a million pieces. And if it goes on long enough, he won't want me anymore! I mean, how stupid was I to think that someone as perfect as Ashton will hold off for someone like me! I'm boring and plain and high maintenance! High maintenance probably isn't the right word but since he was constantly having to save my life and such, it fits into that category. I wish I had his strength and tenacity but I'm doomed to being like this. The hardest part is going to be removing him from every part of my life as if he had never existed. That hurts to do, because I was truly happy with him.
"I didn't deserve him! He's too good for a coward like me. I love him so much, and I just let him go like that. I'm such a fucking idiot. You were right about me, I'm such a pathetic piece of garbage."
"I don't think I ever-"
"You did. Multiple times, but now I finally see what you were talking about for myself. I finally understand why people really hate me," I knew I sounded like I was pitying myself, but I wasn't sure what else I could've done at this moment. "I get it already."
This is just how I felt.
That just broke my heart again. I hoped his mom was met with misfortune and I could take Ashton in my arms and feel the warmth of his body against me again. I wanted so much to touch his face when she blushed just so I could run my fingers through his mullet. Just not being near him was just getting harder.
"I'm the most stupid for not being able to anticipate this at all. I had just assumed that we'd always just stay together because we kept making plans for future," I thought about the future children who will now never be. My idea of a perfect life had disappeared with Ashton. "I don't want to do anything anymore but die. Everything hurts too much for me now."
"H-have you seen Sam?"
"No. I haven't called him."
"Why don't you call him?"
"So I can listen to him brag about Soyoung some more? I'd rather not hear anything about love for the rest of my life."
"You can't just give up because of that guy."
"Who's going to stop me? You?"
"Give me a chance, I can make you forget about Ashton," Vincenzo shamelessly said.
"You're not him though. It's not the same, I don't want you," I said. "I told you time and time again and you just won't listen to anything and just keep doing your own thing. That's what I hate the most about you. You're selfish and you only care about your own satisfaction."
"Hey!"
"Did I upset you? Hit me if you must," I presented my cheek waiting for him to strike me.
"I'm not going to hit you! You just had a heart attack? Is this what you think of me?"
"I wouldn't put it past you," I looked him right in the eye as I said this so he would know that I was serious about my feelings towards him. "I mean, you did come here to take advantage of my hurt feelings just to try and hook up, didn't you?"
"That wasn't-"
"You just tried to get with me because you heard Ashton and I broke up, and you're telling me that you being here isn't a manipulation move? I'd sooner eat shit before I believed that you didn't come here with ulterior motives, Vincenzo. Don't act like you don't know why you're receiving an attitude from me right now."
"Ok, I just tried to shoot my shot. I thought it would be worth it but it wasn't, I'm sorry," he put his hands up in defeat. Him admitting to this just disgusted me even more.
"The nerve," I scoffed at the audacity this guy had. I couldn't help but wonder just where the hell he got it from.
"I said sorry," Vincenzo snapped. "Just what is it that I have to do? You're not even trying to give me a chance! Just tell me already!"
"What is it that you even want?"
"I want for you to like me again and for us to be close again. So tell me what to do to make that happen!"
"You know how fucking messy you are coming here with expectations like that? So what, if I tell you to do everything I say, you'll do it?"
"Yes, I'll do anything for you."
"I don't want to have anything with you. Why should I?" I asked him seriously. Vincenzo tried to scramble for words but couldn't seem to stick to a single thought. "Why don't you try doing everything I did for you."
"Fine! I'll do it! Don't duck my calls!"
"We'll see."
"If I come see you, you have to let me in-"
"Why the fuck would I let you back into my house? Seriously, why are you even being like this?" I was getting a headache.
"You told me to do everything you did for me!" He tried.
"Was I really this pushy?"
"But you did it first..." Vincenzo started to tremble. "You appeared in my life first to make it better."
It was time to end this once and for all.
"By the way, I'm just really curious about something and I know I won't be able to sleep unless I get a solid answer from you," I quickly wanted to change the subject as I took in my current situation. Sam's warnings echoed across my mind over and over again, so I couldn't help but think he was suspicious anyway. "If you want to salvage anything, you'll answer."
"Ask away," he sighed.
"How did you know I was here?"
"Huh?"
"This isn't the usual hospital that I go to as it's one that Ashton paid for before we broke up. I also know that my dad doesn't speak to your parents anymore except in passing to not be rude. You also told me that you moved out to the other side of town, so there's no way you could know what happened." I pointed out. "I'm also pretty sure that Ashton isn't out there spreading the news. Not even Sam knows where I am and his family owns this hospital. So how did you know that I was here?"
Vincenzo started to sweat. "I just-"
"How did you know that Ashton and I broke up?"
"We just talked about it."
"You brought it up first," I said. I looked Vincenzo in the eye again as I solved this stupidly easy puzzle on my own. "Did you...by yourself...this....you did this?"
Vincenzo was stunned speechless and I understood this all too well. He was a fucking psycho! He was willing to let me have a heart attack to get to me? Fucking asshole! He kept quiet but grew increasingly nervous as he stared back at me without blinking. "I didn't." He lied.
"Why did you do it, Vincenzo?" I felt like crying. "I made myself very clear about this."
Vincenzo just gave me his best smile. "We're here together now, aren't we?"
"Are you insane?" I asked.
"Maybe, but I'm doing this all so I can win you back!" His delusional ass declared.
"You're the worst, Vincenzo," I shook my head in disbelief at him. I definitely didn't know who the hell this guy was anymore, and I'm scared now. "Get out."