I woke up well rested feeling a little positive that I only had to power through two more days here in this hospital. Though the atmosphere was calm and luxurious, unlike the usual hospital I go to which stayed chaotic, it was still a fucking hospital I hated.
After that day, whenever I'm alone, tears start pouring down my face for no reason. And right on cue, here we go, the ache in my body comes up to my fingertips. I try not to think about it, but it's all that I can feel.
"Good morning, Lovebug. Are you in any pain?" I heard someone say from beside me causing me to jump. Ashton sat there on my the side of my bed and started to play with my hair.
"Wh-what are you doing here?" I put away my excitement and tried to move away, but he held me in place despite me fighting him.
"I missed you, and I told you that we can't break up," He simply said. His ignorance of the situation moved my heart to a new level, and I tried my hardest not to reciprocate. But I couldn't help it in my heart. I missed him so much it felt like it was killing me. My heart felt like it was getting ripped from my chest a second time.
"Don't do that!" I let the tears freely flow as Ashton held my arms. I didn't have the strength to fight him off, nor did I want to. His touch was something I missed dearly. But as much as I loved him being around me, it was just way too risky. "It's bothering me! Did it not come up in your head that things might turn out like this? That everyone being against us would force this to happen?"
"Even if that was the case, you and I both feel something very real. You and I both love each other so much that just three days was hell for us both. You and I both know that we were made for each other," he kissed my hand before slipping the ring he had gotten for me back on my finger making me tear up even more. "You and I both have the dream of marrying each other, and going to college together. We both want to come home to each other every night and in a few years, our two children. One that looks like you and one that looks like me. Soyoung's sister even volunteered to give birth for us."
My heart felt heavy while he talked about the fantasy we set up for ourselves. "Are you still going on about all that? It obviously can't happen now because-"
"Baby.....I'm may be an idiot, you know that, but I'm a lot more perceptive than you," he smiled joining me in shedding tears uncontrollably. It hurt to watch him look so sad because of me. "You love me and I love you."
"I can't-"
"Am I wrong?" He looked at me tearfully. He tried his hardest to maintain eye contact but lowered his head when he realized that I wasn't going to answer, even though I wanted to shout that he wasn't wrong and I'd love him forever. "I can't deal with this."
It was like he knew the reason that I had to do this. "You.....what the hell are you even dealing with? I'm the one who's dealing with this! These horrible memories I got because of this relationship! I mean just take a look at where the fuck I am right now!"
"You're right," he agreed to my discomfort.
"About Vincenzo and your birth mother...I'm the one who had to deal with it all!"
"If it weren't for me, your dad and you would never had to have gone through any of this. She would've never came after you if I had put my foot down sooner and if I had locked Vincenzo up in a psych ward. You're right to resent me," he said. No, the fuck?! I wasn't right! You helped me as much as you could and protected me every step of the way!
"Yeah! I resent you! So let's just pretend that none of this ever happened in the first place! And who do you think you are to come visit me wearing that pathetic depressed look on your face! There's no way I could've ever liked someone like you! I don't love you anymore!" I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to stop crying as I said this so I would sound more believable. But it was downright impossible for me to pull off as I was a terrible actor.
"Baby, don't lie," I could hear him crying himself. "You know you can't lie to me because you can't act, just like me. You know, I can tell even when you say mean things, you never mean it. At least, never towards me."
"Ashton, I really do mean it."
"No, you don't. There's no one that can convince me that we have to stop loving each other, because of her. And whoever tries, I'll take care of them," he leaned forward sealing my lips with his. Nothing seemed to matter right now but that we loved each other like he said. It broke me. A content sigh escaped me and my whole body relaxed as it finally got what it craved to feel for the past few days. His tongue pushed against my lower lip, lightly caressing it and begging for entrance, which I gladly granted him by meeting his tongue with mine.
My hands seemed to move on their own account, one into his soft, blonde locks and the other stroke across his chest, pushing him back against the couch until I was hovering above him. Too soon Ashton pulled away, our breaths laboured.
"What about your mom? That's what scares me the most," I whimpered deciding to give into whatever he wanted. "I don't want lose my father, that's why I have to push you away from me-"
"It wasn't your fault that you felt forced. You and your father will never be bothered by her again. I had her exposed for corruption. In an hour, the entire country will know what she's done to you and your father. Vincenzo gave me a recording of her making the deal with him and explaining her entire plan. Sam saved the video of her coming here to antagonize you," Ashton explained. "If she doesn't end up behind bars, she'll never be able to bother us again. We both have state issued restraining orders against her that was pushed through by my biological dad who's currently divorcing her and withdrawing all support."
"Ashton-" My lips were recaptured to cut off any protest i might have. He smiled against my lips and moved a bit closer to me. The kiss was rough but gentle and filled with passion as always, like we just couldn't get enough of each other. It was true; I just couldn't get enough of Ashton. He was my angel, the most amazing man I had ever met, the kindest, the sweetest, and the smartest. The most beautiful.
Whenever we were together my world seemed complete, and when we were apart I practically counted the seconds until I looked into those big blue eyes again.
"I don't wanna lose you again, Lovebug," he said. I missed him too. "Please just keep your eyes on me when we're alone, because all I can think about is you when we're apart. What do you want to do? Will you be mine again forever?"
Before I could answer, Ashton leaned forward. I was kissing the man I was supposed to be with, who I thought I had lost forever, and he was kissing me back. Our tongues were wrestling but not for control, we were drinking each other in and tasting as much as we could. The familiar way his neck heats up at times like this, the way he kisses, when he stretches his arms to hold me closer, every single part of of him is just so precious to me, and I can't help but yearn for him.
"Are you sure you'll have me back?" I sobbed.
"Without a doubt. I will never let you go," Ashton stoked my head until I was able to calm down from my ugly crying and breathe normally. My throat felt raw and I knew my eyes were puffy as hell, but Ashton still occasionally leaned down to kiss them anyway. "I already explained what happened to Teresa and your dad, so you don't have to worry about anything but getting better. They've also been assured that no one will come after them or you again. I took care of everything."
"You did?"
"Yeah, and now you need to go back to sleep since it's so early in the morning."
"I don't want to rest more."I complained.
I tried to sit up but Ashton immediately pushed me back down. "I don't think so. You just experienced some external stimuli in a critical stage. It's my fault, so you just get some sleep and don't worry about a thing."
"I don't want to though. You're here with me and I missed you so much....I want to talk to you," I whined.
"I'll be here when you wake up, but for now, you need to rest your heart. Your health is the most important thing to me and you make me worry. Please just listen to me," Ashton begged.
"O-ok," I gave up my struggle to embrace him and just took a good look at his face. Ashton looked absolutely exhausted. His mullet was a shaggy mess and the dark circles under his eyes were prominent. He had some visible stubble around his chin and upper lip making him look haggard and sexy.
"When you recover, wanna just run away to another country? I can take over our business in Seoul and we can live near Sam and Soyoung. My parents would be alright with it as long as we come visit them a lot, and under the condition that we finish college while we're there. Or I can give it all up and we can start from scratch." Ashton smiled.
There he goes, saying stupid things to try and cheer me up again! I really missed this part of him a lot. "Realistically, that wouldn't work."
"Why not? I don't need anything if that means I can have you! We can go somewhere that no one can bother us," Ashton pouted.
"You suck at cooking and don't know how to clean and both you and I can't speak Korean. We still have to graduate and apply to college. Plus i have my dad here."
"He can come with us! And there's nothing I can't learn," he insisted. Unfortunately, I couldn't imagine Ashton in the role of a homemaker. Burning through money by only buying expensive things and burning all the food he tried to make. I could almost throw up at the amount of food that could potentially be wasted by him.
For the sake of mankind, that couldn't happen.
"No, Ashton. The hospital feels too cold to think about it now, so you keep me warm."
Ashton helped me adjust to get more comfortable, so he could lay next to me, chuckling when I got fully off the bed and curled up against his torso. "You know, you've got a point. You can keep me warmer like this too, yeah? Like a heated blanket."
I nodded taking in the Ashton calming effect at full throttle. "Mmhm! It's a win-win situation, so just stay with me like this."
I sighed happily and snuggled comfortably onto Ashton; his big muscular chest is solid and so warm, and when he wraps his strong arms around me I finally feel safe and happy again. I am aware that keeping your chest warm is important when you're cold so I'm confident that I'm doing my part by putting my full open hand and head over Ashton's toned pecs. Not that he needed it, as he felt like he was radiating heat.
"You have no idea how much I missed holding you like this..." Ashton mumbled. "We don't do this enough. We're going to start doing this a lot more." He gave me a quick squeeze and another kiss on my head.
"Well we have central heating at home," I tease and laugh when Ashton responds by dramatically slumping his arm. He kisses me again and uses both hands to give my arm and side a rub instead of arguing with me, but I could tell he was pouting without even looking at him. "I'm joking, I'm joking. You saying we don't cuddle enough?"
Ashton hums. "Maybe. I just want more. We'll talk about it when you wake up." We didn't speak for a long time, just laid there, my fingers on his chest and waited for our breaths to catch and our heartbeats to settle a bit. "I love you, Danny." He said and I could feel his arm tighten possessively around me but I said nothing and just enjoyed the feeling, hoping this wasn't a dream as I slipped into a deep sleep.
I woke up feeling that something was different. My chest felt lighter, the pain had eased, and I didn't feel sluggish and miserable. Then I realised who was next to me. Instead of letting me stay on top of him he had moved me next to him. Ashton, was sprawled messily under the covers. His good leg was laying on top of my feet and his hand was across my chest. I smiled. Everything that had happened earlier flooded my mind making me realize that it was not a dream. Mindblowing love rekindling. That was what it had been. We were Us again. Not just two people. I laid there, I didn't dare to move when he looked so peaceful in his dreaming and I hadn't seen his face. My heart felt too big for my chest, it swelled over because I felt the impact of the love I had gotten back last night.
After some time, maybe thirty minutes, he started to stir in his sleep. I smiled when he opened his sleepy eyes that started to sparkle immediately when he realised I was already awake and how we were sleeping. "Morning Lovebug..." he murmured and leaned in to kiss me.
"Morning, Ashton," I said and reached to run my fingers through his hair. "You looked adorable. This is a good way to wake up." I told him and he smiled.
"You're lookin' pretty good yerself," he chuckled before pulling his phone out. After a few taps he seemed to be reading something. "I have some calls to make, can you take care of yourself for a few minutes?"
"I should....maybe be able to," I averted my eyes secretly wanting him to take care of me.
"Well, that means you can't or you don't want to," he sat up.
"Ash!" I whined and grabbed his arm. "I can take care of myself as long as I don't overexert myself."
He ignored me and stood up before picking me like he always did. "Don't worry baby, you're super light," is this about wether he can carry me or not? He brought me into the bathroom and set me down on my feet before reaching for my toothbrush and putting toothpaste on it for me. It made me feel a little bit helpless.
The fucker even brushed my teeth for me. "I'm minty fresh now, anymore and you'll sand my teeth down to the nerves."
"Anything specific you want for breakfast?" He asked picking me up again and bringing me back to bed.
"I can now have eggs, lean chicken, fish and seafood, and legumes," I told him. "So I'm fine with anything that's that."
"I'll go buy something good for you, stay in bed and just watch TV until I come back," he kissed the top of my head. "I know you don't like to listen, but stay put until I come back. I won't be gone for more than fifteen minutes."
"I'll listen," I pouted slightly embarrassed that he could read me so fucking well. He ruffled my hair and left the room silently after blowing me a kiss and turned on the TV where I was immediately assaulted by a breaking news flashing and a news anchor talking seriously next to a picture of Ashton's birth mom.
""Our top story is something the Eyewitness News Team has been following since early this morning. A shooting at the home of a local couple and it's link to the attorney general. We now go live a to a press conference at the hospital where David and Antonia Callahan were taken.""
""Good afternoon. I'm Deputy Chief Victoria Gateman. With me here is the head of surgery, Dr. Ferdinand Thomas. We each have a short statement and then we will answer some questions. Please keep your questions until we finish our statements.
"This morning, at approximately 7:30 am, we received reports of shots fired. At the time of arrival we observed mr and Mrs Callahan bleeding on the floor of their garage. Both Mr and Mrs Callahan sustained serious wounds. I will let Dr. Thomas give you more detail in a moment.
""A third alleged assailant was pronounced dead on arrival and his body has been taken to the morgue. Identification on the body indicated his name is Caleb Schneider. At this time there is no known motive for their actions. Video provided by Mr. Callahan's security company indicates that all wounds were self inflicted.
""Upon further examination of the scene, we found evidence of human trafficking activity. Earlier, as Mrs. Callahan came to, she confessed. They had played a critical role in helping the Attorney General, Ms. Olive Dubois, to successfully identify, befriend and groom minor victims for abuse. In all cases they were paid to act the part of grieving parents who had a child kidnapped. With this technique, they've put several couples behind bars under false pretense and effectively sold their children elsewhere.
""Typically, the victims of these crimes were political opponents or people who refused to listen to what she had to say. Today we announce the unsealing of sex trafficking charges and corruption charges against Olive Dubois. The charges allege that Dubois abused her legal power against the residents with lower income to steal children from their parents or legal guardians for money. After receiving this money, she would then facilitate the sale through these actors resulting in that child being subjected to all sorts of abuse.
""After receiving a tip from an anonymous source, last night, at the airport, aboard her private jet to flee, we managed to apprehend Ms. Dubois and later today, she be brought in front of magistrate judge Ballmain. And later a conference before district court judge Fuhad. The United States attorneys office will take position at that presentment and that conference, that Dubois should be detained pending trial.
""Dubois is charged in a two count indictment. First, conspiracy to commit sex trafficking. Second the subsequent crime of sex trafficking of minors beginning in at least 2006. Third is corruption on grounds of bribery, extortion and embezzlement.""
I listened on in shock as the news continued to tear Ashton's mom to shreads. Forty people from the business she opened up were arrested in connection to her and apparently everyone was talking. A victim of hers had already come forward and would be being interviewed later in the program. They then played snippets of a recording where Ashton's bio mom seemed to be setting up a deal with someone.
After that, a video of her in the hospital threatening me showed causing me to nearly fall out of bed. Luckily my face was blurred and my voice was dubbed. The most unexpected thing that almost had me shiting my pants, was my dad showing up next to a reporter vowing dramatically to sue Olive and the entire police department for the damages that were caused to me. He also declared that everything she's ever done in her career should be reevaluated as no one could possibly know how corrupted she actually was until they did. To end it off he called the justice system rigged and shamed the police for being airheads.
I could tell that he just wanted to be on TV to insult the police, but he didn't need to tell the news that I had a heart attack!
""Well, there you have it. The former Attorney Generals hearing will take place later this month. We will report the updates as they continue to come in. Deborah.""
""Coming up next, a new cleaning method with common household products and what will tonight's weather look like. Find out that and more, when we come back.""
Motherfucker! A sex trafficking ring? I almost got fucking sex trafficked because she wanted to break us up?! Whatever had made the cops change their mind at the station, was literally my saving grace! I was a lot luckier than those other kids.
That's fucking scary!
Good thing Ashton and that anonymous source had put her on blast. But since they were investigating her so thoroughly now, did that mean I had to get questioned by the police? Or worse, testify? I'm not exactly a minor....but I do have a choice to appear in court...unless I get a subpoena!
A knock sounded at the hospital door shocking me out of my stupor. Two men in business suits stood there looking at me silently freak out.
Was this that lady's revenge for getting back with Ashton?
"Mr. Cunningham, I'm Detective Brady and this is Detective Brown we're with the local Police."
"I'm...ok."
"I don't know if you saw the news already but we're glad to see that you seem to be feeling much better. If you feel up to it now, we would like to speak to you about what you experienced."
I suddenly felt a cold chill. Even watching the news report, I hadn't felt it until just then when I heard the word 'experienced' used in reference to me. It hadn't sunk in until that moment. I quickly composed myself, and replied, "Call me Danny. How can I help?"
"I can see that you're nervous. The officers who arrested your parents are being investigated and Olive Dubois will stay behind bars. You've also been granted an order of protection from her," detective Brady fiddled with his mustache. "We know you must be tired after what you went through, but anything the victim can provide can be helpful."
"My parents didn't do this to me!" I defended.
"We know. We're aware of what that woman was trying to do to you and your family. It's because of you that we were able to discover this corruption she's been dishing out," he assured me. "Now, please tell me in your own words what happened."
Without hesitation, I told the detectives how I had met Ashton's bio mom and how she had threatened me. And when I didn't listen to her, the police tried to knock down my door and they separated me from my parents. The stress of it became too much and it gave me a heart attack. Then I told them about when she came to visit after I had woken up, which I'm sure is something they already saw. "Ok, I think we have what we need. But I have one last question for you. Vincenzo Devellis."
"Is that a question?" I asked while shifting on my bed.
"It's meant to be...Tell us about him and why he's involved."
"We used to be friends but now we're not. He's got a few issues that he hasn't worked out all the way, so he's been meddling in my life a bit."
"Tell us about that."
"Not much to tell really. He mistakenly thought our relationship was supposed to be more than friendship and I don't feel the same."
"So it was strictly friends?"
"Yeah. But him and Ashton had some tension, so I'm pretty sure it was a spiteful thing."
"So when we asked you and you told us of those you thought might have a reason to harm you, why didn't you include Vincenzo?" The detective asked.
"Excuse me?"
"Do you believe he was aware of what might happen to you?" Oh, they were seeing if they could pin any charges on Vincenzo. As much as I didn't like him right now, I'm sure that if he had known what could've happened, he wouldn't go for it. After all, I was what he wanted.
This also means that the anonymous source was most likely Vincenzo.
"He has his faults but I don't believe intentionally trying to kill someone is among them," I said.
"Have you had any contact with Vincenzo since?"
"A little...he came to visit me, but I haven't seen him since I kicked him from the room."
Detective Brady was about to continue his questioning when Detective Brown interjects, "I think we have everything we need right now, unless there's something you would like to add."
"No, not anything I can think of...but, do you think you'll be able to keep her behind bars so she can't do this again?"
Detective Brown answers, "Well, regardless of what your father thinks, I can tell you we're working very hard at it."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about whatever my dad might have said. He has a chip on his shoulder when it comes to dealing with the police. He really hates you guys."
"We know...he made it a point to tell us all about it and how little faith he has in us. You both need to understand it's still very early in the investigation. There's investigative steps that need to be followed and evidence that takes time to analyze. We're hopeful something more will come up. You'll just have to be patient and trust us to do our job."
"You have some evidence...what kind?"
"Other than what you saw on the news, we can't comment any further. I can assure you though that as soon as something breaks we'll let you know. In the meantime we may need to speak with you again."
"That's fine...whatever I can do to help put her away."
"Please rest well, Mr. Cunningham," the detectives both gave me a thumbs up and left me the room. This all was feeling a bit too real for my liking. Like shit was about to get really out of hand. I mean, this case is a thousand times bigger than just me, but it feels like I'm at the center of it right now.
Ok, relax. She can't get me from here, no one can or else they would've already. Ashton is protecting me so no one should be able to touch me anytime soon. Everyone knows what his mother did by now, so even if she bonded out of jail, no one at the hospital would let her near me....I think. And with that restraint order it wasn't like she could get anywhere near me.
Because a piece of paper is sooooo effective.
Uncle Mickey has never honored a restraining order because he felt slighted by anyone who dared to do that to him. If anything, it fueled his fire to terrorize people more than he already has. What's to stop his mother from doing the same thing? I wouldn't put it past her to pull the same shit as Uncle Mickey.
At that moment, Ashton entered the room with some food from the cafeteria looking pretty pleased with himself. He sat down next to my bed and revealed a tray of oatmeal pancakes with bananas on top accompanied by banana bread.
"So, the cops were here," I told him.
"Oh? Did they stress you out?" Ashton tried not to react but I could tell that he was annoyed. "No matter what they said to you, no one can get to you or try to hurt you anymore. Not my mom or Vincenzo or anyone else."
All of a sudden, it's really just over? Even after all that time of being scared of what Vincenzo might do to me, I never could picture an end to it. Things don't actually feel all that real anymore, I'm not even what I used to be.....but it's over?
"Even Vincenzo?" I asked to make double sure.
"Yeah, he won't appear in front of you again."
"That doesn't sound right."
"Probably because it all happened too quickly. Eat," he prompted. He watched as I started to dig into the food. I was sick of eating bananas everyday, but it is what it is. "After he visited you, he went to therapy. I'm not sure what the doctor told him, but it seemed to work very well. He gave me the recording in exchange for me paying for him to continue seeing that doctor. He also promised that he'd never approach us again as he's really trying to change himself now."
"Just like that?"
"It was probably because I had punched him," he smiled. I couldn't believe my ears right now! The guy who couldn't even swat a fly without feeling bad about it, actually punched someone. Still, the fact that he was there when I was unaware is overwhelming. I didn't even care if he did it out of pity or not, it just makes me love Ashton more. "Well, he said it before I hit him, but I'd like to think it was because of something I did."
How cute. I missed this so much. "Well maybe that punch knocked the loose screws back into the correct place." I played along knowing damn well he wasn't the reason, but I'd like to think he was too. "My hero."
Ashton turned a bit red but still turned his nose up proudly. "I-it was nothing. A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do."
"I'm happy I have such a great man," I chuckled at him quoting my dad.
"Ugh, don't look at me like that right now. I can't even touch you," he looked away. "You know I'm only half joking when I said I wanted to lock you away somewhere, baby. I'm really going to do it."
Only a few hours ago, I was struggling to accept that I had to break free from everything related to him. Hell, I was still struggling to break free from Vincenzo to a degree. But now hearing this from Ashton made me feel relieved, because I knew he would never do that in real life.
He'd never force me to do anything. Geez, am I experiencing what it's like to want to be tied down to someone. It feels embarrassing.
"I need to ask the doctor when I can have sex again-"
"One more week after tomorrow," Ashton interrupted. "I, uh, had the doctor explain your condition in lots of detail....and I asked him when you can have sex again. It'll be soon, but we'll have to start off slow."
"Pervert," I said.
"Don't regret taking me back now," Ashton said opening up some water and giving it to me to start sipping on.
"Is Vincenzo going to jail?" I asked. He obviously had some involvement in this case, so I wonder if he'll actually be punished. I'm sure he didn't know that I could potentially get serious hurt or trafficked and I don't think he cooperated with that goal in mind.
"Sam got him a good lawyer, so at most, his outcome would be court ordered therapy since he has a history of untreated mental illness," Ashton didn't seem keen on my line of questioning. "Plus it's only his first offense. If it were up to me, he'd be locked up too."
"But-"
"His therapist can visit him in the psychiatric ward and it's not like he'd be locked up forever. Just until he got better.....or lobotomized," Ashton smiled.
"Why so ruthless?" I asked.
"If this has taught me anything, it's that people don't just stop when you tell them stop. You have to force them to stop by any means necessary, even if you don't want to."
"Why was she called Olive Dubois? Why not Belle?" I pried.
"It's my bio dads last name and mine as well, there's no way she could be implicated and connected to us at the same time, it would be devastating to our stocks. Naturally, my bio dad made her change it back to her maiden name and made that public before any of this came out to the press," Ashton said. "Any connection to her has been severed. Luckily, my parents and bio dad are making it clear who's side they're on publicly."
"Just for business?"
"Of course not. She was a corrupted official and trafficked people, we don't want to be associated with that nor do we approve of it. And it's twice as bad since she went behind everyone's back and came after you," Ashton brushed my hair out of my eyes. "Look at what she did to you, it's unforgivable for everyone. Even if businesses hadn't been involved, we would've had her put away. Preferably under the jail, you know."
"Your bio dad didn't know?" I asked.
"No one did, he's stunned at the things she did behind the scenes. Not to say no one's ever been corrupted to this extent in the family, but this is a new level of disgusting to him. People he knew were in that sex trafficking ring with her, so I'm shocked he didn't know either."
"How do you feel about it?" I thought it was a sensible question, but it just made Ashton look more upset.
"About what part?"
"Don't try and dodge my question."
Ashton sighed. "Nothing anyone teaches you prepares you for this kind of news coming out about a parent. I tried to imagine that happening, but it didn't feel like something she might do. Also she's a small person who barely eats, so I can't see her forcing people into captivity. But then I pictured her hiring someone else to do it for her, and I could clearly visualize her doing that. I had to reexamine all my memories to make sense of the past, and that was hard since I don't have many of her to begin with. There were two sides to my bio mom though, one very much opposing the other. On the surface she was a bubbly, charismatic woman, but then there was something underneath that. There was just something 'off' about her and I knew that. I just didn't care enough to say anything to anyone.
"I know I didn't do anything, but I feel guilty. There is nothing I could do to bring those poor kids that were taken away back and there was nothing I could say to the victims' families to soften the blow of losing their loved ones. I don't feel that there will ever be closure for the victims' families, and I don't think justice is ever really fully achieved. The only thing I can be thankful for is that she is in a place where she can't ever hurt anybody again. So I'm now faced with a choice. I could either accept the past or I could continue thinking I am the spawn of the scum of the earth—and that is no way to live."
"Well....um," I wasn't sure how to reply so I decided to try and use logic from my dad to try and make him feel a bit better. "I don't blame you for anything that lady did."
"Do you think I'll end up like her?"
"Vito Corleone clearly became a criminal, because a Sicilian Don had his father, Antonio Andolini, murdered, and placed a death sentence also on the son, the boy Vito. His son Michael was raised in an environment of crime, and was surrounded by members of his father's crime family. Yet Michael aimed at a college education and a professional career. As a young man he became a hero, for which he was awarded the Navy Cross. His girlfriend also agreed to marry him, on the promise that he would not follow the family path of organized crime," I pointed out.
"Michael Corleone became caught up against his will, yet finished his life in bitter regret and disappointment, never achieving the legitimate life which he so intensely wanted. In the end, as you will remember, the tragedy reached its worst possible conclusion. Michael lost his own son to assassins, then later died alone and unloved, recognizing that the only loyalty he ever obtained was because people feared him." Ashton argued.
"But if Sonny was never gunned down, Michael never would've been forced to take over."
"So who's Sunny in our situation."
"If you don't include the parts where Sonny gets machine gunned....and everything after that, you'll see my point. Just because your parents are a certain way, doesn't mean you'll be that way," I said.
"That was a horrible example."
"You understood my point, didn't you?" I pouted. This is what I get for trying to cheer up my sad boyfriend. "You didn't do what she did and you stopped her from doing more damage. So don't feel bad because you're not that kind of person."
"Hm," he grunted.
"As the kid of a criminal, I can tell you it isn't that bad when you can separate their crimes had nothing to do with you. The people I call family have all been in jail at least three times," I said proudly.
"Well, the way I grew up, I learned that if you fuck up, the entire family looks bad and has to bear the consequences."
"If my dad robbed a bank, I wouldn't get arrested just because I'm his son, but I'd still receive a punishment by losing him to the system. Either way, when someone related to you goes to prison or commits a crime, you'll feel like you're being punished."
"How do you deal with it so well?"
It wasn't the same, it was after all, my uncle that went to prison but maybe the impact was the same. "Well, um, maybe I got it from my dad, just accepting things as they are if you can't do anything about it. I don't know whether always being sick in bed and hearing about it a lot had left me desensitized to it. It might be because my dad knew how to talk to me about it and explain how he felt about it. He's the one to talk to for something like this."
"Ok," he still looked a bit down. "I appreciate you trying. I'll get into therapy for it after all."
"Was the godfather comparison too much?"
"It was cute," he gently pinched my cheek. "As long as you don't resent me for it. I even.....truthfully I couldn't ever hate her fully, I just wanted her a love, and I'm disgusted that I still do to an extent."
"How could I resent you? You're innocent in all of this," I told him while I flashed back to this morning where I had tried to push him away from me. "Every relationship has at least one bad memory, and every kid craves their parents love and affection no matter the situation. So I'm sure it's normal to feel how you feel."
Ashton looked at me and gave me a crooked smile. Behind it, it looked like he was still trying to hold back his real feelings. He hated his mom for what she did, but he couldn't hate her and the confusing feelings he had inside of him were battling it out. He obviously doesn't feel comfortable talking about it to one of her victims either, and he feels bad for even talking about it.
"Do I make you uncomfortable now?" I asked him.
"No! It's just....I feel guilty and confused. I just think I'm not in the right headspace to talk about it to you, yet," Ashton admitted. "I'll be twice as good to you."
"Is that even possible?" I asked.
"You'll never lift a finger again."
"I'm not a girl so that line doesn't move me," I stopped him from going on some mushy rant about how he was going to take care of me from now on. "You win, go to a therapist."
"Bear with me, Lovebug. It'll only be until I know you won't try to dump me again," he took off his jacket. "From now on I'm going to be completely selfish with you. I don't deserve you, but I'm going to keep you anyway. That being said, I heard you know how to sow."
I looked at him holding out his jacket to me, now noticing that there was a tear in both sleeves. In his other hand was a tiny sewing kit. "How did you know that I can sow?"
"I heard Vincenzo ask you a while back, way before you became conscious of me," he smiled. I glared at him trying to figure out if he was teasing me or being extremely petty towards Vincenzo. The way this jacket was ripped would take forever, but more than that, I was reminded of having to sow 12 blazers because I couldn't say no to Vincenzo."I want you to fix it for me."
"Are you trying to keep me in bed? Sowing?" I hissed at him.
"Maybe. The doctor said you didn't really do much and you needed a hobby to relax you. Since the tattoo equipment isn't allowed in here and you don't know how to play video games, I thought I'd bring you something time consuming." Ashton said innocently. "Do you not like sowing?"
"I can also make clothes, but I don't broadcast it for a reason...." I trailed off when I heard my heart monitor speed up its beeping, causing me to take a second to think. I never told Ashton why I haven't picked up a needle and thread for a while, but he did know I stopped all my hobbies for Vincenzo. "This wasn't a hobby. I learned because I had to, you know, not because I liked it."
"Can you try it so you can relax, or should I just get rid of this and get your sketchbook?"
"I'll try it," I snatched the jacket and sewing kit from him, not wanting him to leave for something so trivial. Ashton watched my every move as I threaded the needle and got to working on his sleeves. In fact, he looked fascinated by what I was doing, like a child learning.
"Can I ask why you had to make clothes and learn to sow?" He asked.
"One of Uncle Mickeys girlfriends taught me how because she said I needed to help her sow patches in the future. So when I was young, I would do that when Vincenzo wasn't around. I also had to make clothes for me and my dad a few times because we couldn't afford to go clothes shopping," I explained.
"Do you enjoy it?"
"I enjoyed my dad and I having clothes that fit....and he would light up whenever I made him something. Even if it looked bad, he would wear it until it was falling apart, and even then he would tell me to just patch it up so he can wear it again," I chuckled. Shit, I did enjoy it! I was all kinds of relaxed now remembering my dads smiling face when I made him a suit out of our old clothes. Thinking back, I probably could've helped him out financially with this talent if I wasn't shamed into quitting it.
"Why can't you say you enjoy it?"
"Vincen-"
"Ah! What I meant to say was, my future wife was born with a lot of talent. He can even make clothes for our future children. How did I get so lucky?" He covered up his previous statement. "Maybe I should get you your sketchbook."
"Don't worry, he made it not fun.....but you aren't him. I don't mind doing this for you at all really. It helps me relax anyway." I sighed.
"I'll drop my tailor then," Ashton laughed.