When I was a child, Mom told me about witches and magic.
"You will be like me." She told me.
I didn't understand anything, but if being a witch meant I would be like mom then I was fine with that.
I wasn't able to understand the seriousness of what that meant.
I was five years old when mom gave me my tattoos. She had laid me down on the kitchen table, she had tied my hands and feet to the corners of the table and told Dad to hold my head against the wood.
First, Mom mixed ink with magic and blood. Then she took a thin obsidian stake and dipped the sharp end into the mixture.
She started at the roots of the tree, drawing them into tiny, painful stab wounds spreading across my lower belly.
Then she continued with the trunk, working its way down the center of my stomach to the juncture of my ribs.
And there, where the branches began, the crow's nest was formed.
"Your guardian will rest on your chest, but it will go to the end of the world to help you."
At the time I didn't understand what she was saying, now I know what she meant. The raven moved freely through my body and wherever I wanted it to go.
"Ravens are one of the most loyal creatures in the animal kingdom," she told me while she imprinted the branches of the tree on my shoulders. "It will never betray you. I am very happy that it chose you."
And when it was over, the tree was looming over my torso, its branches spilling over my arms and shoulders and back. The raven appeared the next day, nesting in my chest and preening its wings.
After that, Mom told me about anchors.
"Witches need two anchors. One material and one emotional."
"Why do they need that?"
"Because they tie us to the ground. They prevent magic from consuming us."
"What are your anchors?"
She smiled. "My tattoos and your father."
"And which anchor is the material?"
"The tattoos."
"Are tattoos my anchor too?"
She agreed. "Now you just have to find your emotional anchor."
"How do I do that?"
"You'll know when you feel it."
That answe wasn't enough. At least not until I saw baby Sam wrapped in a blanket and holding out his tiny hand to me. That's when I knew that what would tie me to the ground would be that little human being.
Now that I had remembered this, I was terribly worried about what would happen to Sam if he didn't find an anchor soon.
"We can help you," the Alpha had repeated again. "He needs an anchor, only then can he overcome his first shift."
"Because they tie us to the ground..." My mother whispered in my memories.
But wolves were possessive, protective animals, I was afraid they would take Sam from me if they helped him. I was afraid that I would have to kill them all if they tried.
"We won't take the child from you," the Alpha said as if he had read my mind. "We just want to help them."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "Because he's a wolf. And because it's the right thing to do."
I frowned, suspicious. I looked at the people around him. I saw a sophisticated-looking man with his arms crossed, watching. I saw a grown woman with a blond child hiding behind her leg and holding her hand, both looking at us. I saw others prowling around their Alpha, three young men lighting their eyes yellow and baring their fangs in warning. Behind them was a small house, a cozy log cabin. It reminded me of the ones that appear in fairy tales. Through its windows I noticed the light on and a couple of shadows that moved inside.
And then I saw him.
"Blue." The raven said.
A boy my age, perhaps. Hair black as night, skin white as the moon and eyes blue as the whisper of the crow flying in my body.
Until that moment, his gaze had been riveted on me, looking at me between astonished and surprised.
I didn't understand that look.
I turned my gaze to the Alpha. The young man who didn't look more than thirty, with his red hair and his kind smile.
I was undecided, every part of me wanted to run and get Sam out of there. But his screams and his claws digging into my body caused me so much pain that I could only nod.
"Please," I whispered. "Help my little brother."
The Alpha's olive green eyes lit up red again and his expression became sure and confident.
"Follow me."
He led me through the clearing to the bottom of the forest. He was leading the way, I was behind him carrying Sam and leaving a trail of blood behind me. I felt my back wet but I didn't feel pain, I told myself it was the adrenaline.
I noticed that the other wolves followed us in the shadows of the trees, always watching my every move.
A blue look on my back made me shudder.
"Forgive them." The Alpha said.
It took me a few seconds to put my ideas in order. "Why?"
"They are a bit overprotective."
"I would say that is normal."
I heard him laugh. "Yes? Why?"
"You are the Alpha."
"I am."
"They have to protect you."
"Actually, it's the other way around. I must protect them."
I hugged Sam even more. "Is that why you're taking me away from the cabin?"
The muscles of his back moved, the moonlight that filtered through the branches and leaves of the trees created shadows on them and they danced every time his shoulders moved.
"A wolf's first shift can be… intense."
I snorted. "No shit."
I heard a growl to my left. I ignored it.
"They tend to get out of control," she ignored me back. "Some are wild until they connect with their anchor."
I sighed and leaned my head against Sam's. Until now he had been quiet, calm, trying to contain his pain and keep his claws off my body.
"How do they do it?"
"I could ask you the same thing," the Alpha said. "How do witches find their anchors?"
And then I stopped. I felt Sam tense in my arms, feeling my body prepare to fly.
"How do you know I'm a witch?"
The Alpha also stopped and turned slowly towards me. His gaze was still kind and calm.
"You smell like a witch. Your blood smells like magic."
Take a deep breath and exhale. I made the raven fly to my back and heal my wounds with its feathers.
The Alpha smiled. "We're almost there."
He turned and continued forward. I followed him. The wolves too.
"You didn't answer my question," he told me. "How did you find your anchors?"
I wasn't going to tell him, in fact I was going to tell him to fuck off. But I knew Sam was listening, and maybe knowing my experience would help him.
"My material anchor was given to me by force." I said.
"Your tattoos."
I nodded. "And my emotional anchor… is in my arms right now."
I tightened my hug and Sam sighed rubbing his face into my neck.
I noticed how he hunched his shoulders a little.
"We will help him," he affirmed. "He will be fine."
I didn't answer.
We arrived at another clearing, larger than the previous one, it seemed like an extensive and free field.
Until now, the shadow of the treetops had been hiding us from the blue light of the moon, but now that we were out in the open, Sam felt it dig into his skin.
He screamed loud and heartrending. He squeezed me hard and his claws dug into my back again. He started shaking and crying again.
"Sammy!" I called him.
"It hurts," he said between sobs. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts."
Then I felt how his bones began to break under his skin, how his muscles changed shape, how dark gray fur began to sprout from his back.
I looked at the Alpha and he was looking at us attentively.
"Sam." he called.
Sam flinched at his voice.
"What do you love most in this world?"
Silence.
"What makes you feel safe?"
Silence.
"What makes you happy?"
Silence.
The Alpha walked and crouched down behind me. I imagined that he was looking at Sam.
"What is your anchor?"
I felt Sam take a shaky breath to speak.
"My sister."
"Who is your sister?"
"Gia."
And he asked again. "Who is your anchor?"
Sam responded with a grunt. "Gia."
"Talk to him, "the Alpha told me. "Let him know you're with him."
I turned my head and whispered in his ear.
"I'm here. I'm here Sammy. I'm sorry I was late. But I want you to know that I will never leave you again. Nevermore. Nevermore."
I felt his hold loosen. He slowly pulled away from me until he looked me in the eye. His face was distorted all over, his sharp white fangs gleaming in the moonlight. Dark gray fur sprouted from the sides of his face and all over his neck. His yellow eyes looked at me affectionately.
He brought his head closer to mine and rested his forehead against mine.
"My anchor," he whispered. "Mine." said the wolf.
"Nevermore." said the raven.
And then, Sam shifted.
Without detaching himself from me, his bones creaked even louder and faster. Gray fur spread all over his body and his face stretched forward. He grew on me until he ripped his clothes and turned into a dark gray wolf.
He stood over me. His hindquarters against the grass and his forepaws on my shoulders.
He looked at me. His yellow eyes twinkled as he sniffed my scent. He licked my face repeatedly and I laughed.
"You did it, Sammy," I said laughing. "You're a wolf."
Sam growled softly and rubbed his muzzle against my cheek.
I saw the Alpha squat in his place.
"Now," he said, calling Sam's attention to him. "Run."
Sam looked at him and cocked her head. Then he looked at me and waited.
"Go. Run, Sam."
He groaned.
"Nevermore." I repeated, and he understood.
He backed away from me slowly and walked timidly across the grass, feeling the grass under his paws for the first time. And then he ran. He ran like a puppy learning to use his paws, to feel the wind on his body, to be free.
And then I saw how the other wolves came out of the trees and slowly advanced towards where we were. They were all turned, they all watched as Sam ran in circles and tripped over his own legs.
Except one. A black and white wolf. A blue-eyed wolf. The wolf didn't take his eyes off me.
"They want to run with him, " said the Alpha. "My pack."
I looked at him and nodded. "It's okay, I think."
He smiled. "You are also invited."
I raised an eyebrow. "To run?"
"Yeah," he turned to look at Sam. "He needs his anchor more than ever right now. At least until he learns to live without you."
A possessive part of me felt bad at that idea.
"Besides," he continued. "I think someone from my pack wants to run with you too."
I frowned and he jerked his head toward the blue-eyed wolf.
"I think he likes you." he whispered to me.
And hear the wolf growl.
The Alpha smiled.
"My name is Jasper, "he said stretching his arms to his sides. "And this is my territory. This is my pack. And I would be honored to have you and your brother join us on this full moon."
I opened and closed my mouth not knowing what to say. I looked at Sam who was chasing a firefly, jumping clumsily and biting through the air failing to catch it. I looked at the wolves who were no longer looking at Sam, they were looking at me. His eyes glowed yellow supporting his Alpha's decision and waiting for my answer.
I looked at the wolf with blue eyes, which were no longer blue. His eyes glowed yellow like his pack's.
I looked at the Alpha. To Jasper.
"Okay," I said. "We'll run with you."
Jasper smiled showing a row of perfect white teeth. He took a couple of steps back and started to remove his clothes.
I was surprised and looked away when he started to remove his pants.
"Don't be shy." he teased.
"Go to hell."
He laughed.
I heard the crunch of bones. A shadow rose in front of me and I felt a warm breath blow on my face. I turned forward and saw a large red wolf, over five feet tall, in front of me. His eyes were olive green for a moment and then flashed red.
He growled when he put his nose to my forehead, acknowledging me. My breath caught.
I noticed that Sam stopped chasing the firefly and was walking towards me.
The wolves too.
They came closer to surround us, some focused on Sam who was a few meters from me. Others slowly approached me and smelled my hands, arms, legs. The blue-eyed wolf didn't come closer, he just looked at me.
I heard Sam bark. I turned to where he was and smiled to see that he was playing with another wolf just as small as he was, another puppy. This one was a light brown color, like cinnamon.
I was surprised when Jasper howled. He raised his head towards the moon and sang a song.
"Let's run pack," he said. "Let's run with the witch and the puppy."
I heard it. In my head I clearly heard the messages of love that his howl hid.
The pack also howled.
At that moment, Jasper gave me one last look and ran towards the next row of trees, past the large clearing where we were. The other wolves followed him, I saw how the brown wolf urged Sam to run with him but Sam wouldn't stop looking at me, his eyes shining yellow.
Then I felt a push in my lower back. I stumbled forward but didn't fall. I looked back and I had the blue eyed wolf looking back at me. He brought his nose closer to me again and pushed me again.
"Run," he said in my mind. "Run with me."
"Gia, Gia." Sam said. "Anchor. Mine. Run."
And I ran.
In my mind I was going over the times he had cursed out gym class with Lana. They made us run, jump fences, dodge cones, lie down on the ground and get up again in less than two seconds. All those exercises threatened to make me spit out a lung.
"You're whiners," Dafne would say. "You'll see when these exercises are useful."
"The only use that I find for this, " Lana would say. " is the increase in stamina..."
"Do not finish that thought," I would say. "Please."
"To hold out more in sex." Lana would yell just to annoy me and earn us a reprimand from the teacher.
I giggled and exhaled more air than I should have. Serious mistake.
I got tired quickly as I ran at full speed with three wolves around me, four behind me and two more ahead. I looked at the puppies, I looked at Sam. He ran so happy and free that I wanted to fly with him, I wanted to become the raven and fly around him inviting him to run faster.
I jumped a high branch and remembered the fence on the gymnastics field. I landed with no problem.
A wolf behind me snarled from his throat, catching up with me to my left. It was a white and brown wolf. He looked at me, his eyes were brown like mine. He barked and jerked his head forward.
"Jump higher, witch. Jump with me."
He quickened his pace and jumped over another even higher branch that was in front of us. When I got to it I jumped up too, bending my legs more and extending my arms to my sides and raising them to shoulder height. The raven flew and spread its wings on my back, I landed softly listening to the raven laugh euphorically.
"It's fun" it said "It's so fun. Fly more. Let's fly more."
And then I felt them. I felt how the raven grew on my back, how its wings spread through my arms, how they made their way through the branches of the trees. And inadvertently I left the white wolf behind and caught up with Sam and the brown puppy. I saw Sam looking at me and his eyes shone even more than before, and I felt that mine could become the shadow of that bright light.
I shivered as I felt the raven grow even more, I felt it all over my back. I looked at my arms and the black wings covered the dry branches of the tree in my center, I felt the trunk on my stomach crack and I gasped.
"Fly, my witch girl," the raven whispered in my ear. "Fly high. Fly with the wolves. Fly with the puppy. Fly with Blue."
My body jerked as I ran, I jumped the next high branch, and when I spread my wings I never touched the ground again.
I spun in the air. I felt the wind, the feathers, the beak, the claws, the wings. The magic.
And I flew.
We flew.
The raven and I are flying.
Everything is smaller.
The wind feels good.
The moon feels good.
"Come on. Let's go with the puppy"
I swooped down.
I dodge the branches of the trees.
I see the wolves.
I fly with the wolves.
"Raven Witch," they yell. "Run with us"
I am a raven. I fly. I don't run. I fly.
I fly faster. I see a puppy.
Puppy Sam.
I fly next to him.
I touch his ears with my wings.
He laughs. He is laughing.
"Gia," calls me. "Gia. Anchor. Mine."
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Here I am.
I am a raven.
I'm Gia.
I am a witch.
"Fly with Blue." Says the raven.
Blue.
Blue. Blue. Blue.
I'm looking for Blue.
I fly up. I spin and dance in the air.
I fly backwards. I'm looking for Blue.
I see him. He is looking at me.
Always. Always looking at me.
Always. Always. Always.
I glide next to him.
He barks and follows me.
He wants to chase me.
Chase me, Blue.
Catch me
He flies with me.
"I'll catch you," he tells me. "Always. Always. Always"
Roar.
Alpha. Alpha wolf.
He is calling us.
He is calling the pack.
"Fly. He is calling us"
I fly faster
I fly among the wolves.
Come on. Run. He is calling us.
"Yes," they say. "Jasper. Alpha."
We fly.
We run.
I arrive first.
He's waiting for us.
I land on his head.
"Hello," he says. "Hello, witch. Hello"
I see the wolves.
They come and shift.
Humans. They are human.
Naked.
Alpha doesn't shift. Alpha is a wolf.
Puppy shifts. Human.
He comes towards me.
"Gia?" He calls me. "Is that you?"
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I'm Gia.
I am a witch.
I am a raven.
"Call her," says Blue "You are her anchor. Call her."
"Gia, come back. Please, please, come back. I need you, you are my sister, my family. You are my anchor, you are mine. Come back. Come back. Come back"
And I came back.