I never had unpleasant memories of my mother. The only one that I could consider traumatic was that moment when she tied me to the kitchen table and tattooed my body with magic. After that she had always been good to me, in fact Mark was also good to me when he was around her. But when she died everything went to shit.
Now, there was a high possibility that mom was alive. And I didn't know how to feel about that.
Sam didn't know how to feel about it either, he had never met her. That day, before going to sleep, he asked me many things about her.
"What was she like?" He said as he lay down next to me on the bed. The others were not with us, each one was in their room. Sam had insisted on sleeping with me that night.
"She was the one who tattooed my body."
He frowned. "You told me that that hurt a lot. That they had to pin you to the table."
I nodded. "She went through the same thing when she was a child and she wanted me to be like her, to use the same magic."
"Dark magic."
"Yeah."
"Even if it hurts you."
I looked at him, he was getting angry. "Yeah. She said pain brought power, or something."
"And what do you think? Do you think she's right?"
"Sometimes. It depends. But I personally don't like taking magic away from my raven."
"Then how do you use its magic?"
"The raven lends it to me. I ask for its help and it gives me a bit of its magic."
He was silent for a moment, thinking. "Yesterday. The raven gave you magic until you bled?"
And then I felt ashamed of myself. "No. I… I took away magic even though it told me to stop, that if I took any more too much magic would hurt me."
He looked at me worried. "Why? Why did you do that?"
I shook my head. "At that moment all I thought was that I wanted to protect everyone. And I was angry, very angry. I couldn't…"
"Stop," Sam completed, his head down. "I know how that feels."
I stroked his hair and thought about Mark, that I would kill him in the future or that was what the vision showed me. I didn't ask Sam what he thought about it, I didn't think he wanted to talk about it. I would let him ask me what he wanted to know.
"You said something about a tiger."
Of course he would go there.
"You said he was helping me. What did you see?"
I sighed and remembered what I had seen.
Sam was transformed into a wolf and being cornered by dark beings, surely they were people but I couldn't see them well. What I did know is that they were about to hurt him, they were going to kill him. Sam was hurt and he couldn't defend himself.
And suddenly, a warlock with glowing eyes appeared. I watched as black stripes showed up in his arms and around his neck.
He approached the dark things and pounced on them with fighting techniques that I had only seen in movies. With every blow he landed, blue fire ignited in his arms burning whoever he hit.
With a fist and a flick of the wrist he exploded the heads of the remaining things.
He approached Sam slowly and stopped when Sam growled at him.
"Don't worry. I'm going to heal you." He had told him.
He raised his hand to him and Sam's wound healed quickly. As Sam got to his feet, he walked over to the warlock and licked his face in thanks.
Then Sam ran off into the woods and the warlock froze in his place… smiling.
I made a face when I finished remembering. I wouldn't give Sam many details. I told him that he would be in danger and someone like a tiger would help him.
He asked me for more details, he wanted to know what kind of danger he would find himself in. Who was the person who would come to his rescue, what would they look like, if they were like me. If they would be a witch like me.
And I told him that it was time to sleep.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
I couldn't sleep.
I stared at the ceiling of the room for hours. Sam was fast asleep clinging to my arm.
I tried to free myself but Sam wouldn't let me go, he moved on the bed and groaned softly in his sleep. I whispered in his ear that I would go to the bathroom, that I would be back soon. He released me.
I left my room and went to the kitchen. There was no one. I went to the refrigerator and took a glass of water. In that, I heard something in the backyard that was connected to the kitchen. I walked over to the sliding glass door that led to the backyard and looked through the glass.
I saw the waterless stone fountain in the middle of the garden, surrounded by fresh and manicured flowers, something tells me that Grace took care of that. And then Oliver sitting on the fountain looking at something in his hands. He looked up at me when he sensed my presence, he smiled at me.
I opened the door and went out, sat next to him.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked.
"I could ask you the same question."
"I had insomnia and I went to drink water. Then I saw you."
Oliver smiled. "I couldn't sleep after the day you had either."
"I think you are avoiding my question."
"Is that what you think?"
"That's what I think."
Then Oliver chuckled and looked at me. He showed me what he was holding in his hands, it was a glass chess piece. It was the horse piece. "It was my sister's. She had a whole set of crystal pieces but she sold them to buy medicine."
"Medicine? Was she sick?"
"No, I was," he looked away from me to the front, to nothing. "I wasn't born a werewolf. Jasper bit me and turned me," I didn't say anything. He continued. "I had severe pneumonia. I died when I was fifteen. I was dead for three minutes before Jasper turned me. My older sister already knew Jasper at that time and kept his secret, which is why she asked him to bite me."
I nodded understanding the situation. "Where is your sister now?"
"She died a year ago."
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
He bumped his shoulder against mine. My raven woke up in my chest and flew to my bare knee. Oliver stared at him. "How does it feel to have a living tattoo on your body?"
I shrugged. "You get used to it. There are times when I worry because I can't find it anywhere," I saw him raise an eyebrow and I smiled. "It hides sometimes. It usually goes to back where I can't see it, or at the back of my neck."
"Why does it hiding?"
"I don't know. I guess it wants to be alone without people staring at it," I paused and looked at him, staring at the raven on my knee that was preening its wings. "Like you, right now."
He blinked rapidly and looked away from it to my face, he met my mischievous smile and laughed. "I'm sorry." He said a little shy.
"It's okay. It likes you," and his gaze turned different from what I had seen before. His blue eyes took on a strange glow that didn't bother me at all. Still, I cleared my throat. "The raven calls you Blue. I still don't know why, maybe it's a nickname."
"Blue? Why Blue?"
"I think is because of your eyes. It's the only blue thing you have."
He laughed. "The raven does that often? Calling me that?"
"It's the only way he calls you. Whenever you're around he whispers 'Blue'. It's useful."
"Why is it useful?"
"If I'm looking for you, when I get close to you the raven will tell me."
"How often do you look for me?"
And the situation was turning… different. I felt my heart beat faster and the heat of my body rise to my face. I tried to remember the last time I felt like this, and I remembered that it hadn't ended well.
I saw how his blue gaze searched for mine, I let him find it. He smiled at me. "I'll confess something to you," he told me. "The first time I saw you, my wolf reacted." He must've noticed the expression on my face because he went back to clarifying what he had said. "Just like you have a raven that talks to you, we have wolves. They represent our primitive and animal instinct."
I nodded. "Do you remember the part where my father is a werewolf just like my brother?"
His smile widened, crinkling the corners of his eyes. "I like that about you. I have no idea why."
And this time I was the one who laughed. "So," I said calming down. "Your wolf reacted when he saw me. Why?"
"Why does your raven call me Blue?"
"Are you avoiding the question again?"
He denied with his head. "No, I'm actually answering it."
"With another question."
"Exactly."
"I don't know why my raven calls you that. I guess it likes you."
He smiled in agreement. "Well, my wolf likes you."
And his eyes lit up yellow.
And my raven flew up to my chest and up to my neck, it stayed there with its head sticking out. Pointing the way to my neck.
I put my hand on my neck over the raven, trying to cover it up. What he was doing was an invitation to the wolf, an invitation to…
I cleared my throat and stood up. "I'll go back to my room. I'm a little sleepy."
"Okay," he got to his feet and followed me. "I'll go back too."
And we entered the house together without saying a word. We parted ways in the hallway where the rooms were. He wished me goodnight taking away my sleep. Surely I didn't sleep an hour that night.
The next morning, I opened my eyes and I was in the forest. I felt the dry leaves and the small branches fallen from the trees pricking my skin. I looked up at the sky illuminated by the morning sun through the treetops. I sat up and found Sam in wolf form, sitting in front of me. On his head was the raven.
"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" I said.
"Vision." Said the raven.
"Sure, vision." I replied while standing up.
Sam turned around and started walking, the raven still on his head. I followed them.
They guided me to a lake. I saw the rays of the sun reflected against the still water. Until, suddenly, the water was no longer still. It looked how a long, thin silhouette meandered through the water, leaving a blue trail in its wake.
"Blue." Said the raven.
"Blue?" I asked. Oliver? Is something wrong with Oliver?
The raven looked at me and I knew it was a little tired of my questions. "Blue," it repeated. "Another Blue."
I frowned, confused.
Out of the water, a white snake came out. And to my surprise I was not scared when I saw it, in fact I found it a bit adorable. Its scales had blue reflections but it was still white as a pearl. Ot crawled toward me, lifting its head when Sam brought his nose up to sniff it. The snake tickled him with its tongue. Sam sneezed.
The white snake continued on its way towards me until it stopped at my feet, raised its head and looked at me. I squatted in front of it and held out my hand. It put its head on my hand and a blue flash appeared in its eyes.
And then it spoke.
"Raven," I heard it whisper in my head, hissing. "I'll see you soon."
And I woke up.
I was in my bed. Sam was no longer with me.
I stretched out my hand to the nightstand to take my phone. I looked at the time and grunted when I saw that it was 2 PM.
I got up from the bed. I got dressed and left the room, I met Lily halfway.
"Well, good morning sleeping beauty," she said wryly. "I was going to wake you up, we already thought you were dead."
I snorted. "I didn't sleep well last night."
"Yeah, I can get an idea," she gave me a knowing smile. "After that romantic evening at three in the morning you had with Ollie, anyone would stay awake pining for those blue eyes." I think she saw something in my look that made her alert, I don't know what it could have meant, but she said, "Don't worry, he's not my type," and then added with a flirtatious tone. "You are my type. But unfortunately Ollie claimed you. I cannot do anything about it."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I was still too sleepy to have this conversation.
"We heard you talking in the garden. Everyone, in fact."
I opened my eyes, panicking. "Were you awake?"
"No. But you woke us up, you were very noisy."
"Oh no. We weren't loud, it's just that you and your stupid wolf ears couldn't resist listening." I said.
She winked at me and stood next to me, enchanting her arm with mine. "Well, now that you know, how about we have lunch. Well, in your case it would be more of a brunch than a lunch."
She dragged me into the kitchen before I can answer.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
"What did you mean Oliver claimed me?"
We were alone in the house. The others were at their respective jobs. Leon was at school and Sam had gone with Grace to do the transfer paperwork at Leon's school. If all went well, Sam would start classes next month.
I had decided to leave school. If I needed to know something, I'd investigate on my own, although Owen didn't really agree with that idea. "If you are going to be part of this pack, I would like you to have a little culture." And I had replied that I would no longer be part of the pack if there was a guy in a suit insisting me to do things that I don't want to do, obviously all that talk was to make him give up. And it worked. "Anyway, I'll lend you books if you need them." He had said before leaving.
"I mean exactly that," Lily said taking a bite of her burger. "From the first moment he saw you in the forest, his wolf chose you."
"He chose me? He chose me for what?
She looked a little exasperated. "You sure are slow for these things, G," she took a drink of juice and then said: "He chose you to be his partner, his mate."
And my expression turned into something irregular. I didn't know if I was confused, offended, or… happy. "And what if I don't want to be his… mate." I said the last word as if it were poisonous.
Lily suppressed a giggle and then added. "You don't have to be if you don't want to. No one can force you to do anything you don't want to," she said softly, trying to get me to lower the weapons and shields I had instinctively raised in my heart. "If you don't want to, Ollie will understand and leave you alone. But you have to be clear with him. For us wolves, our mate is almost more important than the pack," she paused and looked at me, serious. "It's something serious G. Decide what you want to do, and when you do it talk to him and set the record straight."
I was speechless, my throat felt dry so I drank a little juice. I nodded after swallowing.
And since the atmosphere became heavy and Lily hates that, she stood up noisily, throwing her chair to the ground. I jumped in surprise.
"Let's go shopping," she said out of nowhere. "I was thinking that since you can't go back home for your things, we should buy new things. Like clothes, for example. Among other things."
Honestly, I hadn't thought of that until now. My house in town was abandoned and probably my stuff and Sam's had been stolen or sold…or both.
"You're right," I told her. "But I don't have money for…"
She put her hand in front of my face, shutting me up. "Did you know that the pack is rich?"
"What?"
"Oh come on girl!" She exclaimed. "Look at this place," she spread her arms out to cover as much space as possible around her. "It's obvious if you think about it."
"But…how are they rich? Where do they get the money from?
"Jasper is a businessman from somewhere and so is Owen. Or something like that, the truth is that I don't understand these things very much and I don't care either. What i do care about," and she beamed. "It's that we have a lot of money and we can use it however we want."
"But it's Jasper and Owen's money."
"It's the pack's money," she corrected. "Jasper and Owen made it clear. That everything they owns is ours."
I sighed. "I don't know how I feel about this."
"Exactly, that's why you have me. I will take care of the decisions, you take care of thinking about what you want to buy and how you will decorate your room."
And she dragged me out of the house before I could say another word.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Being with Lily was fun. She was a whirlwind. We had driven in her car to the neighboring town. She would take me quickly from store to store and buy everything that I would rest my eyes on for more than five seconds.
By the time we got to the Base, the trunk and the back seat of the car were full of bags of clothes and some other decorations for my room.
We got out of the car and Henry and Jamie were arriving at the same time in Henry's car. They saw us and they smiled at us, they saw the millions of bags and Henry burst out laughing. "Jasper is going to put on one of his I-don't-know -whether-to-kill-them-or-hug-them faces, that'll be great to see."
Jamie took the bags that I had in my hands. "I'll give you a hand."
I smiled at him. Henry also helped.
We took everything to my room and Lily kicked the boys out of the room to stay with me.
"Stop keeping Gia to yourself," Henry growled at her. "I also want to meet the new member of my pack."
"Oh, shut up Henry. It wasn't until a couple of days ago that you growled at her just for talking back to Jasper." Lily growled back.
I looked at him. "That was you?"
He startled. "It was just instinct, you know. Protecting the Alpha and that, it's not personal."
I don't know why I didn't believe him.
"He likes Jasper a bit." Jamie said.
Henry hit him over the head and growled at him. "Don't say stupid things, please. I like you, I don't want to kill you."
"So you don't like Jasper?" Lily asked, amused.
Henry looked at her horrified. "No! I'm straight, I like women. It's just that Jasper is my Alpha and he…did a lot for me in the past."
We remain silent until I spoke.
"No one would blame you if you like him, you know? Sometimes he being an Alpha can be…confusing in many ways," I smiled at him mischievously. "Nice confusing ways."
Henry's mouth opened in a perfect O. Jamie choked and Lily laughed so hard at the ceiling of the room I thought she would hurt her neck .
Henry pointed at Lily without taking his eyes off me. "You're just like her," he said betrayed. "I hate you all." And he left the room offended.
Jamie laughed a little too. "He is drama queen. You will see how today at dinner he won't detach from you. " And saying that he went after Henry.
"He's right, you know?" Lily said already stopping laughing. "You just got closer to Henry and when he feels comfortable with someone he follows them everywhere, like a good watchdog."
"I heard you!" Henry yelled from the floor below. "Fuck you, Lily!"
I snorted. Then I kept thinking about the dream… about the vision I had. In the white snake and in how the raven had said "Blue. Another Blue."
Lily noticed it and asked me what was wrong with me, why didn't I stop looking at the shirt I was holding in my hands as if I felt sorry for it. I smiled at her and told her what was happening to me, all about the raven, about Oliver, about "Blue". All about the vision.
So, after a minute of silence, she said: "Are you telling me that you are part of a love triangle before it even forms?"
I tossed the shirt in her face and she laughed.
Hours later, we had already finished tidying up my room and putting my new clothes in the closet. It look good. It was the first time I had such a big room to myself, I was kind of happy about it.
We went downstairs to the living room, where Theodora was having tea with Annabel. In fact, Lily had heard her come in and my magic had reacted to her minutes before, but we wanted to finish everything before going to see her.
When Theodora saw me, she nodded at me in greeting.
I did the same.
"Why are you here?" Lily asked, sitting as far away from Annabel as possible on the couch.
"I'm here for her," she said looking at me. "My guardian told me that you need my help."
I frowned, "Well no, I'm fine."
"Are you?" She said, taking another sip of tea. "Didn't you just have another vision today? Aren't you more confused than usual?" And since I didn't answer, she sighed and put her cup of tea on the coffee table in front of her. "I am here to help you put the pieces together so that it all makes sense to you."
"Why? Why would you do that?"
"I told you before. Everything that happens to this pack is my business, and if you don't get all your shit together, you're going to drag them down the well with you. And I'm not going to let that happen."
At that, Lily lit up her eyes and growled at Thedora. Annabel also had her yellow eyes but she didn't growl, she stayed silent and attentive to Theodora's next movements. I heard Henry and Jamie growling in the kitchen, and I turned to them to see them poking their heads into the living room, almost stalking Theodora.
"Did you just threaten my friend?" Lily said between growls. "You're not very smart, are you?"
"I understand your concern Theo," Annabel said. "But I think there are other ways to refer to a member of a wolf pack, and this is not one of them."
Theodora raised her hands in surrender. "I'm sorry," she said calmly. "I didn't mean to sound so harsh."
"Tell me something," I told her as I finished down the stairs and sat down on the couch between Lily and Annabel. "Why do you care so much about what happens to this pack? What is your story here?
Theodora sighed and looked at her hands, there was a long scar on the back of her right hand. "Owen," she said, looking at the scar, then looked up at me. "Owen was my best friend's son. She was a werewolf alone with a baby. She didn't have a pack so I helped her. You could say that I was her pack eventually, "she paused. "One day she was attacked with Owen in her arms, another wolf attacked her during the full moon and killed her. Owen was lying on the ground when I found him in the woods, he was crying very hard and had a fever. The wolf kept stalking him, waiting for someone to come for him in order to kill whoever came near... but I was stronger," she touched the scar on her hand with her fingers and showed it to me. "He did this to me during the fight. It's proof that Owen is safe, it's the most important thing I have."
I couldn't help but identify with that feeling. "I understand." I said nodding.
"I knew you would." She said with a kind smile.
"But there's something I don't understand," I said, narrowing my eyes at her, as if I was looking for something in her face. "How the fuck do you look younger than Owen?"
Owen looked to be entering his forties and Theodora didn't look more than thirty.
She looked at me with wide eyes and then laughed. Which apparently didn't happen often because everyone was surprised to see her laugh, they looked at her as if they were seeing a natural phenomenon that only occurs every two hundred years.
"I'm a witch," she said, stopping her laugh. "Magic keeps me young. If I do the right spell, of course."
"Oh." I said not knowing what to say.
"You didn't know," she said, affirming rather than asking. "Your mother didn't teach you the correct magic, I don't blame you for that."
"She's alive," I said softly, almost like a whisper. "She is alive somewhere... I don't know... how is that possible?" I looked at her for answers. "We watched her bleed to death when she gave birth to Sam. Mark buried her himself."
"Were you there when he buried her?" She asked.
I shook my head. "I was with Sam at home, he was a newborn baby, I wasn't goinna take him out of the house. I had to take him to the hospital but Mark told me to leave him, that he was better off dead because he had killed Mum," I clenched my fists furiously. "It was then that I realized that he had changed, that he would no longer be our father and that it was my duty to protect Sam."
And Theodora looked at me as if I were the most interesting thing in the world. "Impressive," she whispered. "That you just said you did is normal behavior among wolves, primitive behavior. It is called 'selection of the strongest'. Since you considered that Mark would not protect the pack, Sam, you took the place of protector. You discarded Mark completely from your pack, like a weak, wounded wolf," she smiled. "Even when you can't turn into a wolf, you still have the instincts of one."
"Or I just lost all respect for my father after he said he'd rather Sam be dead." I replied.
She shook her head. "A human could make that decision and still feel a modicum of empathy for his father. Because that's how humans are, they even care about who tried to harm them and more if they are their own blood. But you," she pointed out. "You don't even have feelings for Mark, do you? You completely cut yourself off from him, you could kill him yourself and feel nothing. You would only see an enemy, not your father."
And I remembered the vision. Me killing Mark. Me eating his heart.
"Tell me about the vision you had today." Theodora said radically changing the subject.
I blinked a little in surprise at the abrupt change of subject. "Uh..." I stammered a bit. "It was something… personal, actually. It wasn't something about the pack or either of my parents or Sam."
Theodora nodded, understanding. She shot a look at Annabel who took the hint and told Lily to come to town with her to buy some things. Lily had refused with all her being, but Annabel had threatened to sneak into her bed while she was sleeping if she didn't come with her. Lily automatically gave up. Annabel also took Heny and Jamie who didn't put up so much resistance, they understood the situation.
Minutes later we were alone in the house.
"So," Theodora said. "Start from the beginning."
And I told him everything.
When I finished speaking, she seemed calmer than i thought while I was confused as fuck.
"Is the double path," she said suddenly. "All witches and warlocks have a double path. We are not like the others. We are magical beings that are governed by two sides and only two. That's why we have two anchors, two kinds of magic, two paths," she took a sip of tea and held up a hand when she saw I was about to say something. "We have two anchors because we need support whatever magic it is. Light witches must tie themselves to the material anchor to control their magic, if they gets carried away by their feelings they could end up becoming a dark witch. They still needs the emotional anchor, even if they can't lean on it very much."
"Why does they need it?"
"Because if they didn't they would turn into a robot," she said amused. "We all have an emotional anchor, even humans…sometimes."
"And what about the dark witches?"
"They are carried away by emotions. Anger, sadness, fear. They need the emotional anchor to hold on to more positive feelings to keep them from burning out completely," I nodded and she continued. "Although you are not just any dark witch. You are a Lidge witch."
"A what now?"
"Your mother's last name is Lidge, isn't it?"
I nodded. "How do you know?"
"The Lidge witches had a very powerful coven many years ago, they were based mainly in Europe. They were dedicated to doing exactly what you do, steal life energy from their guardians and turn them into their personal weapons."
"I don't do that," I attacked. "The raven… my guardian lets me take from it, it told me so itself. It told me that it would give me whatever magic I need."
"But that wasn't what happened before, right? You told me that your guardian warned you not to take more of it unless it allows it, you stole energy whether it wanted you to or not."
I took a breath to speak but I didn't say anything, she was right. And I felt so fucking guilty.
"Lidge witches don't need anchors, in fact all they need is a guardian. Then they will do with it what they like. But you are different. You are deeply connected to your anchors, to the raven, to Sam. Besides your wolf blood is practically forcing you to be in a pack, they could be your anchors eventually as well."
I sighed. "More emotional anchors?"
She nodded. "But let's get back on track," she said, changing the subject again. "You said your guardian recognized Oliver and one other person."
"It was a snake." I clarified.
"It's just a dream representation of the person," she said. "But you didn't see anything depicting Oliver the first time." I shook my head, she nodded understanding. "Then, it's most likely that it's a warlock or witch. Someone whose guardian is the snake. You also said that you saw it in the water,"I nodded and a smile spread on her face. "So they're a light witch."
"How do you know that?"
"Light witches are in contact with the elements, we take our magic from them and not from our guardians or emotions."
I didn't know why but I always felt like Theodora was indirectly attacking me with words for taking magic from my guardian, despising me. I didn't like that, I blamed myself enough, I didn't need her to do it too.
"What does it have to do with the double path then?" I chose to say, instead of telling her to fuck off. "Does that mean I'll be in a love triangle long before it even forms?"
She looked at me strangely, then her expression softened. "You should stop listening to Lily's bullshit."
"It's not like it's easy, you know. She is always there, talking."
"The double path means that you will meet two people who can be two things to you. One of them is your destiny, your life partner, whether romantic or not."
"And the other?"
Theodora looked at me with something akin to pity. "The other person will be the person destined to end your life."
I stayed silent, speechless. Then I spoke with difficulty. "You mean they'll be the one to kill me."
Theodora nodded.
"Awesome." I said to nothing.