'Hm...yeah...I'm so fucked...'
Floating? Staying still? Or was I spinning right now? I honestly couldn't tell much.
Have you ever wondered what would happen when all of your senses get cut off suddenly?
You'll freak out. Majorly, in my experience.
Though I came prepared, feeling them firsthand and imagining them in my head was totally different.
Everything was dark. I couldn't see, hear, smell, taste, or even feel anything.
Darkness was the only thing that was real apart from my still-working mind.
Now I understood why people kept saying it was better to die than to live a disabled life. It would take an inhumanly strong will to keep your mind sane if you want to live like this.
The worst part of all this was not even due to the incapability to do anything. No, it was the concept of time that was so blurry you couldn't even tell what's what anymore.
The more I kept wishing for this to be over, the more unbearable it became.
And so, I forced myself to think about this differently.
Why was it that I subjugated myself so willingly to undergo such a wretched fate? What made me think that by having those powers, this suffering would be worth it?
Why was someone like me, who has been too rational all his life, stuck in this situation with nothing but absurdity all around him?
Was it because I had no choice? Standing around for 500 years with nothing to do scared me?
Well, yeah. Of course.
But regardless...I knew the more fitting answer than that.
It was because I was obsessed...No, I chose to be obsessed.
A dude who lived his whole life choosing an option that was less troublesome than the next one was now going out of his way and pursuing something that would spout nothing but troubles right from the get-go.
Calling my life ahead would be troublesome was already beyond being kind.
Still, I didn't care. I, for once, wanted to experience living where the world didn't feel hazy and colorless.
That's why I surrendered myself to this obsession I proclaimed to be my dream. All in order to find something that I never found in my whole life.
And with that as an anchor, I tried to hold on to my dear life. Hoping that I would be tenacious enough to keep my mind intact.
Wasn't it just freaking ridiculous if I go and lose my mind right before having the chance to do anything?
'Still, this can't go on...Rather than being stubborn and relying only on my willpower, let's do something instead.'
And I knew exactly what to do.
Word Magic.
If god could read my mind and understand the image I had when I asked for this power, then I should be able to use it despite being trapped like this.
'Let's start with something simple...?'
So, it began.
'But...how do I use it again?'
Or not...
Was I stupid, you say? Well, I might just be. Asking for a power that might cost me my mind when I didn't even know how to use it despite acting all cool and shit before god.
'Damn it! I want to punch myself in the face!'
I really did, honestly.
'Let's calm down...and think this thoroughly. The price, for once, is real. That means the blessings are there as well.'
I reassured myself that hope was still there.
'The way Word Magic I envisioned is that the word from my soul or mind will evoke the fabric of reality, bending them to follow my command. In short, I use my words to use magic and do stuff. At least that's the idea.'
'Now the problem is...I've been talking all this time, but nothing has happened yet. Or is it because I can't feel anything?'
Doubts relentlessly plagued my mind.
'No, no...Let's take a step back. Talking and willing something to happen are different concepts. With that said...I want to-'
I wanted to see. That's what I was going to say before clamping my mind shut.
Why? Because I'd die if I didn't. I knew for sure I'd be dead if I carried on with my thoughts. The blessing of danger was working splendidly, as it meant.
Now, back to the issue at hand...
The ability to see was one of the prices set by god's authority, per my request, in return for the blessing I wanted. Overturning god's authority seemed like a steep task, but not entirely impossible by the looks of it. A price must be paid in order for the balance to be kept.
And the price was my life...At least for now...
'Huhuhu...' I couldn't help but giggle in joy.
That meant for a fact that Word Magic was working flawlessly and could even contest god's authority itself, given I was strong enough to handle it of course.
'Then I'll just have to get stronger.' A simple answer.
But I liked that answer...It ain't half bad.
And so it began.
No, it really did...Have some faith.